interlude(玛丽罗茨莱因哈特惊人的幕间表演)-第44节
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But there's no reason in it； no sense。 I'm sick to death of hearing about it。
Let's talk of something else。〃
But … and here was something strange … Sara Lee could find nothing
else to talk about。 The thing that she had looked forward so eagerly to
telling … that was barred。 And the small gossip of their little circle； purely
personal and trivial； held only faint interest for her。 For the first time they
had no common ground to meet on。
Yet it was a very happy man who went whistling to his room that night。
He was rather proud of himself too。 After all the bitterness of the past
months； he had been gentle and loving to Sara Lee。 He had not scolded
her。
In the next room he could hear her going quietly about； opening and
closing the drawers of the new bureau； moving a chair。 Pretty soon； God
willing； they need never be separated。 He would have her always； to
protect and cherish and love。
He went outside to her closed door。
〃Good night； sweetheart；〃 he called softly。
〃Good night； dear；〃 came her soft reply。
But long after he was asleep Sara Lee stood at her window and
listened to the leaves； so like the feet of weary men on the ruined street
over there。
For the first time she was questioning the thing she had done。 She
loved Harvey … but there were many kinds of love。 There was the love of
Jean for Henri； and there was the wonderful love； though the memory now
was cruel and hurt her； of Henri for herself。 And there was the love of
Marie for the memory of Maurice the spy。 Many kinds of love； and one
heart might love many people； in different ways。
A small doubt crept into her mind。 This feeling she had for Harvey was
not what she had thought it was over there。 It was a thing that had
belonged to a certain phase of her life。 But that phase was over。 It was； like
Marie's； but a memory。
This Harvey of the new car and the increased income and the
occasional hardness in his voice was not the Harvey she had left。 Or
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THE AMAZING INTERLUDE
perhaps it was she who had changed。 She wondered。 She felt precisely the
same； tender toward her friends； unwilling to hurt them。 She did not want
to hurt Harvey。
But she did not love him as he deserved to be loved。 And she had a
momentary lift of the veil； when she saw the long vista of the years； the
two of them always together and always between them hidden； untouched；
but eating like a cancer； Harvey's resentment and suspicion of her months
away from him。
There would always be a barrier between them。 Not only on Harvey's
side。 There were things she had no right to tell … of Henri； of his love and
care for her； and of that last terrible day when he realized what he had
done。
That night； lying in the new bed； she faced that situation too。 How
much was she to blame？ If Henri felt that each life lost was lost by him
wasn't the same true for her？ Why had she allowed him to stay in London？
But that was one question she did not answer frankly。
She lay there in the darkness and wondered what punishment he would
receive。 He had done so much for them over there。 Surely； surely； they
would allow for that。 But small things came back to her … the awful sight
of the miller and his son； led away to death； with the sacks over their
heads。 The relentlessness of it all； the expecting that men should give
everything； even life itself； and ask for no mercy。
And this； too； she remembered： Once in a wild moment Henri had said
he would follow her to America； and that there he would prove to her that
his and not Harvey's was the real love of her life … the great love； that
comes but once to any woman； and to some not at all。 Yet on that last night
at Morley's he had said what she now felt was a final farewell。 That last
look of his； from the doorway … that had been the look of a man who
would fill his eyes for the last time。
She got up and stood by the window。 What had they done to him？
What would they do？ She looked at her watch。 It was four o'clock in the
morning over there。 The little house would be quiet now； but down along
the lines men would be standing on the firing step of the trench； and
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THE AMAZING INTERLUDE
waiting； against what the dawn might bring。
Through the thin wall came the sound of Harvey's heavy； regular
breathing。 She remembered Henri's light sleeping on the kitchen floor； his
cap on the table； his cape rolled round him … a sleeping； for all his
weariness； so light that he seemed always half conscious。 She remembered
the innumerable times he had come in at this hour； muddy； sometimes
rather gray of face with fatigue； but always cheerful。
It was just such an hour that she found him giving hot coffee to the
German prisoner。 It had been but a little earlier when he had taken her to
the roof and had there shown her Rene； lying with his face up toward the
sky which had sent him death。
A hundred memories crowded … Henri's love for the Belgian soldiers；
and theirs for him； his humor； his absurd riddles。 There was the one he had
asked Rene； the very day before the air attack。 He had stood stiffly and
frowningly before the boy； and he had asked in a highly official tone：
〃What must a man be to be buried with military honors？〃
〃A general？〃
〃No。〃
〃An officer？〃
〃No； no！ Use your head boy！ This is very important。 A mistake would
be most serious。
Rene had shaken his head dejectedly。
〃He must be dead； Rene；〃 Henri had said gravely。 〃Entirely dead。 As I
said； it is well to know these things。 A mistake would be unfortunate。〃
His blue eyes had gleamed with fun； but his face had remained
frowning。 It was quite five minutes before she had heard Rene chuckling
on the doorstep。
Was he still living； this Henri of the love of life and courting of death？
Could anything so living die？ And if he had died had it been because of
her？ She faced that squarely for the first time。
〃Perhaps even beyond the stars they have need of a little house of
mercy； and； God knows； wherever I am I shall have need of you。〃
Beyond the partition Harvey slept on； his arms under his head。
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THE AMAZING INTERLUDE
CHAPTER XXVI
Harvey was clamoring for an early wedding。 And indeed there were
few arguments against it； save one that Sara Lee buried in her heart。
Belle's house was small； and though she was welcome there； and more
than that； Sara Lee knew that she was crowding the family。
Perhaps Sara Lee would have agreed in the end。 There seemed to be
nothing else to do； though by the end of the first week she was no longer
in any doubt as to what her feeling for Harvey really was。 It was kindness；
affection； but it was not love。 She would marry him because she had
promised to； and because their small world expected her to do so； and
because she could not shame him again。
For to her surprise she found that that was what he had felt … a strange；
self…conscious shame； like that of a man who has been jilted。 She felt that
by coming back to him she had forfeited the right to break the
engagement。
So every hour of every day seemed to make the thing more inevitable。
Belle was embroidering towels for her in her scant leisure。 Even Anna；
with a second child coming； sent in her contribution to the bride's linen
chest。 By almost desperately insisting on a visit to Aunt Harriet she got a
reprieve of a month。 And Harvey was inclined to be jealous even of that。
Sometimes； but mostly at night when she was alone； a hot wave of
resentment overwhelmed her。 Why should she be forced into the thing？
Was there any prospect of happiness after marriage when there was so
little before？
For she realized now that even Harvey was not happy。 He had at last
definit
