idle ideas in 1905-第7节

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or　probably　it　would　burst　into　tears　at　the　expression　with　which　it
is　regarded。　　It　is　impossible　that　any　lady　should　desire　such　a
cauliflower。　　Still；　out　of　mere　curiosity；　she　would　know　the　price…
…that　is；　if　the　owner　of　the　cauliflower　is　not　too　much　ashamed　of
it　to　name　a　price。

The　owner　of　the　cauliflower　suggests　six　sous。　　The　thing　is　too
ridiculous　for　argument。　　The　purchaser　breaks　into　a　laugh。

The　owner　of　the　cauliflower　is　stung。　　She　points　out　the　beauties
of　that　cauliflower。　　Apparently　it　is　the　cauliflower　out　of　all　her
stock　she　loves　the　best；　a　better　cauliflower　never　lived；　if　there
were　more　cauliflowers　in　the　world　like　this　particular　cauliflower
things　might　be　different。　　She　gives　a　sketch　of　the　cauliflower's
career；　from　its　youth　upwards。　　Hard　enough　it　will　be　for　her　when
the　hour　for　parting　from　it　comes。　　If　the　other　lady　has　not
sufficient　knowledge　of　cauliflowers　to　appreciate　it；　will　she
kindly　not　paw　it　about；　but　put　it　down　and　go　away；　and　never　let
the　owner　of　the　cauliflower　see　her　again。

The　other　lady；　more　as　a　friend　than　as　a　purchaser；　points　out　the
cauliflower's　defects。　　She　wishes　well　to　the　owner　of　the
cauliflower；　and　would　like　to　teach　her　something　about　her
business。　　A　lady　who　thinks　such　a　cauliflower　worth　six　sous　can
never　hope　to　succeed　as　a　cauliflower　vendor。　　Has　she　really　taken
the　trouble　to　examine　the　cauliflower　for　herself；　or　has　love　made
her　blind　to　its　shortcomings？

The　owner　of　the　cauliflower　is　too　indignant　to　reply。　　She　snatches
it　away；　appears　to　be　comforting　it；　replaces　it　in　the　basket。　　The
other　lady　is　grieved　at　human　obstinacy　and　stupidity　in　general。
If　the　owner　of　the　cauliflower　had　had　any　sense　she　would　have
asked　four　sous。　　Eventually　business　is　done　at　five。

It　is　the　custom　everywhere　abroadasking　the　price　of　a　thing　is
simply　opening　conversation。　　A　lady　told　me　that；　the　first　day　she
began　housekeeping　in　Florence；　she　handed　over　to　a　poulterer　for　a
chicken　the　price　he　had　demandedwith　protestations　that　he　was
losing　on　the　transaction；　but　wanted；　for　family　reasons；
apparently；　to　get　rid　of　the　chicken。　　He　stood　for　half　a　minute
staring　at　her；　and　then；　being　an　honest　sort　of　man；　threw　in　a
pigeon。

Foreign　housekeepers　starting　business　in　London　appear　hurt　when　our
tradesmen　decline　to　accept　half…a…crown　for　articles　marked　three…
and…six。

〃Then　why　mark　it　only　three…and…sixpence？〃　is　the　foreign
housekeeper's　argument。



SHOULD　MARRIED　MEN　PLAY　GOLF？



That　we　Englishmen　attach　too　much　importance　to　sport　goes　without
sayingor；　rather；　it　has　been　said　so　often　as　to　have　become　a
commonplace。　　One　of　these　days　some　reforming　English　novelist　will
write　a　book；　showing　the　evil　effects　of　over…indulgence　in　sport：
the　neglected　business；　the　ruined　home；　the　slow　but　sure　sapping　of
the　brainwhat　there　may　have　been　of　it　in　the　beginningleading
to　semi…imbecility　and　yearly　increasing　obesity。

A　young　couple；　I　once　heard　of；　went　for　their　honeymoon　to
Scotland。　　The　poor　girl　did　not　know　he　was　a　golfer　（he　had　wooed
and　won　her　during　a　period　of　idleness　enforced　by　a　sprained
shoulder）；　or　maybe　she　would　have　avoided　Scotland。　　The　idea　they
started　with　was　that　of　a　tour。　　The　second　day　the　man　went　out　for
a　stroll　by　himself。　　At　dinner…time　he　observed；　with　a　far…away
look　in　his　eyes；　that　it　seemed　a　pretty　spot　they　had　struck；　and
suggested　their　staying　there　another　day。　　The　next　morning　after
breakfast　he　borrowed　a　club　from　the　hotel　porter；　and　remarked　that
he　would　take　a　walk　while　she　finished　doing　her　hair。　　He　said　it
amused　him；　swinging　a　club　while　he　walked。　　He　returned　in　time　for
lunch　and　seemed　moody　all　the　afternoon。　　He　said　the　air　suited
him；　and　urged　that　they　should　linger　yet　another　day。

She　was　young　and　inexperienced；　and　thought；　maybe；　it　was　liver。
She　had　heard　much　about　liver　from　her　father。　　The　next　morning　he
borrowed　more　clubs；　and　went　out；　this　time　before　breakfast；
returning　to　a　late　and　not　over　sociable　dinner。　　That　was　the　end
of　their　honeymoon　so　far　as　she　was　concerned。　　He　meant　well；　but
the　thing　had　gone　too　far。　　The　vice　had　entered　into　his　blood；　and
the　smell　of　the　links　drove　out　all　other　considerations。

We　are　most　of　us　familiar；　I　take　it；　with　the　story　of　the　golfing
parson；　who　could　not　keep　from　swearing　when　the　balls　went　wrong。

〃Golf　and　the　ministry　don't　seem　to　go　together；〃　his　friend　told
him。　　〃Take　my　advice　before　it's　too　late；　and　give　it　up；　Tammas。〃

