idle ideas in 1905-第28节

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should　never　intrude　upon　public　affairs。　　The　actor　was　a　fellow
citizen　with　the　rest　of　us。　　He　said　that；　whether　one　agreed　with
their　conclusions　or　not；　one　must　admit　that　the　nation　owed　a　debt
of　gratitude　to　Mrs。　Brown　Potter　and　to　Miss　Olga　Nethersole　for
giving　to　it　the　benefit　of　their　convictions。　　He　had　talked　to　both
ladies　in　private　on　the　subject　and　was　convinced　they　knew　as　much
about　it　as　did　most　people。

〃Burnside；　who　was　one　of　the　party；　contended　that　if　sides　were　to
be　taken；　a　pantomime　should　surely　advocate　the　Free…Food　Cause；
seeing　it　was　a　form　of　entertainment　supposed　to　appeal　primarily　to
the　tastes　of　the　Little　Englander。　　Then　I　came　into　the　discussion。

〃'The　Fiscal　question；'　I　said；　'is　on　everybody's　tongue。　　Such
being　the　case；　it　is　fit　and　proper　it　should　be　referred　to　in　our
annual　pantomime；　which　has　come　to　be　regarded　as　a　review　of　the
year's　doings。　　But　it　should　not　have　been　dealt　with　from　the
political　standpoint。　　The　proper　attitude　to　have　assumed　towards　it
was　that　of　innocent　raillery；　free　from　all　trace　of　partisanship。'

〃Old　Johnson　had　strolled　up　and　was　standing　behind　us。

〃'The　very　thing　I　have　been　trying　to　get　hold　of　for　weeks；'　he
said'a　bright；　amusing　resume　of　the　whole　problem　that　should　give
offence　to　neither　side。　　You　know　our　paper；'　he　continued；　'we
steer　clear　of　politics；　but；　at　the　same　time；　try　to　be　up…to…date；
it　is　not　always　easy。　　The　treatment　of　the　subject；　on　the　lines
you　suggest；　is　just　what　we　require。　　I　do　wish　you　would　write　me
something。'

〃He　is　a　good　old　sort；　Johnson；　it　seemed　an　easy　thing。　　I　said　I
would。　　Since　that　time　I　have　been　thinking　how　to　do　it。　　As　a
matter　of　fact；　I　have　not　thought　of　much　else。　　Maybe　you　can
suggest　something。〃

I　was　feeling　in　a　good　working　mood　the　next　morning。

〃Pilson；〃　said　I　to　myself；　〃shall　have　the　benefit　of　this。　　He　does
not　need　anything　boisterously　funny。　　A　few　playfully　witty　remarks
on　the　subject　will　be　the　ideal。〃

I　lit　a　pipe　and　sat　down　to　think。　　At　half…past　twelve；　having　to
write　some　letters　before　going　out　to　lunch；　I　dismissed　the　Fiscal
question　from　my　mind。

But　not　for　long。　　It　worried　me　all　the　afternoon。　　I　thought；
maybe；　something　would　come　to　me　in　the　evening。　　I　wasted　all　that
evening；　and　I　wasted　all　the　following　morning。　　Everything　has　its
amusing　side；　I　told　myself。　　One　turns　out　comic　stories　about
funerals；　about　weddings。　　Hardly　a　misfortune　that　can　happen　to
mankind　but　has　produced　its　comic　literature。　　An　American　friend　of
mine　once　took　a　contract　from　the　Editor　of　an　Insurance　Journal　to
write　four　humorous　stories；　one　was　to　deal　with　an　earthquake；　the
second　with　a　cyclone；　the　third　with　a　flood；　and　the　fourth　with　a
thunderstorm。　　And　more　amusing　stories　I　have　never　read。　　What　is
the　matter　with　the　Fiscal　question？

