the aspern papers-第20节

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ought　to　have　led　me　to　go　out　as　I　had　come。　　I　must　repeat　again　that　it

did　not；　for　I　found　myself　at　the　same　moment　thinking　of　something　else。

I　had　no　definite　purpose；　no　bad　intention；　but　I　felt　myself　held

to　the　spot　by　an　acute；　though　absurd；　sense　of　opportunity。

For　what　I　could　not　have　said；　inasmuch　as　it　was　not　in　my　mind

that　I　might　commit　a　theft。　　Even　if　it　had　been　I　was　confronted

with　the　evident　fact　that　Miss　Bordereau　did　not　leave　her　secretary；

her　cupboard；　and　the　drawers　of　her　tables　gaping。　　I　had　no　keys；

no　tools；　and　no　ambition　to　smash　her　furniture。　　Nonetheless　it　came

to　me　that　I　was　now；　perhaps　alone；　unmolested；　at　the　hour　of　temptation

and　secrecy；　nearer　to　the　tormenting　treasure　than　I　had　ever　been。

I　held　up　my　lamp；　let　the　light　play　on　the　different　objects　as　if　it

could　tell　me　something。　　Still　there　came　no　movement　from　the　other　room。

If　Miss　Tita　was　sleeping　she　was　sleeping　sound。　　Was　she　doing　so

generous　creatureon　purpose　to　leave　me　the　field？　　Did　she　know

I　was　there　and　was　she　just　keeping　quiet　to　see　what　I　would　do

what　I　COULD　do？　　But　what　could　I　do；　when　it　came　to　that？

She　herself　knew　even　better　than　I　how　little。



I　stopped　in　front　of　the　secretary；　looking　at　it

very　idiotically；　for　what　had　it　to　say　to　me　after　all？

In　the　first　place　it　was　locked；　and　in　the　second　it

almost　surely　contained　nothing　in　which　I　was　interested。

Ten　to　one　the　papers　had　been　destroyed；　and　even　if　they

had　not　been　destroyed　the　old　woman　would　not　have　put　them

in　such　a　place　as　that　after　removing　them　from　the　green　trunk

would　not　have　transferred　them；　if　she　had　the　idea　of　their

safety　on　her　brain；　from　the　better　hiding　place　to　the　worse。

The　secretary　was　more　conspicuous；　more　accessible

in　a　room　in　which　she　could　no　longer　mount　guard。

It　opened　with　a　key；　but　there　was　a　little　brass　handle；

like　a　button；　as　well；　I　saw　this　as　I　played　my　lamp　over　it。

I　did　something　more　than　this　at　that　moment：

I　caught　a　glimpse　of　the　possibility　that　Miss　Tita　wished　me

really　to　understand。　　If　she　did　not　wish　me　to　understand；

if　she　wished　me　to　keep　away；　why　had　she　not　locked　the　door

of　communication　between　the　sitting　room　and　the　sala？　　That

would　have　been　a　definite　sign　that　I　was　to　leave　them　alone。

If　I　did　not　leave　them　alone　she　meant　me　to　come　for　a　purpose

a　purpose　now　indicated　by　the　quick；　fantastic　idea　that　to　oblige

me　she　had　unlocked　the　secretary。　　She　had　not　left　the　key；

but　the　lid　would　probably　move　if　I　touched　the　button。

This　theory　fascinated　me；　and　I　bent　over　very　close　to　judge。

I　did　not　propose　to　do　anything；　not　evennot　in　the　least

to　let　down　the　lid；　I　only　wanted　to　test　my　theory；

to　see　if　the　cover　WOULD　move。　　I　touched　the　button

with　my　handa　mere　touch　would　tell　me；　and　as　I　did　so　（it　is

embarrassing　for　me　to　relate　it）；　I　looked　over　my　shoulder。

It　was　a　chance；　an　instinct；　for　I　had　not　heard　anything。

I　almost　let　my　luminary　drop　and　certainly　I　stepped　back；

straightening　myself　up　at　what　I　saw。　　Miss　Bordereau　stood

there　in　her　nightdress；　in　the　doorway　of　her　room；　watching　me；

her　hands　were　raised；　she　had　lifted　the　everlasting

curtain　that　covered　half　her　face；　and　for　the　first；

the　last；　the　only　time　I　beheld　her　extraordinary　eyes。

They　glared　at　me；　they　made　me　horribly　ashamed。

I　never　shall　forget　her　strange　little　bent　white　tottering

figure；　with　its　lifted　head；　her　attitude；　her　expression；

neither　shall　I　forget　the　tone　in　which　as　I　turned；

looking　at　her；　she　hissed　out　passionately；　furiously：



〃Ah；　you　publishing　scoundrel！〃



I　know　not　what　I　stammered；　to　excuse　myself；　to　explain；

but　I　went　toward　her；　to　tell　her　I　meant　no　harm。

She　waved　me　off　with　her　old　hands；　retreating　before　me　in　horror；

and　the　next　thing　I　knew　she　had　fallen　back　with　a　quick　spasm；

as　if　death　had　descended　on　her；　into　Miss　Tita's　arms。







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　IX





I　left　Venice　the　next　morning；　as　soon　as　I　learned　that　the　old

lady　had　not　succumbed；　as　I　feared　at　the　moment；　to　the　shock

I　had　given　herthe　shock　I　may　also　say　she　had　given　me。

How　in　the　world　could　I　have　supposed　her　capable　of　getting　out

of　bed　by　herself？　　I　failed　to　see　Miss　Tita　before　going；　I　only　saw

