liber amoris-第5节
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
* * * * * * * * * * *
But by her dove's eyes and serpent…shape； I think she does not hate me； by her smooth forehead and her crested hair； I own I love her； by her soft looks and queen…like grace （which men might fall down and worship） I swear to live and die for her！
A PROPOSAL OF LOVE
（Given to her in our early acquaintance）
〃Oh！ if I thought it could be in a woman （As； if it can； I will presume in you） To feed for aye her lamp and flames of love； To keep her constancy in plight and youth； Outliving beauties outward with a mind That doth renew swifter than blood decays： Or that persuasion could but thus convince me； That my integrity and truth to you Might be confronted with the match and weight Of such a winnowed purity in love How were I then uplifted！ But； alas； I am as true as truth's simplicity； And simpler than the infancy of truth。〃
TROILUS AND CRESSIDA。
PART II
LETTERS TO C。 P； ESQ。
Bees…Inn。
My good friend； Here I am in Scotland （and shall have been here three weeks； next Monday） as I may say； ON MY PROBATION。 This is a lone inn； but on a great scale； thirty miles from Edinburgh。 It is situated on a rising ground （a mark for all the winds； which blow here incessantly）there is a woody hill opposite； with a winding valley below； and the London road stretches out on either side。 You may guess which way I oftenest walk。 I have written two letters to S。 L。 and got one cold； prudish answer； beginning SIR； and ending FROM YOURS TRULY； with BEST RESPECTS FROM HERSELF AND RELATIONS。 I was going to give in； but have returned an answer； which I think is a touch…stone。 I send it you on the other side to keep as a curiosity； in case she kills me by her exquisite rejoinder。 I am convinced from the profound contemplations I have had on the subject here and coming along； that I am on a wrong scent。 We had a famous parting…scene； a complete quarrel and then a reconciliation； in which she did beguile me of my tears； but the deuce a one did she shed。 What do you think？ She cajoled me out of my little Buonaparte as cleverly as possible； in manner and form following。 She was shy the Saturday and Sunday （the day of my departure） so I got in dudgeon； and began to rip up grievances。 I asked her how she came to admit me to such extreme familiarities； the first week I entered the house。 〃If she had no particular regard for me； she must do so （or more） with everyone： if she had a liking to me from the first； why refuse me with scorn and wilfulness？〃 If you had seen how she flounced； and looked； and went to the door； saying 〃She was obliged to me for letting her know the opinion I had always entertained of her〃then I said； 〃Sarah！〃 and she came back and took my hand； and fixed her eyes on the mantelpiece（she must have been invoking her idol thenif I thought so； I could devour her； the darlingbut I doubt her）So I said 〃There is one thing that has occurred to me sometimes as possible； to account for your conduct to me at firstthere wasn't a likeness； was there； to your old friend？〃 She answered 〃No； nonebut there was a likeness！〃 I asked； to what？ She said 〃to that little image！〃 I said； 〃Do you mean Buonaparte？〃She said 〃Yes； all but the nose。〃〃And the figure？〃〃He was taller。〃I could not stand this。 So I got up and took it； and gave it her； and after some reluctance； she consented to 〃keep it for me。〃 What will you bet me that it wasn't all a trick？ I'll tell you why I suspect it； besides being fairly out of my wits about her。 I had told her mother half an hour before； that I should take this image and leave it at Mrs。 B。's； for that I didn't wish to leave anything behind me that must bring me back again。 Then up she comes and starts a likeness to her lover： she knew I should give it her on the spot〃No； she would keep it for me！〃 So I must come back for it。 Whether art or nature； it is sublime。 I told her I should write and tell you so； and that I parted from her； confiding； adoring！She is beyond me； that's certain。 Do go and see her； and desire her not to give my present address to a single soul； and learn if the lodging is let； and to whom。 My letter to her is as follows。 If she shews the least remorse at it； I'll be hanged； though it might move a stone； I modestly think。 （See before； Part I。 first letter。）
N。B。I have begun a book of our conversations （I mean mine and the statue's） which I call LIBER AMORIS。 I was detained at Stamford and found myself dull； and could hit upon no other way of employing my time so agreeably。
LETTER II