I　myself　have　written　lightly　on　Bime…metallism。　　Home　Rule　we　used
to　be　merry　over　in　the　eighties。　　I　remember　one　delightful　evening
at　the　Codgers'　Hall。　　It　would　have　been　more　delightful　still；　but
for　a　raw…boned　Irishman；　who　rose　towards　eleven　o'clock　and
requested　to　be　informed　if　any　other　speaker　was　wishful　to　make　any
more　jokes　on　the　subject　of　Ould　Ireland；　because；　if　so；　the　raw…
boned　gentleman　was　prepared　to　save　time　by　waiting　and　dealing　with
them　altogether。　　But　if　not；　thenso　the　raw…boned　gentleman
announcedhis　intention　was　to　go　for　the　last　speaker　and　the　last
speaker　but　two　at　once　and　without　further　warning。

No　other　humourist　rising；　the　raw…boned　gentleman　proceeded　to　make
good　his　threat；　with　the　result　that　the　fun　degenerated　somewhat。
Even　on　the　Boer　War　we　used　to　whisper　jokes　to　one　another　in　quiet
places。　　In　this　Fiscal　question　there　must　be　fun。　　Where　is　it？

For　days　I　thought　of　little　else。　　My　laundressas　we　call　them　in
the　Templenoticed　my　trouble。

〃Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　confessed；　〃I　am　trying　to　think　of　something
innocently　amusing　to　say　on　the　Fiscal　question。〃

〃I've　'eard　about　it；〃　she　said；　〃but　I　don't　'ave　much　time　to　read
the　papers。　　They　want　to　make　us　pay　more　for　our　food；　don't　they？〃

〃For　some　of　it；〃　I　explained。　　〃But；　then；　we　shall　pay　less　for
other　things；　so　that　really　we　shan't　be　paying　more　at　all。〃

〃There　don't　seem　much　in　it；　either　way；〃　was　Mrs。　Wilkins'　opinion。

〃Just　so；〃　I　agreed；　〃that　is　the　advantage　of　the　system。　　It　will
cost　nobody　anything；　and　will　result　in　everybody　being　better　off。〃

〃The　pity　is；〃　said　Mrs。　Wilkins　〃that　pity　nobody　ever　thought　of　it
before。〃

〃The　whole　trouble　hitherto；〃　I　explained；　〃has　been　the　foreigner。〃

〃Ah；〃　said　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃I　never　'eard　much　good　of　'em；　though　they
do　say　the　Almighty　'as　a　use　for　almost　everything。〃

〃These　foreigners；〃　I　continued；　〃these　Germans　and　Americans；　they
dump　things　on　us；　you　know。〃

〃What's　that？〃　demanded　Mrs。　Wilkins。

〃What's　dump？　　Well；　it's　dumping；　you　know。　　You　take　things；　and
you　dump　them　down。〃

〃But　what　things？　　'Ow　do　they　do　it？〃　asked　Mrs。　Wilkins。

〃Why；　all　sorts　of　things：　　pig　iron；　bacon；　door…matseverything。
They　bring　them　over　herein　ships；　you　understandand　then；　if　you
please；　just　dump　them　down　upon　our　shores。〃

〃You　don't　mean　surely　to　tell　me　that　they　just　throw　them　out　and
leave　them　there？〃　queried　Mrs。　Wilkins。

〃Of　course　not；〃　I　replied；　〃when　I　say　they　dump　these　things　upon
our　shores；　that　is　a　figure　of　speech。　　What　I　mean　is　they　sell
them　to　us。〃

〃But　why　do　we　buy　them　if　we　don't　want　them？〃　asked　Mrs。　Wilkins；
〃we're　not　bound　to　buy　them；　are　we？〃

〃It　is　their　artfulness；〃　I　explained；　〃these　Germans　and　Americans；
and　the　others；　they　are　all　just　as　bad　as　one　anotherthey　insist
on　selling　us　these　things　at　less　price　than　they　cost　to　make。〃

〃It　seems　a　bit　silly　of　them；　don't　it？〃　thought　Mrs。　Wilkins。　　〃I
suppose　being　foreigners；　poor　things；　they　ain't　naturally　got　much
sense。〃

〃It　does　seem　silly　of　them；　if　you　look　at　it　that　way；〃　I　admitted；
〃but　what　we　have　got　to　consider　is；　the　injury　it　is　doing　us。〃

