classic mystery and detective stories-第65节

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transcending　all　that　is　ever　felt　by　expansive　and　expressive

natures。　　Slow　to　be　moved；　when　they　do　move　it　is　with　the　whole

mass　of　the　heart。　　So　it　was　with　me。　　I　purchased　my　immunity

from　earlier　entanglements　by　the　price　of　my　whole　life。　　I　am　not

what　I　was。　　Between　my　past　and　present　self　there　is　a　gulf；　that

gulf　is　dark；　stormy；　and　profound。　　On　the　far　side　stands　a　youth

of　hope；　energy；　ambition；　and　unclouded　happiness；　with　great

capacities　for　loving；　on　this　side　a　blighted　manhood；　with　no

prospects　but　suffering　and　storm。〃



He　paused。　　With　an　effort　he　seemed　to　master　the　suggestions

which　crowded　upon　his　memory；　and　continued　his　narrative　in　an

equable　tone。



〃I　had　been　for　several　weeks　at　Heidelberg。　　One　of　my　intimate

companions　was　Kestner；　the　architect；　and　he　one　day　proposed　to

introduce　me　to　his　sister…in…law；　Ottilie；　of　whom　he　had

repeatedly　spoken　to　me　in　terms　of　great　affection　and　esteem。



〃We　went；　and　we　were　most　cordially　received。　　Ottilie　justified

Kestner's　praises。　　Pretty；　but　not　strikingly　soclever；　but　not

obtrusively　so；　her　soft　dark　eyes　were　frank　and　winning；　her

manner　was　gentle　and　retiring；　with　that　dash　of　sentimentalism

which　seems　native　to　all　German　girls；　but　without　any　of　the

ridiculous　extravagance　too　often　seen　in　them。　　I　liked　her　all

the　more　because　I　was　perfectly　at　my　ease　with　her；　and　this　was

rarely　the　case　in　my　relations　to　young　women。　　I　don't　enjoy

their　society。



〃You　leap　at　once　to　the　conclusion　that　we　fell　in　love。　　Your

conclusion　is　precipitate。　　Seeing　her　continually；　I　grew　to

admire　and　respect　her；　but　the　significant　smiles；　winks；　and

hints　of　friends；　pointing　unmistakably　at　a　supposed　understanding

existing　between　us；　only　made　me　more　seriously　examine　the　state

of　my　feelings；　and　assured　me　that　I　was　not　in　love。　　It　is　true

that　I　felt　a　serene　pleasure　in　her　society；　and　that　when　away

from　her　she　occupied　much　of　my　thoughts。　　It　is　true　that　I　often

thought　of　her　as　a　wife；　and　in　these　meditations　she　appeared　as

one　eminently　calculated　to　make　a　happy　home。　　But　it　is　no　less

true　that　during　a　temporary　absence　of　hers　of　a　few　weeks　I　felt

no　sort　of　uneasiness；　no　yearning　for　her　presence；　no　vacancy　in

my　life。　　I　knew；　therefore；　that　it　was　not　love　which　I　felt。



〃So　much　for　my　feelings。　　What　of　hers？　　They　seemed　very　like　my

own。　　That　she　admired　me；　and　was　pleased　to　be　with　me；　was

certain。　　That　she　had　a　particle　of　fiery　love　for　me　I　did　not；

could　not　believe。　　And　it　was　probably　this　very　sense　of　her

calmness　which　kept　my　feelings　quiet。　　For　love　is　a　flame　which

often　can　be　kindled　only　by　contact　with　flame。　　Certainly　this　is

so　in　proud；　reserved　natures；　which　are　chilled　by　any　contact

with　temperature　not　higher　than　their　own。



〃On　her　return；　however；　from　that　absence　I　have　mentioned；　I　was

not　a　little　fluttered　by　an　obvious　change　in　her　manner；　an

impression　which　subsequent　meetings　only　served　to　confirm。

Although　still　very　quiet；　her　manner　had　become　more　tender；　and

it　had　that　delicious　shyness　which　is　the　most　exquisite　of

flatteries；　as　it　is　one　of　the　most　enchanting　of　graces。　　I　saw

her　tremble　slightly　beneath　my　voice；　and　blush　beneath　my　gaze。



〃There　was　no　mistaking　these　signs。　　It　was　clear　that　she　loved

me；　and　it　was　no　less　clear　that　I；　taking　fire　at　this　discovery；

was　myself　rapidly　falling　in　love。　　I　will　not　keep　you　from　my

story　by　idle　reflections。　　Take　another　cigar。〃　　He　rose　and　paced

up　and　down　the　room　in　silence。





VII



AGALMA





〃At　this　juncture　there　arrived　from　Paris　the　woman　to　whom　the

great　sorrow　of　my　life　is　due。　　A　fatalist　might　read　in　her

appearance　at　this　particular　moment　the　signs　of　a　prearranged

doom。　　A　few　weeks　later；　and　her　arrival　would　have　been　harmless；

I　should　have　been　shielded　from　all　external　influence　by　the

absorbing　force　of　love。　　But；　alas！　this　was　not　to　be。　　My　fate

had　taken　another　direction。　　The　woman　had　arrived　whose　shadow

was　to　darken　the　rest　of　my　existence。　　That　woman　was　Agalma

Liebenstein。



〃How　is　it　that　the　head　which　we　can　only　see　surrounded　with　a

halo；　or　a　shadow；　when　the　splendors　of　achievement　or　the　infamy

of　shame　instruct　our　eyes；　is　by　the　uninstructed　eye　observed　as

