letters of two brides-第36节

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I　saw　the　pretty　neck　which　I　used　to　devour　with　kisses；　with　the
leeches　feeding　on　it；　and　his　darling　head　in　a　cap　of　ice。　My　dear；
we　had　to　cut　those　lovely　curls；　of　which　we　were　so　proud　and　with
which　you　used　to　play；　in　order　to　make　room　for　the　ice。　The
convulsions　returned　every　ten　minutes　with　the　regularity　of　labor
pains；　and　then　the　poor　baby　writhed　and　twisted；　now　white；　now
violet。　His　supple　limbs　clattered　like　wood　as　they　struck。　And　this
unconscious　flesh　was　the　being　who　smiled　and　prattled；　and　used　to
say　Mamma！　At　the　thought；　a　storm　of　agony　swept　tumultuously　over　my
soul；　like　the　sea　tossing　in　a　hurricane。　It　seemed　as　though　every
tie　which　binds　a　child　to　its　mother's　heart　was　strained　to　rending。
My　mother；　who　might　have　given　me　help；　advice；　or　comfort；　was　in
Paris。　Mothers；　it　is　my　belief；　know　more　than　doctors　do　about
convulsions。

After　four　days　and　nights　of　suspense　and　fear；　which　almost　killed
me；　the　doctors　were　unanimous　in　advising　the　application　of　a　horrid
ointment；　which　would　produce　open　sores。　Sores　on　my　Armand！　who　only
five　days　before　was　playing　about；　and　laughing；　and　trying　to　say
〃Godmother！〃　I　would　not　have　it　done；　preferring　to　trust　in　nature。
Louis；　who　believes　in　doctors；　scolded　me。　A　man　remains　the　same
through　everything。　But　there　are　moments　when　this　terrible　disease
takes　the　likeness　of　death；　and　in　one　of　these　it　seemed　borne　in
upon　me　that　this　hateful　remedy　was　the　salvation　of　Armand。　Louise；
the　skin　was　so　dry；　so　rough　and　parched；　that　the　ointment　would　not
act。　Then　I　broke　into　weeping；　and　my　tears　fell　so　long　and　so　fast；
that　the　bedside　was　wet　through。　And　the　doctors　were　at　dinner！

Seeing　myself　alone　with　the　child；　I　stripped　him　of　all　medical
appliances；　and　seizing　him　like　a　mad　woman；　pressed　him　to　my　bosom；
laying　my　forehead　against　his；　and　beseeching　God　to　grant　him　the
life　which　I　was　striving　to　pass　into　his　veins　from　mine。　For　some
minutes　I　held　him　thus；　longing　to　die　with　him；　so　that　neither　life
nor　death　might　part　us。　Dear；　I　felt　the　limbs　relaxing；　the
writhings　ceased；　the　child　stirred；　and　the　ghastly；　corpselike　tints
faded　away！　I　screamed；　just　as　I　did　when　he　was　taken　ill；　the
doctors　hurried　up；　and　I　pointed　to　Armand。

〃He　is　saved！〃　exclaimed　the　oldest　of　them。

What　music　in　those　words！　The　gates　of　heaven　opened！　And；　in　fact；
two　hours　later　Armand　came　back　to　life；　but　I　was　utterly　crushed；
and　it　was　only　the　healing　power　of　joy　which　saved　me　from　a　serious
illness。　My　God！　by　what　tortures　do　you　bind　a　mother　to　her　child！
To　fasten　him　to　our　heart；　need　the　nails　be　driven　into　the　very
quick？　Was　I　not　mother　enough　before？　I；　who　wept　tears　of　joy　over
his　broken　syllables　and　tottering　steps；　who　spent　hours　together
planning　how　best　to　perform　my　duty；　and　fit　myself　for　the　sweet
post　of　mother？　Why　these　horrors；　these　ghastly　scenes；　for　a　mother
who　already　idolized　her　child？

