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though　calamity　may　live　long；　the　sufferer　may　live　longer　still。〃

On　this；　seeing　that　there　was　little　probability　of　our　coming　to
an　agreement；　I　let　the　argument　drop；　and　my　opponent　presently
left　me　with　as　much　disapprobation　as　he　could　show　without　being
overtly　rude。



CHAPTER　XVIII：　　BIRTH　FORMULAE



I　heard　what　follows　not　from　Arowhena；　but　from　Mr。　Nosnibor　and
some　of　the　gentlemen　who　occasionally　dined　at　the　house：　　they
told　me　that　the　Erewhonians　believe　in　pre…existence；　and　not　only
this　（of　which　I　will　write　more　fully　in　the　next　chapter）；　but
they　believe　that　it　is　of　their　own　free　act　and　deed　in　a
previous　state　that　they　come　to　be　born　into　this　world　at　all。
They　hold　that　the　unborn　are　perpetually　plaguing　and　tormenting
the　married　of　both　sexes；　fluttering　about　them　incessantly；　and
giving　them　no　peace　either　of　mind　or　body　until　they　have
consented　to　take　them　under　their　protection。　　If　this　were　not　so
（this　at　least　is　what　they　urge）；　it　would　be　a　monstrous　freedom
for　one　man　to　take　with　another；　to　say　that　he　should　undergo　the
chances　and　changes　of　this　mortal　life　without　any　option　in　the
matter。　　No　man　would　have　any　right　to　get　married　at　all；
inasmuch　as　he　can　never　tell　what　frightful　misery　his　doing　so
may　entail　forcibly　upon　a　being　who　cannot　be　unhappy　as　long　as
he　does　not　exist。　　They　feel　this　so　strongly　that　they　are
resolved　to　shift　the　blame　on　to　other　shoulders；　and　have
fashioned　a　long　mythology　as　to　the　world　in　which　the　unborn
people　live；　and　what　they　do；　and　the　arts　and　machinations　to
which　they　have　recourse　in　order　to　get　themselves　into　our　own
world。　　But　of　this　more　anon：　　what　I　would　relate　here　is　their
manner　of　dealing　with　those　who　do　come。

It　is　a　distinguishing　peculiarity　of　the　Erewhonians　that　when
they　profess　themselves　to　be　quite　certain　about　any　matter；　and
avow　it　as　a　base　on　which　they　are　to　build　a　system　of　practice；
they　seldom　quite　believe　in　it。　　If　they　smell　a　rat　about　the
precincts　of　a　cherished　institution；　they　will　always　stop　their
noses　to　it　if　they　can。

This　is　what　most　of　them　did　in　this　matter　of　the　unborn；　for　I
cannot　（and　never　could）　think　that　they　seriously　believed　in
their　mythology　concerning　pre…existence：　　they　did　and　they　did
not；　they　did　not　know　themselves　what　they　believed；　all　they　did
know　was　that　it　was　a　disease　not　to　believe　as　they　did。　　The
only　thing　of　which　they　were　quite　sure　was　that　it　was　the
pestering　of　the　unborn　which　caused　them　to　be　brought　into　this
world；　and　that　they　would　not　have　been　here　if　they　would　have
only　let　peaceable　people　alone。

It　would　be　hard　to　disprove　this　position；　and　they　might　have　a
good　case　if　they　would　only　leave　it　as　it　stands。　　But　this　they
will　not　do；　they　must　have　assurance　doubly　sure；　they　must　have
the　written　word　of　the　child　itself　as　soon　as　it　is　born；　giving
the　parents　indemnity　from　all　responsibility　on　the　score　of　its
birth；　and　asserting　its　own　pre…existence。　　They　have　therefore
devised　something　which　they　call　a　birth　formulaa　document　which
varies　in　words　according　to　the　caution　of　parents；　but　is　much
the　same　practically　in　all　cases；　for　it　has　been　the　business　of
the　Erewhonian　lawyers　during　many　ages　to　exercise　their　skill　in
perfecting　it　and　providing　for　every　contingency。

These　formulae　are　printed　on　common　paper　at　a　moderate　cost　for
the　poor；　but　the　rich　have　them　written　on　parchment　and
handsomely　bound；　so　that　the　getting　up　of　a　person's　birth
formula　is　a　test　of　his　social　position。　　They　commence　by　setting
forth；　That　whereas　A。　B。　was　a　member　of　the　kingdom　of　the
unborn；　where　he　was　well　provided　for　in　every　way；　and　had　no
cause　of　discontent；　&c。；　&c。；　he　did　of　his　own　wanton　depravity
and　restlessness　conceive　a　desire　to　enter　into　this　present
world；　that　thereon　having　taken　the　necessary　steps　as　set　forth
in　laws　of　the　unborn　kingdom；　he　did　with　malice　aforethought　set
himself　to　plague　and　pester　two　unfortunate　people　who　had　never
wronged　him；　and　who　were　quite　contented　and　happy　until　he
conceived　this　base　design　against　their　peace；　for　which　wrong　he
now　humbly　entreats　their　pardon。