wholly　vulgar？　　We　all　profess　to　be　physiognomists；　how　is　it　we

are　so　lamentably　mistaken　in　our　judgments？　　Here　was　a　woman　in

whom　my　ignorant　eyes　saw　nothing　at　all　remarkable　except　golden

hair　of　unusual　beauty。　　When　I　say　golden；　I　am　not　speaking

loosely。　　I　do　not　mean　red　or　flaxen　hair；　but　hair　actually

resembling　burnished　gold　more　than　anything　else。　　Its　ripples　on

her　brow　caught　the　light　like　a　coronet。　　This　was　her　one　beauty；

and　it　was　superb。　　For　the　rest；　her　features　were　characterless。

Her　figure　was　tall　and　full；　not　graceful；　but　sweepingly

imposing。　　At　first　I　noticed　nothing　about　her　except　the　braided

splendor　of　her　glorious　hair。〃



He　rose；　and　went　into　his　bedroom；　from　which　he　returned　with　a

small　trinket…box　in　his　hand。　　This　he　laid　open　on　the　table；

disclosing　a　long　strand　of　exquisite　fair　hair　lying　on　a　cushion

of　dark…blue　velvet。



〃Look　at　that；〃　he　said。　　〃Might　it　not　have　been　cut　from　an

angel's　head？〃



〃It　is　certainly　wonderful。〃



〃It　must　have　been　hair　like　this　which　crowned　the　infamous　head

of　Lucrezia　Borgia；〃　he　said；　bitterly。　　〃She；　too；　had　golden

hair；　but　hers　must　have　been　of　paler　tint；　like　her　nature。〃



He　resumed　his　seat；　and；　fixing　his　eyes　upon　the　lock；　continued：



〃She　was　one　of　Ottilie's　friendsdear　friends；　they　called　each

other；which　meant　that　they　kissed　each　other　profusely；　and　told

each　other　all　their　secrets；　or　as　much　as　the　lying　nature　of　the

sex　permitted　and　suggested。　　It　is；　of　course；　impossible　for　me

to　disentangle　my　present　knowledge　from　my　past　impressions　so　as

to　give　you　a　clear　description　of　what　I　then　thought　of　Agalma。

Enough　that；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　I　distinctly　remember　not　to　have

admired　her；　and　to　have　told　Ottilie　so；　and　when　Ottilie；　in

surprise　at　my　insensibility；　assured　me　that　men　were　in　general

wonderfully　charmed　with　her　（though；　for　her　part；　she　had　never

understood　why）；　I　answered；　and　answered　sincerely；　that　it　might

be　true　with　the　less　refined　order　of　men；　but　men　of　taste　would

certainly　be　rather　repelled　from　her。



〃This　opinion　of　mine；　or　some　report　of　it；　reached　Agalma。



〃It　may　have　been　the　proximate　cause　of　my　sorrows。　　Without　this

stimulus　to　her　vanity；　she　might　have　left　me　undisturbed。　　I

don't　know。　　All　I　know　is；　that　over　many　men　Agalma　exercised

great　influence；　and　that　over　me　she　exercised　the　spell　of

fascination。　　No　other　word　will　explain　her　influence；　for　it　was

not　based　on　excellences　such　as　the　mind　could　recognize　to　be

attractions；　it　was　based　on　a　mysterious　personal　power；　something

awful　in　its　mysteriousness；　as　all　demoniac　powers　are。　　One

source　of　her　influence　over　men　I　think　I　can　explain：　she　at　once

captivated　and　repelled　them。　　By　artful　appeals　to　their　vanity；

she　made　them　interested　in　her　and　in　her　opinion　of　them；　and　yet

kept　herself　inaccessible　by　a　pride　which　was　the　more　fascinating

because　it　always　seemed　about　to　give　way。　　Her　instinct　fastened

upon　the　weak　point　in　those　she　approached。　　This　made　her

seductive　to　men；　because　she　flattered　their　weak　points；　and

hateful　to　women；　because　she　flouted　and　disclosed　their　weak

points。



〃Her　influence　over　me　began　in　the　following　way。　　One　day；　at　a

picnic；　having　been　led　by　her　into　a　conversation　respecting　the

relative　inferiority　of　the　feminine　intellect；　I　was　forced　to

speak　rather　more　earnestly　than　usual；　when　suddenly　she　turned　to

me　and　exclaimed　in　a　lower　voice：



〃'I　am　willing　to　credit　anything　you　say；　only　pray　don't　continue

talking　to　me　so　earnestly。'



〃'Why　not？'　I　asked；　surprised。



〃She　looked　at　me　with　peculiar　significance；　but　remained　silent。



〃'May　I　ask　why　not？'　I　asked。



〃'Because；　if　you　do；　somebody　may　be　jealous。'　　There　was　a

laughing　defiance　in　her　eye　as　she　spoke。



〃'And　pray；　who　has　a　right　to　be　jealous　of　me？'



〃'Oh！　you　know　well　enough。'



〃It　was　true；　I　did　know；　and　she　knew　that　I　knew　it。　　To　my　shame

be　it　said　that　I　was　weak　enough　to　yield　to　an　equivocation　which

I　now　see　to　have　been　disloyal；　but　which　I　then　pretended　to　have

been　no　more　than　delicacy　to　Ottilie。　　As；　in　point　of　fact；　there

had　never　been　a　word　passed　between　us　respecting　our　mutual

feelings；　I　considered　myself　bound　in　honor　to　assume　that　there

was　nothing　tacitly　acknowledged。



〃Piqued　by　her　tone　and　look；　I　disavowed　the　existence　of　any

clai