letters of two brides-第46节

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flights　of　his　imagination。　Do　you　see　now　how　it　is　that　my　winter
evenings　never　drag？

Our　servants　have　such　an　easy　time；　that　never　once　since　we　were
married　have　we　had　to　reprimand　any　of　them。　When　questioned　about
us；　they　have　had　wit　enough　to　draw　on　their　imaginations；　and　have
given　us　out　as　the　companion　and　secretary　of　a　lady　and　gentleman
supposed　to　be　traveling。　They　never　go　out　without　asking　permission；
which　they　know　will　not　be　refused；　they　are　contented　too；　and　see
plainly　that　it　will　be　their　own　fault　if　there　is　a　change　for　the
worse。　The　gardeners　are　allowed　to　sell　the　surplus　of　our　fruits　and
vegetables。　The　dairymaid　does　the　same　with　the　milk；　the　cream；　and
the　fresh　butter；　on　condition　that　the　best　of　the　produce　is
reserved　for　us。　They　are　well　pleased　with　their　profits；　and　we　are
delighted　with　an　abundance　which　no　money　and　no　ingenuity　can
procure　in　that　terrible　Paris；　where　it　costs　a　hundred　francs　to
produce　a　single　fine　peach。

All　this　is　not　without　its　meaning；　my　dear。　I　wish　to　fill　the　place
of　society　to　my　husband；　now　society　is　amusing；　and　therefore　his
solitude　must　not　be　allowed　to　pall　on　him。　I　believed　myself　jealous
in　the　old　days；　when　I　merely　allowed　myself　to　be　loved；　now　I　know
real　jealousy；　the　jealousy　of　the　lover。　A　single　indifferent　glance
unnerves　me。　From　time　to　time　I　say　to　myself；　〃Suppose　he　ceased　to
love　me！〃　And　a　shudder　goes　through　me。　I　tremble　before　him；　as　the
Christian　before　his　God。

Alas！　Renee；　I　am　still　without　a　child。　The　time　will　surely　comeit
must　comewhen　our　hermitage　will　need　a　father's　and　a　mother's　care
to　brighten　it；　when　we　shall　both　pine　to　see　the　little　frocks　and
pelisses；　the　brown　or　golden　heads；　leaping；　running　through　our
shrubberies　and　flowery　paths。　Oh！　it　is　a　cruel　jest　of　Nature's；　a
flowering　tree　that　bears　no　fruit。　The　thought　of　your　lovely
children　goes　through　me　like　a　knife。　My　life　has　grown　narrower；
while　yours　has　expanded　and　shed　its　rays　afar。　The　passion　of　love
is　essentially　selfish；　while　motherhood　widens　the　circle　of　our
feelings。　How　well　I　felt　this　difference　when　I　read　your　kind；
tender　letter！　To　see　you　thus　living　in　three　hearts　roused　my　envy。
Yes；　you　are　happy；　you　have　had　wisdom　to　obey　the　laws　of　social
life；　whilst　I　stand　outside；　an　alien。

Children；　dear　and　loving　children；　can　alone　console　a　woman　for　the
loss　of　her　beauty。　I　shall　soon　be　thirty；　and　at　that　age　the　dirge
within　begins。　What　though　I　am　still　beautiful；　the　limits　of　my
woman's　reign　are　none　the　less　in　sight。　When　they　are　reached；　what
then？　I　shall　be　forty　before　he　is；　I　shall　be　old　while　he　is　still
young。　When　this　thought　goes　to　my　heart；　I　lie　at　his　feet　for　an
hour　at　a　time；　making　him　swear　to　tell　me　instantly　if　ever　he　feels
his　love　diminishing。

But　he　is　a　child。　He　swears；　as　though　the　mere　suggestion　were　an
absurdity；　and　he　is　so　beautiful　thatRenee；　you　understandI
believe　him。

Good…bye；　sweet　one。　Shall　we　ever　again　let　years　pass　without
writing？　Happiness　is　a　monotonous　theme；　and　that　is；　perhaps；　the
reason　why；　to　souls　who　love；　Dante　appears　even　greater　in　the
/Paradiso/　than　in　the　/Inferno/。　I　am　not　Dante；　I　am　only　your
friend；　and　I　don't　want　to　bore　you。　You　can　write；　for　in　your
children　you　have　an　ever…growing；　every…varying　source　of　happiness；
while　mine　。　。　。　No　more　of　this。　A　thousand　loves。



LIII

MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　MME。　GASTON

My　dear　Louise；I　have　read　and　re…read　your　letter；　and　the　more
deeply　I　enter　into　its　spirit；　the　clearer　does　it　become　to　me　that
it　is　the　letter；　not　of　a　woman；　but　of　a　child。　You　are　the　same　old
Louise；　and　you　forget；　what　I　used　to　repeat　over　and　over　again　to
you；　that　the　passion　of　love　belongs　rightly　to　a　state　of　nature；
and　has　only　been　purloined　by　civilization。　So　fleeting　is　its
character；　that　the　resources　of　society　are　powerless　to　modify　its
primitive　condition；　and　it　becomes　the　effort　of　all　noble　minds　to
make　a　man　of　the　infant　Cupid。　But；　as　you　yourself　admit；　such　love
ceases　to　be　natural。

Society；　my　dear　abhors　sterility；　but　substituting　a　lasting
sentiment　for　the　mere　passing　frenzy　of　nature；　it　has　succeeded　in
creating　that　greatest　of　all　human　inventionsthe　family；　which　is
the　enduring　basis　of　all　organized　society。　To　the　accomplishment　of
this　end；　it　has　sacrificed　the　individual；　man　as　well　as　woman；　for
we　must　not　shut　our　eyes　to　the　fact　that　a　married　man　devotes　his
energy；　his　power；　and　all　his　possession　to　his　wife。　Is　it　not　she
who　reaps　the　benefit　of　all　his　care？　For　whom；　if　not　for　her；　are
the　luxury　and　wealth；　the　position　and　distinction；　the　comfort　and
the　gaiety　of　the　home？

