essays on life, art and science-第3节

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the　way　of　temptation；　and　adopting　Arvine　as　the　successor　to　my
beloved　and　lamented　Frost。

Some　successor　I　must　find；　or　I　must　give　up　writing　altogether；
and　this　I　should　be　sorry　to　do。　　I　have　only　as　yet　written　about
a　third；　or　from　thatcounting　works　written　but　not　publishedto
a　half；　of　the　books　which　I　have　set　myself　to　write。　　It　would　not
so　much　matter　if　old　age　was　not　staring　me　in　the　face。　　Dr。　Parr
said　it　was　〃a　beastly　shame　for　an　old　man　not　to　have　laid　down　a
good　cellar　of　port　in　his　youth〃；　I；　like　the　greater　number；　I
suppose；　of　those　who　write　books　at　all；　write　in　order　that　I　may
have　something　to　read　in　my　old　age　when　I　can　write　no　longer。　　I
know　what　I　shall　like　better　than　any　one　can　tell　me；　and　write
accordingly；　if　my　career　is　nipped　in　the　bud；　as　seems　only　too
likely；　I　really　do　not　know　where　else　I　can　turn　for　present
agreeable　occupation；　nor　yet　how　to　make　suitable　provision　for　my
later　years。　　Other　writers　can；　of　course；　make　excellent　provision
for　their　own　old　ages；　but　they　cannot　do　so　for　mine；　any　more
than　I　should　succeed　if　I　were　to　try　to　cater　for　theirs。　　It　is
one　of　those　cases　in　which　no　man　can　make　agreement　for　his
brother。

I　have　no　heart　for　continuing　this　article；　and　if　I　had；　I　have
nothing　of　interest　to　say。　　No　one's　literary　career　can　have　been
smoother　or　more　unchequered　than　mine。　　I　have　published　all　my
books　at　my　own　expense；　and　paid　for　them　in　due　course。　　What　can
be　conceivably　more　unromantic？　　For　some　years　I　had　a　little
literary　grievance　against　the　authorities　of　the　British　Museum
because　they　would　insist　on　saying　in　their　catalogue　that　I　had
published　three　sermons　on　Infidelity　in　the　year　1820。　　I　thought　I
had　not；　and　got　them　out　to　see。　　They　were　rather　funny；　but　they
were　not　mine。　　Now；　however；　this　grievance　has　been　removed。　　I
had　another　little　quarrel　with　them　because　they　would　describe　me
as　〃of　St。　John's　College；　Cambridge；〃　an　establishment　for　which　I
have　the　most　profound　veneration；　but　with　which　I　have　not　had　the
honour　to　be　connected　for　some　quarter　of　a　century。　　At　last　they
said　they　would　change　this　description　if　I　would　only　tell　them
what　I　was；　for；　though　they　had　done　their　best　to　find　out；　they
had　themselves　failed。　　I　replied　with　modest　pride　that　I　was　a
Bachelor　of　Arts。　　I　keep　all　my　other　letters　inside　my　name；　not
outside。　　They　mused　and　said　it　was　unfortunate　that　I　was　not　a
Master　of　Arts。　　Could　I　not　get　myself　made　a　Master？　　I　said　I
understood　that　a　Mastership　was　an　article　the　University　could　not
do　under　about　five　pounds；　and　that　I　was　not　disposed　to　go
sixpence　higher　than　three　ten。　　They　again　said　it　was　a　pity；　for
it　would　be　very　inconvenient　to　them　if　I　did　not　keep　to　something
between　a　bishop　and　a　poet。　　I　might　be　anything　I　liked　in　reason；
provided　I　showed　proper　respect　for　the　alphabet；　but　they　had　got
me　between　〃Samuel　Butler；　bishop；〃　and　〃Samuel　Butler；　poet。〃　　It
would　be　very　troublesome　to　shift　me；　and　bachelor　came　before
bishop。　　This　was　reasonable；　so　I　replied　that；　under　those
circumstances；　if　they　pleased；　I　thought　I　would　like　to　be　a
philosophical　writer。　　They　embraced　the　solution；　and；　no　matter
what　I　write　now；　I　must　remain　a　philosophical　writer　as　long　as　I
live；　for　the　alphabet　will　hardly　be　altered　in　my　time；　and　I　must
be　something　between　〃Bis〃　and　〃Poe。〃　　If　I　could　get　a　volume　of　my
excellent　namesake's　〃Hudibras〃　out　of　the　list　of　my　works；　I
should　be　robbed　of　my　last　shred　of　literary　grievance；　so　I　say
nothing　about　this；　but　keep　it　secret；　lest　some　worse　thing　should
happen　to　me。　　Besides；　I　have　a　great　respect　for　my　namesake；　and
always　say　that　if　〃Erewhon〃　had　been　a　racehorse　it　would　have　been
got　by　〃Hudibras〃　out　of　〃Analogy。〃　　Some　one　said　this　to　me　many
years　ago；　and　I　felt　so　much　flattered　that　I　have　been　repeating
the　remark　as　my　own　ever　since。

