letters of two brides-第5节

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Renee；　tell　me；　do　you　think　we　could　be　betrayed　by　a　man？

Miss　Griffith　has　at　last　discerned　that　I　am　not　an　utter　ignoramus；
that　I　have　somewhere　a　hidden　vein　of　knowledge；　the　knowledge　we
learned　from　each　other　in　our　random　arguments。　She　sees　that　it　is
only　superficial　facts　of　which　I　am　ignorant。　The　poor　thing　has
opened　her　heart　to　me。　Her　curt　reply　to　my　question；　when　I　compare
it　with　all　the　sorrows　I　can　imagine；　makes　me　feel　quite　creepy。
Once　more　she　urged　me　not　to　be　dazzled　by　the　glitter　of　society；　to
be　always　on　my　guard；　especially　against　what　most　attracted　me。　This
is　the　sum…total　of　her　wisdom；　and　I　can　get　nothing　more　out　of　her。
Her　lectures；　therefore；　become　a　trifle　monotonous；　and　she　might　be
compared　in　this　respect　to　the　bird　which　has　only　one　cry。



III

THE　SAME　TO　THE　SAME
December。

My　Darling；Here　I　am　ready　to　make　my　bow　to　the　world。　By　way　of
preparation　I　have　been　trying　to　commit　all　the　follies　I　could　think
of　before　sobering　down　for　my　entry。　This　morning；　I　have　seen
myself；　after　many　rehearsals；　well　and　duly　equippedstays；　shoes；
curls；　dress；　ornaments；all　in　order。　Following　the　example　of
duelists　before　a　meeting；　I　tried　my　arms　in　the　privacy　of　my
chamber。　I　wanted　to　see　how　I　would　look；　and　had　no　difficulty　in
discovering　a　certain　air　of　victory　and　triumph；　bound　to　carry　all
before　it。　I　mustered　all　my　forces；　in　accordance　with　that　splendid
maxim　of　antiquity；　〃Know　thyself！〃　and　boundless　was　my　delight　in
thus　making　my　own　acquaintance。　Griffith　was　the　sole　spectator　of
this　doll's　play；　in　which　I　was　at　once　doll　and　child。　You　think　you
know　me？　You　are　hugely　mistaken。

Here　is　a　portrait；　then；　Renee；　of　your　sister；　formerly　disguised　as
a　Carmelite；　now　brought　to　life　again　as　a　frivolous　society　girl。
She　is　one　of　the　greatest　beauties　in　FranceProvence；　of　course；
excepted。　I　don't　see　that　I　can　give　a　more　accurate　summary　of　this
interesting　topic。

True；　I　have　my　weak　points；　but　were　I　a　man；　I　should　adore　them。
They　arise　from　what　is　most　promising　in　me。　When　you　have　spent　a
fortnight　admiring　the　exquisite　curves　of　your　mother's　arms；　and
that　mother　the　Duchesse　de　Chaulieu；　it　is　impossible；　my　dear；　not
to　deplore　your　own　angular　elbows。　Yet　there　is　consolation　in
observing　the　fineness　of　the　wrist；　and　a　certain　grace　of　line　in
those　hollows；　which　will　yet　fill　out　and　show　plump；　round；　and　well
modeled；　under　the　satiny　skin。　The　somewhat　crude　outline　of　the　arms
is　seen　again　in　the　shoulders。　Strictly　speaking；　indeed；　I　have　no
shoulders；　but　only　two　bony　blades；　standing　out　in　harsh　relief。　My
figure　also　lacks　pliancy；　there　is　a　stiffness　about　the　side　lines。

