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arrives; and in a couple of weeks has grasped domestic details; of
which the master diplomatist at the head of the house is quite
ignorant。 Or perhaps he /does/ see; and shuts his eyes deliberately;
as part of the father's /role/。 There is a mystery here which I must
plumb。



IV

THE SAME TO THE SAME
December 15th。

Yesterday; at two o'clock; I went to drive in the Champs…Elysees and
the Bois de Boulogne。 It was one of those autumn days which we used to
find so beautiful on the banks of the Loire。 So I have seen Paris at
last! The Place Louis XV。 is certainly very fine; but the beauty is
that of man's handiwork。

I was dressed to perfection; pensive; with set face (though inwardly
much tempted to laugh); under a lovely hat; my arms crossed。 Would you
believe it? Not a single smile was thrown at me; not one poor youth
was struck motionless as I passed; not a soul turned to look again;
and yet the carriage proceeded with a deliberation worthy of my pose。

No; I am wrong; there was onea duke; and a charming manwho
suddenly reined in as we went by。 The individual who thus saved
appearances for me was my father; and he proclaimed himself highly
gratified by what he saw。 I met my mother also; who sent me a
butterfly kiss from the tips of her fingers。 The worthy Griffith; who
fears no man; cast her glances hither and thither without
discrimination。 In my judgment; a young woman should always know
exactly what her eye is resting on。

I was mad with rage。 One man actually inspected my carriage without
noticing me。 This flattering homage probably came from a carriage…
maker。 I have been quite out in the reckoning of my forces。 Plainly;
beauty; that rare gift which comes from heaven; is commoner in Paris
than I thought。 I saw hats doffed with deference to simpering fools; a
purple face called forth murmurs of; 〃It is she!〃 My mother received
an immense amount of admiration。 There is an answer to this problem;
and I mean to find it。

The men; my dear; seemed to me generally very ugly。 The very few
exceptions are bad copies of us。 Heaven knows what evil genius has
inspired their costume; it is amazingly inelegant compared with those
of former generations。 It has no distinction; no beauty of color or
romance; it appeals neither to the senses; nor the mind; nor the eye;
and it must be very uncomfortable。 It is meagre and stunted。 The hat;
above all; struck me; it is a sort of truncated column; and does not
adapt itself in the least to the shape of the head; but I am told it
is easier to bring about a revolution than to invent a graceful hat。
Courage in Paris recoils before the thought of appearing in a round
felt; and for lack of one day's daring; men stick all their lives to
this ridiculous headpiece。 And yet Frenchmen are said to be fickle!

The men are hideous anyway; whatever they put on their heads。 I have
seen nothing but worn; hard faces; with no calm nor peace in the
expression; the harsh lines and furrows speak of foiled ambition and
smarting vanity。 A fine forehead is rarely seen。

〃And these are the product of Paris!〃 I said to Miss Griffith。

〃Most cultivated and pleasant men;〃 she replied。

I was silent。 The heart of a spinster of thirty…six is a well of
tolerance。

In the evening I went to the ball; where I kept close to my mother's
side。 She gave me her arm with a devotion which did not miss its
reward。 All the honors were for her; I was made the pretext for
charming compliments。 She was clever enough to find me fools for my
partners; who one and all expatiated on the heat and the beauty of the
ball; till you might suppose I was freezing and blind。 Not one failed
to enlarge on the strange; unheard…of; extraordinary; odd; remarkable
factthat he saw me for the first time。

My dress; which dazzled me as I paraded alone in my white…and…gold
drawing…room; was barely noticeable amidst the gorgeous finery of most
of the married women。 Each had her band of faithful followers; and
they all watched each other askance。 A few were radiant in triumphant
beauty; and amongst these was my mother。 A girl at a ball is a mere
dancing…machinea thing of no consequence whatever。

