letters of two brides-第44节

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Armand　is　the　same　charming　little　fellow；　full　of　feeling　and
unselfish　impulse；　whom　you　loved；　and　his　tutor　is　quite　pleased　with
him。　I　still　have　Nais　and　the　babytwo　restless　little　mortalsbut
I　am　quite　as　much　a　child　as　they　are。　I　could　not　bring　myself　to
lose　the　darlings'　sweet　caresses。　I　could　not　live　without　the
feeling　that　at　any　moment　I　can　fly　to　Armand's　bedside　and　watch　his
slumbers　or　snatch　a　kiss。

Yet　home　education　is　not　without　its　drawbacks；　to　which　I　am　fully
alive。　Society；　like　nature；　is　a　jealous　power；　and　will　have　not　her
rights　encroached　on；　or　her　system　set　at　naught。　Thus；　children　who
are　brought　up　at　home　are　exposed　too　early　to　the　fire　of　the　world；
they　see　its　passions　and　become　at　home　with　its　subterfuges。　The
finer　distinctions；　which　regulate　the　conduct　of　matured　men　and
women；　elude　their　perceptions；　and　they　take　feeling　and　passion　for
their　guide　instead　of　subordinating　those　to　the　code　of　society；
whilst　the　gay　trappings　and　tinsel　which　attract　so　much　of　the
world's　favor　blind　them　to　the　importance　of　the　more　sober　virtues。
A　child　of　fifteen　with　the　assurance　of　a　man　of　the　world　is　a　thing
against　all　nature；　at　twenty…five　he　will　be　prematurely　old；　and　his
precocious　knowledge　only　unfits　him　for　the　genuine　study　on　which
all　solid　ability　must　rest。　Life　in　society　is　one　long　comedy；　and
those　who　take　part　in　it；　like　other　actors；　reflect　back　impressions
which　never　penetrate　below　the　surface。　A　mother；　therefore；　who
wishes　not　to　part　from　her　children；　must　resolutely　determine　that
they　shall　not　enter　the　gay　world；　she　must　have　courage　to　resist
their　inclinations；　as　well　as　her　own；　and　keep　them　in　the
background。　Cornelia　had　to　keep　her　jewels　under　lock　and　key。　Shall
I　do　less　for　the　children　who　are　all　the　world　to　me？

Now　that　I　am　thirty；　the　heat　of　the　day　is　over；　the　hardest　bit　of
the　road　lies　behind　me。　In　a　few　years　I　shall　be　an　old　woman；　and
the　sense　of　duty　done　is　an　immense　encouragement。　It　would　almost
seem　as　though　my　trio　can　read　my　thoughts　and　shape　themselves
accordingly。　A　mysterious　bond　of　sympathy　unites　me　to　these　children
who　have　never　left　my　side。　If　they　knew　the　blank　in　my　life　which
they　have　to　fill；　they　could　not　be　more　lavish　of　the　solace　they
bring。

Armand；　who　was　dull　and　dreamy　during　his　first　three　years　at
school；　and　caused　me　some　uneasiness；　has　made　a　sudden　start。
Doubtless　he　realized；　in　a　way　most　children　never　do；　the　aim　of　all
this　preparatory　work；　which　is　to　sharpen　the　intelligence；　to　get
them　into　habits　of　application　and　accustom　them　to　that　fundamental
principle　of　all　societyobedience。　My　dear；　a　few　days　ago　I　had　the
proud　joy　of　seeing　Armand　crowned　at　the　great　interscholastic
competition　in　the　crowded　Sorbonne；　when　your　godson　received　the
first　prize　for　translation。　At　the　school　distribution　he　got　two
first　prizesone　for　verse；　and　one　for　an　essay。　I　went　quite　white
when　his　name　was　called　out；　and　longed　to　shout　aloud；　〃I　am　his
mother！〃　Little　Nais　squeezed　my　hand　till　it　hurt；　if　at　such　a
moment　it　were　possible　to　feel　pain。　Ah！　Louise；　a　day　like　this
might　outweigh　many　a　dream　of　love！

His　brother's　triumphs　have　spurred　on　little　Rene；　who　wants　to　go　to
school　too。　Sometimes　the　three　children　make　such　a　racket；　shouting
and　rushing　about　the　house；　that　I　wonder　how　my　head　stands　it。　I　am
always　with　them；　no　one　else；　not　even　Mary；　is　allowed　to　take　care
of　my　children。　But　the　calling　of　a　mother；　if　taxing；　has　so　many
compensating　joys！　To　see　a　child　leave　its　play　and　run　to　hug　one；
out　of　the　fulness　of　its　heart；　what　could　be　sweeter？

Then　it　is　only　in　being　constantly　with　them　that　one　can　study　their
characters。　It　is　the　duty　of　a　mother；　and　one　which　she　can　depute
to　no　hired　teacher；　to　decipher　the　tastes；　temper；　and　natural
aptitudes　of　her　children　from　their　infancy。　All　home…bred　children
are　distinguished　by　ease　of　manner　and　tact；　two　acquired　qualities
which　may　go　far　to　supply　the　lack　of　natural　ability；　whereas　no
natural　ability　can　atone　for　the　loss　of　this　early　training。　I　have
already　learned　to　discriminate　this　difference　of　tone　in　the　men
whom　I　meet　in　society；　and　to　trace　the　hand　of　a　woman　in　the
formation　of　a　young　man's　manners。　How　could　any　woman　defraud　her
children　of　such　a　possession？　You　see　what　rewards　attend　the
performance　of　my　tasks！

