my discovery of england-第16节

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o　far　as　I　am　aware；　the　species　has　not　been　seen　in　　　　　London　since　1680。　I　may　say　that　on　recognising　the　bird　I　　　　　drew　as　near　as　I　could；　keeping　myself　behind　the　　　　　shrubbery；　but　the　pulex　hibiscus　which　apparently　caught　a　　　　　brief　glimpse　of　my　face　uttered　a　cry　of　distress　and　flew　　　　　away。

　　　　I　am；　sir；　　　　　　　　Believe　me；　　　　　　　　yours；　sir；　　　　　　　　　　　O。Y。　Botherwithit。　　　　　　　（Ret'd　Major　Burmese　Army。）；　

Distressed　by　these　repeated　failures；　I　sank　back　to　a　lower　level　of　English　literary　work；　the　puzzle　department。　For　some　reason　or　other　the　English　delight　in　puzzles。　It　is；　I　think；　a　part　of　the　peculiar　school…boy　pedantry　which　is　the　reverse　side　of　their　literary　genius。　I　speak　with　a　certain　bitterness　because　in　puzzle　work　I　met　with　no　success　whatever。　My　solutions　were　never　acknowledged；　never　paid　for；　in　fact　they　were　ignored。　But　I　append　two　or　three　of　them　here；　with　apologies　to　the　editors　of　the　Strand　and　other　papers　who　should　have　had　the　honour　of　publishing　them　first。

　　　　Puzzle　I

Can　you　fold　a　square　piece　of　paper　in　such　a　way　that　with　a　single　fold　it　forms　a　pentagon？

My　Solution：　Yes；　if　I　knew　what　a　pentagon　was。

　　　　Puzzle　II

A　and　B　agree　to　hold　a　walking　match　across　an　open　meadow；　each　seeking　the　shortest　line。　A；　walking　from　corner　to　corner；　may　be　said　to　diangulate　the　hypotenuse　of　the　meadow。　B；　allowing　for　a　slight　rise　in　the　ground；　walks　on　an　obese　tabloid。　Which　wins？

My　Solution：　Frankly；　I　don't　know。

　　　　　Puzzle　III

（With　apologies　to　the　Strand。）

A　rope　is　passed　over　a　pulley。　It　has　a　weight　at　one　end　and　a　monkey　at　the　other。　There　is　the　same　length　of　rope　on　either　side　and　equilibrium　is　maintained。　The　rope　weighs　four　ounces　per　foot。　The　age　of　the　monkey　and　the　age　of　the　monkey's　mother　together　total　four　years。　The　weight　of　the　monkey　is　as　many　pounds　as　the　monkey's　mother　is　years　old。　The　monkey's　mother　was　twice　as　old　as　the　monkey　was　when　the　monkey's　mother　was　half　as　old　as　the　monkey　will　be　when　the　monkey　is　three　times　as　old　as　the　monkey's　mother　was　when　the　monkey's　mother　was　three　times　as　old　as　the　monkey。　The　weight　of　the　rope　with　the　weight　at　the　end　was　half　as　much　again　as　the　difference　in　weight　between　the　weight　of　the　weight　and　the　weight　of　the　monkey。　Now；　what　was　the　length　of　the　rope？

My　Solution：　I　should　think　it　would　have　to　be　a　rope　of　a　fairly　good　length。

In　only　one　department　of　English　journalism　have　I　met　with　a　decided　measure　of　success；　I　refer　to　the　juvenile　competition　department。　This　is　a　sort　of　thing　to　which　the　English　are　especially　addicted。　As　a　really　educated　nation　for　whom　good　literature　begins　in　the　home　they　encourage　in　every　way　literary　competitions　among　the　young　readers　of　their　journals。　At　least　half　a　dozen　of　the　well…known　London　periodicals　carry　on　this　work。　The　prizes　run　all　the　way　from　one　shilling　to　half　a　guinea　and　the　competitions　are　generally　open　to　all　children　from　three　to　six　years　of　age。　It　was　here　that　I　saw　my　open　opportunity　and　seized　it。　I　swept　in　prize　after　prize。　As　〃Little　Agatha〃　I　got　four　shillings　for　the　best　description　of　Autumn　in　two　lines；　and　one　shilling　for　guessing　correctly　the　missing　letters　in　BR…STOL；　SH…FFIELD；　and　H…LL。　A　lot　of　the　competitors　fell　down　on　H…LL。　I　got　six　shillings　for　giving　the　dates　of　the　Norman　Conquest；1492　A。D。；　and　the　Crimean　War　of　1870。　In　short；　the　thing　was　easy。　I　might　say　that　to　enter　these　competitions　one　has　to　have　a　certificate　of　age　from　a　member　of　the　clergy。　But　I　know　a　lot　of　them。



VII。Business　in　England。　　　　　　　WantedMore　Profiteers

It　is　hardly　necessary　to　say　that　so　shrewd　an　observer　as　I　am　could　not　fail　to　be　struck　by　the　situation　of　business　in　England。　Passing　through　the　factory　towns　and　noticing　that　no　smoke　came　from　the　tall　chimneys　and　that　the　doors　of　the　factories　were　shut；　I　was　led　to　the　conclusion　that　they　were　closed。

Observing　that　the　streets　of　the　industrial　centres　were　everywhere　filled　with　idle　men；　I　gathered　that　they　were　unemployed：　and　when　I　learned　that　the　moving　picture　houses　were　full　to　the　doors　every　day　and　that　the　concert　halls；　beer　gardens；　grand　opera；　and　religious　concerts　were　crowded　to　suffocation；　I　inferred　that　the　country　was　suffering　from　an　unparalleled　depression。　　This　diagnosis　turned　out　to　be　absolutely　correct。　It　has　been　freely　estimated　that　at　the　time　I　refer　to　almost　two　million　men　were　out　of　work。