He　acknowledges　that　he　is　responsible　for　all　physical　blemishes
and　deficiencies　which　may　render　him　answerable　to　the　laws　of　his
country；　that　his　parents　have　nothing　whatever　to　do　with　any　of
these　things；　and　that　they　have　a　right　to　kill　him　at　once　if
they　be　so　minded；　though　he　entreats　them　to　show　their　marvellous
goodness　and　clemency　by　sparing　his　life。　　If　they　will　do　this；
he　promises　to　be　their　most　obedient　and　abject　creature　during
his　earlier　years；　and　indeed　all　his　life；　unless　they　should　see
fit　in　their　abundant　generosity　to　remit　some　portion　of　his
service　hereafter。　　And　so　the　formula　continues；　going　sometimes
into　very　minute　details；　according　to　the　fancies　of　family
lawyers；　who　will　not　make　it　any　shorter　than　they　can　help。

The　deed　being　thus　prepared；　on　the　third　or　fourth　day　after　the
birth　of　the　child；　or　as　they　call　it；　the　〃final　importunity；〃
the　friends　gather　together；　and　there　is　a　feast　held；　where　they
are　all　very　melancholyas　a　general　rule；　I　believe；　quite　truly
soand　make　presents　to　the　father　and　mother　of　the　child　in
order　to　console　them　for　the　injury　which　has　just　been　done　them
by　the　unborn。

By…and…by　the　child　himself　is　brought　down　by　his　nurse；　and　the
company　begin　to　rail　upon　him；　upbraiding　him　for　his
impertinence；　and　asking　him　what　amends　he　proposes　to　make　for
the　wrong　that　he　has　committed；　and　how　he　can　look　for　care　and
nourishment　from　those　who　have　perhaps　already　been　injured　by　the
unborn　on　some　ten　or　twelve　occasions；　for　they　say　of　people　with
large　families；　that　they　have　suffered　terrible　injuries　from　the
unborn；　till　at　last；　when　this　has　been　carried　far　enough；　some
one　suggests　the　formula；　which　is　brought　out　and　solemnly　read　to
the　child　by　the　family　straightener。　　This　gentleman　is　always
invited　on　these　occasions；　for　the　very　fact　of　intrusion　into　a
peaceful　family　shows　a　depravity　on　the　part　of　the　child　which
requires　his　professional　services。

On　being　teased　by　the　reading　and　tweaked　by　the　nurse；　the　child
will　commonly　begin　to　cry；　which　is　reckoned　a　good　sign；　as
showing　a　consciousness　of　guilt。　　He　is　thereon　asked；　Does　he
assent　to　the　formula？　on　which；　as　he　still　continues　crying　and
can　obviously　make　no　answer；　some　one　of　the　friends　comes　forward
and　undertakes　to　sign　the　document　on　his　behalf；　feeling　sure　（so
he　says）　that　the　child　would　do　it　if　he　only　knew　how；　and　that
he　will　release　the　present　signer　from　his　engagement　on　arriving
at　maturity。　　The　friend　then　inscribes　the　signature　of　the　child
at　the　foot　of　the　parchment；　which　is　held　to　bind　the　child　as
much　as　though　he　had　signed　it　himself。

Even　this；　however；　does　not　fully　content　them；　for　they　feel　a
little　uneasy　until　they　have　got　the　child's　own　signature　after
all。　　So　when　he　is　about　fourteen；　these　good　people　partly　bribe
him　by　promises　of　greater　liberty　and　good　things；　and　partly
intimidate　him　through　their　great　power　of　making　themselves
actively　unpleasant　to　him；　so　that　though　there　is　a　show　of
freedom　made；　there　is　really　none；　they　also　use　the　offices　of
the　teachers　in　the　Colleges　of　Unreason；　till　at　last；　in　one　way
or　another；　they　take　very　good　care　that　he　shall　sign　the　paper
by　which　he　professes　to　have　been　a　free　agent　in　coming　into　the
world；　and　to　take　all　the　responsibility　of　having　done　so　on　to
his　own　shoulders。　　And　yet；　though　this　document　is　obviously　the
most　important　which　any　one　can　sign　in　his　whole　life；　they　will
have　him　do　so　at　an　age　when　neither　they　nor　the　law　will　for
many　a　year　allow　any　one　else　to　bind　him　to　the　smallest
obligation；　no　matter　how　righteously　he　may　owe　it；　because　they
hold　him　too　young　to　know　what　he　is　about；　and　do　not　consider　it
fair　that　he　should　commit　himself　to　anything　that　may　prejudice
him　in　after　years。

I　own　that　all　this　seemed　rather　hard；　and　not　of　a　piece　with　the
many　admirable　institutions　existing　among　them。　　I　once　ventured
to　say　a　part　of　what　I　thought　about　it　to　one　of　the　Professors
of　Unreason。　　I　did　it　very　tenderly；　but　his　justification　of　the
system　was　quite　out　of　my　comprehension。　　I　remember　asking　him
whether　he　did　not　think　it　would　do　harm　to　a　lad's　principles；　by
weakening　his　sense　of　the　sanctity　of　his　word　and　of　truth
generally；　that　he　should　be　led　into　entering　upon　a　solemn
declaration　as　to　the　truth　of　things　about　which　all　that　he　can
certainly　know　is　that　he　knows　nothingwhether；　in　fact；　the
teachers　who　so　led　him；　or　who　taught　anything　as　a　certainty　of
which　they　were　themselves　uncertain；　were　not　earning　their　living
by　impairing　the　truth…sense　of　their　pupils　（a　delicate
organisation　mostly）；　and　by　vitiating　one　of　their　most　sacred
instincts。

The　Professor；　who　was　a　delightful　person；　seemed　greatly
s