Armand；　I　feel　certain；　will　make　an　admirable　judge；　the　most　upright
of　public　servants；　the　most　devoted　of　deputies。　And　where　would　you
find　a　sailor　bolder；　more　adventurous；　more　astute　than　my　Rene　will
be　a　few　years　hence？　The　little　rascal　has　already　an　iron　will；
whatever　he　wants　he　manages　to　get；　he　will　try　a　thousand　circuitous
ways　to　reach　his　end；　and　if　not　successful　then；　will　devise　a
thousand　and　first。　Where　dear　Armand　quietly　resigns　himself　and
tries　to　get　at　the　reason　of　things；　Rene　will　storm；　and　strive；　and
puzzle；　chattering　all　the　time；　till　at　last　he　finds　some　chink　in
the　obstacle；　if　there　is　room　for　the　blade　of　a　knife　to　pass；　his
little　carriage　will　ride　through　in　triumph。

And　Nais？　Nais　is　so　completely　a　second　self　that　I　can　hardly
realize　her　as　distinct　from　my　own　flesh　and　blood。　What　a　darling
she　is；　and　how　I　love　to　make　a　little　lady　of　her；　to　dress　her
curly　hair；　tender　thoughts　mingling　the　while　with　every　touch！　I
must　have　her　happy；　I　shall　only　give　her　to　the　man　who　loves　her
and　whom　she　loves。　But；　Heavens！　when　I　let　her　put　on　her　little
ornaments；　or　pass　a　cherry…colored　ribbon　through　her　hair；　or　fasten
the　shoes　on　her　tiny　feet；　a　sickening　thought　comes　over　me。　How　can
one　order　the　destiny　of　a　girl？　Who　can　say　that　she　will　not　love　a
scoundrel　or　some　man　who　is　indifferent　to　her？　Tears　often　spring　to
my　eyes　as　I　watch　her。　This　lovely　creature；　this　flower；　this
rosebud　which　has　blossomed　in　one's　heart；　to　be　handed　over　to　a　man
who　will　tear　it　from　the　stem　and　leave　it　bare！　Louise；　it　is　you
you；　who　in　two　years　have　not　written　three　words　to　tell　me　of　your
welfareit　is　you　who　have　recalled　to　my　mind　the　terrible
possibilities　of　marriage；　so　full　of　anguish　for　a　mother　wrapped　up；
as　I　am；　in　her　child。　Farewell　now；　for　in　truth　you　don't　deserve　my
friendship；　and　I　hardly　know　how　to　write。　Oh！　answer　me；　dear
Louise。



LII

MME。　GASTON　TO　MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE
The　Chalet。

So；　after　a　silence　of　two　years；　you　are　pricked　by　curiosity；　and
want　to　know　why　I　have　not　written。　My　dear　Renee；　there　are　no
words；　no　images；　no　language　to　express　my　happiness。　That　we　have
strength　to　bear　it　sums　up　all　I　could　say。　It　costs　us　no　effort；
for　we　are　in　perfect　sympathy。　The　whole　two　years　have　known　no　note
of　discord　in　the　harmony；　no　jarring　word　in　the　interchange　of
feeling；　no　shade　of　difference　in　our　lightest　wish。　Not　one　in　this
long　succession　of　days　has　failed　to　bear　its　own　peculiar　fruit；　not
a　moment　has　passed　without　being　enriched　by　the　play　of　fancy。　So
far　are　we　from　dreading　the　canker　of　monotony　in　our　life；　that　our
only　fear　is　lest　it　should　not　be　long　enough　to　contain　all　the
poetic　creations　of　a　love　as　rich　and　varied　in　its　development　as
Nature　herself。　Of　disappointment　not　a　trace！　We　find　more　pleasure
in　being　together　than　on　the　first　day；　and　each　hour　as　it　goes　by
discloses　fresh　reason　for　our　love。　Every　day　as　we　take　our　evening
stroll　after　dinner；　we　tell　each　other　that　we　really　must　go　and　see
what　is　doing　in　Paris；　just　as　one　might　talk　of　going　to
Switzerland。

〃Only　think；〃　Gaston　will　exclaim；　〃such　and　such　a　boulevard　is　being
made；　the　Madeleine　is　finished。　We　ought　to　see　it。　Let　us　go
to…morrow。〃

And　to…morrow　comes；　and　we　are　in　no　hurry　to　get　up；　and　we
breakfast　in　our　bedroom。　Then　midday　is　on　us；　and　it　is　too　hot；　a
siesta　seems　appropriate。　Then　Gaston　wishes　to　look　at　me；　and　he
gazes　on　my　face　as　though　it　were　a　picture；　losing　himself　in　this
contemplation；　which；　as　you　may　suppose；　is　not　one…sided。　Tears　rise
to　the　eyes　of　both　as　we　think　of　our　love　and　tremble。　I　am　still
the　mistress；　pretending；　that　is；　to　give　less　than　I　receive；　and　I
revel　in　this　deception。　To　a　woman　what　can　be　sweeter　than　to　see
passion　ever　held　in　check　by　tenderness；　and　the　man　who　is　her
master　stayed；　like　a　timid　suitor；　by　a　word　from　her；　within　the
limits　that　she　chooses？

You　asked　me　to　describe　him；　but；　Renee；　it　is　not　possible　to　make　a
portrait　of　the　man　we　love。　How　could　the　heart　be　kept　out　of　the
work？　Besides；　to　be　frank　between　ourselves；　we　may　admit　that　one　of
the　dire　effects　of　civilization　on　our　manners　is　to　make　of　man　in
society　a　being　so　utterly　different　from　the　natural　man　of　strong
feeling；　that　sometimes　not　a　single　point　of　likeness　can　be　found
between　these　two　aspects　of　the　same　person。　The　man　who　falls　into
the　most　graceful　operatic　poses；　as　he　pours　sweet　nothings　into　your
ear　by　the　fire　at　night；　may　be　entirely　destitute　of　those　more