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The Secret Sharer

by Joseph Conrad







I





On my right hand there were lines of fishing stakes resembling

a mysterious system of half…submerged bamboo fences;

incomprehensible in its division of the domain of tropical fishes;

and crazy of aspect as if abandoned forever by some nomad

tribe of fishermen now gone to the other end of the ocean;

for there was no sign of human habitation as far as the eye

could reach。  To the left a group of barren islets;

suggesting ruins of stone walls; towers; and blockhouses;

had its foundations set in a blue sea that itself looked solid;

so still and stable did it lie below my feet; even the track

of light from the westering sun shone smoothly; without that

animated glitter which tells of an imperceptible ripple。

And when I turned my head to take a parting glance at the tug

which had just left us anchored outside the bar; I saw the straight

line of the flat shore joined to the stable sea; edge to edge;

with a perfect and unmarked closeness; in one leveled floor

half brown; half blue under the enormous dome of the sky。

Corresponding in their insignificance to the islets of the sea;

two small clumps of trees; one on each side of the only fault

in the impeccable joint; marked the mouth of the river Meinam

we had just left on the first preparatory stage of our

homeward journey; and; far back on the inland level; a larger

and loftier mass; the grove surrounding the great Paknam pagoda;

was the only thing on which the eye could rest from the vain

task of exploring the monotonous sweep of the horizon。

Here and there gleams as of a few scattered pieces of silver marked

the windings of the great river; and on the nearest of them;

just within the bar; the tug steaming right into the land became

lost to my sight; hull and funnel and masts; as though the impassive

earth had swallowed her up without an effort; without a tremor。

My eye followed the light cloud of her smoke; now here;

now there; above the plain; according to the devious curves

of the stream; but always fainter and farther away; till I lost

it at last behind the miter…shaped hill of the great pagoda。

And then I was left alone with my ship; anchored at the head

of the Gulf of Siam。



She floated at the starting point of a long journey; very still in an

immense stillness; the shadows of her spars flung far to the eastward

by the setting sun。  At that moment I was alone on her decks。

There was not a sound in herand around us nothing moved; nothing lived;

not a canoe on the water; not a bird in the air; not a cloud in the sky。

In this breathless pause at the threshold of a long passage we seemed

to be measuring our fitness for a long and arduous enterprise; the appointed

task of both our existences to be carried out; far from all human eyes;

with only sky and sea for spectators and for judges。



There must have been some glare in the air to interfere with one's sight;

because it was only just before the sun left us that my roaming eyes

made out beyond the highest ridges of the principal islet of the group

something which did away with the solemnity of perfect solitude。

The tide of darkness flowed on swiftly; and with tropical suddenness

a swarm of stars came out above the shadowy earth; while I lingered yet;

my hand resting lightly on my ship's rail as if on the shoulder of a

trusted friend。  But; with all that multitude of celestial bodies staring

down at one; the comfort of quiet communion with her was gone for good。

And there were also disturbing sounds by this timevoices; footsteps forward;

the steward flitted along the main…deck; a busily ministering spirit;

a hand bell tinkled urgently under the poop deck。。。。



I found my two officers waiting for me near the supper table;

in the lighted cuddy。  We sat down at once; and as I helped

the chief mate; I said:



〃Are you aware that there is a ship anchored inside the islands?

I saw her mastheads above the ridge as the sun went down。〃



He raised sharply his simple face; overcharged by a terrible

growth of whisker; and emitted his usual ejaculations:

〃Bless my soul; sir!  You don't say so!〃



My second mate was a round…cheeked; silent young man; grave beyond

his years; I thought; but as our eyes happened to meet I

detected a slight quiver on his lips。  I looked down at once。

It was not my part to encourage sneering on board my ship。

It must be said; too; that I knew very little of my officers。

In consequence of certain events of no particular significance;

except to myself; I had been appointed to the command only a

fortnight before。  Neither did I know much of the hands forward。

All these people had been together for eighteen months or so;

and my position was that of the only stranger on board。

I mention this because it has some bearing on what is to follow。

But what I felt most was my being a stranger to the ship;

and if all the truth must be told; I was somewhat of a stranger

to myself。  The youngest man on board (barring the second mate);

and untried as yet by a position of the fullest responsibility;

I was willing to take the adequacy of the others for granted。

They had simply to be equal to their tasks; but I wondered

how far I should turn out faithful to that ideal conception

of one's own personality every man sets up for himself secretly。





Meantime the chief mate; with an almost visible effect of collaboration

on the part of his round eyes and frightful whiskers; was trying to evolve

a theory of the anchored ship。  His dominant trait was to take all things

into earnest consideration。  He was of a painstaking turn of mind。

As he used to say; he 〃liked to account to himself〃 for practically

everything that came in his way; down to a miserable scorpion

he had found in his cabin a week before。  The why and the wherefore

of that scorpionhow it got on board and came to select his room

rather than the pantry (which was a dark place and more what a scorpion

would be partial to); and how on earth it managed to drown itself

in the inkwell of his writing deskhad exercised him infinitely。

The ship within the islands was much more easily accounted for;

and just as we were about to rise from table he made his pronouncement。

She was; he doubted not; a ship from home lately arrived。  Probably she

drew too much water to cross the bar except at the top of spring tides。

Therefore she went into that natural harbor to wait for a few days

in preference to remaining in an open roadstead。



〃That's so;〃 confirmed the second mate; suddenly; in his

slightly hoarse voice。  〃She draws over twenty feet。

She's the Liverpool ship Sephora with a cargo of coal。

Hundred and twenty…three days from Cardiff。〃



We looked at him in surprise。



〃The tugboat skipper told me when he came on board

for your letters; sir;〃 explained the young man。

〃He expects to take her up the river the day after tomorrow。〃



After thus overwhelming us with the extent of his information

he slipped out of the cabin。  The mate observed regretfully

that he 〃could not account for that young fellow's whims。〃

What prevented him telling us all about it at once;

he wanted to know。



I detained him as he was making a move。  For the last two days the crew had

had plenty of hard work; and the night before they had very little sleep。

I felt painfully that Ia strangerwas doing something unusual when I

directed him to let all hands turn in without setting an anchor watch。

I proposed to keep on deck myself till one o'clock or thereabouts。

I would get the second mate to relieve me at that hour。



〃He will turn out the cook and the steward at four;〃 I concluded;

〃and then give you a call。  Of course at the slightest sign of any

sort of wind we'll have the hands up and make a start at once。〃



He concealed his astonishment。  〃Very well; sir。〃  Outside the cuddy

he put his head in the second mate's door to inform him of my

unheard…of caprice to take a five hours' anchor watch on myself。

I heard the other raise his voice incredulously〃What? The

Captain himself?〃  Then a few more murmurs; a door closed; then another。

A few moments later I went on deck。



My strangeness; which had made me sleepless; had prompted that

unconventional arrangement; as if I had expected in those solitary

hours of the night to get on terms with the ship of which I

knew nothing; manned by men of whom I knew very little more。

Fast alongside a wharf; littered like any ship in port with a

tangle of unrelated things; invaded by unrelated shore people;

I had hardly seen her yet properly。  Now; as she lay cleared for sea;

the stretch of her main…deck seemed to me very find under the stars。

Very fine; very roomy for her size; and very inviting。

I descended the poop and paced the waist; my mind picturing

to myself the coming passage through the Malay Archipelago;

down the Indian Ocean; and up the Atlantic。  All its phases

were familia

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