letters of two brides-第19节

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


approaching　on　an　extraordinarily　beautiful　horse。　Almost　every　man
nowadays　is　a　finished　jockey；　and　they　all　stopped　to　admire　and
inspect　it。　He　bowed　to　me；　and　on　receiving　a　friendly　sign　of
encouragement；　slackened　his　horse's　pace　so　that　I　was　able　to　say　to
him：

〃You　are　not　vexed　with　me　for　asking　for　my　letter；　it　was　no　use　to
you。〃　Then　in　a　lower　voice；　〃You　have　already　transcended　the　ideal。
。　。　。　Your　horse　makes　you　an　object　of　general　interest；〃　I　went　on
aloud。

〃My　steward　in　Sardinia　sent　it　to　me。　He　is　very　proud　of　it；　for
this　horse；　which　is　of　Arab　blood；　was　born　in　my　stables。〃

This　morning；　my　dear；　Henarez　was　on　an　English　sorrel；　also　very
fine；　but　not　such　as　to　attract　attention。　My　light；　mocking　words
had　done　their　work。　He　bowed　to　me　and　I　replied　with　a　slight
inclination　of　the　head。

The　Duc　d'Angouleme　has　bought　Macumer's　horse。　My　slave　understood
that　he　was　deserting　the　role　of　simplicity　by　attracting　the　notice
of　the　crowd。　A　man　ought　to　be　remarked　for　what　he　is；　not　for　his
horse；　or　anything　else　belonging　to　him。　To　have　too　beautiful　a
horse　seems　to　me　a　piece　of　bad　taste；　just　as　much　as　wearing　a　huge
diamond　pin。　I　was　delighted　at　being　able　to　find　fault　with　him。
Perhaps　there　may　have　been　a　touch　of　vanity　in　what　he　did；　very
excusable　in　a　poor　exile；　and　I　like　to　see　this　childishness。

Oh！　my　dear　old　preacher；　do　my　love　affairs　amuse　you　as　much　as　your
dismal　philosophy　gives　me　the　creeps？　Dear　Philip　the　Second　in
petticoats；　are　you　comfortable　in　my　barouche？　Do　you　see　those
velvet　eyes；　humble；　yet　so　eloquent；　and　glorying　in　their　servitude；
which　flash　on　me　as　some　one　goes　by？　He　is　a　hero；　Renee；　and　he
wears　my　livery；　and　always　a　red　camellia　in　his　buttonhole；　while　I
have　always　a　white　one　in　my　hand。

How　clear　everything　becomes　in　the　light　of　love！　How　well　I　know　my
Paris　now！　It　is　all　transfused　with　meaning。　And　love　here　is
lovelier；　grander；　more　bewitching　than　elsewhere。

I　am　convinced　now　that　I　could　never　flirt　with　a　fool　or　make　any
impression　on　him。　It　is　only　men　of　real　distinction　who　can　enter
into　our　feelings　and　feel　our　influence。　Oh！　my　poor　friend；　forgive
me。　I　forgot　our　l'Estorade。　But　didn't　you　tell　me　you　were　going　to
make　a　genius　of　him？　I　know　what　that　means。　You　will　dry　nurse　him
till　some　day　he　is　able　to　understand　you。

Good…bye。　I　am　a　little　off　my　head；　and　must　stop。



XVIII

MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　LOUISE　DE　CHAULIEU
April。

My　angelor　ought　I　not　rather　to　say　my　imp　of　evil？you　have；
without　meaning　it；　grieved　me　sorely。　I　would　say　wounded　were　we　not
one　soul。　And　yet　it　is　possible　to　wound　oneself。

