novel notes-第17节

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Somebody　or　other　always　had　their　head　bumped　whenever　the　ferry…　boat　arrived。　　It　was　a　heavy　and　cumbersome　machine；　and　the　ferry…　boy　was　not　a　good　punter。　　He　admitted　this　frankly；　which　was　creditable　of　him。　　But　he　made　no　attempt　to　improve　himself；　that　is；　where　he　was　wrong。　　His　method　was　to　arrange　the　punt　before　starting　in　a　line　with　the　point　towards　which　he　wished　to　proceed；　and　then　to　push　hard；　without　ever　looking　behind　him；　until　something　suddenly　stopped　him。　　This　was　sometimes　the　bank；　sometimes　another　boat；　occasionally　a　steamer；　from　six　to　a　dozen　times　a　day　our　riparian　dwelling。　　That　he　never　succeeded　in　staving　the　houseboat　in　speaks　highly　for　the　man　who　built　her。

One　day　he　came　down　upon　us　with　a　tremendous　crash。　　Amenda　was　walking　along　the　passage　at　the　moment；　and　the　result　to　her　was　that　she　received　a　violent　blow　first　on　the　left　side　of　her　head　and　then　on　the　right。

She　was　accustomed　to　accept　one　bump　as　a　matter　of　course；　and　to　regard　it　as　an　intimation　from　the　boy　that　he　had　come；　but　this　double　knock　annoyed　her：　　so　much　〃style〃　was　out　of　place　in　a　mere　ferry…boy。　　Accordingly　she　went　out　to　him　in　a　state　of　high　indignation。

〃What　do　you　think　you　are？〃　she　cried；　balancing　accounts　by　boxing　his　ears　first　on　one　side　and　then　on　the　other；　〃a　torpedo！　　What　are　you　doing　here　at　all？　　What　do　you　want？〃

〃I　don't　want　nothin'；〃　explained　the　boy；　rubbing　his　head；　〃I've　brought　a　gent　down。〃

〃A　gent？〃　said　Amenda；　looking　round；　but　seeing　no　one。　　〃What　gent？〃

〃A　stout　gent　in　a　straw　'at；〃　answered　the　boy；　staring　round　him　bewilderedly。

〃Well；　where　is　he？〃　asked　Amenda。

〃I　dunno；〃　replied　the　boy；　in　an　awed　voice；　〃'e　was　a…standin'　there；　at　the　other　end　of　the　punt；　a…smokin'　a　cigar。〃

Just　then　a　head　appeared　above　the　water；　and　a　spent　but　infuriated　swimmer　struggled　up　between　the　houseboat　and　the　bank。

〃Oh；　there　'e　is！〃　cried　the　boy　delightedly；　evidently　much　relieved　at　this　satisfactory　solution　of　the　mystery；　〃'e　must　ha'　tumbled　off　the　punt。〃

〃You're　quite　right；　my　lad；　that's　just　what　he　did　do；　and　there's　your　fee　for　assisting　him　to　do　it。〃　　Saying　which；　my　dripping　friend；　who　had　now　scrambled　upon　deck；　leant　over；　and　following　Amenda's　excellent　example；　expressed　his　feelings　upon　the　boy's　head。

There　was　one　comforting　reflection　about　the　transaction　as　a　whole；　and　that　was　that　the　ferry…boy　had　at　last　received　a　fit　and　proper　reward　for　his　services。　　I　had　often　felt　inclined　to　give　him　something　myself。　　I　think　he　was；　without　exception；　the　most　clumsy　and　stupid　boy　I　have　ever　come　across；　and　that　is　saying　a　good　deal。

His　mother　undertook　that　for　three…and…sixpence　a　week　he　should　〃make　himself　generally　useful〃　to　us　for　a　couple　of　hours　every　morning。

Those　were　the　old　lady's　very　words；　and　I　repeated　them　to　Amenda　when　I　introduced　the　boy　to　her。

〃This　is　James；　Amenda；〃　I　said；　〃he　will　come　down　here　every　morning　at　seven；　and　bring　us　our　milk　and　the　letters；　and　from　then　till　nine　he　will　make　himself　generally　useful。〃

