stage-land-第2节

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them；　but　this　does　not　seem　to　occur　to　him。

He　crosses　the　African　desert　in　patent…leather　boots；　does　the　stage
hero。　　He　takes　a　supply　with　him　when　he　is　wrecked　on　an　uninhabited
island。　　He　arrives　from　long　and　trying　journeys；　his　clothes　are
ragged　and　torn；　but　his　boots　are　new　and　shiny。　　He　puts　on
patent…leather　boots　to　tramp　through　the　Australian　bush；　to　fight　in
Egypt；　to　discover　the　north　pole。

Sometimes　he　is　a　gold…digger；　sometimes　a　dock　laborer；　sometimes　a
soldier；　sometimes　a　sailor；　but　whatever　he　is　he　wears
patent…leather　boots。

He　goes　boating　in　patent　leather　boots；　he　plays　cricket　in　them；　he
goes　fishing　and　shooting　in　them。　　He　will　go　to　heaven　in
patent…leather　boots　or　he　will　decline　the　invitation。

The　stage　hero　never　talks　in　a　simple；　straightforward　way；　like　a
mere　ordinary　mortal。

〃You　will　write　to　me　when　you　are　away；　dear；　won't　you？〃　says　the
heroine。

A　mere　human　being　would　reply：

〃Why；　of　course　I　shall；　ducky；　every　day。〃

But　the　stage　hero　is　a　superior　creature。　　He　says：

〃Dost　see　yonder　star；　sweet？〃

She　looks　up　and　owns　that　she　does　see　yonder　star；　and　then　off　he
starts　and　drivels　on　about　that　star　for　full　five　minutes；　and　says
he　will　cease　to　write　to　her　when　that　pale　star　has　fallen　from　its
place　amid　the　firmament　of　heaven。

The　result　of　a　long　course　of　acquaintanceship　with　stage　heroes　has
been；　so　far　as　we　are　concerned；　to　create　a　yearning　for　a　new　kind
of　stage　hero。　　What　we　would　like　for　a　change　would　be　a　man　who
wouldn't　cackle　and　brag　quite　so　much；　but　who　was　capable　of　taking
care　of　himself　for　a　day　without　getting　into　trouble。



THE　VILLAIN。

He　wears　a　clean　collar　and　smokes　a　cigarette；　that　is　how　we　know　he
is　a　villain。　　In　real　life　it　is　often　difficult　to　tell　a　villain
from　an　honest　man；　and　this　gives　rise　to　mistakes；　but　on　the　stage；
as　we　have　said　villains　wear　clean　collars　and　smoke　cigarettes；　and
thus　all　fear　of　blunder　is　avoided。

It　is　well　that　the　rule　does　not　hold　off　the　stage；　or　good　men
might　be　misjudged。　　We　ourselves；　for　instance；　wear　a　clean
collarsometimes。

It　might　be　very　awkward　for　our　family；　especially　on　Sundays。

He　has　no　power　of　repartee；　has　the　stage　villain。　　All　the　good
people　in　the　play　say　rude　and　insulting　things　to　him；　and　smack　at
him；　and　score　off　him　all　through　the　act；　but　he　can　never　answer
them　backcan　never　think　of　anything　clever　to　say　in　return。

〃Ha！　ha！　wait　till　Monday　week；〃　is　the　most　brilliant　retort　that　he
can　make；　and　he　has　to　get　into　a　corner　by　himself　to　think　of　even
that。

The　stage　villain's　career　is　always　very　easy　and　prosperous　up　to
within　a　minute　of　the　end　of　each　act。　　Then　he　gets　suddenly　let　in；
generally　by　the　comic　man。　　It　always　happens　so。　　Yet　the　villain　is
always　intensely　surprised　each　time。　　He　never　seems　to　learn
anything　from　experience。

A　few　years　ago　the　villain　used　to　be　blessed　with　a　hopeful　and
philosophical　temperament；　which　enabled　him　to　bear　up　under　these
constantly　recurring　disappointments　and　reverses。　　It　was　〃no
matter；〃　he　would　say。　　Crushed　for　the　moment　though　he　might　be；　his
buoyant　heart　never　lost　courage。　　He　had　a　simple；　child…like　faith
in　Providence。　　〃A　time　will　come；〃　he　would　remark；　and　this　idea
consoled　him。

Of　late；　however；　this　trusting　hopefulness　of　his；　as　expressed　in
the　beautiful　lines　we　have　quoted；　appears　to　have　forsaken　him。　　We
are　sorry　for　this。　　We　always　regarded　it　as　one　of　the　finest　traits
in　his　character。

The　stage　villain's　love　for　the　heroine　is　sublime　in　its
steadfastness。　　She　is　a　woman　of　lugubrious　and　tearful　disposition；
added　to　which　she　is　usually　incumbered　with　a　couple　of　priggish　and
highly　objectionable　children；　and　what　possible　attraction　there　is
about　her　we　ourselves　can　never　understand；　but　the　stage
villainwell；　there；　he　is　fairly　mashed　on　her。

Nothing　can　alter　his　affection。　　She　hates　him　and　insults　him　to　an
extent　that　is　really　unladylike。　　Every　time　he　tries　to　explain　his
devotion　to　her；　the　hero　comes　in　and　knocks　him　down　in　the　middle
of　it；　or　the　comic　man　catches　him　during　one　or　the　other　of　his
harassing　love…scenes　with　her；　and　goes　off　and　tells　the　〃villagers〃
or　the　〃guests；〃　and　they　come　round　and　nag　him　（we　should　think　that
the　villain　must　grow　to　positively　dislike　the　comic　man　before　the
piece　is　over）。

