my discovery of england-第21节

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s　（wild　applause）the　Anglican　Bishop　of　the　Diocese　（applause）the　Principal　of　the　University　College；　Toronto　（great　applause）the　Minister　of　Education　（applause）none　of　these　are　coming。〃　There　is　a　great　clapping　of　hands　and　enthusiasm；　after　which　the　meeting　is　called　to　order　with　a　very　distinct　and　palpable　feeling　that　it　is　one　of　the　most　distinguished　audiences　ever　gathered　in　the　hall。

Here　is　another　experience　of　the　same　period　while　I　was　pursuing　the　same　exalted　purpose：　I　arrived　in　a　little　town　in　Eastern　Ontario；　and　found　to　my　horror　that　I　was　billed　to　〃appear〃　in　a　church。　I　was　supposed　to　give　readings　from　my　works；　and　my　books　are　supposed　to　be　of　a　humorous　character。　A　church　hardly　seemed　the　right　place　to　get　funny　in。　I　explained　my　difficulty　to　the　pastor　of　the　church；　a　very　solemn　looking　man。　He　nodded　his　head；　slowly　and　gravely；　as　he　grasped　my　difficulty。　〃I　see；〃　he　said；　〃I　see；　but　I　think　that　I　can　introduce　you　to　our　people　in　such　a　way　as　to　make　that　right。〃

When　the　time　came；　he　led　me　up　on　to　the　pulpit　platform　of　the　church；　just　beside　and　below　the　pulpit　itself；　with　a　reading　desk　and　a　big　bible　and　a　shaded　light　beside　it。　It　was　a　big　church；　and　the　audience；　sitting　in　half　darkness；　as　is　customary　during　a　sermon；　reached　away　back　into　the　gloom。　The　place　was　packed　full　and　absolutely　quiet。　Then　the　chairman　spoke：

〃Dear　friends；〃　he　said；　〃I　want　you　to　understand　that　it　will　be　all　right　to　laugh　tonight。　Let　me　hear　you　laugh　heartily；　laugh　right　out；　just　as　much　as　ever　you　want　to；　because〃　（and　here　his　voice　assumed　the　deep　sepulchral　tones　of　the　preacher）；…〃when　we　think　of　the　noble　object　for　which　the　professor　appears　to…night；　we　may　be　assured　that　the　Lord　will　forgive　any　one　who　will　laugh　at　the　professor。〃

I　am　sorry　to　say；　however；　that　none　of　the　audience；　even　with　the　plenary　absolution　in　advance；　were　inclined　to　take　a　chance　on　it。

I　recall　in　this　same　connection　the　chairman　of　a　meeting　at　a　certain　town　in　Vermont。　He　represents　the　type　of　chairman　who　turns　up　so　late　at　the　meeting　that　the　committee　have　no　time　to　explain　to　him　properly　what　the　meeting　is　about　or　who　the　speaker　is。　I　noticed　on　this　occasion　that　he　introduced　me　very　guardedly　by　name　（from　a　little　card）　and　said　nothing　about　the　Belgians；　and　nothing　about　my　being　（supposed　to　be）　a　humourist。　This　last　was　a　great　error。　The　audience；　for　want　of　guidance；　remained　very　silent　and　decorous；　and　well　behaved　during　my　talk。　Then；　somehow；　at　the　end；　while　some　one　was　moving　a　vote　of　thanks；　the　chairman　discovered　his　error。　So　he　tried　to　make　it　good。　Just　as　the　audience　were　getting　up　to　put　on　their　wraps；　he　rose；　knocked　on　his　desk　and　said：