A　few　months　later　Tammas　met　his　friend　again。

〃You　were　right；　Jamie；〃　cried　the　parson　cheerily；　〃they　didna　run
well　in　harness；　golf　and　the　meenistry；　I　hae　followed　your　advice：
I　hae　gi'en　it　oop。〃

〃Then　what　are　ye　doing　with　that　sack　of　clubs？〃　inquired　Jamie。

〃What　am　I　doing　with　them？〃　repeated　the　puzzled　Tammas。　　〃Why　I　am
going　to　play　golf　with　them。〃　　A　light　broke　upon　him。　　〃Great
Heavens；　man！〃　he　continued；　〃ye　didna'　think　'twas　the　golf　I'd
gi'en　oop？〃

The　Englishman　does　not　understand　play。　　He　makes　a　life…long　labour
of　his　sport；　and　to　it　sacrifices　mind　and　body。　　The　health　resorts
of　Europeto　paraphrase　a　famous　saying　that　nobody　appears　to　have
saiddraw　half　their　profits　from　the　playing　fields　of　Eton　and
elsewhere。　　In　Swiss　and　German　kurhausen　enormously　fat　men　bear
down　upon　you　and　explain　to　you　that　once　they　were　the　champion
sprinters　or　the　high…jump　representatives　of　their　universitymen
who　now　hold　on　to　the　bannisters　and　groan　as　they　haul　themselves
upstairs。　　Consumptive　men；　between　paroxysms　of　coughing；　tell　you
of　the　goals　they　scored　when　they　were　half…backs　or　forwards　of
extraordinary　ability。　　Ex…light…weight　amateur　pugilists；　with　the
figure　now　of　an　American　roll…top　desk；　butt　you　into　a　corner　of
the　billiard…room；　and；　surprised　they　cannot　get　as　near　you　as　they
would　desire；　whisper　to　you　the　secret　of　avoiding　the　undercut　by
the　swiftness　of　the　backward　leap。　　Broken…down　tennis　players；　one…
legged　skaters；　dropsical　gentlemen…riders；　are　to　be　met　with
hobbling　on　crutches　along　every　highway　of　the　Engadine。

They　are　pitiable　objects。　　Never　having　learnt　to　read　anything　but
the　sporting　papers；　books　are　of　no　use　to　them。　　They　never　wasted
much　of　their　youth　on　thought；　and；　apparently；　have　lost　the　knack
of　it。　　They　don't　care　for　art；　and　Nature　only　suggests　to　them　the
things　they　can　no　longer　do。　　The　snow…clad　mountain　reminds　them
that　once　they　were　daring　tobogannists；　the　undulating　common　makes
them　sad　because　they　can　no　longer　handle　a　golf…club；　by　the
riverside　they　sit　down　and　tell　you　of　the　salmon　they　caught　before
they　caught　rheumatic　fever；　birds　only　make　them　long　for　guns；
music　raises　visions　of　the　local　cricket…match　of　long　ago；
enlivened　by　the　local　band；　a　picturesque　estaminet；　with　little
tables　spread　out　under　the　vines；　recalls　bitter　memories　of　ping…
pong。　　One　is　sorry　for　them；　but　their　conversation　is　not
exhilarating。　　The　man　who　has　other　interests　in　life　beyond　sport
is　apt　to　find　their　reminiscences　monotonous；　while　to　one　another
they　do　not　care　to　talk。　　One　gathers　that　they　do　not　altogether
believe　one　another。

The　foreigner　is　taking　kindly　to　our　sports；　one　hopes　he　will　be
forewarned　by　our　example　and　not　overdo　the　thing。　　At　present；　one
is　bound　to　admit；　he　shows　no　sign　of　taking　sport　too　seriously。
Football　is　gaining　favour　more　and　more　throughout　Europe。　　But　yet
the　Frenchman　has　not　got　it　out　of　his　head　that　the　coup　to
practise　is　kicking　the　ball　high　into　the　air　and　catching　it　upon
his　head。　　He　would　rather　catch　the　ball　upon　his　head　than　score　a
goal。　　If　he　can　manoeuvre　the　ball　away　into　a　corner；　kick　it　up
into　the　air　twice　running；　and　each　time　catch　it　on　his　head；　he
does　not　seem　to　care　what　happens　after　that。　　Anybody　can　have　the
ball；　he　has　had　his　game　and　is　happy。

They　talk　of　introducing　cricket　into　Belgium；　I　shall　certainly　try
to　be　present　at　the　opening　game。　　I　am　afraid　that；　until　he　learns
from　experience；　the　Belgian　fielder　will　stop　cricket　balls　with　his
head。　　That　the　head　is　the　proper　thing　with　which　to　play　ball
appears　to　be　in　his　blood。　　My　head　is　round；　he　argues；　and　hard；
just　like　the　ball　itself；　what　part　of　the　human　frame　more　fit　and
proper　with　which　to　meet　and　stop　a　ball。

Golf　has　not　yet　caught　on；　but　tennis　is　firmly　established　from　St。
Petersburg　to　Bordeaux。　　The　German；　with　the　thoroughness
characteristic　of　him；　is　working　hard。　　University　professors；　stout
majors；　rising　early　in　the　morning；　hire　boys　and　practise　back…
handers　and　half…volleys。　　But　to　the　Frenchman；　as　yet；　it　is　a
game。　　He　plays　it　in　a　happy；　merry　fashion；　that　is　shocking　to
English　eyes。

Your　partner's　service　rather　astonishes　you。　　An　occasional　yard　or
so　beyond　the　line　happens　to　anyone；　but　this　man's　object　appears
to　be　to　break　windows。　　You　feel　you　really　must　remonstrate；　when
the　joyous　laughter　an