idle ideas in 1905-第13节

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sense　of　the　fitness　of　things。　　The　idea　of　shouting　and　swearing　at
us　fell　from　him：　　and　that　gone　there　seemed　to　be　no　happy　medium
left　to　him。　　The　stiffness　departed　from　his　back。　　He　met　us　with　a
defferential　attitude；　and　spoke　to　us　in　the　language　of　social
intercourse。

〃Good　morning；　gentlemen；〃　said　the　sergeant。

〃Good　morning；〃　we　replied：　　and　there　was　a　pause。

The　sergeant　fidgetted　upon　his　feet。　　We　waited。

〃Well；　now；　gentlemen；〃　said　the　sergeant；　with　a　pleasant　smile；
〃what　do　you　say　to　falling　in？〃

We　agreed　to　fall　in。　　He　showed　us　how　to　do　it。　　He　cast　a　critical
eye　along　the　back　of　our　rear　line。

〃A　little　further　forward；　number　three；　if　you　don't　mind；　sir；〃　he
suggested。

Number　three；　who　was　an　important…looking　gentleman；　stepped
forward。

The　sergeant　cast　his　critical　eye　along　the　front　of　the　first　line。

〃A　little　further　back；　if　you　don't　mind；　sir；〃　he　suggested；
addressing　the　third　gentleman　from　the　end。

〃Can't；〃　explained　the　third　gentleman；　〃much　as　I　can　do　to　keep
where　I　am。〃

The　sergeant　cast　his　critical　eye　between　the　lines。

〃Ah；〃　said　the　sergeant；　〃a　little　full…chested；　some　of　us。　　We　will
make　the　distance　another　foot；　if　you　please；　gentlemen。〃

In　pleasant　manner；　like　to　this；　the　drill　proceeded。

〃Now　then；　gentlemen；　shall　we　try　a　little　walk？　　Quick　march！
Thank　you；　gentlemen。　　Sorry　to　trouble　you；　but　it　may　be　necessary
to　runforward　I　mean；　of　course。。　　So　if　you　really　do　not　mind；　we
will　now　do　the　double　quick。　　Halt！　　And　if　next　time　you　can　keep　a
little　more　in　lineit　has　a　more　imposing　appearance；　if　you
understand　me。　　The　breathing　comes　with　practice。〃

If　the　thing　must　be　done　at　all；　why　should　it　not　be　done　in　this
way？　　Why　should　not　the　sergeant　address　the　new　recruits　politely：

〃Now　then；　you　young　chaps；　are　you　all　ready？　　Don't　hurry
yourselves：　　no　need　to　make　hard　work　of　what　should　be　a　pleasure
to　all　of　us。　　That's　right；　that's　very　good　indeedconsidering　you
are　only　novices。　　But　there　is　still　something　to　be　desired　in　your
attitude；　Private　Bully…boy。　　You　will　excuse　my　being　personal；　but
are　you　knock…kneed　naturally？　　Or　could　you；　with　an　effort；　do　you
think；　contrive　to　give　yourself　less　the　appearance　of　a　marionette
whose　strings　have　become　loose？　　Thank　you；　that　is　better。　　These
little　things　appear　trivial；　I　know；　but；　after　all；　we　may　as　well
try　and　look　our　best　…

〃Don't　you　like　your　boots；　Private　Montmorency？　　Oh；　I　beg　your
pardon。　　I　thought　from　the　way　you　were　bending　down　and　looking　at
them　that　perhaps　their　appearance　was　dissatisfying　to　you。　　My
mistake。

〃Are　you　suffering　from　indigestion；　my　poor　fellow？　　Shall　I　get　you
a　little　brandy？　　It　isn't　indigestion。　　Then　what's　the　matter　with
it？　　Why　are　you　trying　to　hide　it？　　It's　nothing　to　be　ashamed　of。
We've　all　got　one。　　Let　it　come　forward　man。　　Let's　see　it。〃