〃Don't　see　'ow　it　can　do　us　much　'arm；〃　argued　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃seems　a
bit　of　luck　so　far　as　we　are　concerned。　　There's　a　few　more　things
they'd　be　welcome　to　dump　round　my　way。〃

〃I　don't　seem　to　be　putting　this　thing　quite　in　the　right　light　to
you；　Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　confessed。　　〃It　is　a　long　argument；　and　you
might　not　be　able　to　follow　it；　but　you　must　take　it　as　a　fact　now
generally　admitted　that　the　cheaper　you　buy　things　the　sooner　your
money　goes。　　By　allowing　the　foreigner　to　sell　us　all　these　things　at
about　half　the　cost　price；　he　is　getting　richer　every　day；　and　we　are
getting　poorer。　　Unless　we；　as　a　country；　insist　on　paying　at　least
twenty　per　cent。　more　for　everything　we　want；　it　is　calculated　that
in　a　very　few　years　England　won't　have　a　penny　left。〃

〃Sounds　a　bit　topsy　turvy；〃　suggested　Mrs。　Wilkins。

〃It　may　sound　so；〃　I　answered；　〃but　I　fear　there　can　be　no　doubt　of
it。　　The　Board　of　Trade　Returns　would　seem　to　prove　it　conclusively。〃

〃Well；　God　be　praised；　we've　found　it　out　in　time；〃　ejaculated　Mrs。
Wilkins　piously。

〃It　is　a　matter　of　congratulation；〃　I　agreed；　〃the　difficulty　is　that
a　good　many　other　people　say　that　far　from　being　ruined；　we　are　doing
very　well　indeed；　and　are　growing　richer　every　year。〃

〃But　'ow　can　they　say　that；〃　argued　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃when；　as　you　tell
me；　those　Trade　Returns　prove　just　the　opposite？〃

〃Well；　they　say　the　same；　Mrs。　Wilkins；　that　the　Board　of　Trade
Returns　prove　just　the　opposite。〃

〃Well；　they　can't　both　be　right；〃　said　Mrs。　Wilkins。

〃You　would　be　surprised；　Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　said；　〃how　many　things　can
be　proved　from　Board　of　Trade　Returns！〃

But　I　have　not　yet　thought　of　that　article　for　Pilson。



SHALL　WE　BE　RUINED　BY　CHINESE　CHEAP　LABOUR？



〃What　is　all　this　talk　I　'ear　about　the　Chinese？〃　said　Mrs。　Wilkins
to　me　the　other　morning。　　We　generally　indulge　in　a　little　chat　while
Mrs。　Wilkins　is　laying　the　breakfast…table。　　Letters　and　newspapers
do　not　arrive　in　my　part　of　the　Temple　much　before　nine。　　From　half…
past　eight　to　nine　I　am　rather　glad　of　Mrs。　Wilkins。　　〃They　'ave　been
up　to　some　of　their　tricks　again；　'aven't　they？〃

〃The　foreigner；　Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　replied；　〃whether　he　be　Chinee　or
any　other　he；　is　always　up　to　tricks。　　Was　not　England　specially
prepared　by　an　all…wise　Providence　to　frustrate　these　knavish　tricks？
Which　of　such　particular　tricks　may　you　be　referring　to　at　the
moment；　Mrs。　Wilkins？〃

〃Well；　'e's　comin'　over　'ereisn't　he；　sir？　to　take　the　work　out　of
our　mouths；　as　it　were。〃

〃Well；　not　exactly　over　here；　to　England；　Mrs。　Wilkins；〃　I　explained。
〃He　has　been　introduced　into　Africa　to　work　in　the　mines　there。〃

〃It's　a　funny　thing；〃　said　Mrs。　Wilkins；　〃but　to　'ear　the　way　some　of
them　talk　in　our　block；　you　might　run　away　with　the　notionthat　is；
if　you　didn't　know　'emthat　work　was　their　only　joy。　　I　said　to　one
of　'em；　the　other　eveninga　man　as　calls　'isself　a　brass　finisher；
though；　Lord　knows；　the　only　brass　'e　ever　finishes　is　w