letters of two brides-第27节
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Macumer the evening before the wedding。
Raising my mother's beautiful arm； I kissed her hand and dropped on it
a tear； which the tone of real feeling in her voice had brought to my
eyes。 In the advice she had given me； I read high principle worthy of
herself and of me； true wisdom； and a tenderness of heart unspoilt by
the narrow code of society。 Above all； I saw that she understood my
character。 These few simple words summed up the lessons which life and
experience had brought her； perhaps at a heavy price。 She was moved；
and said； as she looked at me：
〃Dear little girl； you've got a nasty crossing before you。 And most
women； in their ignorance or their disenchantment； are as wise as the
Earl of Westmoreland！〃
We both laughed； but I must explain the joke。 The evening before； a
Russian princess had told us an anecdote of this gentleman。 He had
suffered frightfully from sea…sickness in crossing the Channel； and
turned tail when he got near Italy； because he had heard some one
speak of 〃crossing〃 the Alps。 〃Thank you； I've had quite enough
crossings already；〃 he said。
You will understand； Renee； that your gloomy philosophy and my
mother's lecture were calculated to revive the fears which used to
disturb us at Blois。 The nearer marriage approached； the more did I
need to summon all my strength； my resolution； and my affection to
face this terrible passage from maidenhood to womanhood。 All our
conversations came back to my mind； I re…read your letters and
discerned in them a vague undertone of sadness。
This anxiety had one advantage at least； it helped me to the
regulation expression for a bride as commonly depicted。 The
consequence was that on the day of signing the contract everybody said
I looked charming and quite the right thing。 This morning； at the
Mairie； it was an informal business； and only the witnesses were
present。
I am writing this tail to my letter while they are putting out my
dress for dinner。 We shall be married at midnight at the Church of
Sainte…Valere； after a very gay evening。 I confess that my fears give
me a martyr…like and modest air to which I have no right； but which
will be admiredwhy； I cannot conceive。 I am delighted to see that
poor Felipe is every whit as timorous as I am； society grates on him；
he is like a bat in a glass shop。
〃Thank Heaven； the day won't last for ever！〃 he whispered to me in all
innocence。
In his bashfulness and timidity he would have liked to have no one
there。
The Sardinian ambassador； when he came to sign the contract； took me
aside in order to present me with a pearl necklace； linked together by
six splendid diamondsa gift from my sister…in…law； the Duchess de
Soria。 Along with the necklace was a sapphire bracelet； on the under
side of which were engraved the words； 〃/Though unknown； beloved/。〃
Two charming letters came with these presents； which； however； I could
not accept without consulting Felipe。
〃For；〃 I said； 〃I should not like to see you wearing ornaments that
came from any one but me。〃
He kissed my hand； quite moved； and replied：
〃Wear them for the sake of the inscription； and also for the kind
feeling； which is sincere。〃
Saturday evening。
Here； then； my poor Renee； are the last words of your girl friend。
After the midnight Mass； we set off for an estate which Felipe； with
kind thought for me； has bought in Nivernais； on the way to Provence。
Already my name is Louise de Macumer； but I leave Paris in a few hours
as Louise de Chaulieu。 However I am called； there will never be for
you but one Louise。
XXVII
THE SAME TO THE SAME
October。
I have not written to you； dear； since our marriage； nearly eight
months ago。 And not a line from you！ Madame； you are inexcusable。
To begin with； we set off in a post…chaise for the Castle of
Chantepleurs； the property which Macumer has bought in Nivernais。 It
stands on the banks of the Loire； sixty leagues from Paris。 Our
servants； with the exception of my maid； were there before us； and we
arrived； after a very rapid journey； the next evening。 I slept all the
way from Paris to beyond Montargis。 My lord and master put his arm
round me and pillowed my head on his shoulder； upon an arrangement of
handkerchiefs。 This was the one liberty he took； and the almost
motherly tenderness which got the better of his drowsiness； touched me
strangely。 I fell asleep then under the fire of his eyes； and awoke to
find them still blazing； the passionate gaze remained unchanged； but
what thoughts had come and gone meanwhile！ Twice he had kissed me on