Oh！　my　sweet；　once　again　you　have　taken　the　wrong　turning　in　life。　To
be　adored　is　a　young　girl's　dream；　which　may　survive　a　few
springtimes；　it　cannot　be　that　of　the　mature　woman；　the　wife　and
mother。　To　a　woman's　vanity　it　is；　perhaps；　enough　to　know　that　she
can　command　adoration　if　she　likes。　If　you　would　live　the　life　of　a
wife　and　mother；　return；　I　beg　of　you；　to　Paris。　Let　me　repeat　my
warning：　It　is　not　misfortune　which　you　have　to　dread；　as　others　do
it　is　happiness。

Listen　to　me；　my　child！　It　is　the　simple　things　of　lifebread；　air；
silenceof　which　we　do　not　tire；　they　have　no　piquancy　which　can
create　distaste；　it　is　highly…flavored　dishes　which　irritate　the
palate；　and　in　the　end　exhaust　it。　Were　it　possible　that　I　should
to…day　be　loved　by　a　man　for　whom　I　could　conceive　a　passion；　such　as
yours　for　Gaston；　I　would　still　cling　to　the　duties　and　the　children；
who　are　so　dear　to　me。　To　a　woman's　heart　the　feelings　of　a　mother　are
among　the　simple；　natural；　fruitful；　and　inexhaustible　things　of　life。
I　can　recall　the　day；　now　nearly　fourteen　years　ago；　when　I　embarked
on　a　life　of　self…sacrifice　with　the　despair　of　a　shipwrecked　mariner
clinging　to　the　mast　of　his　vessel；　now；　as　I　invoke　the　memory　of
past　years；　I　feel　that　I　would　make　the　same　choice　again。　No　other
guiding　principle　is　so　safe；　or　leads　to　such　rich　reward。　The
spectacle　of　your　life；　which；　for　all　the　romance　and　poetry　with
which　you　invest　it；　still　remains　based　on　nothing　but　a　ruthless
selfishness；　has　helped　to　strengthen　my　convictions。　This　is　the　last
time　I　shall　speak　to　you　in　this　way；　but　I　could　not　refrain　from
once　more　pleading　with　you　when　I　found　that　your　happiness　had　been
proof　against　the　most　searching　of　all　trials。

And　one　more　point　I　must　urge　on　you；　suggested　by　my　meditations　on
your　retirement。　Life；　whether　of　the　body　or　the　heart；　consists　in
certain　balanced　movements。　Any　excess　introduced　into　the　working　of
this　routine　gives　rise　either　to　pain　or　to　pleasure；　both　of　which
are　a　mere　fever　of　the　soul；　bound　to　be　fugitive　because　nature　is
not　so　framed　as　to　support　it　long。　But　to　make　of　life　one　long
excess　is　surely　to　choose　sickness　for　one's　portion。　You　are　sick
because　you　maintain　at　the　temperature　of　passion　a　feeling　which
marriage　ought　to　convert　into　a　steadying；　purifying　influence。

Yes；　my　sweet；　I　see　it　clearly　now；　the　glory　of　a　home　consists　in
this　very　calm；　this　intimacy；　this　sharing　alike　of　good　and　evil；
which　the　vulgar　ridicule。　How　noble　was　the　reply　of　the　Duchesse　de
Sully；　the　wife　of　the　great　Sully；　to　some　one　who　remarked　that　her
husband；　for　all　his　grave　exterior；　did　not　scruple　to　keep　a
mistress。　〃What　of　that？〃　she　said。　〃I　represent　the　honor　of　the
house；　and　should　decline　to　play　the　part　of　a　courtesan　there。〃

But　you；　Louise；　who　are　naturally　more　passionate　than　tender；　would
be　at　once　the　wife　and　the　mistress。　With　the　soul　of　a　Heloise　and
the　passions　of　a　Saint　Theresa；　you　slip　the　leash　on　all　your
impulses；　so　long　as　they　are　sanctioned　by　law；　in　a　word；　you
degrade　the　marriage　rite。　Surely　the　tables　are　turned。　The
reproaches　you　once　heaped　on　me　for　immorally；　as　you　said；　seizing
the　means　of　happiness　from　the　very　outset　of　my　wedded　life；　might
be　directed　against　yourself　for　grasping　at　everything　which　may
serve　your　passion。　What！　must　nature　and　society　alike　be　in　bondage
to　your　caprice？　You　are　the　old　Louise；　you　have　never　acquired　the
qualities　which　ought　to　be　a　woman's；　self…willed　and　unreasonable　as
a　girl；　you　introduce　withal　into　your　love　the　keenest　and　most
mercenary　of　calculations！　Are　you　sure　that；　after　all；　the　price　you
ask　for　your　toilets　is　not　too　high？　All　these　precautions　are　to　my
mind　very　suggestive　of　mistrust。

Oh；　dear　Louise；　if　only　you　knew　the　sweetness　of　a　mother's　efforts
to　discipline　herself　in　kindness　and　gentleness　to　all　about　her！　My
proud；　self…sufficing　temper　gradually　dissolved　into　a　soft
melancholy；　which　in　turn　has　been　swallowed　up　by　those　delights　of
motherhood　which　have　been　its　reward。　If　the　early　hours　were
toilsome；　the　evening　will　be　tranquil　and　clear。　My　dread　is　lest　the
day　of　your　life　should　take　the　opposite　course。

When　I　had　read　your　letter　to　a　close；　I　prayed　God　to　send　you　among
us　for