liber amoris-第4节

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H。　　And　yet　you　have　no　hope　of　ever　being　his？　　And　yet　you　accuse　me　of　being　romantic　in　my　sentiments。

S。　　I　have　indeed　long　ceased　to　hope；　but　yet　I　sometimes　hope　against　hope。

H。　　My　love！　were　it　in　my　power；　thy　hopes　should　be　fulfilled　to…morrow。　　Next　to　my　own；　there　is　nothing　that　could　give　me　so　much　satisfaction　as　to　see　thine　realized！　　Do　I　not　love　thee；　when　I　can　feel　such　an　interest　in　thy　love　for　another？　　It　was　that　which　first　wedded　my　very　soul　to　you。　　I　would　give　worlds　for　a　share　in　a　heart　so　rich　in　pure　affection！

S。　　And　yet　I　did　not　tell　you　of　the　circumstance　to　raise　myself　in　your　opinion。

H。　　You　are　a　sublime　little　thing！　　And　yet；　as　you　have　no　prospects　there；　I　cannot　help　thinking；　the　best　thing　would　be　to　do　as　I　have　said。

S。　　I　would　never　marry　a　man　I　did　not　love　beyond　all　the　world。

H。　　I　should　be　satisfied　with　less　than　thatwith　the　love；　or　regard；　or　whatever　you　call　it；　you　have　shown　me　before　marriage；　if　that　has　only　been　sincere。　　You　would　hardly　like　me　less　afterwards。

S。　　Endearments　would；　I　should　think；　increase　regard；　where　there　was　love　beforehand；　but　that　is　not　exactly　my　case。

H。　　But　I　think　you　would　be　happier　than　you　are　at　present。　　You　take　pleasure　in　my　conversation；　and　you　say　you　have　an　esteem　for　me；　and　it　is　upon　this；　after　the　honeymoon；　that　marriage　chiefly　turns。

S。　　Do　you　think　there　is　no　pleasure　in　a　single　life？

H。　　Do　you　mean　on　account　of　its　liberty？

S。　　No；　but　I　feel　that　forced　duty　is　no　duty。　　I　have　high　ideas　of　the　married　state！

H。　　Higher　than　of　the　maiden　state？

S。　　I　understand　you；　Sir。

H。　　I　meant　nothing；　but　you　have　sometimes　spoken　of　any　serious　attachment　as　a　tie　upon　you。　　It　is　not　that　you　prefer　flirting　with　〃gay　young　men〃　to　becoming　a　mere　dull　domestic　wife？

S。　　You　have　no　right　to　throw　out　such　insinuations：　for　though　I　am　but　a　tradesman's　daughter；　I　have　as　nice　a　sense　of　honour　as　anyone　can　have。

H。　　Talk　of　a　tradesman's　daughter！　you　would　ennoble　any　family；　thou　glorious　girl；　by　true　nobility　of　mind。

S。　　Oh！　Sir；　you　flatter　me。　　I　know　my　own　inferiority　to　most。

H。　　To　none；　there　is　no　one　above　thee；　man　nor　woman　either。　　You　are　above　your　situation；　which　is　not　fit　for　you。

S。　　I　am　contented　with　my　lot；　and　do　my　duty　as　cheerfully　as　I　can。

H。　　Have　you　not　told　me　your　spirits　grow　worse　every　year？

S。　　Not　on　that　account：　but　some　disappointments　are　hard　to　bear　up　against。

H。　　If　you　talk　about　that；　you'll　unman　me。　　But　tell　me；　my　love；I　have　thought　of　it　as　something　that　might　account　for　some　circumstances；　that　is；　as　a　mere　possibility。　　But　tell　me；　there　was　not　a　likeness　between　me　and　your　old　lover　that　struck　you　at　first　sight？　　Was　there？

S。　　No；　Sir；　none。

H。　　Well；　I　didn't　think　it　likely　there　should。

S。　　But　there　was　a　likeness。

H。　　To　whom？

S。　　To　that　little　image！　（looking　intently　on　a　small　bronze　figure　of　Buonaparte　on　the　mantelpiece）。

