letters of two brides-第24节

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lover's　only；　that　I　will　be　to　you　father；　mother；　sister；　brother
ay；　a　whole　familyanything　or　nothing；　as　you　may　decree？　And　is　it
not　your　own　wish　which　has　confined　within　the　compass　of　a　lover's
feeling　so　many　varying　forms　of　devotion？　Pardon　me；　then；　if　at
times　the　father　and　brother　disappear　behind　the　lover；　since　you
know　they　are　none　the　less　there；　though　screened　from　view。　Would
that　you　could　read　the　feelings　of　my　heart　when　you　appear　before
me；　radiant　in　your　beauty；　the　centre　of　admiring　eyes；　reclining
calmly　in　your　carriage　in　the　Champs…Elysees；　or　seated　in　your　box
at　the　Opera！　Then　would　you　know　how　absolutely　free　from　selfish
taint　is　the　pride　with　which　I　hear　the　praises　of　your　loveliness
and　grace；　praises　which　warm　my　heart　even　to　the　strangers　who　utter
them！　When　by　chance　you　have　raised　me　to　elysium　by　a　friendly
greeting；　my　pride　is　mingled　with　humility；　and　I　depart　as　though
God's　blessing　rested　on　me。　Nor　does　the　joy　vanish　without　leaving　a
long　track　of　light　behind。　It　breaks　on　me　through　the　clouds　of　my
cigarette　smoke。　More　than　ever　do　I　feel　how　every　drop　of　this
surging　blood　throbs　for　you。

Can　you　be　ignorant　how　you　are　loved？　After　seeing　you；　I　return　to
my　study；　and　the　glitter　of　its　Saracenic　ornaments　sinks　to　nothing
before　the　brightness　of　your　portrait；　when　I　open　the　spring　that
keeps　it　locked　up　from　every　eye　and　lose　myself　in　endless　musings
or　link　my　happiness　to　verse。　From　the　heights　of　heaven　I　look　down
upon　the　course　of　a　life　such　as　my　hopes　dare　to　picture　it！　Have
you　never；　in　the　silence　of　the　night；　or　through　the　roar　of　the
town；　heard　the　whisper　of　a　voice　in　your　sweet；　dainty　ear？　Does　no
one　of　the　thousand　prayers　that　I　speed　to　you　reach　home？

By　dint　of　silent　contemplation　of　your　pictured　face；　I　have
succeeded　in　deciphering　the　expression　of　every　feature　and　tracing
its　connection　with　some　grace　of　the　spirit；　and　then　I　pen　a　sonnet
to　you　in　Spanish　on　the　harmony　of　the　twofold　beauty　in　which　nature
has　clothed　you。　These　sonnets　you　will　never　see；　for　my　poetry　is
too　unworthy　of　its　theme；　I　dare　not　send　it　to　you。　Not　a　moment
passes　without　thoughts　of　you；　for　my　whole　being　is　bound　up　in　you；
and　if　you　ceased　to　be　its　animating　principle；　every　part　would
ache。

Now；　Louise；　can　you　realize　the　torture　to　me　of　knowing　that　I　had
displeased　you；　while　entirely　ignorant　of　the　cause？　The　ideal　double
life　which　seemed　so　fair　was　cut　short。　My　heart　turned　to　ice　within
me　as；　hopeless　of　any　other　explanation；　I　concluded　that　you　had
ceased　to　love　me。　With　heavy　heart；　and　yet　not　wholly　without
comfort；　I　was　falling　back　upon　my　old　post　as　servant；　then　your
letter　came　and　turned　all　to　joy。　Oh！　might　I　but　listen　for　ever　to
such　chiding！

Once　a　child；　picking　himself　up　from　a　tumble；　turned　to　his　mother
with　the　words　〃Forgive　me。〃　Hiding　his　own　hurt；　he　sought　pardon　for
the　pain　he　had　caused　her。　Louise；　I　was　that　child；　and　such　as　I
was　then；　I　am　now。　Here　is　the　key　to　my　character；　which　your　slave
in　all　humility　places　in　your　hands。