Amenda　took　stock　of　him。

〃It　will　be　a　change　of　occupation　for　him；　sir；　I　should　say；　by　the　look　of　him；〃　she　remarked。

After　that；　whenever　some　more　than　usually　stirring　crash　or　blood…　curdling　bump　would　cause　us　to　leap　from　our　seats　and　cry：　　〃What　on　earth　has　happened？〃　　Amenda　would　reply：　　〃Oh；　it's　only　James；　mum；　making　himself　generally　useful。〃

Whatever　he　lifted　he　let　fall；　whatever　he　touched　he　upset；　whatever　he　came　nearthat　was　not　a　fixturehe　knocked　over；　if　it　was　a　fixture；　it　knocked　HIM　over。　　This　was　not　carelessness：　it　seemed　to　be　a　natural　gift。　　Never　in　his　life；　I　am　convinced；　had　he　carried　a　bucketful　of　anything　anywhere　without　tumbling　over　it　before　he　got　there。　　One　of　his　duties　was　to　water　the　flowers　on　the　roof。　　Fortunatelyfor　the　flowersNature；　that　summer；　stood　drinks　with　a　lavishness　sufficient　to　satisfy　the　most　confirmed　vegetable　toper：　　otherwise　every　plant　on　our　boat　would　have　died　from　drought。　　Never　one　drop　of　water　did　they　receive　from　him。　　He　was　for　ever　taking　them　water；　but　he　never　arrived　there　with　it。　　As　a　rule　he　upset　the　pail　before　he　got　it　on　to　the　boat　at　all；　and　this　was　the　best　thing　that　could　happen；　because　then　the　water　simply　went　back　into　the　river；　and　did　no　harm　to　any　one。　　Sometimes；　however；　he　would　succeed　in　landing　it；　and　then　the　chances　were　he　would　spill　it　over　the　deck　or　into　the　passage。　　Now　and　again；　he　would　get　halfway　up　the　ladder　before　the　accident　occurred。　　Twice　he　nearly　reached　the　top；　and　once　he　actually　did　gain　the　roof。　　What　happened　there　on　that　memorable　occasion　will　never　be　known。　　The　boy　himself；　when　picked　up；　could　explain　nothing。　　It　is　supposed　that　he　lost　his　head　with　the　pride　of　the　achievement；　and　essayed　feats　that　neither　his　previous　training　nor　his　natural　abilities　justified　him　in　attempting。　　However　that　may　be；　the　fact　remains　that　the　main　body　of　the　water　came　down　the　kitchen　chimney；　and　that　the　boy　and　the　empty　pail　arrived　together　on　deck　before　they　knew　they　had　started。

When　he　could　find　nothing　else　to　damage；　he　would　go　out　of　his　way　to　upset　himself。　　He　could　not　be　sure　of　stepping　from　his　own　punt　on　to　the　boat　with　safety。　　As　often　as　not；　he　would　catch　his　foot　in　the　chain　or　the　punt…pole；　and　arrive　on　his　chest。

Amenda　used　to　condole　with　him。　　〃Your　mother　ought　to　be　ashamed　of　herself；〃　I　heard　her　telling　him　one　morning；　〃she　could　never　have　taught　you　to　walk。　　What　you　want　is　a　go…cart。〃

He　was　a　willing　lad；　but　his　stupidity　was　super…natural。　　A　comet　appeared　in　the　sky　that　year；　and　everybody　was　talking　about　it。　One　day　he　said　to　me：…

〃There's　a　comet　coming；　ain't　there；　sir？〃　　He　talked　about　it　as　though　it　were　a　circus。

〃Coming！〃　I　answered；　〃it's　come。　　Haven't　you　seen　it？〃

〃No；　sir。〃

〃Oh；　well；　you　have　a　look　for　it　to…night。　　It's　worth　seeing。〃

〃Yees；　sir；　I　should　like　to　see　it。　　It's　got　a　tail；　ain't　it；　sir？〃

〃Yes；　a　very　fine　tail。〃

〃Yees；　sir；　they　said　it　'ad　a　tail。　　Where　do　you　go　to　see　it；　sir？〃

〃Go！　　You　don't　want　to　go　anywhere。　　You'll　see　it　in　your　own　garden　at　ten　o'clock。〃