H。　　What；　do　you　mean　to　Buonaparte？

S。　　Yes；　all　but　the　nose　was　just　like。

H。　　And　was　his　figure　the　same？

S。　　He　was　taller！

＇I　got　up　and　gave　her　the　image；　and　told　her　it　was　hers　by　every　right　that　was　sacred。　　She　refused　at　first　to　take　so　valuable　a　curiosity；　and　said　she　would　keep　it　for　me。　　But　I　pressed　it　eagerly；　and　she　look　it。　　She　immediately　came　and　sat　down；　and　put　her　arm　round　my　neck；　and　kissed　me；　and　I　said；　〃Is　it　not　plain　we　are　the　best　friends　in　the　world；　since　we　are　always　so　glad　to　make　it　up？〃　　And　then　I　added　〃How　odd　it　was　that　the　God　of　my　idolatry　should　turn　out　to　be　like　her　Idol；　and　said　it　was　no　wonder　that　the　same　face　which　awed　the　world　should　conquer　the　sweetest　creature　in　it！〃　　How　I　loved　her　at　that　moment！　　Is　it　possible　that　the　wretch　who　writes　this　could　ever　have　been　so　blest！　　Heavenly　delicious　creature！　　Can　I　live　without　her？　　Oh！　nonevernever。

〃What　is　this　world？　　What　asken　men　to　have；　Now　with　his　love；　now　in　the　cold　grave；　Alone；　withouten　any　compagnie！〃

Let　me　but　see　her　again！　　She　cannot　hate　the　man　who　loves　her　as　I　do。＇



LETTERS　TO　THE　SAME





Feb。；　I822。


You　will　scold　me　for　this；　and　ask　me　if　this　is　keeping　my　promise　to　mind　my　work。　　One　half　of　it　was　to　think　of　Sarah：　and　besides；　I　do　not　neglect　my　work　either；　I　assure　you。　　I　regularly　do　ten　pages　a　day；　which　mounts　up　to　thirty　guineas'　worth　a　week；　so　that　you　see　I　should　grow　rich　at　this　rate；　if　I　could　keep　on　so；　AND　I　COULD　KEEP　ON　SO；　if　I　had　you　with　me　to　encourage　me　with　your　sweet　smiles；　and　share　my　lot。　　The　Berwick　smacks　sail　twice　a　week；　and　the　wind　sits　fair。　　When　I　think　of　the　thousand　endearing　caresses　that　have　passed　between　us；　I　do　not　wonder　at　the　strong　attachment　that　draws　me　to　you；　but　I　am　sorry　for　my　own　want　of　power　to　please。　　I　hear　the　wind　sigh　through　the　lattice；　and　keep　repeating　over　and　over　to　myself　two　lines　of　Lord　Byron's　Tragedy

〃So　shalt　thou　find　me　ever　at　thy　side　Here　and　hereafter；　if　the　last　may　be。〃

applying　them　to　thee；　my　love；　and　thinking　whether　I　shall　ever　see　thee　again。　　Perhaps　notfor　some　years　at　leasttill　both　thou　and　I　are　oldand　then；　when　all　else　have　forsaken　thee；　I　will　creep　to　thee；　and　die　in　thine　arms。　　You　once　made　me　believe　I　was　not　hated　by　her　I　loved；　and　for　that　sensation；　so　delicious　was　it；　though　but　a　mockery　and　a　dream；　I　owe　you　more　than　I　can　ever　pay。　　I　thought　to　have　dried　up　my　tears　for　ever；　the　day　I　left　you；　but　as　I　write　this；　they　stream　again。　　If　they　did　not；　I　think　my　heart　would　burst。　　I　walk　out　here　of　an　afternoon；　and　hear　the　notes　of　the　thrush；　that　come　up　from　a　sheltered　valley　below；　welcome　in　the　spring；　but　they　do　not　melt　my　heart　as　they　used：　it　is　grown　cold　and　dead。　　As　you　say；　it　will　one　day　be　colder。Forgive　what　I　have　written　above；　I　did　not　intend　it：　but　you　were　once　my　little　all；　and　I　cannot　bear　the　thought　of　having　lost　you　for　ever；　I　fear　through　my　own　fault。　　Has　any　one　called？　　Do　not　send　any　letters　that　come。　　I　should　like　you　and　your　mother　（if　agreeable）　to　go　and　see　Mr。　Kean　in　Othello；　and　Miss　Stephens　in　Love　in　a　Village。　　If　you　will；　I　will　write　to　Mr。　T；　to　send　you　tickets。　　Has　Mr。　P　called？　　I　think　I　must　send　to　him　for　the　picture　to　kiss　and　talk　to。　　Kiss　me；　my　best　beloved。　　Ah！　if　you　can　never　be　mine；　still　let　me　be　your　proud　and　happy　slave。