But　do　not　fear；　there　will　be　no　more　stumbling。　Keep　tight　the　chain
which　binds　me　to　you；　so　that　a　touch　may　communicate　your　lightest
wish　to　him　who　will　ever　remain　your　slave；
FELIPE。



XXIV

LOUISE　DE　CHAULIEU　TO　RENEE　DE　L'ESTORADE
October。

My　dear　friend；How　is　it　possible　that　you；　who　brought　yourself　in
two　months　to　marry　a　broken…down　invalid　in　order　to　mother　him；
should　know　anything　of　that　terrible　shifting　drama；　enacted　in　the
recesses　of　the　heart；　which　we　call　lovea　drama　where　death　lies　in
a　glance　or　a　light　reply？

I　had　reserved　for　Felipe　one　last　supreme　test　which　was　to　be
decisive。　I　wanted　to　know　whether　his　love　was　the　love　of　a　Royalist
for　his　King；　who　can　do　no　wrong。　Why　should　the　loyalty　of　a
Catholic　be　less　supreme？

He　walked　with　me　a　whole　night　under　the　limes　at　the　bottom　of　the
garden；　and　not　a　shadow　of　suspicion　crossed　his　soul。　Next　day　he
loved　me　better；　but　the　feeling　was　as　reverent；　as　humble；　as
regretful　as　ever；　he　had　not　presumed　an　iota。　Oh！　he　is　a　very
Spaniard；　a　very　Abencerrage。　He　scaled　my　wall　to　come　and　kiss　the
hand　which　in　the　darkness　I　reached　down　to　him　from　my　balcony。　He
might　have　broken　his　neck；　how　many　of　our　young　men　would　do　the
like？

But　all　this　is　nothing；　Christians　suffer　the　horrible　pangs　of
martyrdom　in　the　hope　of　heaven。　The　day　before　yesterday　I　took　aside
the　royal　ambassador…to…be　at　the　court　of　Spain；　my　much　respected
father；　and　said　to　him　with　a　smile：

〃Sir；　some　of　your　friends　will　have　it　that　you　are　marrying　your
dear　Armande　to　the　nephew　of　an　ambassador　who　has　been　very　anxious
for　this　connection；　and　has　long　begged　for　it。　Also；　that　the
marriage…contract　arranges　for　his　nephew　to　succeed　on　his　death　to
his　enormous　fortune　and　his　title；　and　bestows　on　the　young　couple　in
the　meantime　an　income　of　a　hundred　thousand　livres；　on　the　bride　a
dowry　of　eight　hundred　thousand　francs。　Your　daughter　weeps；　but　bows
to　the　unquestioned　authority　of　her　honored　parent。　Some　people　are
unkind　enough　to　say　that；　behind　her　tears；　she　conceals　a　worldly
and　ambitious　soul。

〃Now；　we　are　going　to　the　gentleman's　box　at　the　Opera　to…night；　and
M。　le　Baron　de　Macumer　will　visit　us　there。〃

〃Macumer　needs　a　touch　of　the　spur　then；〃　said　my　father；　smiling　at
me；　as　though　I　were　a　female　ambassador。

〃You　mistake　Clarissa　Harlowe　for　Figaro！〃　I　cried；　with　a　glance　of
scorn　and　mockery。　〃When　you　see　me　with　my　right　hand　ungloved；　you
will　give　the　lie　to　this　impertinent　gossip；　and　will　mark　your
displeasure　at　it。〃

〃I　may　make　my　mind　easy　about　your　future。　You　have　no　more　got　a
girl's　headpiece　than　Jeanne　d'Arc　had　a　woman's　heart。　You　will　be
happy；　you　will　love　nobody；　and　will　allow　yourself　to　be　loved。〃

This　was　too　much。　I　burst　into　laughter。

〃What　is　it；　little　flirt？〃　he　said。

〃I　tremble　for　my　country's　interests　。　。　。〃

And　seeing　him　look　quite　blank；　I　added：

〃At　Madrid！〃

〃You　have　no　idea　how　this　little　nun　has　learned；　in　a　year's　time；
to　make　fun　of　her　father；〃　he　said　to　the　Duchess。

