end of the tether-第29节
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taint of blackmailing。 〃What could anyone bring
against him？〃 he asked himself。 This was a limpid
personality。 〃And for what object？〃 The Power
that man trusted had thought fit to leave him nothing
on earth that envy could lay hold of； except a bare crust
of bread。
〃Won't you try some of this？〃 he asked； pushing a
dish slightly。 Suddenly it seemed to Mr。 Van Wyk that
Sterne might possibly be coveting the command of the
Sofala。 His cynicism was quite startled by what looked
like a proof that no man may count himself safe from
his kind unless in the very abyss of misery。 An in…
trigue of that sort was hardly worth troubling about；
he judged； but still； with such a fool as Massy to deal
with； Whalley ought to and must be warned。
At this moment Captain Whalley； bolt upright； the
deep cavities of the eyes overhung by a bushy frown；
and one large brown hand resting on each side of his
empty plate； spoke across the tablecloth abruptly
〃Mr。 Van Wyk； you've always treated me with the
most humane consideration。〃
〃My dear captain； you make too much of a simple
fact that I am not a savage。〃 Mr。 Van Wyk； utterly
revolted by the thought of Sterne's obscure attempt；
raised his voice incisively； as if the mate had been hiding
somewhere within earshot。 〃Any consideration I have
been able to show was no more than the rightful due
of a character I've learned to regard by this time with
an esteem that nothing can shake。〃
A slight ring of glass made him lift his eyes from the
slice of pine…apple he was cutting into small pieces on
his plate。 In changing his position Captain Whalley
had contrived to upset an empty tumbler。
Without looking that way； leaning sideways on his
elbow； his other hand shading his brow； he groped
shakily for it； then desisted。 Van Wyk stared blankly；
as if something momentous had happened all at once。
He did not know why he should feel so startled； but he
forgot Sterne utterly for the moment。
〃Why； what's the matter？〃
And Captain Whalley； half…averted； in a deadened；
agitated voice； muttered
〃Esteem！〃
〃And I may add something more；〃 Mr。 Van Wyk；
very steady…eyed； pronounced slowly。
〃Hold！ Enough！〃 Captain Whalley did not
change his attitude or raise his voice。 〃Say no more！
I can make you no return。 I am too poor even for that
now。 Your esteem is worth having。 You are not a
man that would stoop to deceive the poorest sort of devil
on earth； or make a ship unseaworthy every time he
takes her to sea。〃
Mr。 Van Wyk； leaning forward； his face gone pink
all over； with the starched table…napkin over his knees；
was inclined to mistrust his senses； his power of com…
prehension； the sanity of his guest。
〃Where？ Why？ In the name of God！what's this？
What ship？ I don't understand who 。 。 。〃
〃Then； in the name of God； it is I！ A ship's unsea…
worthy when her captain can't see。 I am going blind。〃
Mr。 Van Wyk made a slight movement； and sat very
still afterwards for a few seconds； then； with the
thought of Sterne's 〃The game's up；〃 he ducked under
the table to pick up the napkin which had slipped off
his knees。 This was the game that was up。 And at
the same time the muffled voice of Captain Whalley
passed over him
〃I've deceived them all。 Nobody knows。〃
He emerged flushed to the eyes。 Captain Whalley；
motionless under the full blaze of the lamp； shaded his
face with his hand。
〃And you had that courage？〃
〃Call it by what name you like。 But you are a hu…
mane manaagentleman； Mr。 Van Wyk。 You may
have asked me what I had done with my conscience。〃
He seemed to muse； profoundly silent； very still in his
mournful pose。
〃I began to tamper with it in my pride。 You begin
to see a lot of things when you are going blind。 I
could not be frank with an old chum even。 I was not
frank with Massyno； not altogether。 I knew he took
me for a wealthy sailor fool； and I let him。 I wanted
to keep up my importancebecause there was poor Ivy
away theremy daughter。 What did I want to trade
on his misery for？ I did trade on itfor her。 And
now； what mercy could I expect from him？ He would
trade on mine if he knew it。 He would hunt the old
fraud out； and stick to the money for a year。 Ivy's
money。 And I haven't kept a penny for myself。 How
am I going to live for a year。 A year！ In a year there
will be no sun in the sky for her father。〃
His deep voice came out； awfully veiled； as though he
had been overwhelmed by the earth of a landslide； and
talking to you of the thoughts that haunt the dead in
their graves。 A cold shudder ran down Mr。 Van Wyk's
back。
〃And how long is it since you have 。 。 。？〃 he
began。
〃It was a long time before I could bring myself to
believe in thisthis visitation。〃 Captain Whalley
spoke with gloomy patience from under his hand。
He had not thought he had deserved it。 He had begun
by deceiving himself from day to day； from week to
week。 He had the Serang at hand therean old
servant。 It came on gradually； and when he could no
longer deceive himself 。 。 。
His voice died out almost。
〃Rather than give her up I set myself to deceive
you all。〃
〃It's incredible；〃 whispered Mr。 Van Wyk。 Captain
Whalley's appalling murmur flowed on。
〃Not even the sign of God's anger could make me
forget her。 How could I forsake my child； feeling my
vigor all the timethe blood warm within me？ Warm
as yours。 It seems to me that； like the blinded Samson；
I would find the strength to shake down a temple upon
my head。 She's a struggling womanmy own child
that we used to pray over together； my poor wife and I。
Do you remember that day I as well as told you
that I believed God would let me live to a hundred for
her sake？ What sin is there in loving your child？ Do
you see it？ I was ready for her sake to live for ever。
I half believed I would。 I've been praying for death
since。 Ha！ Presumptuous manyou wanted to
live 。 。 。〃
A tremendous； shuddering upheaval of that big frame；
shaken by a gasping sob； set the glasses jingling all
over the table； seemed to make the whole house tremble
to the roof…tree。 And Mr。 Van Wyk； whose feeling of
outraged love had been translated into a form of strug…
gle with nature； understood very well that； for that man
whose whole life had been conditioned by action； there
could exist no other expression for all the emotions； that；
to voluntarily cease venturing； doing； enduring； for his
child's sake； would have been exactly like plucking his
warm love for her out of his living heart。 Something
too monstrous； too impossible； even to conceive。
Captain Whalley had not changed his attitude； that
seemed to express something of shame； sorrow； and
defiance。
〃I have even deceived you。 If it had not been for
that word 'esteem。' These are not the words for me。
I would have lied to you。 Haven't I lied to you？
Weren't you going to trust your property on board this
very trip？〃
〃I have a floating yearly policy；〃 Mr。 Van Wyk said
almost unwittingly； and was amazed at the sudden crop…
ping up of a commercial detail。
〃The ship is unseaworthy； I tell you。 The policy
would be invalid if it were known 。 。 。〃
〃We shall share the guilt； then。〃
〃Nothing could make mine less；〃 said Captain
Whalley。
He had not dared to consult a doctor； the man would
have perhaps asked who he was； what he was doing；
Massy might have heard something。 He had lived on
without any help； human or divine。 The very prayers
stuck in his throat。 What was there to pray for？ and
death seemed as far as ever。 Once he got into his cabin
he dared not come out again； when he sat down he dared
not get up； he dared not raise his eyes to anybody's
face； he felt reluctant to look upon the sea or up to
the sky。 The world was fading before his great fear
of giving himself away。 The old ship was his last
friend； he was not afraid of her； he knew every inch
of her deck； but at her too he hardly dared to look； for
fear of findi
