liber amoris-第3节

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without　one　natural　feeling；　to　shew　your　cleverness；　and　get　a　few　presents　out　of　me；　and　go　down　into　the　kitchen　to　make　a　fine　laugh　of　it？　　There　is　something　monstrous　in　it；　that　I　cannot　believe　of　you。

S。　　Sir；　you　have　no　right　to　harass　my　feelings　in　the　manner　you　do。　　I　have　never　made　a　jest　of　you　to　anyone；　but　always　felt　and　expressed　the　greatest　esteem　for　you。　　You　have　no　ground　for　complaint　in　my　conduct；　and　I　cannot　help　what　Betsey　or　others　do。　　I　have　always　been　consistent　from　the　first。　　I　told　you　my　regard　could　amount　to　no　more　than　friendship。

H。　　Nay；　Sarah；　it　was　more　than　half　a　year　before　I　knew　that　there　was　an　insurmountable　obstacle　in　the　way。　　You　say　your　regard　is　merely　friendship；　and　that　you　are　sorry　I　have　ever　felt　anything　more　for　you。　　Yet　the　first　time　I　ever　asked　you；　you　let　me　kiss　you；　the　first　time　I　ever　saw　you；　as　you　went　out　of　the　room；　you　turned　full　round　at　the　door；　with　that　inimitable　grace　with　which　you　do　everything；　and　fixed　your　eyes　full　upon　me；　as　much　as　to　say；　〃Is　he　caught？〃that　very　week　you　sat　upon　my　knee；　twined　your　arms　round　me；　caressed　me　with　every　mark　of　tenderness　consistent　with　modesty；　and　I　have　not　got　much　farther　since。　　Now　if　you　did　all　this　with　me；　a　perfect　stranger　to　you；　and　without　any　particular　liking　to　me；　must　I　not　conclude　you　do　so　as　a　matter　of　course　with　everyone？Or；　if　you　do　not　do　so　with　others；　it　was　because　you　took　a　liking　to　me　for　some　reason　or　other。

S。　　It　was　gratitude；　Sir；　for　different　obligations。

H。　　If　you　mean　by　obligations　the　presents　I　made　you；　I　had　given　you　none　the　first　day　I　came。　　You　do　not　consider　yourself　OBLIGED　to　everyone　who　asks　you　for　a　kiss？

S。　　No；　Sir。

H。　　I　should　not　have　thought　anything　of　it　in　anyone　but　you。　　But　you　seemed　so　reserved　and　modest；　so　soft；　so　timid；　you　spoke　so　low；　you　looked　so　innocentI　thought　it　impossible　you　could　deceive　me。　　Whatever　favors　you　granted　must　proceed　from　pure　regard。　　No　betrothed　virgin　ever　gave　the　object　of　her　choice　kisses；　caresses　more　modest　or　more　bewitching　than　those　you　have　given　me　a　thousand　and　a　thousand　times。　　Could　I　have　thought　I　should　ever　live　to　believe　them　an　inhuman　mockery　of　one　who　had　the　sincerest　regard　for　you？　　Do　you　think　they　will　not　now　turn　to　rank　poison　in　my　veins；　and　kill　me；　soul　and　body？　　You　say　it　is　friendshipbut　if　this　is　friendship；　I'll　forswear　love。　　Ah！　Sarah！　it　must　be　something　more　or　less　than　friendship。　　If　your　caresses　are　sincere；　they　shew　fondnessif　they　are　not；　I　must　be　more　than　indifferent　to　you。　　Indeed　you　once　let　some　words　drop；　as　if　I　were　out　of　the　question　in　such　matters；　and　you　could　trifle　with　me　with　impunity。　　Yet　you　complain　at　other　times　that　no　one　ever　took　such　liberties　with　you　as　I　have　done。　　I　remember　once　in　particular　your　saying；　as　you　went　out　at　the　door　in　anger〃I　had　an　attachment　before；　but　that　person　never　attempted　anything　of　the　kind。〃　　Good　God！　　How　did　I　dwell　on　that　word　BEFORE；　thinking　it　implied　an　attachment　to　me　also；　but　you　have　since　disclaimed　any　such　meaning。　　You　say　you　have　never　professed　more　than　esteem。　　Yet　once；　when　you　were　sitting　in　your　old　place；　on　my　knee；　embracing　and　fondly　embraced；　and　I　asked　you　if　you　could　not　love；　you　made　answer；　〃I　could　easily　say　so；　whether　I　did　or　notYOU　SHOULD　JUDGE　BY　MY　ACTIONS！〃　　And　another　time；　when　you　were　in　the　same　posture；　and　I　reproached　you　with　indifference；　you　replied　in　these　words；　〃Do　I　SEEM　INDIFFERENT？〃　　Was　I　to　blame　after　this　to　indulge　my　passion　for　the　loveliest　of　her　sex？　　Or　what　can　I　think？