Notwithstanding　all　this　he　still　hankers　after　her　and　swears　she
shall　be　his。　　He　is　not　a　bad…looking　fellow；　and　from　what　we　know
of　the　market；　we　should　say　there　are　plenty　of　other　girls　who　would
jump　at　him；　yet　for　the　sake　of　settling　down　with　this　dismal　young
female　as　his　wife；　he　is　prepared　to　go　through　a　laborious　and
exhaustive　course　of　crime　and　to　be　bullied　and　insulted　by　every　one
he　meets。　　His　love　sustains　him　under　it　all。　　He　robs　and　forges；
and　cheats；　and　lies；　and　murders；　and　arsons。　　If　there　were　any
other　crimes　he　could　commit　to　win　her　affection；　he　would；　for　her
sweet　sake；　commit　them　cheerfully。　　But　he　doesn't　know　any
othersat　all　events；　he　is　not　well　up　in　any　othersand　she　still
does　not　care　for　him；　and　what　is　he　to　do？

It　is　very　unfortunate　for　both　of　them。　　It　is　evident　to　the　merest
spectator　that　the　lady's　life　would　be　much　happier　if　the　villain
did　not　love　her　quite　so　much；　and　as　for　him；　his　career　might　be
calmer　and　less　criminal　but　for　his　deep　devotion　to　her。

You　see；　it　is　having　met　her　in　early　life　that　is　the　cause　of　all
the　trouble。　　He　first　saw　her　when　she　was　a　child；　and　he　loved　her；
〃ay；　even　then。〃　　Ah；　and　he　would　have　workedslaved　for　her；　and
have　made　her　rich　and　happy。　　He　might　perhaps　even　have　been　a　good
man。

She　tries　to　soothe　him。　　She　says　she　loathed　him　with　an　unspeakable
horror　from　the　first　moment　that　her　eyes　met　his　revolting　form。
She　says　she　saw　a　hideous　toad　once　in　a　nasty　pond；　and　she　says
that　rather　would　she　take　that　noisome　reptile　and　clasp　its　slimy
bosom　to　her　own　than　tolerate　one　instant's　touch　from　his　（the
villain's）　arms。

This　sweet　prattle　of　hers；　however；　only　charms　him　all　the　more。　　He
says　he　will　win　her　yet。

Nor　does　the　villain　seem　much　happier　in　his　less　serious　love
episodes。　　After　he　has　indulged　in　a　little　badinage　of　the　above
character　with　his　real　lady…love；　the　heroine；　he　will　occasionally
try　a　little　light　flirtation　passage　with　her　maid　or　lady　friend。

The　maid　or　friend　does　not　waste　time　in　simile　or　in　metaphor。　　She
calls　him　a　black…hearted　scoundrel　and　clumps　him　over　the　head。

Of　recent　years　it　has　been　attempted　to　cheer　the　stage　villain's
loveless　life　by　making　the　village　clergyman's　daughter　gone　on　him。
But　it　is　generally　about　ten　years　ago　when　even　she　loved　him；　and
her　love　has　turned　to　hate　by　the　time　the　play　opens；　so　that　on　the
whole　his　lot　can　hardly　be　said　to　have　been　much　improved　in　this
direction。

Not　but　what　it　must　be　confessed　that　her　change　of　feeling　is；　under
the　circumstances；　only　natural。　　He　took　her　away　from　her　happy；
peaceful　home　when　she　was　very　young　and　brought　her　up　to　this
wicked　overgrown　London。　　He　did　not　marry　her。　　There　is　no　earthly
reason　why　he　should　not　have　married　her。　　She　must　have　been　a　fine
girl　at　that　time　（and　she　is　a　good…looking　woman　as　it　is；　with　dash
and　go　about　her）；　and　any　other　man　would　have　settled　down　cozily
with　her　and　have　led　a　simple；　blameless　life。

But　the　stage　villain　is　built　cussed。

He　ill…uses　this　female　most　shockinglynot　for　any　cause　or　motive
whatever；　indeed；　his　own　practical　interests　should　prompt　him　to
treat　her　well　and　keep　friends　with　herbut　from　the　natural
cussedness　to　which　we　have　just　alluded。　　When　he　speaks　to　her　he
seizes　her　by　the　wrist　and　breathes　what　he's　got　to　say　into　her
ear；　and　it　tickles　and　revolts　her。

The　only　thing　in　which　he　is　good　to　her　is　in　the　matter　of　dress。
He　does　not　stint　her　in　dress。

The　stage　villain　is　superior　to　the　villain　of　real　life。　　The
villain　of　real　life　is　actuated　by　mere　sordid　and　selfish　motives。
The　stage　villain　does　villainy；　not　for　any　personal　advantage　to
himself；　but　merely　from　the　love　of　the　thing　as　an　art。　　Villainy　is
to　him　its　own　reward；　he　revels　in　it。

〃Better　far　be　poor　and　villainous；〃　he　says　to　himself；　〃than　possess
all　the　wealth　of　the　Indies　with　a　clear　conscience。　　I　will　be　a
villain；〃　he　cries。　　〃I　will；　at　great　expense　and　inconvenience　to
myself；　murder　the　good　old　man；　get　the　hero　accused　of　the　crime；
and　make　love　to　his　wife　while　he　is　in　prison。　　It　will　be　a　risky
and　laborious　business　for　me　from　beginning　to　end；　and　can　bring　me
no　practical　advantage　whatever。　　The　girl　will　call　me　insulting
names　when　I　pay　her　a　visit；　and　will　push　me　violently　in　the　chest
when　I　get　near　her；　her　golden…haired　infant　will　say　I　am　a　bad　man
and　may　even　refuse　to　kiss　me。　　The　comic　man　will　cover　me　with
humorous　opprobrium；　and　the　villagers　will　get　a　day　off　and　hang
about　the