part 4-第11节

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erty　than　he　usually　did　in　his　friendships　or　gallantries



with　young　artists；　because　she　seemed　to　him　distinctly



not　the　marrying　kind。　　She　impressed　him　as　equipped　to



be　an　artist；　and　to　be　nothing　else；　already　directed；　con…



centrated；　formed　as　to　mental　habit。　　He　was　generous



and　sympathetic；　and　she　was　lonely　and　needed　friendship；



needed　cheerfulness。　　She　had　not　much　power　of　reaching



out　toward　useful　people　or　useful　experiences；　did　not　see



opportunities。　　She　had　no　tact　about　going　after　good



positions　or　enlisting　the　interest　of　influential　persons。



She　antagonized　people　rather　than　conciliated　them。　　He



discovered　at　once　that　she　had　a　merry　side；　a　robust



humor　that　was　deep　and　hearty；　like　her　laugh；　but　it



slept　most　of　the　time　under　her　own　doubts　and　the　dull…



ness　of　her　life。　　She　had　not　what　is　called　a　〃sense　of



humor。〃　　That　is；　she　had　no　intellectual　humor；　no　power



to　enjoy　the　absurdities　of　people；　no　relish　of　their　preten…



tiousness　and　inconsistencieswhich　only　depressed　her。



But　her　joviality；　Fred　felt；　was　an　asset；　and　ought　to　be



developed。　　He　discovered　that　she　was　more　receptive　and



more　effective　under　a　pleasant　stimulus　than　she　was



under　the　gray　grind　which　she　considered　her　salvation。



She　was　still　Methodist　enough　to　believe　that　if　a　thing



were　hard　and　irksome；　it　must　be　good　for　her。　　And　yet；



whatever　she　did　well　was　spontaneous。　　Under　the　least



glow　of　excitement；　as　at　Mrs。　Nathanmeyer's；　he　had　seen



the　apprehensive；　frowning　drudge　of　Bowers's　studio　flash



into　a　resourceful　and　consciously　beautiful　woman。



















　　　　　His　interest　in　Thea　was　serious；　almost　from　the　first；



and　so　sincere　that　he　felt　no　distrust　of　himself。　　He　be…



lieved　that　he　knew　a　great　deal　more　about　her　possibili…



ties　than　Bowers　knew；　and　he　liked　to　think　that　he　had



given　her　a　stronger　hold　on　life。　　She　had　never　seen　her…



self　or　known　herself　as　she　did　at　Mrs。　Nathanmeyer's



musical　evenings。　　She　had　been　a　different　girl　ever　since。



He　had　not　anticipated　that　she　would　grow　more　fond　of



him　than　his　immediate　usefulness　warranted。　　He　thought



he　knew　the　ways　of　artists；　and；　as　he　said；　she　must　have



been　〃at　it　from　her　cradle。〃　　He　had　imagined；　perhaps；



but　never　really　believed；　that　he　would　find　her　waiting



for　him　sometime　as　he　found　her　waiting　on　the　day



he　reached　the　Biltmer　ranch。　　Once　he　found　her　so



well；　he　did　not　pretend　to　be　anything　more　or　less



than　a　reasonably　well…intentioned　young　man。　　A　lovesick



girl　or　a　flirtatious　woman　he　could　have　handled　easily





enough。　　But　a　personality　like　that；　unconsciously　reveal…



ing　itself　for　the　first　time　under　the　exaltation　of　a　per…



sonal　feeling；what　could　one　do　but　watch　it？　　As　he



used　to　say　to　himself；　in　reckless　moments　back　there　in



the　canyon；　〃You　can't　put　out　a　sunrise。〃　　He　had　to



watch　it；　and　then　he　had　to　share　it。







　　　　　Besides；　was　he　really　going　to　do　her　any　harm？　　The



Lord　knew　he　would　marry　her　if　he　could！　　Marriage　would



be　an　incident；　not　an　end　with　her；　he　was　sure　of　that。



If　it　were　not　he；　it　would　be　some　one　else；　some　one　who



would　be　a　weight　about　her　neck；　probably；　who　would