The men; with rare exceptions; did not impress me more favorably here
than at the Champs…Elysees。 They have a used…up look; their features
are meaningless; or rather they have all the same meaning。 The proud;
stalwart bearing which we find in the portraits of our ancestorsmen
who joined moral to physical vigorhas disappeared。 Yet in this
gathering there was one man of remarkable ability; who stood out from
the rest by the beauty of his face。 But even he did not rouse in me
the feeling which I should have expected。 I do not know his works; and
he is a man of no family。 Whatever the genius and the merits of a
plebeian or a commoner; he could never stir my blood。 Besides; this
man was obviously so much more taken up with himself than with anybody
else; that I could not but think these great brain…workers must look
on us as things rather than persons。 When men of intellectual power
love; they ought to give up writing; otherwise their love is not the
real thing。 The lady of their heart does not come first in all their
thoughts。 I seemed to read all this in the bearing of the man I speak
of。 I am told he is a professor; orator; and author; whose ambition
makes him the slave of every bigwig。

My mind was made up on the spot。 It was unworthy of me; I determined;
to quarrel with society for not being impressed by my merits; and I
gave myself up to the simple pleasure of dancing; which I thoroughly
enjoyed。 I heard a great deal of inept gossip about people of whom I
know nothing; but perhaps it is my ignorance on many subjects which
prevents me from appreciating it; as I saw that most men and women
took a lively pleasure in certain remarks; whether falling from their
own lips or those of others。 Society bristles with enigmas which look
hard to solve。 It is a perfect maze of intrigue。 Yet I am fairly quick
of sight and hearing; and as to my wits; Mlle。 de Maucombe does not
need to be told!

I returned home tired with a pleasant sort of tiredness; and in all
innocence began describing my sensations to my mother; who was with
me。 She checked me with the warning that I must never say such things
to any one but her。

〃My dear child;〃 she added; 〃it needs as much tact to know when to be
silent as when to speak。〃

This advice brought home to me the nature of the sensations which
ought to be concealed from every one; not excepting perhaps even a
mother。 At a glance I measured the vast field of feminine duplicity。 I
can assure you; sweetheart; that we; in our unabashed simplicity;
would pass for two very wide…awake little scandal…mongers。 What
lessons may be conveyed in a finger on the lips; in a word; a look!
All in a moment I was seized with excessive shyness。 What! may I never
again speak of the natural pleasure I feel in the exercise of dancing?
〃How then;〃 I said to myself; 〃about the deeper feelings?〃

I went to bed sorrowful; and I still suffer from the shock produced by
this first collision of my frank; joyous nature with the harsh laws of
society。 Already the highway hedges are flecked with my white wool!
Farewell; beloved。



V

RENEE DE MAUCOMBE TO LOUISE DE CHAULIEU
October。

How deeply your letter moved me; above all; when I compare our widely
different destinies! How brilliant is the world you are entering; how
peaceful the retreat where I shall end my modest career!

In the Castle of Maucombe; which is so well known to you by
description that I shall say no more of it; I found my room almost
exactly as I left it; only now I can enjoy the splendid view it gives
of the Gemenos valley; which my childish eyes used to see without
comprehending。 A fortnight after my arrival; my father and mother took
me; along with my two brothers; to dine with one of our neighbors; M。
de l'Estorade; an old gentleman of good family; who has made himself
rich; after the provincial fashion; by scraping and paring。

M。 de l'Estorade was unable to save his only son from the clutches of
Bonaparte; after successfully eluding the conscription; he was forced
to send him to the army in 1813; to join the Emperor's bodyguard。
After Leipsic no more was heard of him。 M。 de Montriveau; whom the
father interviewed in 1814; declared that he had seen him taken by the
Russians。 Mme。 de l'Estorade died of grief whilst a vain search was
being made in Russia。 The Baron; a very pious old man; practised that
fine theological virtue which we used to cultivate at BloisHope!
Hope made him see his son in dreams。 He hoarded his income for him;
and guarded carefully the portion of inheritance which fell to him
from the family of the late Mme。 de l'Estorade; no one venturing to
ridicule the old man。

At last it dawned upon me that the unexpected return of this son was
the cause of my own。 Who could have imagined; whilst fancy was leading
us a giddy dance; that my destined husband was slowly traveling on
foot through Russia; Poland; and Germany? His bad luck only forsook
him at Berlin; where the French Minister helped his return to his
native country。 M。 de l'Estorade

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