the forehead。
At Briare we had breakfast in the carriage。 Then followed a talk like
our old talks at Blois； while the same Loire we used to admire called
forth our praises； and at half…past seven we entered the noble long
avenue of lime…trees； acacias； sycamores； and larches which leads to
Chantepleurs。 At eight we dined； at ten we were in our bedroom； a
charming Gothic room； made comfortable with every modern luxury。
Felipe； who is thought so ugly； seemed to me quite beautiful in his
graceful kindness and the exquisite delicacy of his affection。 Of
passion； not a trace。 All through the journey he might have been an
old friend of fifteen years' standing。 Later； he has described to me；
with all the vivid touches of his first letter； the furious storms
that raged within and were not allowed to ruffle the outer surface。
〃So far； I have found nothing very terrible in marriage；〃 I said； as I
walked to the window and looked out on the glorious moon which lit up
a charming park； breathing of heavy scents。
He drew near； put his arm again round me； and said：
〃Why fear it？ Have I ever yet proved false to my promise in gesture or
look？ Why should I be false in the future？〃
Yet never were words or glances more full of mastery； his voice
thrilled every fibre of my heart and roused a sleeping force； his eyes
were like the sun in power。
〃Oh！〃 I exclaimed； 〃what a world of Moorish perfidy in this attitude
of perpetual prostration！〃
He understood； my dear。
So； my fair sweetheart； if I have let months slip by without writing；
you can now divine the cause。 I have to recall the girl's strange past
in order to explain the woman to myself。 Renee； I understand you now。
Not to her dearest friend； not to her mother； not； perhaps； even to
herself； can a happy bride speak of her happiness。 This memory ought
to remain absolutely her own； an added rapturea thing beyond words；
too sacred for disclosure！
Is it possible that the name of duty has been given to the delicious
frenzy of the heart； to the overwhelming rush of passion？ And for what
purpose？ What malevolent power conceived the idea of crushing a
woman's sensitive delicacy and all the thousand wiles of her modesty
under the fetters of constraint？ What sense of duty can force from her
these flowers of the heart； the roses of life； the passionate poetry
of her nature； apart from love？ To claim feeling as a right！ Why； it
blooms of itself under the sun of love； and shrivels to death under
the cold blast of distaste and aversion！ Let love guard his own
rights！
Oh！ my noble Renee！ I understand you now。 I bow to your greatness；
amazed at the depth and clearness of your insight。 Yes； the woman who
has not used the marriage ceremony； as I have done； merely to legalize
and publish the secret election of her heart； has nothing left but to
fly to motherhood。 When earth fails； the soul makes for heaven！
One hard truth emerges from all that you have said。 Only men who are
really great know how to love； and now I understand the reason of
this。 Man obeys two forcesone sensual； one spiritual。 Weak or
inferior men mistake the first for the last； whilst great souls know
how to clothe the merely natural instinct in all the graces of the
spirit。 The very strength of this spiritual passion imposes severe
self…restraint and inspires them with reverence for women。 Clearly；
feeling is sensitive in proportion to the calibre of the mental powers
generally； and this is why the man of genius alone has something of a
woman's delicacy。 He understands and divines woman； and the wings of
passion on which he raises her are restrained by the timidity of the
sensitive spirit。 But when the mind； the heart； and the senses all
have their share in the rapture which transports usah！ then there is
no falling to earth； rather it is to heaven we soar； alas！ for only
too brief a visit。
Such； dear soul； is the philosophy of the first three months of my
married life。 Felipe is angelic。 Without figure of speech； he is
another self； and I can think aloud with him。 His greatness of soul
passes my comprehension。 Possession only attaches him more closely to
me； and he discovers in his happiness new motives for loving me。 For
him； I am the nobler part of himself。 I can foresee that years of
wedded life； far from impairing his affection； will only make it more
assured； develop fresh possibilities of enjoyment； and bind us in more
perfect sympathy。 What a delirium of joy！
It is part of my nature that pleasure has an exhilarating effect on
me； it leaves sunshine behind； and becomes a part of my inner being。
The interval which parts on
