the aspern papers-第21节

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which　lies　to　the　north　of　the　town；　on　the　way　to　Murano。

It　appeared　from　these　circumstances　that　the　Misses　Bordereau

were　Catholics；　a　discovery　I　had　never　made；　as　the　old　woman

could　not　go　to　church　and　her　niece；　so　far　as　I　perceived；

either　did　not　or　went　only　to　early　mass　in　the　parish；

before　I　was　stirring。　　Certainly　even　the　priests　respected

their　seclusion；　I　had　never　caught　the　whisk　of　the　curato's　skirt。

That　evening；　an　hour　later；　I　sent　my　servant　down　with　five

words　written　on　a　card；　to　ask　Miss　Tita　if　she　would　see　me

for　a　few　moments。　　She　was　not　in　the　house；　where　he　had

sought　her；　he　told　me　when　he　came　back；　but　in　the　garden

walking　about　to　refresh　herself　and　gathering　flowers。

He　had　found　her　there　and　she　would　be　very　happy　to　see　me。



I　went　down　and　passed　half　an　hour　with　poor　Miss　Tita。

She　had　always　had　a　look　of　musty　mourning　（as　if　she

were　wearing　out　old　robes　of　sorrow　that　would　not　come

to　an　end）；　and　in　this　respect　there　was　no　appreciable

change　in　her　appearance。　　But　she　evidently　had　been　crying；

crying　a　great　dealsimply；　satisfyingly；　refreshingly；　with　a

sort　of　primitive；　retarded　sense　of　loneliness　and　violence。

But　she　had　none　of　the　formalism　or　the　self…consciousness

of　grief；　and　I　was　almost　surprised　to　see　her　standing

there　in　the　first　dusk　with　her　hands　full　of　flowers；

smiling　at　me　with　her　reddened　eyes。　　Her　white　face；

in　the　frame　of　her　mantilla；　looked　longer；　leaner　than　usual。

I　had　had　an　idea　that　she　would　be　a　good　deal　disgusted

with　mewould　consider　that　I　ought　to　have　been　on　the　spot

to　advise　her；　to　help　her；　and；　though　I　was　sure　there

was　no　rancor　in　her　composition　and　no　great　conviction

of　the　importance　of　her　affairs；　I　had　prepared　myself

for　a　difference　in　her　manner；　for　some　little　injured　look；

half…familiar；　half…estranged；　which　should　say　to　my　conscience；

〃Well；　you　are　a　nice　person　to　have　professed　things！〃

But　historic　truth　compels　me　to　declare　that　Tita　Bordereau's

countenance　expressed　unqualified　pleasure　in　seeing　her　late

aunt's　lodger。　　That　touched　him　extremely；　and　he　thought

it　simplified　his　situation　until　he　found　it　did　not。

I　was　as　kind　to　her　that　evening　as　I　knew　how　to　be；

and　I　walked　about　the　garden　with　her　for　half　an　hour。

There　was　no　explanation　of　any　sort　between　us；　I　did　not　ask

her　why　she　had　not　answered　my　letter。　　Still　less　did　I　repeat

what　I　had　said　to　her　in　that　communication；　if　she　chose　to　let

me　suppose　that　she　had　forgotten　the　position　in　which　Miss

Bordereau　surprised　me　that　night　and　the　effect　of　the　discovery

on　the　old　woman　I　was　quite　willing　to　take　it　that　way：

I　was　grateful　to　her　for　not　treating　me　as　if　I　had

killed　her　aunt。



We　strolled　and　strolled　and　really　not　much　passed　between　us

save　the　recognition　of　her　bereavement；　conveyed　in　my　manner

and　in　a　visible　air　that　she　had　of　depending　on　me　now；

since　I　let　her　see　that　I　took　an　interest　in　her。

Miss　Tita　had　none　of　the　pride　that　makes　a　person　wish

to　preserve　the　look　of　independence；　she　did　not　in　the　least

pretend　that　she　knew　at　present　what　would　become　of　her。

I　forebore　to　touch　particularly　on　that；　however；　for　I　certainly

was　not　prepared　to　say　that　I　would　take　charge　of　her。

I　was　cautious；　not　ignobly；　I　think；　for　I　felt　that　her

knowledge　of　life　was　so　small　that　in　her　unsophisticated

vision　there　would　be　no　reason　whysince　I　seemed　to　pity　her

I　should　not　look　after　her。　　She　told　me　how　her　aunt　had　died；

very　peacefully　at　the　last；　and　how　everything　had　been　done

afterward　by　the　care　of　her　good　friends　（fortunately；　thanks

to　me；　she　said；　smiling；　there　was　money　in　the　house；

and　she　repeated　that　when　once　the　Italians　like　you　they

are　your　friends　for　life）；　and　when　we　had　gone　into　this

she　asked　me　about　my　giro；　my　impressions；　the　places

I　had　seen。　　I　told　her　what　I　could；　making　it　up　partly；

I　am　afraid；　as　in　my　depression　I　had　not　seen　much；

and　after　she　had　heard　me　she　exclaimed；　quite　as　if　she

had　forgotten　her　aunt　and　her　sorrow；　〃Dear；　dear；　how　much

I　should　like　to　do　such　thingsto　take　a　little　journey！〃

It　came　over　me　for　the　moment　that　I　ought　to　propose　some　tour；

say　I　would　take　her　anywhere　she　liked；　and　I　remarked

at　any　rate　that　some　excursionto　give　her　a　change

