classic mystery and detective stories-第77节

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yet　which　are　at　war　with　our　strongest　passions。　　If　one　could

only　interpose　some　'unless；'　some　'except；'　even　an　'until；'　which

should　be　short　of　the　grave。　　But　we　cannot。　　The　law　is　infinite；

universal；　eternal；　there　is　no　escape；　no　repose。　　Resist；　strive；

endure；　that　is　the　recurring　cry；　that　is　existence。〃



〃And　peace；〃　I　exclaimed；　appealingly。　　〃Where　is　there　room　for

peace；　if　that　be　true？〃



He　sighed　for　answer；　and　then　in　a　changed　and　lower　tone　added；

〃However　thickly　the　clouds　mass；　however　vainly　we　search　for　a

coming　glimmer　in　their　midst；　we　never　doubt　that　the　sky　IS　still

beyondbeyond　and　around　us；　infinite　and　infinitely　restful。〃



He　raised　his　eyes　as　he　spoke；　and　mine　followed　his。　　We　had

entered　the　wooded　glen。　　Through　the　scanty　autumn　foliage　we

could　see　the　stars　shining　faintly　in　the　dim　moonlight；　and

beyond　them　the　deep　illimitable　blue。　　A　dark　world　it　looked；

distant　and　mysterious；　and　my　young　spirit　rebelled　at　the

consolation　offered　me。



〃Peace　seems　a　long　way　off；〃　I　whispered。



〃It　is　for　me；〃　he　answered；　gently；　〃not　necessarily　for　you。〃



〃Oh；　but　I　am　worse　and　weaker　than　you　are。　　If　life　is　to　be　all

warfare；　I　must　be　beaten。　　I　cannot　always　be　fighting。〃



〃Cannot　you？　　Evie；　what　I　have　been　saying　is　true　of　every　moral

law　worth　having；　of　every　ideal　of　life　worth　striving　after；　that

men　have　yet　conceived。　　But　it　is　only　half　the　truth　of

Christianity。　　You　know　that。　　We　must　strive；　for　the　promise　is

to　him　that　overcometh；　but　though　our　aim　be　even　higher　than　is

that　of　others；　we　cannot　in　the　end　fail　to　reach　it。　　The　victory

of　the　Cross　is　ours。　　You　know　that？　　You　believe　that？〃



〃Yes〃　I　answered；　softly；　too　surprised　to　say　more。　　In　speaking

of　religion　he；　as　a　rule；　showed　to　the　full　the　reserve　which　is

characteristic　of　his　class　and　country；　and　this　sudden　outburst

was　in　itself　astonishing；　but　the　eager　anxiety　with　which　he

emphasized　the　last　words　of　appeal　impressed　and　bewildered　me

still　further。　　We　walked　on　for　some　minutes　in　silence。　　Then

suddenly　Alan　stopped；　and　turning；　took　my　hand　in　his。　　In　what

direction　his　mind　had　been　working　in　the　interval　I　could　not

divine；　but　the　moment　he　began　to　speak　I　felt　that　he　was　now　for

the　first　time　giving　utterance　to　what　had　been　really　at　the

bottom　of　his　thoughts　the　whole　evening。　　Even　in　that　dim　light　I

could　see　the　anxious　look　upon　his　face；　and　his　voice　shook　with

restrained　emotion。



〃Evie；〃　he　said；　〃have　you　ever　thought　of　the　world　in　which　our

spirits　dwell；　as　our　bodies　do　in　this　one　of　matter　and　sense；

and　of　how　it　may　be　peopled？　　I　know；〃　he　went　on　hurriedly；　〃that

it　is　the　fashion　nowadays　to　laugh　at　such　ideas。　　I　envy　those

who　have　never　had　cause　to　be　convinced　of　their　reality；　and　I

hope　that　you　may　long　remain　among　the　number。　　But　should　that

not　be　so；　should　those　unseen　influences　ever　touch　your　life；　I

want　you　to　remember　then；　that；　as　one　of　the　race　for　whom　Christ

died；　you　have　as　high　a　citizenship　in　that　spirit　land　as　any

creature　there：　that　you　are　your　own　soul's　warden；　and　that

neither　principalities　nor　powers　can　rob　you　of　that　your

birthright。〃



I　think　my　face　must　have　shown　my　bewilderment；　for　he　dropped　my

hand；　and　walked　on　with　an　impatient　sigh。



〃You　don't　understand　me。　　Why　should　you？　　I　dare…say　that　I　am

talking　nonsenseonlyonly〃



His　voice　expressed　such　an　agony　of　doubt　and　hesitation　that　I

burst　out



〃I　think　that　I　do　understand　you　a　little；　Alan。　　You　mean　that

even　from　unearthly　enemies　there　is　nothing　that　we　need　really

fearat　least；　that　is；　I　suppose；　nothing　worse　than　death。　　But

that　is　surely　enough！〃



〃Why　should　you　fear　death？〃　he　said；　abruptly；　〃your　soul　will

live。〃



〃Yes；　I　know　that；　but　still〃　　I　stopped　with　a　shudder。



〃What　is　life　after　all　but　one　long　death？〃　he　went　on；　with

sudden　violence。　　〃Our　pleasures；　our　hopes；　our　youth　are　all

dying；　ambition　dies；　and　even　desire　at　last；　our　passions　and

tastes　will　die；　or　will　live　only　to　mourn　their　dead　opportunity。

The　happiness　of　love　dies　with　the　loss　of　the　loved；　and；　worst

of　all；　love　itself　grows　old　in　our　hearts　and　dies。　　Why　should

we　shrink　only　from　the　one　death　which　can　free　us　from　all　the

others？〃