hold　her　back　and　beat　her　down　and　divert　her　from　the



first　plunge　for　which　he　felt　she　was　gathering　all　her　ener…



gies。　　He　meant　to　help　her；　and　he　could　not　think　of



another　man　who　would。　　He　went　over　his　unmarried



friends；　East　and　West；　and　he　could　not　think　of　one　who



would　know　what　she　was　driving　ator　care。　　The　clever



ones　were　selfish；　the　kindly　ones　were　stupid。







　　　　　〃Damn　it；　if　she's　going　to　fall　in　love　with　somebody；　it















had　better　be　me　than　any　of　the　othersof　the　sort



she'd　find。　　Get　her　tied　up　with　some　conceited　ass　who'd



try　to　make　her　over；　train　her　like　a　puppy！　　Give　one　of



'em　a　big　nature　like　that；　and　he'd　be　horrified。　　He



wouldn't　show　his　face　in　the　clubs　until　he'd　gone　after



her　and　combed　her　down　to　conform　to　some　fool　idea　in



his　own　headput　there　by　some　other　woman；　too；　his



first　sweetheart　or　his　grandmother　or　a　maiden　aunt。　　At



least；　I　understand　her。　　I　know　what　she　needs　and　where



she's　bound；　and　I　mean　to　see　that　she　has　a　fighting



chance。〃







　　　　　His　own　conduct　looked　crooked；　he　admitted；　but　he



asked　himself　whether；　between　men　and　women；　all　ways



were　not　more　or　less　crooked。　　He　believed　those　which　are



called　straight　were　the　most　dangerous　of　all。　　They



seemed　to　him；　for　the　most　part；　to　lie　between　windowless



stone　walls；　and　their　rectitude　had　been　achieved　at　the



expense　of　light　and　air。　　In　their　unquestioned　regularity



lurked　every　sort　of　human　cruelty　and　meanness；　and



every　kind　of　humiliation　and　suffering。　　He　would　rather



have　any　woman　he　cared　for　wounded　than　crushed。　　He



would　deceive　her　not　once；　he　told　himself　fiercely；　but　a



hundred　times；　to　keep　her　free。











　　　　　When　Fred　went　back　to　the　observation　car　at　one



o'clock；　after　the　luncheon　call；　it　was　empty；　and　he　found



Thea　alone　on　the　platform。　　She　put　out　her　hand；　and



met　his　eyes。







　　　　　〃It's　as　I　said。　　Things　have　closed　behind　me。　　I　can't



go　back；　so　I　am　going　onto　Mexico？〃　　She　lifted　her



face　with　an　eager；　questioning　smile。







　　　　　Fred　met　it　with　a　sinking　heart。　　Had　he　really　hoped



she　would　give　him　another　answer？　　He　would　have　given



pretty　much　anything　　But　there；　that　did　no　good。　　He



could　give　only　what　he　had。　　Things　were　never　complete



in　this　world；　you　had　to　snatch　at　them　as　they　came　or　go















without。　　Nobody　could　look　into　her　face　and　draw　back；



nobody　who　had　any　courage。　　She　had　courage　enough　for



anythinglook　at　her　mouth　and　chin　and　eyes！　　Where



did　it　come　from；　that　light？　　How　could　a　face；　a　familiar



face；　become　so　the　picture　of　hope；　be　painted　with　the



very　colors　of　youth's　exaltation？　　She　was　right；　she　was



not　one　of　those　who　draw　back。　　Some　people　get　on　by



avoiding　dangers；　others　by　riding　through　them。







　　　　　They　stood　by　the　railing　looking　back　at　the　sand　levels；



both　feeling　that　the　train　was　steaming　ahead　very　fast。



Fred's　mind　was　a　confusion　of　images　and　ideas。　　Only



two　things　were　clear　to　him：　the　force　of　her　determination；



and　the　belief　that；　handicapped　as　he　was；　he　could　do



better　by　her　than　another　man　would　do。　　He　knew　he



would　always　remember　her；　standing　there　with　that　ex…



pectant；　forward…looking　smile；　enough　to　turn　the　future



into　summer。





End　of　Part　IV