might　be　managed：　　we　would　think　of　it；　talk　it　over。

I　said　never　a　word　to　her　about　the　Aspern　documents；　asked　no

questions　as　to　what　she　had　ascertained　or　what　had　otherwise

happened　with　regard　to　them　before　Miss　Bordereau's　death。

It　was　not　that　I　was　not　on　pins　and　needles　to　know；　but　that　I

thought　it　more　decent　not　to　betray　my　anxiety　so　soon　after

the　catastrophe。　　I　hoped　she　herself　would　say　something；　but　she

never　glanced　that　way；　and　I　thought　this　natural　at　the　time。

Later　however；　that　night；　it　occurred　to　me　that　her　silence

was　somewhat　strange；　for　if　she　had　talked　of　my　movements；

of　anything　so　detached　as　the　Giorgione　at　Castelfranco；　she　might

have　alluded　to　what　she　could　easily　remember　was　in　my　mind。

It　was　not　to　be　supposed　that　the　emotion　produced　by　her　aunt's

death　had　blotted　out　the　recollection　that　I　was　interested

in　that　lady's　relics；　and　I　fidgeted　afterward　as　it　came

to　me　that　her　reticence　might　very　possibly　mean　simply

that　nothing　had　been　found。　　We　separated　in　the　garden

（it　was　she　who　said　she　must　go　in）；　now　that　she　was　alone

in　the　rooms　I　felt　that　（judged；　at　any　rate；　by　Venetian　ideas）

I　was　on　rather　a　different　footing　in　regard　to　visiting　her　there。

As　I　shook　hands　with　her　for　goodnight　I　asked　her　if　she

had　any　general　planhad　thought　over　what　she　had　better　do。

〃Oh；　yes；　oh；　yes；　but　I　haven't　settled　anything　yet；〃

she　replied　quite　cheerfully。　　Was　her　cheerfulness　explained

by　the　impression　that　I　would　settle　for　her？



I　was　glad　the　next　morning　that　we　had　neglected　practical　questions；

for　this　gave　me　a　pretext　for　seeing　her　again　immediately。

There　was　a　very　practical　question　to　be　touched　upon。

I　owed　it　to　her　to　let　her　know　formally　that　of　course　I　did　not　expect

her　to　keep　me　on　as　a　lodger；　and　also　to　show　some　interest　in　her

own　tenure；　what　she　might　have　on　her　hands　in　the　way　of　a　lease。

But　I　was　not　destined；　as　it　happened；　to　converse　with　her　for　more

than　an　instant　on　either　of　these　points。　　I　sent　her　no　message；

I　simply　went　down　to　the　sala　and　walked　to　and　fro　there。

I　knew　she　would　come　out；　she　would　very　soon　discover　I　was　there。

Somehow　I　preferred　not　to　be　shut　up　with　her；　gardens　and　big

halls　seemed　better　places　to　talk。　　It　was　a　splendid　morning；

with　something　in　the　air　that　told　of　the　waning　of　the　long

Venetian　summer；　a　freshness　from　the　sea　which　stirred　the

flowers　in　the　garden　and　made　a　pleasant　draught　in　the　house；

less　shuttered　and　darkened　now　than　when　the　old　woman　was　alive。

It　was　the　beginning　of　autumn；　of　the　end　of　the　golden　months。

With　this　it　was　the　end　of　my　experimentor　would　be　in　the　course

of　half　an　hour；　when　I　should　really　have　learned　that　the　papers

had　been　reduced　to　ashes。　　After　that　there　would　be　nothing　left

for　me　but　to　go　to　the　station；　for　seriously　（and　as　it　struck　me

in　the　morning　light）　I　could　not　linger　there　to　act　as　guardian

to　a　piece　of　middle…aged　female　helplessness。　　If　she　had　not　saved

the　papers　wherein　should　I　be　indebted　to　her？　　I　think　I　winced

a　little　as　I　asked　myself　how　much；　if　she　HAD　saved　them；

I　should　have　to　recognize　and；　as　it　were；　to　reward　such　a　courtesy。

Might　not　that　circumstance　after　all　saddle　me　with　a　guardianship？

If　this　idea　did　not　make　me　more　uncomfortable　as　I　walked　up

and　down　it　was　because　I　was　convinced　I　had　nothing　to　look　to。

If　the　old　woman　had　not　destroyed　everything　before　she　pounced

upon　me　in　the　parlor　she　had　done　so　afterward。



It　took　Miss　Tita　rather　longer　than　I　had　expected　to　guess　that　I　was　there；

but　when　at　last　she　came　out　she　looked　at　me　without　surprise。

I　said　to　her　that　I　had　been　waiting　for　her；　and　she　asked　why　I　had　not　let

her　know。　　I　was　glad　the　next　day　that　I　had　checked　myself　before　remarking

that　I　had　wished　to　see　if　a　friendly　intuition　would　not　tell　her：

it　became　a　satisfaction　to　me　that　I　had　not　indulged　in　that　rather

tender　joke。　　What　I　did　say　was　virtually　the　truththat　I　was　too　nervous；

since　I　expected　her　now　to　settle　my　fate。



〃Your　fate？〃　said　Miss　Tita；　giving　me　a　queer　look；

and　as　she　spoke　I　noticed　a　rare　change　in　her。

She　was　different　from　what　she　had　been　the　evening　before

less　natural；　less　quiet。　　She　had　been　crying　the　day　before　and

she　was　not　crying　now；　and　yet　she　struck　me　as　less　confident。

It　was　as　if　something　had　happened　to　her　during　the　night；

or　at　least　as　i