Having　succeeded；　with　a　few　such　kindly　words；　in　getting　his　line
into　order；　he　would　proceed　to　recommend　healthy　exercise。

〃Shoulder　arms！　　Good；　gentlemen；　very　good　for　a　beginning。　　Yet
still；　if　I　may　be　critical；　not　perfect。　　There　is　more　in　this
thing　than　you　might　imagine；　gentlemen。　　May　I　point　out　to　Private
Henry　Thompson　that　a　musket　carried　across　the　shoulder　at　right
angles　is　apt　to　inconvenience　the　gentleman　behind。　　Even　from　the
point　of　view　of　his　own　comfort；　I　feel　sure　that　Private　Thompson
would　do　better　to　follow　the　usual　custom　in　this　matter。

〃I　would　also　suggest　to　Private　St。　Leonard　that　we　are　not　here　to
practice　the　art　of　balancing　a　heavy　musket　on　the　outstretched　palm
of　the　hand。　　Private　St。　Leonard's　performance　with　the　musket　is
decidedly　clever。　　But　it　is　not　war。

〃Believe　me；　gentlemen；　this　thing　has　been　carefully　worked　out；　and
no　improvement　is　likely　to　result　from　individual　effort。　　Let　our
idea　be　uniformity。　　It　is　monotonous；　but　it　is　safe。　　Now；　then；
gentlemen；　once　again。〃

The　drill　yard　would　be　converted　into　a　source　of　innocent　delight
to　thousands。　　〃Officer　and　gentleman〃　would　become　a　phrase　of
meaning。　　I　present　the　idea；　for　what　it　may　be　worth；　with　my
compliments；　to　Pall　Mall。

The　fault　of　the　military　man　is　that　he　studies　too　much；　reads　too
much　history；　is　over　reflective。　　If；　instead；　he　would　look　about
him　more　he　would　notice　that　things　are　changing。　　Someone　has　told
the　British　military　man　that　Waterloo　was　won　upon　the　playing
fields　of　Eton。　　So　he　goes　to　Eton　and　plays。　　One　of　these　days　he
will　be　called　upon　to　fight　another　Waterloo：　　and　afterwardswhen
it　is　too　latethey　will　explain　to　him　that　it　was　won　not　upon　the
play　field　but　in　the　class　room。

From　the　mound　on　the　old　Waterloo　plain　one　can　form　a　notion　of
what　battles；　under　former　conditions；　must　have　been。　　The　other
battlefields　of　Europe　are　rapidly　disappearing：　　useful　Dutch
cabbages；　as　Carlyle　would　have　pointed　out　with　justifiable
satisfaction；　hiding　the　theatre　of　man's　childish　folly。　　You　find；
generally　speaking；　cobblers　happily　employed　in　cobbling　shoes；
women　gossipping　cheerfully　over　the　washtub　on　the　spot　where　a
hundred　years　ago；　according　to　the　guide…book；　a　thousand　men
dressed　in　blue　and　a　thousand　men　dressed　in　red　rushed　together
like　quarrelsome　fox…terriers；　and　worried　each　other　to　death。

But　the　field　of　Waterloo　is　little　changed。　　The　guide；　whose
grandfather　was　present　at　the　battlequite　an　extraordinary　number
of　grandfathers　must　have　fought　at　Waterloo：　　there　must　have　been
whole　regiments　composed　of　grandfatherscan　point　out　to　you　the
ground　across　which　every　charge　was　delivered；　can　show　you　every
ridge；　still　existing；　behind　which　the　infantry　crouched。　　The　whole
business　was　began　and　finished　within　a　space　little　larger　than　a
square　mile。　　One　can　understand　the　advantage　then　to　be　derived
from　the　perfect　moving　of　the　military　machine；　the　uses　of　the
echelon；　the　purposes　of　the　linked　battalion；　the　manipulation　of
centre；　left　wing　and　right　wing。　　Then　it　may　have　been　worth　while…
…if　war　be　ever　worth　the　whilewhich　grown　men　of　sense　are
beginning　to　doubtto　waste　two　years　of　a　soldier's　training；
teaching　him　the　goose…step。　　In　the　twentieth　century；　teaching
soldiers　the　evolutions　of　the　Thirty　Years'　War　is　about　as　sensible
as　it　would　be　loading　our　iron…clads　with　canvas。