As　I　write；　our　little　Armand　is　playing；　shouting；　laughing。　What　can
be　the　cause　of　this　terrible　disease　with　children？　Vainly　do　I　try
to　puzzle　it　out；　remembering　that　I　am　again　with　child。　Is　it
teething？　Is　it　some　peculiar　process　in　the　brain？　Is　there　something
wrong　with　the　nervous　system　of　children　who　are　subject　to
convulsions？　All　these　thoughts　disquiet　me；　in　view　alike　of　the
present　and　the　future。　Our　country　doctor　holds　to　the　theory　of
nervous　trouble　produced　by　teething。　I　would　give　every　tooth　in　my
head　to　see　little　Armand's　all　through。　The　sight　of　one　of　those
little　white　pearls　peeping　out　of　the　swollen　gum　brings　a　cold　sweat
over　me　now。　The　heroism　with　which　the　little　angel　bore　his
sufferings　proves　to　me　that　he　will　be　his　mother's　son。　A　look　from
him　goes　to　my　very　heart。

Medical　science　can　give　no　satisfactory　explanation　as　to　the　origin
of　this　sort　of　tetanus；　which　passes　off　as　rapidly　as　it　comes　on；
and　can　apparently　be　neither　guarded　against　nor　cured。　One　thing
alone；　as　I　said　before；　is　certain；　that　it　is　hell　for　a　mother　to
see　her　child　in　convulsions。　How　passionately　do　I　clasp　him　to　my
heart！　I　could　walk　for　ever　with　him　in　my　arms！

To　have　suffered　all　this　only　six　weeks　before　my　confinement　made　it
much　worse；　I　feared　for　the　coming　child。　Farewell；　my　dear　beloved。
Don't　wish　for　a　childthere　is　the　sum　and　substance　of　my　letter！



XLI

THE　BARONNE　DE　MACUMER　TO　THE　VICOMTESSE　DE　L'ESTORADE
Paris。

Poor　sweet；Macumer　and　I　forgave　you　all　your　naughtiness　when　we
heard　of　your　terrible　trouble。　I　thrilled　with　pain　as　I　read　the
details　of　the　double　agony；　and　there　seem　compensations　now　in　being
childless。

I　am　writing　at　once　to　tell　you　that　Louis　has　been　promoted。　He　can
now　wear　the　ribbon　of　an　officer　of　the　Legion。　You　are　a　lucky
woman；　Renee；　and　you　will　probably　have　a　little　girl；　since　that
used　to　be　your　wish！

The　marriage　of　my　brother　with　Mlle。　de　Mortsauf　was　celebrated　on
our　return。　Our　gracious　King；　who　really　is　extraordinarily　kind；　has
given　my　brother　the　reversion　of　the　post　of　first　gentleman　of　the
chamber；　which　his　father…in…law　now　fills；　on　the　one　condition　that
the　scutcheon　of　the　Mortsaufs　should　be　placed　side　by　side　with　that
of　the　Lenoncourts。

〃The　office　ought　to　go　with　the　title；〃　he　said　to　the　Duc　de
Lenoncourt…Givry。

My　father　is　justified　a　hundred…fold。　Without　the　help　of　my　fortune
nothing　of　all　this　could　have　taken　place。　My　father　and　mother　came
from　Madrid　for　the　wedding；　and　return　there；　after　the　reception
which　I　give　to…morrow　for　the　bride　and　bridegroom。

The　carnival　will　be　a　very　gay　one。　The　Duc　and　Duchesse　de　Soria　are
in　Paris；　and　their　presence　makes　me　a　little　uneasy。　Marie　Heredia
is　certainly　one　of　the　most　beautiful　women　in　Europe；　and　I　don't
like　the　way　Felipe　looks　at　her。　Therefore　I　am　doubly　lavish　of
sweetness　and　caresses。　Every　look　and　gesture　speak　the　words　which　I
am　careful　my　lips　should　not　utter；　〃/She/　could　not　love　like　this！〃
Heaven　knows　how　lovely　and　fascinating　I　am！　Yesterday　Mme。　de
Maufrigneuse　said　to　me：