Poof！　There's　the　worst　out。　But　then　the　contours　are　bold　and
delicate；　the　bright；　pure　flame　of　health　bites　into　the　vigorous
lines；　a　flood　of　life　and　of　blue　blood　pulses　under　the　transparent
skin；　and　the　fairest　daughter　of　Eve　would　seem　a　Negress　beside　me！
I　have　the　foot　of　a　gazelle！　My　joints　are　finely　turned；　my　features
of　a　Greek　correctness。　It　is　true；　madame；　that　the　flesh　tints　do
not　melt　into　each　other；　but；　at　least；　they　stand　out　clear　and
bright。　In　short；　I　am　a　very　pretty　green　fruit；　with　all　the　charm
of　unripeness。　I　see　a　great　likeness　to　the　face　in　my　aunt's　old
missal；　which　rises　out　of　a　violet　lily。

There　is　no　silly　weakness　in　the　blue　of　my　insolent　eyes；　the　white
is　pure　mother…of…pearl；　prettily　marked　with　tiny　veins；　and　the
thick；　long　lashes　fall　like　a　silken　fringe。　My　forehead　sparkles；
and　the　hair　grows　deliciously；　it　ripples　into　waves　of　pale　gold；
growing　browner　towards　the　centre；　whence　escape　little　rebel　locks；
which　alone　would　tell　that　my　fairness　is　not　of　the　insipid　and
hysterical　type。　I　am　a　tropical　blonde；　with　plenty　of　blood　in　my
veins；　a　blonde　more　apt　to　strike　than　to　turn　the　cheek。　What　do　you
think　the　hairdresser　proposed？　He　wanted；　if　you　please；　to　smooth　my
hair　into　two　bands；　and　place　over　my　forehead　a　pearl；　kept　in　place
by　a　gold　chain！　He　said　it　would　recall　the　Middle　Ages。

I　told　him　I　was　not　aged　enough　to　have　reached　the　middle；　or　to
need　an　ornament　to　freshen　me　up！

The　nose　is　slender；　and　the　well…cut　nostrils　are　separated　by　a
sweet　little　pink　partitionan　imperious；　mocking　nose；　with　a　tip
too　sensitive　ever　to　grow　fat　or　red。　Sweetheart；　if　this　won't　find
a　husband　for　a　dowerless　maiden；　I'm　a　donkey。　The　ears　are　daintily
curled；　a　pearl　hanging　from　either　lobe　would　show　yellow。　The　neck
is　long；　and　has　an　undulating　motion　full　of　dignity。　In　the　shade
the　white　ripens　to　a　golden　tinge。　Perhaps　the　mouth　is　a　little
large。　But　how　expressive！　what　a　color　on　the　lips！　how　prettily　the
teeth　laugh！

Then；　dear；　there　is　a　harmony　running　through　all。　What　a　gait！　what
a　voice！　We　have　not　forgotten　how　our　grandmother's　skirts　fell　into
place　without　a　touch。　In　a　word；　I　am　lovely　and　charming。　When　the
mood　comes；　I　can　laugh　one　of　our　good　old　laughs；　and　no　one　will
think　the　less　of　me；　the　dimples；　impressed　by　Comedy's　light　fingers
on　my　fair　cheeks；　will　command　respect。　Or　I　can　let　my　eyes　fall　and
my　heart　freeze　under　my　snowy　brows。　I　can　pose　as　a　Madonna　with
melancholy；　swan…like　neck；　and　the　painters'　virgins　will　be　nowhere；
my　place　in　heaven　would　be　far　above　them。　A　man　would　be　forced　to
chant　when　he　spoke　to　me。

So；　you　see；　my　panoply　is　complete；　and　I　can　run　the　whole　gamut　of
coquetry　from　deepest　bass　to　shrillest　treble。　It　is　a　huge　advantage
not　to　be　all　of　one　piece。　Now；　my　mother　is　neither　playful　nor
virginal。　Her　only　attitude　is　an　imposing　one；　when　she　ceases　to　be
majestic；　she　is　ferocious。　It　is　difficult　for　her　to　heal　the　wounds
she　makes；　whereas　I　can　wound　and　heal　together。　We　are　absolutely
unlike；　and　therefore　there　could　not　possibly　be　rivalry　between　us；
unless　indeed　we　quarreled　over　the　greater　or　less　perfection　of　our
extremities；　which　are　similar。　I　take　after　my　father；　who　is　shrewd
and　subtle。　I　have　the　manner　of　my　grandmother　and　her　charming
voice；　which　becomes　falsetto　when　forced；　but　is　a　sweet…toned　chest
voice　at　the　ordinary　pitch　of　a　quiet　talk。

