novel notes-第2节

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h；〃　in　a　tone　which　contained　no　trace　of　doubtfulness　whatever；　and　from　which　it　was　clear　that　her　interest　in　the　matter；　as　a　practical　scheme；　had　entirely　evaporated。

I　fancy　that　the　fact　of　my　three　collaborators　being　all　bachelors　diminished　somewhat　our　chances　of　success；　in　Ethelbertha's　mind。　Against　bachelors；　as　a　class；　she　entertains　a　strong　prejudice。　　A　man's　not　having　sense　enough　to　want　to　marry；　or；　having　that；　not　having　wit　enough　to　do　it；　argues　to　her　thinking　either　weakness　of　intellect　or　natural　depravity；　the　former　rendering　its　victim　unable；　and　the　latter　unfit；　ever　to　become　a　really　useful　novelist。

I　tried　to　make　her　understand　the　peculiar　advantages　our　plan　possessed。

〃You　see；〃　I　explained；　〃in　the　usual　common…place　novel　we　only　get；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　one　person's　ideas。　　Now；　in　this　novel；　there　will　be　four　clever　men　all　working　together。　　The　public　will　thus　be　enabled　to　obtain　the　thoughts　and　opinions　of　the　whole　four　of　us；　at　the　price　usually　asked　for　merely　one　author's　views。　　If　the　British　reader　knows　his　own　business；　he　will　order　this　book　early；　to　avoid　disappointment。　　Such　an　opportunity　may　not　occur　again　for　years。〃

Ethelbertha　agreed　that　this　was　probable。

〃Besides；〃　I　continued；　my　enthusiasm　waxing　stronger　the　more　I　reflected　upon　the　matter；　〃this　work　is　going　to　be　a　genuine　bargain　in　another　way　also。　　We　are　not　going　to　put　our　mere　everyday　ideas　into　it。　　We　are　going　to　crowd　into　this　one　novel　all　the　wit　and　wisdom　that　the　whole　four　of　us　possess；　if　the　book　will　hold　it。　　We　shall　not　write　another　novel　after　this　one。　Indeed；　we　shall　not　be　able　to；　we　shall　have　nothing　more　to　write。　　This　work　will　partake　of　the　nature　of　an　intellectual　clearance　sale。　　We　are　going　to　put　into　this　novel　simply　all　we　know。〃

Ethelbertha　shut　her　lips；　and　said　something　inside；　and　then　remarked　aloud　that　she　supposed　it　would　be　a　one　volume　affair。

I　felt　hurt　at　the　implied　sneer。　　I　pointed　out　to　her　that　there　already　existed　a　numerous　body　of　specially…trained　men　employed　to　do　nothing　else　but　make　disagreeable　observations　upon　authors　and　their　worksa　duty　that；　so　far　as　I　could　judge；　they　seemed　capable　of　performing　without　any　amateur　assistance　whatever。　　And　I　hinted　that；　by　his　own　fireside；　a　literary　man　looked　to　breathe　a　more　sympathetic　atmosphere。

Ethelbertha　replied　that　of　course　I　knew　what　she　meant。　　She　said　that　she　was　not　thinking　of　me；　and　that　Jephson　was；　no　doubt；　sensible　enough　（Jephson　is　engaged）；　but　she　did　not　see　the　object　of　bringing　half　the　parish　into　it。　　（Nobody　suggested　bringing　〃half　the　parish〃　into　it。　　Ethelbertha　will　talk　so　wildly。）　　To　suppose　that　Brown　and　MacShaughnassy　could　be　of　any　use　whatever；　she　considered　absurd。　　What　could　a　couple　of　raw　bachelors　know　about　life　and　human　nature？　　As　regarded　MacShaughnassy　in　particular；　she　was　of　opinion　that　if　we　only　wanted　out　of　him　all　that　HE　knew；　and　could　keep　him　to　the　subject；　we　ought　to　be　able　to　get　that　into　about　a　page。