〃It　is　not　true；　Alan！〃　I　cried；　hotly。　　〃What　you　say　is　not　true。

There　are　many　things　even　here　which　are　living　and　shall　live；

and　if　it　were　otherwise；　in　everything；　life　that　ends　in　death　is

better　than　no　life　at　all。〃



〃You　say　that；〃　he　answered；　〃because　for　you　these　things　are　yet

living。　　To　leave　life　now；　therefore；　while　it　is　full　and　sweet；

untainted　by　death；　surely　that　is　not　a　fate　to　fear。　　Better；　a

thousand　times　better；　to　see　the　cord　cut　with　one　blow　while　it

is　still　whole　and　strong；　and　to　launch　out　straight　into　the

great　ocean；　than　to　sit　watching　through　the　slow　years；　while

strand　after　strand；　thread　by　thread；　loosens　and　unwinds　itself；

each　with　its　own　separate　pang　breaking；　bringing　the　bitterness

of　death　without　its　release。



His　manner；　the　despairing　ring　in　his　voice；　alarmed　me　even　more

than　his　words。　　Clinging　to　his　arm　with　both　hands；　while　the

tears　sprang　to　my　eyes



〃Alan；〃　I　cried；　〃don't　say　such　things；don't　talk　like　that。

You　are　making　me　miserable。〃



He　stopped　short　at　my　words；　with　bent　head；　his　features　hidden

in　the　shadow　thus　cast　upon　them；nothing　in　his　motionless　form

to　show　what　was　passing　within　him。　　Then　he　looked　up；　and　turned

his　face　to　the　moonlight　and　to　me；　laying　his　hand　on　one　of

mine。



〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　he　said；　〃it　is　all　right；　my　little　David。　　You

have　driven　the　evil　spirit　away。〃　　And　lifting　my　hand；　he　pressed

it　gently　to　his　lips。　　Then　drawing　it　within　his　arm；　he　went　on；

as　he　walked　forward；　〃And　even　when　it　was　on　me　at　its　worst；　I

was　not　meditating　suicide；　as　I　think　you　imagine。　　I　am　a　very

average　specimen　of　humanity；neither　brave　enough　to　defy　the

possibilities　of　eternity　nor　cowardly　enough　to　shirk　those　of

time。　　No；　I　was　only　trying　idiotically　to　persuade　a　girl　of

eighteen　that　life　was　not　worth　living；　and　more　futilely　still；

myself；　that　I　did　not　wish　her　to　live。　　I　am　afraid；　that　in　my

mind　philosophy　and　fact　have　but　small　connection　with　each　other；

and　though　my　theorizing　for　your　welfare　may　be　true　enough；　yet；

I　cannot　help　it；　Evie；it　would　go　terribly　hard　with　me　if

anything　were　to　happen　to　you。〃



His　voice　trembled　as　he　finished。　　My　fear　had　gone　with　his

return　to　his　natural　manner；　but　my　bewilderment　remained。



〃Why　SHOULD　there　anything　happen　to　me？〃　I　asked。



〃That　is　just　it；〃　he　answered；　after　a　pause；　looking　straight　in

front　of　him　and　drawing　his　hand　wearily　over　his　brow。　　〃I　know

of　no　reason　why　there　should。〃　　Then　giving　a　sigh；　as　if　finally

to　dismiss　from　his　mind　a　worrying　subject〃I　have　acted　for　the

best；〃　he　said；　〃and　may　God　forgive　me　if　I　have　done　wrong。〃



There　was　a　little　silence　after　that；　and　then　he　began　to　talk

again；　steadily　and　quietly。　　The　subject　was　deep　enough　still；　as

deep　as　any　that　we　had　touched　upon；　but　both　voice　and　sentiment

were　calm；　bringing　peace　to　my　spirit；　and　soon　making　me　forget

the　wonder　and　fear　of　a　few　moments　before。　　Very　openly　did　he

talk　as　we　passed　on　across　the　long　trunk　shadows　and　through　the

glades　of　silver　light；　and　I　saw　farther　then　into　the　most　sacred

recesses　of　his　soul　than　I　have　ever　done　before　or　since。



When　we　reached　home　the　moon　had　already　set；　but　some　of　her

beams　seemed　to　have　been　left　behind　within　my　heart；　so　pure　and

peaceful　was　the　light　which　filled　it。



The　same　feeling　continued　with　me　all　through　that　evening。　　After

dinner　some　of　the　party　played　and　sang。　　As　it　was　Sunday；　and

Lucy　was　rigid　in　her　views；　the　music　was　of　a　sacred　character。

I　sat　in　a　low　armchair　in　a　dark　corner　of　the　room；　my　mind　too

dreamy　to　think；　and　too　passive　to　dream。　　I　hardly　interchanged

three　words　with　Alan；　who　remained　in　a　still　darker　spot；

invisible　and　silent　the　whole　time。　　Only　as　we　left　the　room　to

go　to　bed；　I　heard　Lucy　ask　him　if　he　had　a　headache。　　I　did　not

hear　his　answer；　and　before　I　could　see　his　face　he　had　turned　back

again　into　the　drawing…room。





V





It　was　early；　and　when　first　I　got　to　my　room　I　felt　little

inclined　for　sleep。　　I　wandered　to　the　window；　and　drawing　aside

the　curtains；　looked　out　upon　the　still；　starlit　sky。　　At　least　I

should　rest　quiet　to…night。　　The　air　was　very　clear；　and　the　sky

seemed　full　of　stars。　　As　I　stood　there　scraps　of　schoolroom

learning　came　back　to　my　mind。　　That　the　stars　were　all　suns；

surrounded　perhaps　in　their　turn　by　worlds　as　large