How　plain　it　is　that　you　have　never　realized　the　force　of　the　word
/indissoluble/　as　applied　to　the　contract　binding　man　and　woman！　I
have　no　wish　to　controvert　what　has　been　laid　down　by　philosophers　or
legislatorsthey　are　quite　capable　of　doing　this　for　themselvesbut；
dear　one；　in　making　marriage　irrevocable　and　imposing　on　it　a
relentless　formula；　which　admits　of　no　exceptions；　they　have　rendered
each　union　a　thing　as　distinct　as　one　individual　is　from　another。　Each
has　its　own　inner　laws　which　differ　from　those　of　others。　The　laws
regulating　married　life　in　the　country；　for　instance；　cannot　be　the
same　as　those　regulating　a　household　in　town；　where　frequent
distractions　give　variety　to　life。　Or　conversely；　married　life　in
Paris；　where　existence　is　one　perpetual　whirl；　must　demand　different
treatment　from　the　more　peaceful　home　in　the　provinces。

But　if　place　alters　the　conditions　of　marriage；　much　more　does
character。　The　wife　of　a　man　born　to　be　a　leader　need　only　resign
herself　to　his　guidance；　whereas　the　wife　of　a　fool；　conscious　of
superior　power；　is　bound　to　take　the　reins　in　her　own　hand　if　she
would　avert　calamity。

You　speak　of　vice；　and　it　is　possible　that；　after　all；　reason　and
reflection　produce　a　result　not　dissimilar　from　what　we　call　by　that
name。　For　what　does　a　woman　mean　by　it　but　perversion　of　feeling
through　calculation？　Passion　is　vicious　when　it　reasons；　admirable
only　when　it　springs　from　the　heart　and　spends　itself　in　sublime
impulses　that　set　at　naught　all　selfish　considerations。　Sooner　or
later；　dear　one；　you　too　will　say；　〃Yes！　dissimulation　is　the
necessary　armor　of　a　woman；　if　by　dissimulation　be　meant　courage　to
bear　in　silence；　prudence　to　foresee　the　future。〃

Every　married　woman　learns　to　her　cost　the　existence　of　certain　social
laws；　which；　in　many　respects；　conflict　with　the　laws　of　nature。
Marrying　at　our　age；　it　would　be　possible　to　have　a　dozen　children。
What　is　this　but　another　name　for　a　dozen　crimes；　a　dozen　misfortunes？
It　would　be　handing　over　to　poverty　and　despair　twelve　innocent
darlings；　whereas　two　children　would　mean　the　happiness　of　both；　a
double　blessing；　two　lives　capable　of　developing　in　harmony　with　the
customs　and　laws　of　our　time。　The　natural　law　and　the　code　are　in
hostility；　and　we　are　the　battle　ground。　Would　you　give　the　name　of
vice　to　the　prudence　of　the　wife　who　guards　her　family　from
destruction　through　its　own　acts？　One　calculation　or　a　thousand；　what
matter；　if　the　decision　no　longer　rests　with　the　heart？

And　of　this　terrible　calculation　you　will　be　guilty　some　day；　my　noble
Baronne　de　Macumer；　when　you　are　the　proud　and　happy　wife　of　the　man
who　adores　you；　or　rather；　being　a　man　of　sense；　he　will　spare　you　by
making　it　himself。　（You　see；　dear　dreamer；　that　I　have　studied　the
code　in　its　bearings　on　conjugal　relations。）　And　when　at　last　that　day
comes；　you　will　understand　that　we　are　answerable　only　to　God　and　to
ourselves　for　the　means　we　employ　to　keep　happiness　alight　in　the
heart　of　our　homes。　Far　better　is　the　calculation　which　succeeds　in
this　than　the　reckless　passion　which　introduces　trouble；　heart…
burnings；　and　dissension。