the　donna；　whom　I　entrusted　with　a　note　for　her　younger　mistress。

In　this　note　I　mentioned　that　I　should　be　absent　but　for　a　few　days。

I　went　to　Treviso；　to　Bassano；　to　Castelfranco；　I　took　walks　and　drives　and

looked　at　musty　old　churches　with　ill…lighted　pictures　and　spent　hours　seated

smoking　at　the　doors　of　cafes；　where　there　were　flies　and　yellow　curtains；

on　the　shady　side　of　sleepy　little　squares。　　In　spite　of　these　pastimes；

which　were　mechanical　and　perfunctory；　I　scantily　enjoyed　my　journey：

there　was　too　strong　a　taste　of　the　disagreeable　in　my　life。

I　had　been　devilish　awkward；　as　the　young　men　say；　to　be　found　by　Miss

Bordereau　in　the　dead　of　night　examining　the　attachment　of　her　bureau；

and　it　had　not　been　less　so　to　have　to　believe　for　a　good　many　hours

afterward　that　it　was　highly　probable　I　had　killed　her。　　In　writing

to　Miss　Tita　I　attempted　to　minimize　these　irregularities；　but　as　she　gave

me　no　word　of　answer　I　could　not　know　what　impression　I　made　upon　her。

It　rankled　in　my　mind　that　I　had　been　called　a　publishing　scoundrel；

for　certainly　I　did　publish　and　certainly　I　had　not　been　very　delicate。

There　was　a　moment　when　I　stood　convinced　that　the　only　way　to　make　up

for　this　latter　fault　was　to　take　myself　away　altogether　on　the　instant；

to　sacrifice　my　hopes　and　relieve　the　two　poor　women　forever　of　the　oppression

of　my　intercourse。　　Then　I　reflected　that　I　had　better　try　a　short

absence　first；　for　I　must　already　have　had　a　sense　（unexpressed　and　dim）

that　in　disappearing　completely　it　would　not　be　merely　my　own　hopes　that　I

should　condemn　to　extinction。　　It　would　perhaps　be　sufficient　if　I　stayed

away　long　enough　to　give　the　elder　lady　time　to　think　she　was　rid　of　me。

That　she　would　wish　to　be　rid　of　me　after　this　（if　I　was　not　rid　of　her）

was　now　not　to　be　doubted：　　that　nocturnal　scene　would　have　cured　her

of　the　disposition　to　put　up　with　my　company　for　the　sake　of　my　dollars。

I　said　to　myself　that　after　all　I　could　not　abandon　Miss　Tita；　and　I　continued

to　say　this　even　while　I　observed　that　she　quite　failed　to　comply　with　my

earnest　request　（I　had　given　her　two　or　three　addresses；　at　little　towns；

post　restante）　that　she　would　let　me　know　how　she　was　getting　on。

I　would　have　made　my　servant　write　to　me　but　that　he　was　unable　to　manage

a　pen。　　It　struck　me　there　was　a　kind　of　scorn　in　Miss　Tita's　silence

（little　disdainful　as　she　had　ever　been）；　so　that　I　was　uncomfortable

and　sore。　　I　had　scruples　about　going　back　and　yet　I　had　others

about　not　doing　so；　for　I　wanted　to　put　myself　on　a　better　footing。

The　end　of　it　was　that　I　did　return　to　Venice　on　the　twelfth　day；

and　as　my　gondola　gently　bumped　against　Miss　Bordereau's　steps　a　certain

palpitation　of　suspense　told　me　that　I　had　done　myself　a　violence

in　holding　off　so　long。



I　had　faced　about　so　abruptly　that　I　had　not　telegraphed　to　my　servant。

He　was　therefore　not　at　the　station　to　meet　me；　but　he　poked

out　his　head　from　an　upper　window　when　I　reached　the　house。

〃They　have　put　her　into　the　earth；　la　vecchia；〃　he　said　to　me

in　the　lower　hall；　while　he　shouldered　my　valise；　and　he　grinned

and　almost　winked；　as　if　he　knew　I　should　be　pleased　at　the　news。



〃She's　dead！〃　　I　exclaimed；　giving　him　a　very　different　look。



〃So　it　appears；　since　they　have　buried　her。〃



〃It's　all　over？　　When　was　the　funeral？〃



〃The　other　yesterday。　　But　a　funeral　you　could　scarcely

call　it；　signore；　it　was　a　dull　little　passeggio　of　two　gondolas。

Poveretta！〃　the　man　continued；　referring　apparently　to　Miss　Tita。

His　conception　of　funerals　was　apparently　that　they　were　mainly

to　amuse　the　living。



I　wanted　to　know　about　Miss　Titahow　she　was　and　where　she　was

but　I　asked　him　no　more　questions　till　we　had　got　upstairs。

Now　that　the　fact　had　met　me　I　took　a　bad　view　of　it；

especially　of　the　idea　that　poor　Miss　Tita　had　had　to　manage

by　herself　after　the　end。　　What　did　she　know　about　arrangements；

about　the　steps　to　take　in　such　a　case？　　Poveretta　indeed！

I　could　only　hope　that　the　doctor　had　given　her　assistance

and　that　she　had　not　been　neglected　by　the　old　friends

of　whom　she　had　told　me；　the　little　band　of　the　faithful

whose　fidelity　consisted　in　coming　to　the　house　once　a　year。

I　elicited　from　my　servant　that　two　old　ladies　and　an　old　gentleman

had　in　fact　rallied　round　Miss　Tita　and　had　supported　her

（they　had　come　for　her　in　a　gondola　of　their　own）　during　the

journey　to　the　cemetery；　the　little　red…walled　island　of　tombs

which　lies　to　the　north　of　the　town；　on　the　way　to　Mu