S。　　I　am　no　prude；　Sir。

H。　　Yet　you　might　be　taken　for　one。　　So　your　mother　said；　〃It　was　hard　if　you　might　not　indulge　in　a　little　levity。〃　　She　has　strange　notions　of　levity。　　But　levity；　my　dear；　is　quite　out　of　character　in　you。　　Your　ordinary　walk　is　as　if　you　were　performing　some　religious　ceremony：　you　come　up　to　my　table　of　a　morning；　when　you　merely　bring　in　the　tea…things；　as　if　you　were　advancing　to　the　altar。　　You　move　in　minuet…time：　you　measure　every　step；　as　if　you　were　afraid　of　offending　in　the　smallest　things。　　I　never　hear　your　approach　on　the　stairs；　but　by　a　sort　of　hushed　silence。　　When　you　enter　the　room；　the　Graces　wait　on　you；　and　Love　waves　round　your　person　in　gentle　undulations；　breathing　balm　into　the　soul！　　By　Heaven；　you　are　an　angel！　　You　look　like　one　at　this　instant！　　Do　I　not　adore　youand　have　I　merited　this　return？

S。　　I　have　repeatedly　answered　that　question。　　You　sit　and　fancy　things　out　of　your　own　head；　and　then　lay　them　to　my　charge。　　There　is　not　a　word　of　truth　in　your　suspicions。

H。　　Did　I　not　overhear　the　conversation　down…stairs　last　night；　to　which　you　were　a　party？　　Shall　I　repeat　it？

S。　　I　had　rather　not　hear　it！

H。　　Or　what　am　I　to　think　of　this　story　of　the　footman？

S。　　It　is　false；　Sir；　I　never　did　anything　of　the　sort。

H。　　Nay；　when　I　told　your　mother　I　wished　she　wouldn't　*　*　*　*　*　*　*　*　*　（as　I　heard　she　did）　she　said　〃Oh；　there's　nothing　in　that；　for　Sarah　very　often　*　*　*　*　*　*；〃　and　your　doing　so　before　company；　is　only　a　trifling　addition　to　the　sport。

S。　　I'll　call　my　mother；　Sir；　and　she　shall　contradict　you。

H。　　Then　she'll　contradict　herself。　　But　did　not　you　boast　you　were　〃very　persevering　in　your　resistance　to　gay　young　men；〃　and　had　been　〃several　times　obliged　to　ring　the　bell？〃　　Did　you　always　ring　it？　　Or　did　you　get　into　these　dilemmas　that　made　it　necessary；　merely　by　the　demureness　of　your　looks　and　ways？　　Or　had　nothing　else　passed？　　Or　have　you　two　characters；　one　that　you　palm　off　upon　me；　and　another；　your　natural　one；　that　you　resume　when　you　get　out　of　the　room；　like　an　actress　who　throws　aside　her　artificial　part　behind　the　scenes？　　Did　you　not；　when　I　was　courting　you　on　the　staircase　the　first　night　Mr。　C　came；　beg　me　to　desist；　for　if　the　new　lodger　heard　us；　he'd　take　you　for　a　light　character？　　Was　that　all？　　Were　you　only　afraid　of　being　TAKEN　for　a　light　character？　　Oh！　Sarah！