He　thanked　me；　and；　tumbling　over　a　sack　of　potatoes；　plunged　head　foremost　into　his　punt　and　departed。

Next　morning；　I　asked　him　if　he　had　seen　the　comet。

〃No；　sir；　I　couldn't　see　it　anywhere。〃

〃Did　you　look？〃

〃Yees；　sir。　　I　looked　a　long　time。〃

〃How　on　earth　did　you　manage　to　miss　it　then？〃　I　exclaimed。　　〃It　was　a　clear　enough　night。　　Where　did　you　look？〃

〃In　our　garden；　sir。　　Where　you　told　me。〃

〃Whereabouts　in　the　garden？〃　chimed　in　Amenda；　who　happened　to　be　standing　by；　〃under　the　gooseberry　bushes？〃

〃Yeeseverywhere。〃

That　is　what　he　had　done：　　he　had　taken　the　stable　lantern　and　searched　the　garden　for　it。

But　the　day　when　he　broke　even　his　own　record　for　foolishness　happened　about　three　weeks　later。　　MacShaughnassy　was　staying　with　us　at　the　time；　and　on　the　Friday　evening　he　mixed　us　a　salad；　according　to　a　recipe　given　him　by　his　aunt。　　On　the　Saturday　morning；　everybody　was；　of　course；　very　ill。　　Everybody　always　is　very　ill　after　partaking　of　any　dish　prepared　by　MacShaughnassy。　Some　people　attempt　to　explain　this　fact　by　talking　glibly　of　〃cause　and　effect。〃　　MacShaughnassy　maintains　that　it　is　simply　coincidence。

〃How　do　you　know；〃　he　says；　〃that　you　wouldn't　have　been　ill　if　you　hadn't　eaten　any？　　You're　queer　enough　now；　any　one　can　see；　and　I'm　very　sorry　for　you；　but；　for　all　that　you　can　tell；　if　you　hadn't　eaten　any　of　that　stuff　you　might　have　been　very　much　worseperhaps　dead。　　In　all　probability；　it　has　saved　your　life。〃　　And　for　the　rest　of　the　day；　he　assumes　towards　you　the　attitude　of　a　man　who　has　dragged　you　from　the　grave。

The　moment　Jimmy　arrived　I　seized　hold　of　him。

〃Jimmy；〃　I　said；　〃you　must　rush　off　to　the　chemist's　immediately。　Don't　stop　for　anything。　　Tell　him　to　give　you　something　for　colic　the　result　of　vegetable　poisoning。　　It　must　be　something　very　strong；　and　enough　for　four。　　Don't　forget；　something　to　counteract　the　effects　of　vegetable　poisoning。　　Hurry　up；　or　it　may　be　too　late。〃

My　excitement　communicated　itself　to　the　boy。　　He　tumbled　back　into　his　punt；　and　pushed　off　vigorously。　　I　watched　him　land；　and　disappear　in　the　direction　of　the　village。

Half　an　hour　passed；　but　Jimmy　did　not　return。　　No　one　felt　sufficiently　energetic　to　go　after　him。　　We　had　only　just　strength　enough　to　sit　still　and　feebly　abuse　him。　　At　the　end　of　an　hour　we　were　all　feeling　very　much　better。　　At　the　end　of　an　hour　and　a　half　we　were　glad　he　had　not　returned　when　he　ought　to　have；　and　were　only　curious　as　to　what　had　become　of　him。

In　the　evening；　strolling　through　the　village；　we　saw　him　sitting　by　the　open　door　of　his　mother's　cottage；　with　a　shawl　wrapped　round　him。　　He　was　looking　worn　and　ill。

〃Why；　Jimmy；〃　I　said；　〃what's　the　matter？　　Why　didn't　you　come　back　this　morning？〃

〃I　couldn't；　sir；〃　Jimmy　answered；　〃I　was　so　queer。　　Mother　made　me　go　to　bed。〃