〃Dear　child；　who　can　compete　with　you？〃

Then　I　keep　Felipe　so　well　amused；　that　his　sister…in…law　must　seem　as
lively　as　a　Spanish　cow　in　comparison。　I　am　the　less　sorry　that　a
little　Abencerrage　is　not　on　his　way；　because　the　Duchess　will　no
doubt　stay　in　Paris　over　her　confinement；　and　she　won't　be　a　beauty
any　longer。　If　the　baby　is　a　boy；　it　will　be　called　Felipe；　in　honor
of　the　exile。　An　unkind　chance　has　decreed　that　I　shall；　a　second
time；　serve　as　godmother。

Good…bye；　dear；　I　shall　go　to　Chantepleurs　early　this　year；　for　our
Italian　tour　was　shockingly　expensive。　I　shall　leave　about　the　end　of
March；　and　retire　to　economize　in　Nivenais。　Besides；　I　am　tired　of
Paris。　Felipe　sighs；　as　I　do；　after　the　beautiful　quiet　of　the　park；
our　cool　meadows；　and　our　Loire；　with　its　sparkling　sands；　peerless
among　rivers。　Chantepleurs　will　seem　delightful　to　me　after　the　pomps
and　vanities　of　Italy；　for；　after　all；　splendor　becomes　wearisome；　and
a　lover's　glance　has　more　beauty　than　a　/capo　d'opera/　or　a　/bel
quadro/！

We　shall　expect　you　there。　Don't　be　afraid　that　I　shall　be　jealous
again。　You　are　free　to　take　what　soundings　you　please　in　Macumer's
heart；　and　fish　up　all　the　interjections　and　doubts　you　can。　I　am
supremely　indifferent。　Since　that　day　at　Rome　Felipe's　love　for　me　has
grown。　He　told　me　yesterday　（he　is　looking　over　my　shoulder　now）　that
his　sister…in…law；　the　Princess　Heredia；　his　destined　bride　of　old；
the　dream　of　his　youth；　had　no　brains。　Oh！　my　dear；　I　am　worse　than　a
ballet…dancer！　If　you　knew　what　joy　that　slighting　remark　gave　me！　I
have　pointed　out　to　Felipe　that　she　does　not　speak　French　correctly。
She　says　/esemple/　for　/exemple/；　/sain/　for　/cinq/；　/cheu/　for　/je/。
She　is　beautiful　of　course；　but　quite　without　charm　or　the　slightest
scintilla　of　wit。　When　a　compliment　is　paid　her；　she　looks　at　you　as
though　she　didn't　know　what　to　do　with　such　a　strange　thing。　Felipe；
being　what　he　is；　could　not　have　lived　two　months　with　Marie　after　his
marriage。　Don　Fernand；　the　Duc　de　Soria；　suits　her　very　well。　He　has
generous　instincts；　but　it's　easy　to　see　he　has　been　a　spoilt　child。　I
am　tempted　to　be　naughty　and　make　you　laugh；　but　I　won't　draw　the　long
bow。　Ever　so　much　love；　darling。



XLII

RENEE　TO　LOUISE

My　little　girl　is　two　months　old。　She　is　called　Jeanne…Athenais；　and
has　for　godmother　and　godfather　my　mother；　and　an　old　grand…uncle　of
Louis'。

As　soon　as　I　possibly　can；　I　shall　start　for　my　visit　to　Chantepleurs；
since　you　are　not　afraid　of　a　nursing　mother。　Your　godson　can　say　your
name　now；　he　calls　it　/Matoumer/；　for　he　can't　say　/c/　properly。　You
will　be　quite　delighted　with　him。　He　has　got　all　his　teeth；　and　eats
meat　now　like　a　big　boy；　he　is　all　over　the　place；　trotting　about　like
a　little　mouse；　but　I　watch　him　all　the　time　with　anxious　eyes；　and　it
makes　me　miserable　that　I　cannot　keep　him　by　me　when　I　am　laid　up。　The
time　is　more　than　usually　long　with　me；　as　the　doc