I　followed　once　a　company　of　Volunteers　across　Blackfriars　Bridge　on
their　way　from　Southwark　to　the　Temple。　　At　the　bottom　of　Ludgate
Hill　the　commanding　officer；　a　young　but　conscientious　gentleman；
ordered　〃Left　wheel！〃　　At　once　the　vanguard　turned　down　a　narrow
alleyI　forget　its　namewhich　would　have　led　the　troop　into　the
purlieus　of　Whitefriars；　where；　in　all　probability；　they　would　have
been　lost　for　ever。　　The　whole　company　had　to　be　halted；　right…about…
faced；　and　retired　a　hundred　yards。　　Then　the　order　〃Quick　march！〃
was　given。　　The　vanguard　shot　across　Ludgate　Circus；　and　were　making
for　the　Meat　Market。

At　this　point　that　young　commanding　officer　gave　up　being　a　military
man　and　talked　sense。

〃Not　that　way；〃　he　shouted：　　〃up　Fleet　Street　and　through　Middle
Temple　Lane。〃

Then　without　further　trouble　the　army　of　the　future　went　upon　its
way。



OUGHT　STORIES　TO　BE　TRUE？



There　was　once　upon　a　time　a　charming　young　lady；　possessed　of　much
taste；　who　was　asked　by　her　anxious　parent；　the　years　passing　and
family　expenditure　not　decreasing；　which　of　the　numerous　and　eligible
young　men　then　paying　court　to　her　she　liked　the　best。　　She　replied；
that　was　her　difficulty；　she　could　not　make　up　her　mind　which　she
liked　the　best。　　They　were　all　so　nice。　　She　could　not　possibly
select　one　to　the　exclusion　of　all　the　others。　　What　she　would　have
liked　would　have　been　to　marry　the　lot；　but　that；　she　presumed；　was
impracticable。

I　feel　I　resemble　that　young　lady；　not　so　much　in　charm　and　beauty　as
in　indecision　of　mind；　when　the　question　is　that　of　my　favourite
author　or　my　favourite　book。　　It　is　as　if　one　were　asked　one's
favourite　food。　　There　are　times　when　one　fancies　an　egg　with　one's
tea。　　On　other　occasions　one　dreams　of　a　kipper。　　To…day　one　clamours
for　lobsters。　　To…morrow　one　feels　one　never　wishes　to　see　a　lobster
again。　　One　determines　to　settle　down；　for　a　time；　to　a　diet　of　bread
and　milk　and　rice　pudding。　　Asked　suddenly　to　say　whether　I　preferred
ices　to　soup；　or　beef…steak　to　caviare；　I　should　be　completely
nonplussed。

There　may　be　readers　who　care　for　only　one　literary　diet。　　I　am　a
person　of　gross　appetites；　requiring　many　authors　to　satisfy　me。
There　are　moods　when　the　savage　strength　of　the　Bronte　sisters　is
companionable　to　me。　　One　rejoices　in　the　unrelieved　gloom　of
〃Wuthering　Heights；〃　as　in　the　lowering　skies　of　a　stormy　autumn。
Perhaps　part　of　the　marvel　of　the　book　comes　from　the　knowledge　that
the　authoress　was　a　slight；　delicate　young　girl。　　One　wonders　what
her　future　work　would　have　been；　had　she　lived　to　gain　a　wider
experience　of　life；　or　was　it　well　for　her　fame　that　nature　took　the
pen　so　soon　from　her　hand？　　He