idle ideas in 1905-第3节

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bottle　of　stuff　that　makes　this　particular　hair　to　grow　may　be
considered　dear；　if　you　think　merely　of　the　price。　　But　that　is　not
the　way　to　look　at　it。　　〃What　is　it　going　to　do　for　me？〃　　That　is
what　the　girl　has　got　to　ask　herself。　　It　does　not　do　to　spoil　the
ship　for　a　ha'porth　of　tar；　as　the　saying　is。　　If　you　are　going　to　be
a　dashing；　wilful　beauty；　you　must　have　the　hair　for　it；　or　the　whole
scheme　falls　to　the　ground。

Eyebrows　and　eyelashes；　the　professor　assumes；　the　lady　would　like　to
match　the　hair。　　Too　much　eccentricity　the　professor　does　not　agree
with。　　Nature；　after　all；　is　the　best　guide；　neatness　combined　with
taste；　that　is　the　ideal　to　be　aimed　at。　　The　eyebrows　should　be
almost　straight；　the　professor　thinks；　the　eyelashes　long　and　silky；
with　just　the　suspicion　of　a　curl。　　The　professor　would　also　suggest
a　little　less　cheekbone。　　Cheekbones　are　being　worn　low　this　season。

Will　the　lady　have　a　dimpled　chin；　or　does　she　fancy　the　square…cut
jaw？　　Maybe　the　square…cut　jaw　and　the　firm；　sweet　mouth　are　more
suitable　for　the　married　woman。　　They　go　well　enough　with　the　baby
and　the　tea…urn；　and　the　strong；　proud　man　in　the　background。　　For
the　unmarried　girl　the　dimpled　chin　and　the　rosebud　mouth　are；
perhaps；　on　the　whole　safer。　　Some　gentlemen　are　so　nervous　of　that
firm；　square　jaw。　　For　the　present；　at　all　events；　let　us　keep　to　the
rosebud　and　the　dimple。

Complexion！　　Well；　there　is　only　one　complexion　worth　consideringa
creamy　white；　relieved　by　delicate　peach　pink。　　It　goes　with
everything；　and　is　always　effective。　　Rich　olives；　striking　pallors
yes；　you　hear　of　these　things　doing　well。　　The　professor's
experience；　however；　is　that　for　all…round　work　you　will　never
improve　upon　the　plain　white　and　pink。　　It　is　less　liable　to　get　out
of　order；　and　is　the　easiest　at　all　times　to　renew。

For　the　figure；　the　professor　recommends　something　lithe　and　supple。
Five　foot　four　is　a　good　height；　but　that　is　a　point　that　should　be
discussed　first　with　the　dressmaker。　　For　trains；　five　foot　six　is；
perhaps；　preferable。　　But　for　the　sporting　girl；　who　has　to　wear
short　frocks；　that　height　would；　of　course；　be　impossible。

The　bust　and　the　waist　are　also　points　on　which　the　dressmaker　should
be　consulted。　　Nothing　should　be　done　in　a　hurry。　　What　is　the
fashion　going　to　be　for　the　next　two　or　three　seasons？　　There　are
styles　demanding　that　beginning　at　the　neck　you　should　curve　out；
like　a　pouter　pigeon。　　There　is　apparently　no　difficulty　whatever　in
obtaining　this　result。　　But　if　crinolines；　for　instance；　are　likely
to　come　in　again！　　The　lady　has　only　to　imagine　it　for　herself：　　the
effect　might　be　grotesque；　suggestive　of　a　walking　hour…glass。　　So；
too；　with　the　waist。　　For　some　fashions　it　is　better　to　have　it　just
a　foot　from　the　neck。　　At　other　times　it　is　more　useful　lower　down。
The　lady　will　kindly　think　over　these　details　and　let　the　professor
know。　　While　one　is　about　it；　one　may　as　well　make　a　sound　job。