I　have　reflected　painfully　on　the　duties　of　a　wife　and　mother　of　a
family。　Yes；　sweet　one；　it　is　only　by　a　sublime　hypocrisy　that　we　can
attain　the　noblest　ideal　of　a　perfect　woman。　You　tax　me　with
insincerity　because　I　dole　out　to　Louis；　from　day　to　day；　the　measure
of　his　intimacy　with　me；　but　is　it　not　too　close　an　intimacy　which
provokes　rupture？　My　aim　is　to　give　him；　in　the　very　interest　of　his
happiness；　many　occupations；　which　will　all　serve　as　distractions　to
his　love；　and　this　is　not　the　reasoning　of　passion。　If　affection　be
inexhaustible；　it　is　not　so　with　love：　the　task；　therefore；　of　a　woman
truly　no　light　oneis　to　spread　it　out　thriftily　over　a　lifetime。

At　the　risk　of　exciting　your　disgust；　I　must　tell　you　that　I　persist
in　the　principles　I　have　adopted；　and　hold　myself　both　heroic　and
generous　in　so　doing。　Virtue；　my　pet；　is　an　abstract　idea；　varying　in
its　manifestations　with　the　surroundings。　Virtue　in　Provence；　in
Constantinople；　in　London；　and　in　Paris　bears　very　different　fruit；
but　is　none　the　less　virtue。　Each　human　life　is　a　substance　compacted
of　widely　dissimilar　elements；　though；　viewed　from　a　certain　height；
the　general　effect　is　the　same。

If　I　wished　to　make　Louis　unhappy　and　to　bring　about　a　separation；　all
I　need　do　is　to　leave　the　helm　in　his　hands。　I　have　not　had　your　good
fortune　in　meeting　with　a　man　of　the　highest　distinction；　but　I　may
perhaps　have　the　satisfaction　of　helping　him　on　the　road　to　it。　Five
years　hence　let　us　meet　in　Paris　and　see！　I　believe　we　shall　succeed
in　mystifying　you。　You　will　tell　me　then　that　I　was　quite　mistaken；
and　that　M。　de　l'Estorade　is　a　man　of　great　natural　gifts。

As　for　this　brave　love；　of　which　I　know　only　what　you　tell　me；　these
tremors　and　night　watches　by　starlight　on　the　balcony；　this　idolatrous
worship；　this　deification　of　womanI　knew　it　was　not　for　me。　You　can
enlarge　the　borders　of　your　brilliant　life　as　you　please；　mine　is
hemmed　in　to　the　boundaries　of　La　Crampade。

And　you　reproach　me　for　the　jealous　care　which　alone　can　nurse　this
modest　and　fragile　shoot　into　a　wealth　of　lasting　and　mysterious
happiness！　I　believed　myself　to　have　found　out　how　to　adapt　the　charm
of　a　mistress　to　the　position　of　a　wife；　and　you　have　almost　made　me
blush　for　my　device。　Who　shall　say　which　of　us　is　right；　which　is
wrong？　Perhaps　we　are　both　right　and　both　wrong。　Perhaps　this　is　the
heavy　price　which　society　exacts　for　our　furbelows；　our　titles；　and
our　children。

I　too　have　my　red　camellias；　but　they　bloom　on　my　lips　in　smiles　for
my　double　chargethe　father　and　the　sonwhose　slave　and　mistress　I
am。　But；　my　dear；　your　last　letters　made　me　feel　what　I　have　lost！　You
have　taught　me　all　a　woman　sacrifices　in　marrying。　One　single　glance
did　I　take　at　those　beautiful　wild　plateaus　where　you　range　at　your
sweet　will；　and　I　will　not　tell　you　the　tears　that　fell　as　I　read。　But
regret　is　not　remorse；　though　it　may　be　first　cousin　to　it。

You　say；　〃Marriage　has　made　you　a　philosopher！〃　Alas！　bitterly　did　I
feel　how　far　this　was　from　the　truth；　as　I　wept　to　think　of　you　swept
away　on　love's　torrent。　But　my　father　has　made　me　read　one　of　the
profoundest　thinkers　of　these　parts；　the　man　on　whom　the　mantle　of
Boussuet　has　fallen；　one　of　those　hard…headed　theorists　whos