erewhon-第18节

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the　straightener's　prescription；　for　the　so…called　sanitary　laws　of
Erewhon　are　very　rigorous；　and　unless　the　straightener　was
satisfied　that　his　orders　had　been　obeyed；　the　patient　would　have
been　taken　to　a　hospital　（as　the　poor　are）；　and　would　have　been
much　worse　off。　　Such　at　least　is　the　law；　but　it　is　never
necessary　to　enforce　it。

On　a　subsequent　occasion　I　was　present　at　an　interview　between　Mr。
Nosnibor　and　the　family　straightener；　who　was　considered　competent
to　watch　the　completion　of　the　cure。　　I　was　struck　with　the
delicacy　with　which　he　avoided　even　the　remotest　semblance　of
inquiry　after　the　physical　well…being　of　his　patient；　though　there
was　a　certain　yellowness　about　my　host's　eyes　which　argued　a
bilious　habit　of　body。　　To　have　taken　notice　of　this　would　have
been　a　gross　breach　of　professional　etiquette。　　I　was　told；
however；　that　a　straightener　sometimes　thinks　it　right　to　glance　at
the　possibility　of　some　slight　physical　disorder　if　he　finds　it
important　in　order　to　assist　him　in　his　diagnosis；　but　the　answers
which　he　gets　are　generally　untrue　or　evasive；　and　he　forms　his　own
conclusions　upon　the　matter　as　well　as　he　can。　　Sensible　men　have
been　known　to　say　that　the　straightener　should　in　strict　confidence
be　told　of　every　physical　ailment　that　is　likely　to　bear　upon　the
case；　but　people　are　naturally　shy　of　doing　this；　for　they　do　not
like　lowering　themselves　in　the　opinion　of　the　straightener；　and
his　ignorance　of　medical　science　is　supreme。　　I　heard　of　one　lady；
indeed；　who　had　the　hardihood　to　confess　that　a　furious　outbreak　of
ill…humour　and　extravagant　fancies　for　which　she　was　seeking　advice
was　possibly　the　result　of　indisposition。　　〃You　should　resist
that；〃　said　the　straightener；　in　a　kind；　but　grave　voice；　〃we　can
do　nothing　for　the　bodies　of　our　patients；　such　matters　are　beyond
our　province；　and　I　desire　that　I　may　hear　no　further　particulars。〃
The　lady　burst　into　tears；　and　promised　faithfully　that　she　would
never　be　unwell　again。

But　to　return　to　Mr。　Nosnibor。　　As　the　afternoon　wore　on　many
carriages　drove　up　with　callers　to　inquire　how　he　had　stood　his
flogging。　　It　had　been　very　severe；　but　the　kind　inquiries　upon
every　side　gave　him　great　pleasure；　and　he　assured　me　that　he　felt
almost　tempted　to　do　wrong　again　by　the　solicitude　with　which　his
friends　had　treated　him　during　his　recovery：　　in　this　I　need　hardly
say　that　he　was　not　serious。

During　the　remainder　of　my　stay　in　the　country　Mr。　Nosnibor　was
constantly　attentive　to　his　business；　and　largely　increased　his
already　great　possessions；　but　I　never　heard　a　whisper　to　the
effect　of　his　having　been　indisposed　a　second　time；　or　made　money
by　other　than　the　most　strictly　honourable　means。　　I　did　hear
afterwards　in　confidence　that　there　had　been　reason　to　believe　that
his　health　had　been　not　a　little　affected　by　the　straightener's
treatment；　but　his　friends　did　not　choose　to　be　over…curious　upon
the　subject；　and　on　his　return　to　his　affairs　it　was　by　common
consent　passed　over　as　hardly　criminal　in　one　who　was　otherwise　so
much　afflicted。　　For　they　regard　bodily　ailments　as　the　more　venial
in　proportion　as　they　have　been　produced　by　causes　independent　of
the　constitution。　　Thus　if　a　person　ruin　his　health　by　excessive
indulgence　at　the　table　or　by　drinking；　they　count　it　to　be　almost
a　part　of　the　mental　disease　which　brought　it　about；　and　so　it　goes
for　little；　but　they　have　no　mercy　on　such　illnesses　as　fevers　or
catarrhs　or　lung　diseases；　which　to　us　appear　to　be　beyond　the
control　of　the　individual。　　They　are　only　more　lenient　towards　the
diseases　of　the　youngsuch　as　measles；　which　they　think　to　be　like
sowing　one's　wild　oatsand　look　over　them　as　pardonable
indiscretions　if　they　have　not　been　too　serious；　and　if　they　are
atoned　for　by　complete　subsequent　recovery。

It　is　hardly　necessary　to　say　that　the　office　of　straightener　is
one　which　requires　long　and　special　training。　　It　stands　to　reason
that　he　who　would　cure　a　moral　ailment　must　be　practically
acquainted　with　it　in　all　its　bearings。　　The　student　for　the
profession　of　straightener　is　required　to　set　apart　certain　seasons
for　the　practice　of　each　vice　in　turn；　as　a　religious　duty。　　These
seasons　are　called　〃fasts；〃　and　are　continued　by　the　student　until
he　finds　that　he　really　can　subdue　all　the　more　usual　vices　in　his
own　person；　and　hence　can　advise　his　patients　from　the　results　of
his　own　experience。