It　is　all　so　simple；　and；　when　you　come　to　think　of　it；　really　not
expensive。　　Age；　apparently；　makes　no　difference。　　A　woman　is　as　old
as　she　looks。　　In　future；　I　take　it；　there　will　be　no　ladies　over
five…and…twenty。　　Wrinkles！　　Why　any　lady　should　still　persist　in
wearing　them　is　a　mystery　to　me。　　With　a　moderate　amount　of　care　any
middle…class　woman　could　save　enough　out　of　the　housekeeping　money　in
a　month　to　get　rid　of　every　one　of　them。　　Grey　hair！　　Well；　of
course；　if　you　cling　to　grey　hair；　there　is　no　more　to　be　said。　　But
to　ladies　who　would　just　as　soon　have　rich　wavy…brown　or　a　delicate
shade　of　gold；　I　would　point　out　that　there　are　one　hundred　and
forty…seven　inexpensive　lotions　on　the　market；　any　one　of　which；
rubbed　gently　into　the　head　with　a　tooth…brush　（not　too　hard）　just
before　going　to　bed　will；　to　use　a　colloquialism；　do　the　trick。

Are　you　too　stout；　or　are　you　too　thin？　　All　you　have　to　do　is　to　say
which；　and　enclose　stamps。　　But　do　not　make　a　mistake　and　send　for
the　wrong　recipe。　　If　you　are　already　too　thin；　you　might　in
consequence　suddenly　disappear　before　you　found　out　your　mistake。
One　very　stout　lady　I　knew　worked　at　herself　for　eighteen　months　and
got　stouter　every　day。　　This　discouraged　her　so　much　that　she　gave　up
trying。　　No　doubt　she　had　made　a　muddle　and　had　sent　for　the　wrong
bottle；　but　she　would　not　listen　to　further　advice。　　She　said　she　was
tired　of　the　whole　thing。

In　future　years　there　will　be　no　need　for　a　young　man　to　look　about
him　for　a　wife；　he　will　take　the　nearest　girl；　tell　her　his　ideal；
and；　if　she　really　care　for　him；　she　will　go　to　the　shop　and　have
herself　fixed　up　to　his　pattern。　　In　certain　Eastern　countries；　I
believe；　something　of　this　kind　is　done。　　A　gentleman　desirous　of
adding　to　his　family　sends　round　the　neighbourhood　the　weight　and
size　of　his　favourite　wife；　hinting　that　if　another　can　be　found　of
the　same　proportions；　there　is　room　for　her。　　Fathers　walk　round
among　their　daughters；　choose　the　most　likely　specimen；　and　have　her
fattened　up。　　That　is　their　brutal　Eastern　way。　　Out　West　we　shall　be
more　delicate。　　Match…making　mothers　will　probably　revive　the　old
confession　book。　　Eligible　bachelors　will　be　invited　to　fill　in　a
page：　　〃Your　favourite　height　in　women；〃　〃Your　favourite　measurement
round　the　waist；〃　〃Do　you　like　brunettes　or　blondes？〃

The　choice　will　be　left　to　the　girls。

〃I　do　think　Henry　William　just　too　sweet　for　words；〃　the　maiden　of
the　future　will　murmur　to　herself。　　Gently；　coyly；　she　will　draw　from
him　his　ideal　of　what　a　woman　should　be。　　In　from　six　months　to　a
year　she　will　burst　upon　him；　the　perfect　She；　height；　size；　weight；
right　to　a　T。　　He　will　clasp　her　in　his　arms。

〃At　last；〃　he　will　cry；　〃I　have　found　her；　the　woman　of　my　dreams。〃

And　if　he　does　not　change　his　mind；　and　the　bottles　do　not　begin　to
lose　their　effect；　there　will　be　every　chance　that　they　will　be　happy
ever　afterwards。