But　how　small　are　these　grievances　as　compared　with　those　endured
without　a　murmur　by　hundreds　of　writers　far　more　deserving　than
myself。　　When　I　see　the　scores　and　hundreds　of　workers　in　the
reading…room　who　have　done　so　much　more　than　I　have；　but　whose　work
is　absolutely　fruitless　to　themselves；　and　when　I　think　of　the
prompt　recognition　obtained　by　my　own　work；　I　ask　myself　what　I　have
done　to　be　thus　rewarded。　　On　the　other　hand；　the　feeling　that　I
have　succeeded　far　beyond　my　deserts　hitherto；　makes　it　all　the
harder　for　me　to　acquiesce　without　complaint　in　the　extinction　of　a
career　which　I　honestly　believe　to　be　a　promising　one；　and　once　more
I　repeat　that；　unless　the　Museum　authorities　give　me　back　my　Frost；
or　put　a　locked　clasp　on　Arvine；　my　career　must　be　extinguished。
Give　me　back　Frost；　and；　if　life　and　health　are　spared；　I　will　write
another　dozen　of　volumes　yet　before　I　hang　up　my　fiddleif　so
serious　a　confusion　of　metaphors　may　be　pardoned。　　I　know　from　long
experience　how　kind　and　considerate　both　the　late　and　present
superintendents　of　the　reading…room　were　and　are；　but　I　doubt　how
far　either　of　them　would　be　disposed　to　help　me　on　this　occasion；
continue；　however；　to　rob　me　of　my　Frost；　and；　whatever　else　I　may
do；　I　will　write　no　more　books。

Note　by　Dr。　Garnett；　British　Museum。The　frost　has　broken　up。　　Mr。
Butler　is　restored　to　literature。　　Mr。　Mudie　may　make　himself　easy。
England　will　still　boast　a　humourist；　and　the　late　Mr。　Darwin　（to
whose　posthumous　machinations　the　removal　of　the　book　was　owing）
will　continue　to　be　confounded。R。　GANNETT。



RAMBLINGS　IN　CHEAPSIDE　｛2｝



Walking　the　other　day　in　Cheapside　I　saw　some　turtles　in　Mr。
Sweeting's　window；　and　was　tempted　to　stay　and　look　at　them。　　As　I
did　so　I　was　struck　not　more　by　the　defences　with　which　they　were
hedged　about；　than　by　the　fatuousness　of　trying　to　hedge　that　in　at
all　which；　if　hedged　thoroughly；　must　die　of　its　own　defencefulness。
The　holes　for　the　head　and　feet　through　which　the　turtle　leaks　out；
as　it　were；　on　to　the　exterior　world；　and　through　which　it　again
absorbs　the　exterior　world　into　itself〃catching　on〃　through　them
to　things　that　are　thus　both　turtle　and　not　turtle　at　one　and　the
same　timethese　holes　stultify　the　armour；　and　show　it　to　have　been
designed　by　a　creature　with　more　of　faithfulness　to　a　fixed　idea；
and　hence　one…sidedness；　than　of　that　quick　sense　of　relative
importances　and　their　changes；　which　is　the　main　factor　of　good
living。

The　turtle　obviously　had　no　sense　of　proportion；　it　differed　so
widely　from　myself　that　I　could　not　comprehend　it；　and　as　this　word
occurred　to　me；　it　occurred　also　that　until　my　body　comprehended　its
body　in　a　physical　material　sense；　neither　would　my　mind　be　able　to
comprehend　its　mind　with　any　thoroughness。　　For　unity　of　mind　can
only　be　consummated　by　unity　of　body；　everything；　therefore；　must　be
in　some　respects　both　knave　and　fool　to　all　that　which　has　not　eaten
it；　or　by　which　it　has　not　been　eaten。　　As　long　as　the　turtle　was　in
the　window　and　I　in　the　street　outside；　there　was　no　chance　of　our
comprehending　one　another。

Nevertheless　I　knew　that　I　could　get　it　to　agree　with　me　if　I　could
so　effectually　button…hole　and　fasten　on　to　it　as　to　eat　it。　　Most
men　have　an　easy　method　with　turtle　soup；　and　I　had　no　misgiving　but
that　if　I　could　bring　my　first　premise　to　bear　I　should　prove　the
better　reasoner。　　My　difficulty　lay　in　this　initial　process；　for　I
had　not　with　me　the　argument　that　would　alone　compel　Mr。　Sweeting
think　that　I　ought　to　be　allowed　to　convert　the　turtlesI　mean　I
had　no　money　in　my　pocket。　　No　missionary　enterprise　can　be　carried
on　without　any　money　at　all；　but　even　so　small　a　sum　as　half…a…crown
would；　I　suppose；　have　enabled　me　to　bring　the　turtle　partly　round；
and　with　many　half…crowns　I　could　in　time　no　doubt　convert　the　lot；
for　the　turtle　needs　must　go　where　the　money　drives。　　If；　as　is
alleged；　the　world　stands　on　a　turtle；　the　turtle　stands　on　money。
No　money　no　turtle。　　As　for　money；　that　stands　on　opinion；　credit；
trust；　faiththings　that；　though　highly　material　in　connection　with
money；　are　still　of　immaterial　essence。

The　steps　are　perfectly　plain。　　The　men　who　caught　the　turtles
brought　a　fairly　strong　and　definite　opinion　to　bear　upon　them；　that
passed　into　action；　and　later　on　into　money。　　They　thought　the
turtles　would　come　that　way；　and　verified　their　opinion；　on　this；
will　and　action　were　generated；　with　the　result　that　the　men　turned
the　turtles　on　their　backs　and　carried　them　off。　　Mr。　Sweeting
touched　these　men　with　money；　which　is　the　outward　and　visible　sign
of　verified　opinion。　　The　customer　touches　Mr。　Sweeting　with　money；
Mr。　Sweeting　touches　the　waiter　and　the　cook　with　money。　　They　touch
the　turtle　with　skill　and　verified　opinion。　　Finally；　the　customer
applies　the　clinching　argument　that　brushes　all　sophisms　aside；　and
bids　the　turtle　stand　protoplasm　to　protoplasm　with　himself；　to　know
even　as　it　is　known。

But　it　must　be　all　touch；　touch；　touch；　skill；　opinion；　power；　and
money；　passing　in　and　out　with　one　another　in　any　order　we　like；　but
still　link　to　link　and　touc