Those　who　intend　to　be　specialists；　rather　than　general
practitioners；　devote　themselves　more　particularly　to　the　branch　in
which　their　practice　will　mainly　lie。　　Some　students　have　been
obliged　to　continue　their　exercises　during　their　whole　lives；　and
some　devoted　men　have　actually　died　as　martyrs　to　the　drink；　or
gluttony；　or　whatever　branch　of　vice　they　may　have　chosen　for　their
especial　study。　　The　greater　number；　however；　take　no　harm　by　the
excursions　into　the　various　departments　of　vice　which　it　is
incumbent　upon　them　to　study。

For　the　Erewhonians　hold　that　unalloyed　virtue　is　not　a　thing　to　be
immoderately　indulged　in。　　I　was　shown　more　than　one　case　in　which
the　real　or　supposed　virtues　of　parents　were　visited　upon　the
children　to　the　third　and　fourth　generation。　　The　straighteners　say
that　the　most　that　can　be　truly　said　for　virtue　is　that　there　is　a
considerable　balance　in　its　favour；　and　that　it　is　on　the　whole　a
good　deal　better　to　be　on　its　side　than　against　it；　but　they　urge
that　there　is　much　pseudo…virtue　going　about；　which　is　apt　to　let
people　in　very　badly　before　they　find　it　out。　　Those　men；　they　say；
are　best　who　are　not　remarkable　either　for　vice　or　virtue。　　I　told
them　about　Hogarth's　idle　and　industrious　apprentices；　but　they　did
not　seem　to　think　that　the　industrious　apprentice　was　a　very　nice
person。



CHAPTER　XI：　　SOME　EREWHONIAN　TRIALS



In　Erewhon　as　in　other　countries　there　are　some　courts　of　justice
that　deal　with　special　subjects。　　Misfortune　generally；　as　I　have
above　explained；　is　considered　more　or　less　criminal；　but　it　admits
of　classification；　and　a　court　is　assigned　to　each　of　the　main
heads　under　which　it　can　be　supposed　to　fall。　　Not　very　long　after
I　had　reached　the　capital　I　strolled　into　the　Personal　Bereavement
Court；　and　was　much　both　interested　and　pained　by　listening　to　the
trial　of　a　man　who　was　accused　of　having　just　lost　a　wife　to　whom
he　had　been　tenderly　attached；　and　who　had　left　him　with　three
little　children；　of　whom　the　eldest　was　only　three　years　old。

The　defence　which　the　prisoner's　counsel　endeavoured　to　establish
was；　that　the　prisoner　had　never　really　loved　his　wife；　but　it
broke　down　completely；　for　the　public　prosecutor　called　witness
after　witness　who　deposed　to　the　fact　that　the　couple　had　been
devoted　to　one　another；　and　the　prisoner　repeatedly　wept　as
incidents　were　put　in　evidence　that　reminded　him　of　the　irreparable
nature　of　the　loss　he　had　sustained。　　The　jury　returned　a　verdict
of　guilty　after　very　little　deliberation；　but　recommended　the
prisoner　to　mercy　on　the　ground　that　he　had　but　recently　insured
his　wife's　life　for　a　considerable　sum；　and　might　be　deemed　lucky
inasmuch　as　he　had　received　the　money　without　demur　from　the
insurance　company；　though　he　had　only　paid　two　premiums。

I　have　just　said　that　the　jury　found　the　prisoner　guilty。　　When　the
judge　passed　sentence；　I　was　struck　with　the　way　in　which　the
prisoner's　counsel　was　rebuked　for　having　referred　to　a　work　in
which　the　guilt　of　such　misfortunes　as　the　prisoner's　was
extenuated　to　a　degree　that　roused　the　indignation　of　the　court。

〃We　shall　have；〃　said　the　judge；　〃these　crude　and　subversionary
books　from　time　to　time　until　it　is　recognised　as　an　axiom　of
morality　that　luck　is　the　only　fit　object　of　human　veneration。　　How
far　a　man　has　any　right　to　be　more　lucky　and　hence　more　venerable
than　his　neighbours；　is　a　point　that　always　has　been；　and　always
will　be；　settled　proximately　by　a　kind　of　higgling　and　haggling　of
the　market；　and　ultimately　by　brute　force；　but　however　this　may　be；
it　stands　to　reason　that　no　man　should　be　allowed　to　be　unlucky　to
more　than　a　very　moderate　extent。〃

Then；　turning　to　the　prisoner；　the　judge　continued：…　〃You　have
suffered　a　great　loss。　　Nature　attaches　a　severe　penalty　to　such
offences；　and　human　law　must　emphasise　the　decrees　of　nature。　　But
for　the　recommendation　of　the　jury　I　should　have　given　you　six
months'　hard　labour。　　I　will；　however；　commute　your　sentence　to　one
of　three　months；　with　the　option　of　a　fine　of　twenty…five　per　cent。
of　the　money　you　have　received　from　the　insurance　company。〃

The　prisoner　thanked　the　judge；　and　said　that　as　he　had　no　one　to
look　after　his　children　if　he　was　sent　to　prison；　he　would　embrace
the　option　mercifully　permitted　him　by　his　lordship；　and　pay　the
sum　he　had　named。　　He　was　then　removed　from　the　dock。

The　next　case　was　that　of　a　youth　barely　arrived　at　man's　estate；
who　was　charged　with　having　been　swindled　out　of　large　property
during　his　minority　by　his　guardian；　who　was　also　one　of　his
nearest　relations。　　His　father　had　been　long　dead；　and　it　was　for
this　reason　that　his　offence　came　on　for　trial　in　the　Pers