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(In continuation)


My dear Friend; The next day I felt almost as sailors must do after a violent storm over…night; that has subsided towards daybreak。  The morning was a dull and stupid calm; and I found she was unwell; in consequence of what had happened。  In the evening I grew more uneasy; and determined on going into the country for a week or two。  I gathered up the fragments of the locket of her hair; and the little bronze statue; which were strewed about the floor; kissed them; folded them up in a sheet of paper; and sent them to her; with these lines written in pencil on the outside〃Pieces of a broken heart; to be kept in remembrance of the unhappy。  Farewell。〃  No notice was taken; nor did I expect any。  The following morning I requested Betsey to pack up my box for me; as I should go out of town the next day; and at the same time wrote a note to her sister to say; I should take it as a favour if she would please to accept of the enclosed copies of the Vicar of Wakefield; The Man of Feeling and Nature and Art; in lieu of three volumes of my own writings; which I had given her on different occasions; in the course of our acquaintance。  I was piqued; in fact; that she should have these to shew as proofs of my weakness; and as if I thought the way to win her was by plaguing her with my own performances。

She sent me word back that the books I had sent were of no use to her; and that I should have those I wished for in the afternoon; but that she could not before; as she had lent them to her sister; Mrs。 M…。  I said; 〃very well;〃 but observed (laughing) to Betsey; 〃It's a bad rule to give and take; so; if Sarah won't have these books; you must; they are very pretty ones; I assure you。〃  She curtsied and took them; according to the family custom。  In the afternoon; when I came back to tea; I found the little girl on her knees; busy in packing up my things; and a large paper parcel on the table; which I could not at first tell what to make of。  On opening it; however; I soon found what it was。  It contained a number of volumes which I had given her at different times (among others; a little Prayer…Book; bound in crimson velvet; with green silk linings; she kissed it twenty times when she received it; and said it was the prettiest present in the world; and that she would shew it to her aunt; who would be proud of it)and all these she had returned together。  Her name in the title…page was cut out of them all。  I doubted at the instant whether she had done this before or after I had sent for them back; and I have doubted of it since; but there is no occasion to suppose her UGLY ALL OVER WITH HYPOCRISY。  Poor little thing!  She has enough to answer for; as it is。  I asked Betsey if she could carry a message for me; and she said 〃YES。〃  〃Will you tell your sister; then; that I did not want all these books; and give my love to her; and say that I shall be obliged if she will still keep these that I have sent back; and tell her that it is only those of my own writing that I think unworthy of her。〃  What do you think the little imp made answer?  She raised herself on the other side of the table where she stood; as if inspired by the genius of the place; and said〃AND THOSE ARE THE ONES THAT SHE PRIZES THE MOST!〃  If there were ever words spoken that could revive the dead; those were the words。  Let me kiss them; and forget that my ears have heard aught else!  I said; 〃Are you sure of that?〃 and she said; 〃Yes; quite sure。〃  I told her; 〃If I could be; I should be very different from what I was。〃  And I became so that instant; for these casual words carried assurance to my heart of her esteemthat once implied; I had proofs enough of her fondness。  Oh! how I felt at that moment!  Restored to love; hope; and joy; by a breath which I had caught by the merest accident; and which I might have pined in absence and mute despair for want of hearing!  I did not know how to contain myself; I was childish; wanton; drunk with pleasure。  I gave Betsey a twenty…shilling note which I happened to have in my hand; and on her asking 〃What's this for; Sir?〃 I said; 〃It's for you。  Don't you think it worth that to be made happy?  You once made me very wretched by some words I heard you drop; and now you have made me as happy; and all I wish you is; when you grow up; that you may find some one to love you as well as I do your sister; and that you may love better than she does me!〃  I continued in this state of delirium or dotage all that day and the next; talked incessantly; laughed at every thing; and was so extravagant; nobody could tell what was the matter with me。  