Might　not　Science　go　even　further？　　Why　rest　satisfied　with　making　a
world　of　merely　beautiful　women？　　Cannot　Science；　while　she　is　about
it；　make　them　all　good　at　the　same　time。　　I　do　not　apologise　for　the
suggestion。　　I　used　to　think　all　women　beautiful　and　good。　　It　is
their　own　papers　that　have　disillusioned　me。　　I　used　to　look　at　this
lady　or　at　thatshyly；　when　nobody　seemed　to　be　noticing　meand
think　how　fair　she　was；　how　stately。　　Now　I　only　wonder　who　is　her
chemist。

They　used　to　tell　me；　when　I　was　a　little　boy；　that　girls　were　made
of　sugar　and　spice。　　I　know　better　now。　　I　have　read　the　recipes　in
the　Answers　to　Correspondents。

When　I　was　quite　a　young　man　I　used　to　sit　in　dark　corners　and
listen；　with　swelling　heart；　while　people　at　the　piano　told　me　where
little　girl　babies　got　their　wonderful　eyes　from；　of　the　things　they
did　to　them　in　heaven　that　gave　them　dimples。　　Ah　me！　　I　wish　now　I
had　never　come　across　those　ladies'　papers。　　I　know　the　stuff　that
causes　those　bewitching　eyes。　　I　know　the　shop　where　they　make　those
dimples；　I　have　passed　it　and　looked　in。　　I　thought　they　were
produced　by　angels'　kisses；　but　there　was　not　an　angel　about　the
place；　that　I　could　see。　　Perhaps　I　have　also　been　deceived　as
regards　their　goodness。　　Maybe　all　women　are　not　so　perfect　as　in　the
popular　short　story　they　appear　to　be。　　That　is　why　I　suggest　that
Science　should　proceed　still　further；　and　make　them　all　as　beautiful
in　mind　as　she　is　now　able　to　make　them　in　body。　　May　we　not　live　to
see　in　the　advertisement　columns　of　the　ladies'　paper　of　the　future
the　portrait　of　a　young　girl　sulking　in　a　corner〃Before　taking　the
lotion！〃　　The　same　girl　dancing　among　her　little　brothers　and
sisters；　shedding　sunlight　through　the　home〃After　the　three　first
bottles！〃　　May　we　not　have　the　Caudle　Mixture：　　One　tablespoonful　at
bed…time　guaranteed　to　make　the　lady　murmur；　〃Good…night；　dear；　hope
you'll　sleep　well；〃　and　at　once　to　fall　asleep；　her　lips　parted　in　a
smile？　　Maybe　some　specialist　of　the　future　will　advertise　Mind
Massage：　　〃Warranted　to　remove　from　the　most　obstinate　subject　all
traces　of　hatred；　envy；　and　malice。〃

And；　when　Science　has　done　everything　possible　for　women；　there　might
be　no　harm　in　her　turning　her　attention　to　us　men。　　Her　idea　at
present　seems　to　be　that　we　men　are　too　beautiful；　physically　and
morally；　to　need　improvement。　　Personally；　there　are　one　or　two
points　about　which　I　should　like　to　consult　her。



WHEN　IS　THE　BEST　TIME　TO　BE　MERRY？



There　is　so　much　I　could　do　to　improve　things　generally　in　and　about
Europe；　if　only　I　had　a　free　hand。　　I　should　not　propose　any　great
fundamental　changes。　　These　poor　people　have　got　used　to　their　own
ways；　it　would　be　unwise　to　reform　them　all　at　once。　　But　there　are
many　little　odds　and　ends　that　I　could　do　for　them；　so　many　of　their
mistakes　I　could　correct　for　them。　　They　do　not　know　this。　　If　they
only　knew　there　was　a　man　living　in　their　midst　willing　to　take　them
in　hand　and　arrange　things　for　them；　how　glad　they　would　be。　　But　the
story　is　always　the　same。　　One　reads　it　in　the　advertisements　of　the
matrimonial　column：

〃A　lady；　young；　said　to　be　good…looking〃she　herself　is　not　sure　on
the