My　wife's　present　estimate　of　MacShaughnassy's　knowledge　is　the　result　of　reaction。　　The　first　time　she　ever　saw　him；　she　and　he　got　on　wonderfully　well　together；　and　when　I　returned　to　the　drawing…　room；　after　seeing　him　down　to　the　gate；　her　first　words　were；　〃What　a　wonderful　man　that　Mr。　MacShaughnassy　is。　　He　seems　to　know　so　much　about　everything。〃

That　describes　MacShaughnassy　exactly。　　He　does　seem　to　know　a　tremendous　lot。　　He　is　possessed　of　more　information　than　any　man　I　ever　came　across。　　Occasionally；　it　is　correct　information；　but；　speaking　broadly；　it　is　remarkable　for　its　marvellous　unreliability。　Where　he　gets　it　from　is　a　secret　that　nobody　has　ever　yet　been　able　to　fathom。

Ethelbertha　was　very　young　when　we　started　housekeeping。　　（Our　first　butcher　very　nearly　lost　her　custom；　I　remember；　once　and　for　ever　by　calling　her　〃Missie；〃　and　giving　her　a　message　to　take　back　to　her　mother。　　She　arrived　home　in　tears。　　She　said　that　perhaps　she　wasn't　fit　to　be　anybody's　wife；　but　she　did　not　see　why　she　should　be　told　so　by　the　tradespeople。）　　She　was　naturally　somewhat　inexperienced　in　domestic　affairs；　and；　feeling　this　keenly；　was　grateful　to　any　one　who　would　give　her　useful　hints　and　advice。　When　MacShaughnassy　came　along　he　seemed；　in　her　eyes；　a　sort　of　glorified　Mrs。　Beeton。　　He　knew　everything　wanted　to　be　known　inside　a　house；　from　the　scientific　method　of　peeling　a　potato　to　the　cure　of　spasms　in　cats；　and　Ethelbertha　would　sit　at　his　feet；　figuratively　speaking；　and　gain　enough　information　in　one　evening　to　make　the　house　unlivable　in　for　a　month。

He　told　her　how　fires　ought　to　be　laid。　　He　said　that　the　way　fires　were　usually　laid　in　this　country　was　contrary　to　all　the　laws　of　nature；　and　he　showed　her　how　the　thing　was　done　in　Crim　Tartary；　or　some　such　place；　where　the　science　of　laying　fires　is　alone　properly　understood。　　He　proved　to　her　that　an　immense　saving　in　time　and　labour；　to　say　nothing　of　coals；　could　be　effected　by　the　adoption　of　the　Crim　Tartary　system；　and　he　taught　it　to　her　then　and　there；　and　she　went　straight　downstairs　and　explained　it　to　the　girl。

Amenda；　our　then　〃general；〃　was　an　extremely　stolid　young　person；　and；　in　some　respects；　a　model　servant。　　She　never　argued。　　She　never　seemed　to　have　any　notions　of　her　own　whatever。　　She　accepted　our　ideas　without　comment；　and　carried　them　out　with　such　pedantic　precision　and　such　evident　absence　of　all　feeling　of　responsibility　concerning　the　result　as　to　surround　our　home　legislation　with　quite　a　military　atmosphere。

On　the　present　occasion　she　stood　quietly　by　while　the　MacShaughnassy　method　of　fire…laying　was　expounded　to　her。　　When　Ethelbertha　had　finished　she　simply　said：…

〃You　want　me　to　lay　the　fires　like　that？〃

〃Yes；　Amenda；　we'll　always　have　the　fires　laid　like　that　in　future；　if　you　please。〃

〃All　right；　mum；〃　replied　Amenda；　with　perfect　unconcern；　and　there　the　matter　ended；　for　that　evening。

On　coming　downstairs　the　next　morning　we　found　the　breakfast　table　spread　very　nicely；　but　there　was　no　breakfast。　　We　waited。　　Ten　minutes　went　bya　quarter　of　an　hourtwenty　minutes。　　Then　Ethelbertha　rang　the　bell。　　In　response　Amenda　presented　herself；　calm　and　respectful。

