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第65节

classic mystery and detective stories-第65节

小说: classic mystery and detective stories 字数: 每页4000字

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transcending all that is ever felt by expansive and expressive

natures。  Slow to be moved; when they do move it is with the whole

mass of the heart。  So it was with me。  I purchased my immunity

from earlier entanglements by the price of my whole life。  I am not

what I was。  Between my past and present self there is a gulf; that

gulf is dark; stormy; and profound。  On the far side stands a youth

of hope; energy; ambition; and unclouded happiness; with great

capacities for loving; on this side a blighted manhood; with no

prospects but suffering and storm。〃



He paused。  With an effort he seemed to master the suggestions

which crowded upon his memory; and continued his narrative in an

equable tone。



〃I had been for several weeks at Heidelberg。  One of my intimate

companions was Kestner; the architect; and he one day proposed to

introduce me to his sister…in…law; Ottilie; of whom he had

repeatedly spoken to me in terms of great affection and esteem。



〃We went; and we were most cordially received。  Ottilie justified

Kestner's praises。  Pretty; but not strikingly soclever; but not

obtrusively so; her soft dark eyes were frank and winning; her

manner was gentle and retiring; with that dash of sentimentalism

which seems native to all German girls; but without any of the

ridiculous extravagance too often seen in them。  I liked her all

the more because I was perfectly at my ease with her; and this was

rarely the case in my relations to young women。  I don't enjoy

their society。



〃You leap at once to the conclusion that we fell in love。  Your

conclusion is precipitate。  Seeing her continually; I grew to

admire and respect her; but the significant smiles; winks; and

hints of friends; pointing unmistakably at a supposed understanding

existing between us; only made me more seriously examine the state

of my feelings; and assured me that I was not in love。  It is true

that I felt a serene pleasure in her society; and that when away

from her she occupied much of my thoughts。  It is true that I often

thought of her as a wife; and in these meditations she appeared as

one eminently calculated to make a happy home。  But it is no less

true that during a temporary absence of hers of a few weeks I felt

no sort of uneasiness; no yearning for her presence; no vacancy in

my life。  I knew; therefore; that it was not love which I felt。



〃So much for my feelings。  What of hers?  They seemed very like my

own。  That she admired me; and was pleased to be with me; was

certain。  That she had a particle of fiery love for me I did not;

could not believe。  And it was probably this very sense of her

calmness which kept my feelings quiet。  For love is a flame which

often can be kindled only by contact with flame。  Certainly this is

so in proud; reserved natures; which are chilled by any contact

with temperature not higher than their own。



〃On her return; however; from that absence I have mentioned; I was

not a little fluttered by an obvious change in her manner; an

impression which subsequent meetings only served to confirm。

Although still very quiet; her manner had become more tender; and

it had that delicious shyness which is the most exquisite of

flatteries; as it is one of the most enchanting of graces。  I saw

her tremble slightly beneath my voice; and blush beneath my gaze。



〃There was no mistaking these signs。  It was clear that she loved

me; and it was no less clear that I; taking fire at this discovery;

was myself rapidly falling in love。  I will not keep you from my

story by idle reflections。  Take another cigar。〃  He rose and paced

up and down the room in silence。





VII



AGALMA





〃At this juncture there arrived from Paris the woman to whom the

great sorrow of my life is due。  A fatalist might read in her

appearance at this particular moment the signs of a prearranged

doom。  A few weeks later; and her arrival would have been harmless;

I should have been shielded from all external influence by the

absorbing force of love。  But; alas! this was not to be。  My fate

had taken another direction。  The woman had arrived whose shadow

was to darken the rest of my existence。  That woman was Agalma

Liebenstein。



〃How is it that the head which we can only see surrounded with a

halo; or a shadow; when the splendors of achievement or the infamy

of shame instruct our eyes; is by the uninstructed eye observed as

wholly vulgar?  We all profess to be physiognomists; how is it we

are so lamentably mistaken in our judgments?  Here was a woman in

whom my ignorant eyes saw nothing at all remarkable except golden

hair of unusual beauty。  When I say golden; I am not speaking

loosely。  I do not mean red or flaxen hair; but hair actually

resembling burnished gold more than anything else。  Its ripples on

her brow caught the light like a coronet。  This was her one beauty;

and it was superb。  For the rest; her features were characterless。

Her figure was tall and full; not graceful; but sweepingly

imposing。  At first I noticed nothing about her except the braided

splendor of her glorious hair。〃



He rose; and went into his bedroom; from which he returned with a

small trinket…box in his hand。  This he laid open on the table;

disclosing a long strand of exquisite fair hair lying on a cushion

of dark…blue velvet。



〃Look at that;〃 he said。  〃Might it not have been cut from an

angel's head?〃



〃It is certainly wonderful。〃



〃It must have been hair like this which crowned the infamous head

of Lucrezia Borgia;〃 he said; bitterly。  〃She; too; had golden

hair; but hers must have been of paler tint; like her nature。〃



He resumed his seat; and; fixing his eyes upon the lock; continued:



〃She was one of Ottilie's friendsdear friends; they called each

other;which meant that they kissed each other profusely; and told

each other all their secrets; or as much as the lying nature of the

sex permitted and suggested。  It is; of course; impossible for me

to disentangle my present knowledge from my past impressions so as

to give you a clear description of what I then thought of Agalma。

Enough that; as a matter of fact; I distinctly remember not to have

admired her; and to have told Ottilie so; and when Ottilie; in

surprise at my insensibility; assured me that men were in general

wonderfully charmed with her (though; for her part; she had never

understood why); I answered; and answered sincerely; that it might

be true with the less refined order of men; but men of taste would

certainly be rather repelled from her。



〃This opinion of mine; or some report of it; reached Agalma。



〃It may have been the proximate cause of my sorrows。  Without this

stimulus to her vanity; she might have left me undisturbed。  I

don't know。  All I know is; that over many men Agalma exercised

great influence; and that over me she exercised the spell of

fascination。  No other word will explain her influence; for it was

not based on excellences such as the mind could recognize to be

attractions; it was based on a mysterious personal power; something

awful in its mysteriousness; as all demoniac powers are。  One

source of her influence over men I think I can explain: she at once

captivated and repelled them。  By artful appeals to their vanity;

she made them interested in her and in her opinion of them; and yet

kept herself inaccessible by a pride which was the more fascinating

because it always seemed about to give way。  Her instinct fastened

upon the weak point in those she approached。  This made her

seductive to men; because she flattered their weak points; and

hateful to women; because she flouted and disclosed their weak

points。



〃Her influence over me began in the following way。  One day; at a

picnic; having been led by her into a conversation respecting the

relative inferiority of the feminine intellect; I was forced to

speak rather more earnestly than usual; when suddenly she turned to

me and exclaimed in a lower voice:



〃'I am willing to credit anything you say; only pray don't continue

talking to me so earnestly。'



〃'Why not?' I asked; surprised。



〃She looked at me with peculiar significance; but remained silent。



〃'May I ask why not?' I asked。



〃'Because; if you do; somebody may be jealous。'  There was a

laughing defiance in her eye as she spoke。



〃'And pray; who has a right to be jealous of me?'



〃'Oh! you know well enough。'



〃It was true; I did know; and she knew that I knew it。  To my shame

be it said that I was weak enough to yield to an equivocation which

I now see to have been disloyal; but which I then pretended to have

been no more than delicacy to Ottilie。  As; in point of fact; there

had never been a word passed between us respecting our mutual

feelings; I considered myself bound in honor to assume that there

was nothing tacitly acknowledged。



〃Piqued by her tone and look; I disavowed the existence of any

clai

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