I　feel　as　if　I　had　left　the　convent　to…day　for　the　first　time。　For
society　I　do　not　yet　exist；　I　am　unknown　to　it。　What　a　ravishing
moment！　I　still　belong　only　to　myself；　like　a　flower　just　blown；
unseen　yet　of　mortal　eye。

In　spite　of　this；　my　sweet；　as　I　paced　the　drawing…room　during　my
self…inspection；　and　saw　the　poor　cast…off　school…clothes；　a　queer
feeling　came　over　me。　Regret　for　the　past；　anxiety　about　the　future；
fear　of　society；　a　long　farewell　to　the　pale　daisies　which　we　used　to
pick　and　strip　of　their　petals　in　light…hearted　innocence；　there　was
something　of　all　that；　but　strange；　fantastic　visions　also　rose；　which
I　crushed　back　into　the　inner　depths；　whence　they　had　sprung；　and
whither　I　dared　not　follow　them。

My　Renee；　I　have　a　regular　trousseau！　It　is　all　beautifully　laid　away
and　perfumed　in　the　cedar…wood　drawers　with　lacquered　front　of　my
charming　dressing…table。　There　are　ribbons；　shoes；　gloves；　all　in
lavish　abundance。　My　father　has　kindly　presented　me　with　the　pretty
gewgaws　a　girl　lovesa　dressing…case；　toilet　service；　scent…box；　fan；
sunshade；　prayer…book；　gold　chain；　cashmere　shawl。　He　has　also
promised　to　give　me　riding　lessons。　And　I　can　dance！　To…morrow；　yes；
to…morrow　evening；　I　come　out！

My　dress　is　white　muslin；　and　on　my　head　I　wear　a　garland　of　white
roses　in　Greek　style。　I　shall　put　on　my　Madonna　face；　I　mean　to　play
the　simpleton；　and　have　all　the　women　on　my　side。　My　mother　is　miles
away　from　any　idea　of　what　I　write　to　you。　She　believes　me　quite
destitute　of　mind；　and　would　be　dumfounded　if　she　read　my　letter。　My
brother　honors　me　with　a　profound　contempt；　and　is　uniformly　and
politely　indifferent。

He　is　a　handsome　young　fellow；　but　melancholy；　and　given　to　moods。　I
have　divined　his　secret；　though　neither　the　Duke　nor　Duchess　has　an
inkling　of　it。　In　spite　of　his　youth　and　his　title；　he　is　jealous　of
his　father。　He　has　no　position　in　the　State；　no　post　at　Court；　he
never　has　to　say；　〃I　am　going　to　the　Chamber。〃　I　alone　in　the　house
have　sixteen　hours　for　meditation。　My　father　is　absorbed　in　public
business　and　his　own　amusements；　my　mother；　too；　is　never　at　leisure；
no　member　of　the　household　practises　self…examination；　they　are
constantly　in　company；　and　have　hardly　time　to　live。

I　should　immensely　like　to　know　what　is　the　potent　charm　wielded　by
society　to　keep　people　prisoner　from　nine　every　evening　till　two　or
three　in　the　morning；　and　force　them　to　be　so　lavish　alike　of　strength
and　money。　When　I　longed　for　it；　I　had　no　idea　of　the　separations　it
brought　about；　or　its　overmastering　spell。　But；　then；　I　forget；　it　is
Paris　which　does　it　all。

It　is　possible；　it　seems；　for　members　of　one　family　to　live　side　by
side　and　know　absolutely　nothing　of　each　other。　A　half…fledged　nun
arrives；　and　in　a　couple　of　weeks　has　grasped　domestic　details；　of
which　the　master　diplomatist　at　the　head