But　it　does　not　require　government　statistics　to　prove　that　in　England　at　the　present　day　everybody　seems　poor；　just　as　in　the　United　States　everybody；　to　the　eye　of　the　visitor；　seems　to　be　rich。　In　England　nobody　seems　to　be　able　to　afford　anything：　in　the　United　States　everybody　seems　to　be　able　to　afford　everything。　　In　England　nobody　smokes　cigars：　in　America　everybody　does。　On　the　English　railways　the　first　class　carriages　are　empty：　in　the　United　States　the　〃reserved　drawingrooms〃　are　full。　Poverty　no　doubt　is　only　a　relative　matter：　but　a　man　whose　income　used　to　be　10；000　a　year　and　is　now　5；000；　is　living　in　〃reduced　circumstances〃：　he　feels　himself　just　as　poor　as　the　man　whose　income　has　been　cut　from　five　thousand　pounds　to　three；　or　from　five　hundred　pounds　to　two。　They　are　all　in　the　same　boat。　What　with　the　lowering　of　dividends　and　the　raising　of　the　income　tax；　the　closing　of　factories；　feeding　the　unemployed　and　trying　to　employ　the　unfed；　things　are　in　a　bad　way。

The　underlying　cause　is　plain　enough。　The　economic　distress　that　the　world　suffers　now　is　the　inevitable　consequence　of　the　war。　Everybody　knows　that。　But　where　the　people　differ　is　in　regard　to　what　is　going　to　happen　next；　and　what　we　must　do　about　it。　Here　opinion　takes　a　variety　of　forms。　Some　people　blame　it　on　the　German　mark：　by　permitting　their　mark　to　fall；　the　Germans；　it　is　claimed；　are　taking　away　all　the　business　from　England；　the　fall　of　the　mark；　by　allowing　the　Germans　to　work　harder　and　eat　less　than　the　English；　is　threatening　to　drive　the　English　out　of　house　and　home：　if　the　mark　goes　on　falling　still　further　the　Germans　will　thereby　outdo　us　also　in　music；　literature　and　in　religion。　What　has　got　to　be　done；　therefore；　is　to　force　the　Germans　to　lift　the　mark　up　again；　and　make　them　pay　up　their　indemnity。

Another　more　popular　school　of　thought　holds　to　an　entirely　contrary　opinion。　The　whole　trouble；　they　say；　comes　from　the　sad　collapse　of　Germany。　These　unhappy　people；　having　been　too　busy　for　four　years　in　destroying　valuable　property　in　France　and　Belgium　to　pay　attention　to　their　home　affairs；　now　find　themselves　collapsed：　it　is　our　first　duty　to　pick　them　up　again。　The　English　should　therefore　take　all　the　money　they　can　find　and　give　it　to　the　Germans。　By　this　means　German　trade　and　industry　will　revive　to　such　an　extent　that　the　port　of　Hamburg　will　be　its　old　bright　self　again　and　German　waiters　will　reappear　in　the　London　hotels。　After　that　everything　will　be　all　right。

Speaking　with　all　the　modesty　of　an　outsider　and　a　transient　visitor；　I　give　it　as　my　opinion　that　the　trouble　is　elsewhere。　The　danger　of　industrial　collapse　in　England　does　not　spring　from　what　is　happening　in　Germany　but　from　what　is　happening　in　England　itself。　　England；　like　most　of　the　other　countries　in　the　world；　is　suffering　from　the　over…extension　of　government　and　the　decline　of　individual　self…help。　For　six　generations　industry　in　England　and　America　has　flourished　on　individual　effort　called　out　by　the　prospect　of　individual　gain。　Every　man　acquired　from　his　boyhood　the　idea　that　he　must　look　after　himself。　Morally；　physically　and　financially　that　was　the　recognised　way　of　getting　on。　The　desire　to　make　a　fortune　was　regarded　as　a　laudable　ambition；　a　proper　stimulus　to　effort。　The　ugly　word　〃profiteer〃　had　not　yet　been　coined。　There　was　no　income　tax　to　turn　a　man's　pockets　inside　out　and　take　away　his　savings。　　The　world　was　to　the　strong。

Under　the　stimulus　of　this　the　wheels　of　industry　hummed。　Factories　covered　the　land。　National　production　grew　to　a　colossal　size　and　the　whole　outer　world　seemed　laid　under　a　tribute　to　the　great　industry。　As　a　system　it　was　far　from　perfect。　It　contained　in　itself　all　kinds　of　gross　injustices；　demands　that　were　too　great；　wages　that　were　too　small；　in　spite　of　the　splendour　of　the　foreground；　poverty　and　destitution　hovered　behind　the　scenes。　But　such　as　it　was；　the　system　worked：　and　it　was　the　only　one　that　we　knew。

Or　turn　to　another　aspect　of　this　same　principle　of　self…help。　The　way　to　acquire　knowledge　in　the　early　days　was　to　buy　a　tallow　candle　and　read　a　book　after　one's　day's　work；　as　Benjamin　Franklin　read　or　Lincoln：　and　when　the　soul　was　stimulated　to　it；　then　the　aspiring　youth　must　save　money；　put　himself　to　college；　live　on　nothing；　think　much；　and　in　the　course　of　this　starvation　and　effort　become　a　learned　man；　with　somehow　a　peculiar　moral　fibre　in　him　not　easily　reproduced　to…day。　For　to…day　the　candle　is　free　and　the　college　is　free　and　the　student　has　a　〃Union〃　like　the　profiteer's　club　and　a　swimming…bath　and　a　Drama　League　and　a　coeducatio