H。



TO　THE　SAME





March；　I822。


You　will　be　glad　to　learn　I　have　done　my　worka　volume　in　less　than　a　month。　　This　is　one　reason　why　I　am　better　than　when　I　came；　and　another　is；　I　have　had　two　letters　from　Sarah。　　I　am　pleased　I　have　got　through　this　job；　as　I　was　afraid　I　might　lose　reputation　by　it　（which　I　can　little　afford　to　lose）and　besides；　I　am　more　anxious　to　do　well　now；　as　I　wish　you　to　hear　me　well　spoken　of。　　I　walk　out　of　an　afternoon；　and　hear　the　birds　sing　as　I　told　you；　and　think；　if　I　had　you　hanging　on　my　arm；　and　that　for　life；　how　happy　I　should　behappier　than　I　ever　hoped　to　be；　or　had　any　conception　of　till　I　knew　you。　　〃But　that　can　never　be〃I　hear　you　answer　in　a　soft；　low　murmur。　　Well；　let　me　dream　of　it　sometimesI　am　not　happy　too　often；　except　when　that　favourite　note；　the　harbinger　of　spring；　recalling　the　hopes　of　my　youth；　whispers　thy　name　and　peace　together　in　my　ear。　　I　was　reading　something　about　Mr。　Macready　to…day；　and　this　put　me　in　mind　of　that　delicious　night；　when　I　went　with　your　mother　and　you　to　see　Romeo　and　Juliet。　　Can　I　forget　it　for　a　momentyour　sweet　modest　looks；　your　infinite　propriety　of　behaviour；　all　your　sweet　winning　waysyour　hesitating　about　taking　my　arm　as　we　came　out　till　your　mother　didyour　laughing　about　nearly　losing　your　cloakyour　stepping　into　the　coach　without　my　being　able　to　make　the　slightest　discoveryand　oh！　my　sitting　down　beside　you　there；　you　whom　I　had　loved　so　long；　so　well；　and　your　assuring　me　I　had　not　lessened　your　pleasure　at　the　play　by　being　with　you；　and　giving　me　your　dear　hand　to　press　in　mine！　　I　thought　I　was　in　heaventhat　slender　exquisitely…turned　form　contained　my　all　of　heaven　upon　earth；　and　as　I　folded　youyes；　you；　my　own　best　Sarah；　to　my　bosom；　there　was；　as　you　say；　A　TIE　BETWEEN　USyou　did　seem　to　me；　for　those　few　short　moments；　to　be　mine　in　all　truth　and　honour　and　sacrednessOh！　that　we　could　be　always　soDo　not　mock　me；　for　I　am　a　very　child　in　love。　　I　ought　to　beg　pardon　for　behaving　so　ill　afterwards；　but　I　hope　THE　LITTLE　IMAGE　made　it　up　between　us；　&c。


＇To　this　letter　I　have　received　no　answer；　not　a　line。　　The　rolling　years　of　eternity　will　never　fill　up　that　blank。　　Where　shall　I　be？　　What　am　I？　　Or　where　have　I　been？＇



WRITTEN　IN　A　BLANK　LEAF　OF　ENDYMION





I　want　a　hand　to　guide　me；　an　eye　to　cheer　me；　a　bosom　to　repose　on；　all　which　I　shall　never　have；　but　shall　stagger　into　my　grave；　old　before　my　time；　unloved　and　unlovely；　unless　S。　L。　keeps　her　faith　with　me。


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But　by　her　dove's　eyes　and　serpent…shape；　I　think　she　does　not　hate　me；