〃Just　a　minute；　please；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　just　a　minute。　I　have　just　found　outI　should　have　known　it　sooner；　but　I　was　late　in　coming　to　this　meetingthat　the　speaker　who　has　just　addressed　you　has　done　so　in　behalf　of　the　Belgian　Relief　Fund。　I　understand　that　he　is　a　well…known　Canadian　humourist　（ha！　ha！）　and　I　am　sure　that　we　have　all　been　immensely　amused　（ha！　ha！）。　He　is　giving　his　delightful　talks　（ha！　ha！）though　I　didn't　know　this　till　just　this　minutefor　the　Belgian　Relief　Fund；　and　he　is　giving　his　services　for　nothing。　I　am　sure　when　we　realise　this；　we　shall　all　feel　that　it　has　been　well　worth　while　to　come。　I　am　only　sorry　that　we　didn't　have　a　better　turn　out　to…night。　But　I　can　assure　the　speaker　that　if　he　will　come　again；　we　shall　guarantee　him　a　capacity　audience。　And　I　may　say；　that　if　there　are　any　members　of　this　association　who　have　not　paid　their　dollar　this　season；　they　can　give　it　either　to　myself　or　to　Mr。　Sibley　as　they　pass　out。〃

With　the　amount　of　accumulated　experience　that　I　had　behind　me　I　was　naturally　interested　during　my　lecture　in　England　in　the　chairmen　who　were　to　introduce　me。　I　cannot　help　but　feel　that　I　have　acquired　a　fine　taste　in　chair　men。　I　know　them　just　as　other　experts　know　old　furniture　and　Pekinese　dogs。　The　witty　chairman；　the　prosy　chairman；　the　solemn　chairman；I　know　them　all。　As　soon　as　I　shake　hands　with　the　chairman　in　the　Committee　room　I　can　tell　exactly　how　he　will　act。

There　are　certain　types　of　chairmen　who　have　so　often　been　described　and　are　so　familiar　that　it　is　not　worth　while　to　linger　on　them。　Everybody　knows　the　chairman　who　says；　〃Now；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　you　have　not　come　here　to　listen　to　me。　So　I　will　be　very　brief；　in　fact；　I　will　confine　my　remarks　to　just　one　or　two　very　short　observations。〃　He　then　proceeds　to　make　observations　for　twenty…five　minutes。　At　the　end　of　it　he　remarks　with　charming　simplicity；　〃Now　I　know　that　you　are　all　impatient　to　hear　the　lecturer。　。　。　。〃

And　everybody　knows　the　chairman　who　comes　to　the　meeting　with　a　very　imperfect　knowledge　of　who　or　what　the　lecturer　is；　and　is　driven　to　introduce　him　by　saying：

〃Our　lecturer　of　the　evening　is　widely　recognised　as　one　of　the　greatest　authorities　on；　on；on　his　subject　in　the　world　to…day。　He　comes　to　us　from；　from　a　great　distance　and　I　can　assure　him　that　it　is　a　great　pleasure　to　this　audience　to　welcome　a　man　who　has　done　so　much　to；to；to　advance　the　interests　of；　of；　of　everything　as　he　has。〃

But　this　man；　bad　as　he　is；　is　not　so　bad　as　the　chairman　whose　preparation　for　introducing　the　speaker　has　obviously　been　made　at　the　eleventh　hour。　Just　such　a　chairman　it　was　my　fate　to　strike　in　the　form　of　a　local　alderman；　built　like　an　ox；　in　one　of　those　small　manufacturing　places　in　the　north　of　England　where　they　grow　men　of　this　type　and　elect　them　into　office。

〃I　never　saw　the　lecturer　before；〃　he　said；　〃but　I've　read　his　book。〃　（I　have　written　nineteen　books。）　〃The　committee　was　good　enough　to　send　me　over　his　book　last　night。　I　didn't　read　it　all　but　I　took　a　look　at　the　preface　and　I　can　assure　him　that　he　is　very　welcome。　I　understand　he　comes　from　a　college。　。　。　。〃　Then　he　turned　directly　towards　me　and　said　in　a　loud　voice；　〃What　was　the　name　of　that　college　over　there　you　said　you　came　from　？〃