S。　　I'll　stay　and　hear　this　no　longer。

H。　　Yes；　one　word　more。　　Did　you　not　love　another？

S。　　Yes；　and　ever　shall　most　sincerely。

H。　　Then；　THAT　is　my　only　hope。　　If　you　could　feel　this　sentiment　for　him；　you　cannot　be　what　you　seem　to　me　of　late。　　But　there　is　another　thing　I　had　to　saybe　what　you　will；　I　love　you　to　distraction！　　You　are　the　only　woman　that　ever　made　me　think　she　loved　me；　and　that　feeling　was　so　new　to　me；　and　so　delicious；　that　it　〃will　never　from　my　heart。〃　　Thou　wert　to　me　a　little　tender　flower；　blooming　in　the　wilderness　of　my　life；　and　though　thou　should'st　turn　out　a　weed；　I'll　not　fling　thee　from　me；　while　I　can　help　it。　　Wert　thou　all　that　I　dread　to　thinkwert　thou　a　wretched　wanderer　in　the　street；　covered　with　rags；　disease；　and　infamy；　I'd　clasp　thee　to　my　bosom；　and　live　and　die　with　thee；　my　love。　　Kiss　me；　thou　little　sorceress！

S。　　NEVER。

H。　　Then　go：　but　remember　I　cannot　live　without　younor　I　will　not。



THE　RECONCILIATION





H。　　I　have　then　lost　your　friendship？

S。　　Nothing　tends　more　to　alienate　friendship　than　insult。

H。　　The　words　I　uttered　hurt　me　more　than　they　did　you。

S。　　It　was　not　words　merely；　but　actions　as　well。

H。　　Nothing　I　can　say　or　do　can　ever　alter　my　fondness　for　youAh；　Sarah！　　I　am　unworthy　of　your　love：　I　hardly　dare　ask　for　your　pity；　but　oh！　save　mesave　me　from　your　scorn：　I　cannot　bear　itit　withers　me　like　lightning。

S。　　I　bear　no　malice；　Sir；　but　my　brother；　who　would　scorn　to　tell　a　lie　for　his　sister；　can　bear　witness　for　me　that　there　was　no　truth　in　what　you　were　told。

H。　　I　believe　it；　or　there　is　no　truth　in　woman。　　It　is　enough　for　me　to　know　that　you　do　not　return　my　regard；　it　would　be　too　much　for　me　to　think　that　you　did　not　deserve　it。　　But　cannot　you　forgive　the　agony　of　the　moment？

S。　　I　can　forgive；　but　it　is　not　easy　to　forget　some　things！

H。　　Nay；　my　sweet　Sarah　（frown　if　you　will；　I　can　bear　your　resentment　for　my　ill　behaviour；　it　is　only　your　scorn　and　indifference　that　harrow　up　my　soul）but　I　was　going　to　ask；　if　you　had　been　engaged　to　be　married　to　any　one；　and　the　day　was　fixed；　and　he　had　heard　what　I　did；　whether　he　could　have　felt　any　true　regard　for　the　character　of　his　bride；　his　wife；　if　he　had　not　been　hurt　and　alarmed　as　I　was？

S。　　I　believe；　actual　contracts　of　marriage　have　sometimes　been　broken　off　by　unjust　suspicions。

H。　　Or　had　it　been　your　old　friend；　what　do　you　think　he　would　have　said　in　my　case？

S。　　He　would　never　have　listened　to　anything　of　the　sort。

H。　　He　had　greater　reasons　for　confidence　than　I　have。　　But　it　is　your　repeated　cruel　rejection　of　me　that　drives　me　almost　to　madness。　　Tell　me；　love；　is　there　not；　besides　your　attachment　to　him；　a　repugnance　to　me？

S。　　No；　none　whatever。

H。　　I　fear　there　is　an　original　dislike；　which　no　efforts　of　mine　can　overcome。

S。　　It　is　not　youit　is　my　feelings　with　respect　to　another；　which　are　unalterable。

H。　　And　yet　you　have　no　hope　of　ever　being　his？　　And　yet　you　accuse　me　of　being　romantic　in　my　sentiments。

S。　　I　have　indeed　long　ceased　to　hope；　but　yet　I