〃Do　you　know　that　the　proper　time　for　breakfast　is　half…past　eight；　Amenda？〃

〃Yes'm。〃

〃And　do　you　know　that　it's　now　nearly　nine？〃

〃Yes'm。〃

〃Well；　isn't　breakfast　ready？〃

〃No；　mum。〃

〃Will　it　EVER　be　ready？〃

〃Well；　mum；〃　replied　Amenda；　in　a　tone　of　genial　frankness；　〃to　tell　you　the　truth；　I　don't　think　it　ever　will。〃

〃What's　the　reason？　　Won't　the　fire　light？〃

〃Oh　yes；　it　lights　all　right。〃

〃Well；　then；　why　can't　you　cook　the　breakfast？〃

〃Because　before　you　can　turn　yourself　round　it　goes　out　again。〃

Amenda　never　volunteered　statements。　　She　answered　the　question　put　to　her　and　then　stopped　dead。　　I　called　downstairs　to　her　on　one　occasion；　before　I　understood　her　peculiarities；　to　ask　her　if　she　knew　the　time。　　She　replied；　〃Yes；　sir；〃　and　disappeared　into　the　back　kitchen。　　At　the　end　of　thirty　seconds　or　so；　I　called　down　again。　　〃I　asked　you；　Amenda；〃　I　said　reproachfully；　〃to　tell　me　the　time　about　ten　minutes　ago。〃

〃Oh；　did　you？〃　she　called　back　pleasantly。　　〃I　beg　your　pardon。　　I　thought　you　asked　me　if　I　knew　itit's　half…past　four。〃

Ethelbertha　inquiredto　return　to　our　fireif　she　had　tried　lighting　it　again。

〃Oh　yes；　mum；〃　answered　the　girl。　　〃I've　tried　four　times。〃　　Then　she　added　cheerfully；　〃I'll　try　again　if　you　like；　mum。〃

Amenda　was　the　most　willing　servant　we　ever　paid　wages　to。

Ethelbertha　said　she　would　step　down　and　light　the　fire　herself；　and　told　Amenda　to　follow　her　and　watch　how　she　did　it。　　I　felt　interested　in　the　experiment；　and　followed　also。　　Ethelbertha　tucked　up　her　frock　and　set　to　work。　　Amenda　and　I　stood　around　and　looked　on。

At　the　end　of　half　an　hour　Ethelbertha　retired　from　the　contest；　hot；　dirty；　and　a　trifle　irritable。　　The　fireplace　retained　the　same　cold；　cynical　expression　with　which　it　had　greeted　our　entrance。

Then　I　tried。　　I　honestly　tried　my　best。　　I　was　eager　and　anxious　to　succeed。　　For　one　reason；　I　wanted　my　breakfast。　　For　another；　I　wanted　to　be　able　to　say　that　I　had　done　this　thing。　　It　seemed　to　me　that　for　any　human　being　to　light　a　fire；　laid　as　that　fire　was　laid；　would　be　a　feat　to　be　proud　of。　　To　light　a　fire　even　under　ordinary　circumstances　is　not　too　easy　a　task：　　to　do　so；　handicapped　by　MacShaughnassy's　rules；　would；　I　felt；　be　an　achievement　pleasant　to　look　back　upon。　　My　idea；　had　I　succeeded；　would　have　been　to　go　round　the　neighbourhood　and　brag　about　it。

However；　I　did　not　succeed。　　I　lit　various　other　things；　including　the　kitchen　carpet　and　the　cat；　who　would　come　sniffing　about；　but　the　materials　within　the　stove　appeared　to　be　fire…proof。

Ethelbertha　and　I　sat　down；　one　each　side　of　our　cheerless　hearth；　and　looked　at　one　another；　and　thought　of　MacShaughnassy；　until　Amenda　chimed　in　on　our　despair　with　one　of　those　practical　suggestions　of　hers　that　she　occasionally　threw　out　for　us　to　accept　or　not；　as　we　chose。

〃Maybe；〃