I murmured her name; I blest her; I folded her to my heart in delicious fondness; I called her by my own name; I worshipped her: I was mad for her。  I told P I should laugh in her face; if ever she pretended not to like me again。  Her mother came in and said; she hoped I should excuse Sarah's coming up。  〃Oh; Ma'am;〃 I said; 〃I have no wish to see her; I feel her at my heart; she does not hate me after all; and I wish for nothing。  Let her come when she will; she is to me welcomer than light; than life; but let it be in her own sweet time; and at her own dear pleasure。〃  Betsey also told me she was 〃so glad to get the books back。〃  I; however; sobered and wavered (by degrees) from seeing nothing of her; day after day; and in less than a week I was devoted to the Infernal Gods。  I could hold out no longer than the Monday evening following。  I sent a message to her; she returned an ambiguous answer; but she came up。  Pity me; my friend; for the shame of this recital。  Pity me for the pain of having ever had to make it!  If the spirits of mortal creatures; purified by faith and hope; can (according to the highest assurances) ever; during thousands of years of smooth…rolling eternity and balmy; sainted repose; forget the pain; the toil; the anguish; the helplessness; and the despair they have suffered here; in this frail being; then may I forget that withering hour; and her; that fair; pale form that entered; my inhuman betrayer; and my only earthly love!  She said; 〃Did you wish to speak to me; Sir?〃  I said; 〃Yes; may I not speak to you?  I wanted to see you and be friends。〃  I rose up; offered her an arm…chair which stood facing; bowed on it; and knelt to her adoring。  She said (going) 〃If that's all; I have nothing to say。〃  I replied; 〃Why do you treat me thus?  What have I done to become thus hateful to you?〃  ANSWER; 〃I always told you I had no affection for you。〃  You may suppose this was a blow; after the imaginary honey…moon in which I had passed the preceding week。  I was stunned by it; my heart sunk within me。  I contrived to say; 〃Nay; my dear girl; not always neither; for did you not once (if I might presume to look back to those happy; happy times); when you were sitting on my knee as usual; embracing and embraced; and I asked if you could not love me at last; did you not make answer; in the softest tones that ever man heard; 'I COULD EASILY SAY SO; WHETHER I DID OR NOT; YOU SHOULD JUDGE BY MY ACTIONS!'  Was I to blame in taking you at your word; when every hope I had depended on your sincerity?  And did you not say since I came back; 'YOUR FEELINGS TO ME WERE THE SAME AS EVER?'  Why then is your behaviour so different?〃  S。  〃Is it nothing; your exposing me to the whole house in the way you did the other evening?〃  H。  〃Nay; that was the consequence of your cruel reception of me; not the cause of it。  I had better have gone away last year; as I proposed to do; unless you would give some pledge of your fidelity; but it was your own offer that I should remain。  'Why should I go?' you said; 'Why could we not go on the same as we had done; and say nothing about the word FOREVER?'〃  S。  〃And how did you behave when you returned?〃  H。  〃That was all forgiven when we last parted; and your last words were; 'I should find you the same as ever' when I came home?  Did you not that very day enchant and madden me over again by the purest kisses and embraces; and did I not go from you (as I said) adoring; confiding; with every assurance of mutual esteem and friendship?〃  S。  〃Yes; and in your absence I found that you had told my aunt what had passed between us。〃  H。  〃It was to induce her to extort your real sentiments from you; that you might no longer make a secret of your true regard for me; which your actions (but not your words) confessed。〃  S。  〃I own I have been guilty of improprieties; which you have gone and repeated; not only in the house; but out of it; so that it has come to my ears from various quarters; as if I was a light character。  And I am determined in future to be guided by the advice of my relations; and particularly of my aunt; whom I consider as my best friend; and keep every lodger at a proper distance。〃  You will find hereafter that her favourite lodger; whom she visits daily; had left the house; so that she might easily make and keep this vow of extraordinary self…denial。  Precious little dissembler!  Yet her aunt; her best friend; says; 〃No; Sir; no; Sarah's no hypocrite!〃 which I was fool enough to believe; and yet my great and unpardonable offence is to have entertained passing doubts on this delicate point。  I said; Whatever errors I had committed; arose from 

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