〃Armande　makes　light　of　everything；〃　my　mother　replied；　looking　me　in
the　face。

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　I　asked。

〃Why；　you　are　not　even　afraid　of　rheumatism　on　these　damp　nights；〃　she
said；　with　another　meaning　glance　at　me。

〃Oh！〃　I　answered；　〃the　mornings　are　so　hot！〃

The　Duchess　looked　down。

〃It's　high　time　she　were　married；〃　said　my　father；　〃and　it　had　better
be　before　I　go。〃

〃If　you　wish　it；〃　I　replied　demurely。

Two　hours　later；　my　mother　and　I；　the　Duchesse　de　Maufrigneuse　and
Mme。　d'Espard；　were　all　four　blooming　like　roses　in　the　front　of　the
box。　I　had　seated　myself　sideways；　giving　only　a　shoulder　to　the
house；　so　that　I　could　see　everything；　myself　unseen；　in　that　spacious
box　which　fills　one　of　the　two　angles　at　the　back　of　the　hall；　between
the　columns。

Macumer　came；　stood　up；　and　put　his　opera…glasses　before　his　eyes　so
that　he　might　be　able　to　look　at　me　comfortably。

In　the　first　interval　entered　the　young　man　whom　I　call　〃king　of　the
profligates。〃　The　Comte　Henri　de　Marsay；　who　has　great　beauty　of　an
effeminate　kind；　entered　the　box　with　an　epigram　in　his　eyes；　a　smile
upon　his　lips；　and　an　air　of　satisfaction　over　his　whole　countenance。
He　first　greeted　my　mother；　Mme。　d'Espard；　and　the　Duchesse　de
Maufrigneuse；　the　Comte　d'Esgrignon；　and　M。　de　Canalis；　then　turning
to　me；　he　said：

〃I　do　not　know　whether　I　shall　be　the　first　to　congratulate　you　on　an
event　which　will　make　you　the　object　of　envy　to　many。〃

〃Ah！　a　marriage！〃　I　cried。　〃Is　it　left　for　me；　a　girl　fresh　from　the
convent；　to　tell　you　that　predicted　marriages　never　come　off。〃

M。　de　Marsay　bent　down；　whispering　to　Macumer；　and　I　was　convinced；
from　the　movement　of　his　lips；　that　what　he　said　was　this：

〃Baron；　you　are　perhaps　in　love　with　that　little　coquette；　who　has
used　you　for　her　own　ends；　but　as　the　question　is　one　not　of　love；　but
of　marriage；　it　is　as　well　for　you　to　know　what　is　going　on。〃

Macumer　treated　this　officious　scandal…monger　to　one　of　those　glances
of　his　which　seem　to　me　so　eloquent　of　noble　scorn；　and　replied　to　the
effect　that　he　was　〃not　in　love　with　any　little　coquette。〃　His　whole
bearing　so　delighted　me；　that　directly　I　caught　sight　of　my　father；
the　glove　was　off。

Felipe　had　not　a　shadow　of　fear　or　doubt。　How　well　did　he　bear　out　my
expectations！　His　faith　is　only　in　me；　society　cannot　hurt　him　with
its　lies。　Not　a　muscle　of　the　Arab's　face　stirred；　not　a　drop　of　the
blue　blood　flushed　his　olive　cheek。

The　two　young　counts　went　out；　and　I　said；　laughing；　to　Macumer：

〃M。　de　Marsay　has　been　treating　you　to　an　epigram　on　me。〃

〃He　did　more；〃　he　replied。　〃It　was　an　epithalamium。〃

〃You　speak　Greek　to　me；〃　I　said；　rewarding　him　with　a　smile　and　a
certain　look　which　always　embarrasses　him。

My　father　meantime　was　talking　to　Mme。　de　Maufrigneuse。

〃I　should　think　so！〃　he　exclaimed。　〃The　gossip　which　gets　a