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hing for him that is accused to have slaine three persons察to perswade you that he is innocent察although he should declare the whole truth察and confesse the matter how it was indeed 察but if your honours will vouchsafe to give me audience察I will shew you察that if I am condemned to die察I have not deserved it as myne owne desert察but that I was mooved by fortune and reasonable cause to doe that fact。 For returning somewhat late from supper yester night beeing well tippled with wine察which I will not deny and approaching nigh to my common lodging察which was in the house of one Milo a Citisen of this city察I fortuned to espy three great theeves attempting to break down his walls and gates察and to open the locks to enter in。 And when they had removed the dores out of the hookes察they consulted amongst themselves察how they would handle such as they found in the house。 And one of them being of more courage察and of greater stature than the rest察spake unto his fellows and sayd察Tush you are but boyes察take mens hearts unto you察and let us enter into every part of the house察and such as we find asleep let us kill察and so by that meanes we shall escape without danger。 Verily ye three Judges察I confess that I drew out my sword against those three Citizens察but I thought it was the office and duty of one that beareth good will to this weale publique察so to doe察especially since they put me in great fear察and assayed to rob and spoyl my friend Milo。 But when those cruell and terrible men would in no case run away察nor feare my naked sword察but boldly resist against me察I ran upon them and fought valiantly。 One of them which was the captain invaded me strongly察and drew me by the haire with both his hands察and began to beat me with a great stone 此but in the end I proved the hardier man察and threw him downe at my feet and killed him。 I tooke likewise the second that clasped me about the legs and bit me察and slew him also。 And the third that came running violently against me察after that I had strucken him under the stomacke fell downe dead。 Thus when I had delivered my selfe察the house察Myne host察and all his family from this present danger察I thought that I should not onely escape unpunished察but also have some great reward of the city for my paines。
Moreover察I that have always been clear and unspotted of crime察and that have esteemed myne innocency above all the treasure of the world察can finde no reasonable cause why upon myne accusation I should be condemned to die察since first I was mooved to set upon the theeves by just occasion。 Secondly察because there is none that can affirm察that there hath been at any time either grudge or hatred between us。 Thirdly察we were men meere strangers and of no acquaintance。 Last of all察no man can prove that I committed that fact for lucre or gaine。
When I had ended my words in this sort察behold察I weeped againe pitteously察and holding up my hands I prayed all the people by the mercy of the Commonweale and for the love of my poore infants and children察to shew me some pitty and favour。 And when my hearts were somewhat relented and mooved by my lamentable teares察I called all the gods to witnesse that I was unguilty of the crime察and so to their divine providence察I committed my present estate察but turning my selfe againe察I perceived that all the people laughed exceedingly察and especially my good friend and host Milo。 Then thought I with my selfe察Alasse where is faith拭 Where is remorse of conscience拭 Behold I am condemned to die as a murtherer察for the safeguard of myne Host Milo and his family。 Yet is he not contented with that察but likewise laugheth me to scorne察when otherwise he should comfort and help mee。
THE FOURTEENTH CHAPTER
How Apuleius was accused by two women察and how the slaine bodies were found blowne bladders。
When this was done察out came a woman in the middle of the Theatre arrayed in mourning vesture察and bearing a childe in her armes。 And after her came an old woman in ragged robes察crying and howling likewise 此and they brought with them the Olive boughs wherewith the three slaine bodies were covered on the Beere察and cried out in this manner 此O right Judges察we pray by the justice and humanity which is in you察to have mercy upon these slaine persons察and succour our Widowhood and losse of our deare husbands察and especially this poore infant察who is now an Orphan察and deprived of all good fortune 此and execute your justice by order and law察upon the bloud of this Theefe察who is the occasion of all our sorrowes。 When they had spoken these words察one of the most antient Judges did rise and say察Touching this murther察which deserveth great punishment察this malefactor himselfe cannot deny察but our duty is to enquire and try out察whether he had Coadjutors to help him。 For it is not likely that one man alone could kill three such great and valiant persons察wherefore the truth must be tried out by the racke察and so wee shall learne what other companions he hath察and root out the nest of these mischievous murtherers。 And there was no long delay察but according to the custome of Grecia察the fire察the wheele察and many other torments were brought in。 Then my sorrow encreased or rather doubled察in that I could not end my life with whole and unperished members。 And by and by the old woman察who troubled all the Court with her howling察desired the Judges察that before I should be tormented on the racke察I might uncover the bodies which I had slaine察that every man might see their comely shape and youthfull beauty察and that I might receive condign and worthy punishment察according to the quality of my offence 此and therewithall shee made a sign of joy。 Then the Judge commanded me forthwith to discover the bodies of the slain察lying upon the beere察with myne own handes察but when I refused a good space察by reason I would not make my fact apparent to the eies of all men察the Sergeant charged me by commandement of the Judges察and thrust me forward to do the same。 I being then forced by necessity察though it were against my wil察uncovered the bodies 此but O good Lord what a strange sight did I see察what a monster拭What sudden change of all my sorrows拭 I seemed as though I were one of the house of Proserpina and of the family of death察insomuch that I could not sufficiently expresse the forme of this new sight察so far was I amased and astonied thereat 此for why察the bodies of the three slaine men were no bodies察but three blown bladders mangled in divers places察and they seemed to be wounded in those parts where I remembred I wounded the theeves the night before。 Whereat the people laughed exceedingly 此some rejoyced marvellously at the remembrance thereof察some held their stomackes that aked with joy察but every man delighted at this passing sport察so passed out of the theatre。 But I from the time that I uncovered the bodies stood stil as cold as ice察no otherwise than as the other statues and images there察neither came I into my right senses察until such time as Milo my Host came and tooke mee by the hand察and with civil violence lead me away weeping and sobbing察whether I would or no。 And because that I might be seene察he brought me through many blind wayes and lanes to his house察where he went about to comfort me察beeing sad and yet fearfull察with gentle entreaty of talke。 But he could in no wise mitigate my impatiency of the injury which I conceived within my minde。 And behold察by and by the Magistrates and Judges with their ensignes entred into the house察and endeavoured to pacify mee in this sort察saying察O Lucius察we are advertised of your dignity察and know the genealogie of your antient lineage察for the nobility of your Kinne doe possesse the greatest part of all this Province 此and thinke not that you have suffered the thing wherfore you weepe察to any reproach and ignominy察but put away all care and sorrow out of your minde。 For this day察which we celebrate once a yeare in honour of the god Risus察is alwaies renowned with some solemne novel察and the god doth continually accompany with the inventor therof察and wil not suffer that he should be sorrowfull察but pleasantly beare a joyfull face。 And verily all the City for the grace that is in you察intend to reward you with great honours察and to make you a Patron。 And further that your statue or image may be set up for a perpetuall remembrance。
To whome I answered察As for such benefits as I have received of the famous City of Thessaly察I yeeld and render the most entire thanks察but as touching the setting up of any statues or images察I would wish that they should bee reserved for myne Auntients察and such as are more worthy than I。
And when I had spoken these words somewhat gravely察and shewed my selfe more merry than I was before察the Judges and magistrates departed察and I reverently tooke my leave of them察and bid them farewell。 And behold察by and by there came one running unto me in haste察and sayd察Sir察your cousin Byrrhena desireth you to take the paines according to your promise yester night察to come to supper察for it is ready。 But I greatly fearing to goe any more to her house in the night察said to the messenger察My friend I pray you tell to my cousine your mistresse察that I would willingly be at