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be   no   drawing   back   from  the bargain;   and   then;  as   the   things had   to   be 

taken out of the window and packed; and the afternoon was yet young; he 

thought   he   might   treat   himself   to   a   taste   of   urban   joys   and   la   vie   de 

Boheme。         Shops      came     first;  of   course;    and    he   flattened    his   nose 

successively against the window with the india…rubber balls in it; and the 

clock…work   locomotive;   and   against   the   barber's   window;   with   wigs   on 

blocks; reminding him of uncles; and shaving…cream that looked so good 

to eat; and the grocer's window; displaying more currants than the whole 

British   population   could   possibly   consume   without   a   special   effort;   and 

the window of the bank; wherein gold was thought so little of that it was 

dealt   about   in   shovels。     Next   there   was   the   market…   place;   with   all   its 

clamorous   joys;   and   when   a   runaway   calf   came   down   the   street   like   a 

cannon…ball; Harold felt that he had not lived in vain。                   The whole place 



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was so brimful of excitement that he had quite forgotten the why and the 

wherefore of his being there; when a sight of the church clock recalled him 

to his better self; and sent him flying out of the town; as he realised he had 

only just time enough left to get back in。                If he were after his appointed 

hour;   he   would   not   only   miss   his   high   triumph;   but   probably   would   be 

detected   as   a   transgressor   of   bounds;a   crime   before   which   a   private 

opinion on multiplication sank to nothingness。                  So he jogged along on his 

homeward way; thinking of many things; and probably talking to himself a 

good deal; as his habit was; and had covered nearly half the distance; when 

suddenlya deadly sinking in the pit of his stomacha paralysis of every 

limbaround him  a   world   extinct   of   light   and   musica   black   sun   and   a 

reeling skyhe had forgotten the tea… things! 

     It was useless; it was hopeless; all was over; and nothing could now be 

done;   nevertheless   he   turned   and   ran   back   wildly;   blindly;   choking   with 

the    big   sobs    that  evoked      neither    pity   nor   comfort     from    a  merciless 

mocking   world   around;   a   stitch   in   his   side;   dust   in   his   eyes;   and   black 

despair clutching at his heart。            So he stumbled on; with leaden legs and 

bursting sides; tillas if Fate had not yet dealt him her last worst buffet 

on turning a corner in the road he almost ran under the wheels of a dog… 

cart;   in   which;   as   it   pulled   up;   was   apparent   the   portly   form   of   Farmer 

Larkin;   the   arch…enemy;   whose   ducks   he   had   been   shying   stones   at   that 

very morning! 

     Had   Harold   been   in   his   right   and   unclouded   senses;   he   would   have 

vanished   through   the   hedge   some   seconds   earlier;   rather   than   pain   the 

farmer by any unpleasant reminiscences which his appearance might call 

up; but as things were; he could only stand and blubber hopelessly; caring; 

indeed; little now what further ill might befall him。                   The farmer; for his 

part; surveyed the desolate figure with some astonishment; calling out in 

no   unfriendly   accents;   〃Why;   Master   Harold!   whatever   be   the   matter? 

Baint runnin' away; be ee?〃 

     Then   Harold;   with   the   unnatural   courage   born   of   desperation;   flung 

himself   on   the   step;   and   climbing   into   the   cart;   fell   in   the   straw   at   the 

bottom   of   it;   sobbing   out     that   he   wanted   to   go    back;   go   back!     The 

situation   had   a   vagueness;   but   the   farmer;   a   man   of   action   rather   than 



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words; swung his horse round smartly; and they were in the town again by 

the time Harold had recovered himself sufficiently to furnish some details。 

As they drove up to the shop; the woman was waiting at the door with the 

parcel; and hardly a minute seemed to have elapsed since the black crisis; 

ere they were bowling along swiftly home; the precious parcel hugged in a 

close embrace。 

     And   now   the   farmer   came   out   in   quite   a   new   and   unexpected   light。 

Never a word did he say of broken fences and hurdles; of trampled crops 

and   harried   flocks   and   herds。     One   would   have   thought   the   man      had 

never possessed a head of live stock in his life。              Instead; he was deeply 

interested in the whole dolorous quest of the tea…things; and sympathised 

with    Harold    on   the  disputed    point   in  mathematics      as  if  he  had   been 

himself   at   the   same   stage   of   education。   As   they   neared   home;   Harold 

found himself; to his surprise; sitting up and chatting to his new friend like 

man to man; and before he was dropped at a convenient gap in the garden 

hedge; he had promised that when Selina gave her first public tea…party; 

little Miss Larkin should be invited to come and bring ha whole sawdust 

family along with her; and the farmer appeared as pleased and proud as if 

he hat been asked to a garden…party at Marlborough House。                   Really; those 

Olympians have certain good points; far down in them。                     I shall have to 

leave off abusing them some day。 

     At the  hour  of   five;  Selina; having   spent the  afternoon searching   for 

Harold in all his accustomed haunts; sat down disconsolately to tea with 

her dolls;   who   ungenerously  refused to   wait beyond   the  appointed   hour。 

The   wooden   tea…things   seemed   more   chipped   than   usual;   and   the   dolls 

themselves had more of wax and sawdust; and less of human colour and 

intelligence about them;   than she   ever   remembered before。               It   was   then 

that Harold burst in; very dusty; his stockings at his heels; and the channels 

ploughed by tears still showing on his grimy cheeks; and Selina was at last 

permitted   to   know   that   he   had   been   thinking   of   her   ever   since   his   ill… 

judged exhibition of temper; and that his sulks had not been the genuine 

article; nor had he gone frogging by himself。             It was a very happy hostess 

who dispensed hospitality that evening to a glassy…eyed stiff…kneed circle; 

and many a dollish gaucherie; that would have been severely checked on 



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ordinary occasions; was as much overlooked as if it had been a birthday。 

     But    Harold     and   I;  in  our   stupid    masculine      way;   thought     all  her 

happiness sprang from possession of the long…coveted tea… service。 



     〃LUSISTI SATIS 〃 

     Among the   many  fatuous ideas that possessed   the   Olympian noddle; 

this   one   was   pre…eminent;   that;   being   Olympians;   they   could   talk   quite 

freely in our presence on subjects of the closest import to us; so long as 

names; dates; and other landmarks were ignored。                    We were supposed to 

be   denied     the   faculty   for   putting   two   and   two   together;   and;   like   the 

monkeys; who very sensibly refrain from speech lest they should be set to 

earn their livings; we were careful to conceal our capabilities for a simple 

syllogism。        Thus     we    were    rarely    taken    by   surprise;    and    so   were 

considered   by   our   disappointed   elders   to   be   apathetic   and   to   lack   the 

divine capacity for wonder。 

     Now the daily output of the letter…bag; with the mysterious discussions 

that   ensued   thereon;   had   speedily   informed   us   that   Uncle   Thomas   was 

intrusted     with   a  mission;a     mission;     too;  affecting    ourselves。     Uncle 

Thomas's   missions   were   many   and   various;   a   self…important   man;   one 

liking the business while protesting that he sank under the burden; he was 

the   missionary;   so   to   speak;   of   our   remote   habitation。    The   matching   a 

ribbon; the running down to the stores; the interviewing a cook;these and 

similar duties lent constant colour and variety to his vacant life in London 

and helped to keep down his figure。                When the matter; however; had in 

our   presence   to   be   referred   to   with   nods   and   pronouns;   with   significant 

hiatuses   and   interpolations   in   the   French   tongue;   then   the   red   flag   was 

flown;  the   storm…con

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