〃McGill；〃　I　answered　equally　loudly。

〃He　comes　from　McGill；〃　the　chairman　boomed　out。　〃I　never　heard　of　McGill　myself　but　I　can　assure　him　he's　welcome。　He's　going　to　lecture　to　us　on；what　did　you　say　it　was　to　be　about？〃

〃It's　a　humorous　lecture；〃　I　said。

〃Ay；　it's　to　be　a　humorous　lecture；　ladies　and　gentlemen；　and　I'll　venture　to　say　it　will　be　a　rare　treat。　　I'm　only　sorry　I　can't　stay　for　it　myself　as　I　have　to　get　back　over　to　the　Town　Hall　for　a　meeting。　So　without　more　ado　I'll　get　off　the　platform　and　let　the　lecturer　go　on　with　his　humour。〃

A　still　more　terrible　type　of　chairman　is　one　whose　mind　is　evidently　preoccupied　and　disturbed　with　some　local　happening　and　who　comes　on　to　the　platform　with　a　face　imprinted　with　distress。　Before　introducing　the　lecturer　he　refers　in　moving　tones　to　the　local　sorrow；　whatever　it　is。　As　a　prelude　to　a　humorous　lecture　this　is　not　gay。

Such　a　chairman　fell　to　my　lot　one　night　before　a　gloomy　audience　in　a　London　suburb。　　〃As　I　look　about　this　hall　to…night；〃　he　began　in　a　doleful　whine；　〃I　see　many　empty　seats。〃　Here　he　stifled　a　sob。　〃Nor　am　I　surprised　that　a　great　many　of　our　people　should　prefer　to…night　to　stay　quietly　at　home〃

I　had　no　clue　to　what　he　meant。　I　merely　gathered　that　some　particular　sorrow　must　have　overwhelmed　the　town　that　day。

〃To　many　it　may　seem　hardly　fitting　that　after　the　loss　our　town　has　sustained　we　should　come　out　here　to　listen　to　a　humorous　lecture；〃；　〃What's　the　trouble？〃　I　whispered　to　a　citizen　sitting　beside　me　on　the　platform。

〃Our　oldest　resident〃he　whispered　back　〃he　died　this　morning。〃

〃How　old？〃

〃Ninety…four；〃　he　whispered。

Meantime　the　chairman；　with　deep　sobs　in　his　voice；　continued：

〃We　debated　in　our　committee　whether　or　not　we　should　have　the　lecture。　Had　it　been　a　lecture　of　another　character　our　position　would　have　been　less　difficult；〃；　By　this　time　I　began　to　feel　like　a　criminal。　　〃The　case　would　have　been　different　had　the　lecture　been　one　that　contained　information；　or　that　was　inspired　by　some　serious　purpose；　or　that　could　have　been　of　any　benefit。　But　this　is　not　so。　We　understand　that　this　lecture　which　Mr。　Leacock　has　already　given；　I　believe；　twenty　or　thirty　times　in　England；〃

Here　he　turned　to　me　with　a　look　of　mild　reproval　while　the　silent　audience；　deeply　moved；　all　looked　at　me　as　at　a　man　who　went　around　the　country　insulting　the　memory　of　the　dead　by　giving　a　lecture　thirty　times。

〃We　understand；　though　this　we　shall　have　an　opportunity　of　testing　for　ourselves　presently；　that　Mr。　Leacock's　lecture　is　not　of　a　character　which；has　not；　so　to　speak；　the　kind　of　value；　in　short；　is　not　a　lecture　of　that　class。〃

Here　he　paused　and　choked　back　a　sob。

〃Had　our　poor　friend　been　spared　to　us　for　another　six　years　he　would　have　rounded　out　the　century。　But　it　was　not　to　be。　For　two　or　three　years　past　he　has　noted　that　somehow　his　strength　was　failing；　that；　for　some　reason　or　other；　he　was　no　longer　what　he　had　been。　　Last　month　he　began　to　droop。　Last　week　he　began　to　sink。　Speech　left　him　last　Tuesday。　This　morning　he　passed；　and　he　has　gone