Dear P； Here； without loss of time； in order that I may have your opinion upon it； is little Yes and No's answer to my last。
〃Sir； I should not have disregarded your injunction not to send you any more letters that might come to you； had I not promised the Gentleman who left the enclosed to forward it the earliest opportunity； as he said it was of consequence。 Mr。 P called the day after you left town。 My mother and myself are much obliged by your kind offer of tickets to the play； but must decline accepting it。 My family send their best respects； in which they are joined by
Yours； truly；
S。 L。
The deuce a bit more is there of it。 If you can make anything out of it （or any body else） I'll be hanged。 You are to understand； this comes in a frank； the second I have received from her； with a name I can't make out； and she won't tell me； though I asked her； where she got franks； as also whether the lodgings were let； to neither of which a word of answer。 * * * * is the name on the frank： see if you can decypher it by a Red…book。 I suspect her grievously of being an arrant jilt； to say no moreyet I love her dearly。 Do you know I'm going to write to that sweet rogue presently； having a whole evening to myself in advance of my work？ Now mark； before you set about your exposition of the new Apocalypse of the new Calypso； the only thing to be endured in the above letter is the date。 It was written the very day after she received mine。 By this she seems willing to lose no time in receiving these letters 〃of such sweet breath composed。〃 If I thought sobut I wait for your reply。 After all； what is there in her but a pretty figure； and that you can't get a word out of her？ Hers is the Fabian method of making love and conquests。 What do you suppose she said the night before I left her？
〃H。 Could you not come and live with me as a friend？
〃S。 I don't know： and yet it would be of no use if I did； you would always be hankering after what could never be！〃
I asked her if she would do so at oncethe very next day？ And what do you guess was her answer〃Do you think it would be prudent？〃 As I didn't proceed to extremities on the spot； she began to look grave； and declare off。 〃Would she live with me in her own houseto be with me all day as dear friends； if nothing more； to sit and read and talk with me？〃〃She would make no promises； but I should find her the same。〃〃Would she go to the play with me sometimes； and let it be understood that I was paying my addresses to her？〃〃She could not； as a habither father was rather strict； and would object。〃Now what am I to think of all this？ Am I mad or a fool？ Answer me to that； Master Brook！ You are a philosopher。
LETTER III
Dear Friend； I ought to have written to you before； but since I received your letter； I have been in a sort of purgatory； and what is worse； I see no prospect of getting out of it。 I would put an end to my torments at once； but I am as great a coward as I have been a dupe。 Do you know I have not had a word of answer from her since！ What can be the reason？ Is she offended at my letting you know she wrote to me； or is it some new affair？ I wrote to her in the tenderest； most respectful manner； poured my soul at her feet； and this is the return she makes me！ Can you account for it； except on the admission of my worst doubts concerning her？ Oh God！ can I bear after all to think of her so； or that I am scorned and made a sport of by the creature to whom I had given my whole heart？ Thus has it been with me all my life； and so will it be to the end of it！If you should learn anything； good or bad； tell me； I conjure you： I can bear anything but this cruel suspense。 If I knew she was a mere abandoned creature； I should try to forget her； but till I do know this； nothing can tear me from her； I have drank in poison from her lips too longalas！ mine do not poison again。 I sit and indulge my grief by the hour together； my weakness grows upon me； and I have no hope left； unless I could lose my senses quite。 Do you know I think I should like this？ To forget； ah！ to forgetthere would be something in thatto change to an idiot for some few years； and then to wake up a poor wretched old man； to recollect my misery as past； and die！ Yet； oh！ with her； only a little while ago； I had different hopes； forfeited for nothing that I know of！ * * * * * * If you can give me any consolation on the subject of my tormentor； pray do。 The pain I suffer wears me out daily。 I write this on the supposition that Mrs。 … may still come here； and that I may be detained some weeks longer。 Direct to me at t
