letters of two brides-第14节

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absence　of　interested　or　sordid　motives。　Any　weak　points　he　may　have
will　arise　from　the　very　elevation　of　his　views　above　those　of　the
common　herd；　for　in　every　respect　I　would　have　him　superior　to　his
age。　Ever　mindful　of　the　delicate　attentions　due　to　the　weak；　he　will
be　gentle　to　all　women；　but　not　prone　lightly　to　fall　in　love　with
any；　for　love　will　seem　to　him　too　serious　to　turn　into　a　game。

〃Thus　it　might　happen　that　he　would　spend　his　life　in　ignorance　of
true　love；　while　all　the　time　possessing　those　qualities　most　fitted
to　inspire　it。　But　if　ever　he　find　the　ideal　woman　who　has　haunted　his
waking　dreams；　if　he　meet　with　a　nature　capable　of　understanding　his
own；　one　who　could　fill　his　soul　and　pour　sunlight　over　his　life；
could　shine　as　a　star　through　the　mists　of　this　chill　and　gloomy
world；　lend　fresh　charm　to　existence；　and　draw　music　from　the　hitherto
silent　chords　of　his　beingneedless　to　say；　he　would　recognize　and
welcome　his　good　fortune。

〃And　she；　too；　would　be　happy。　Never；　by　word　or　look；　would　he　wound
the　tender　heart　which　abandoned　itself　to　him；　with　the　blind　trust
of　a　child　reposing　in　its　mother's　arms。　For　were　the　vision
shattered；　it　would　be　the　wreck　of　her　inner　life。　To　the　mighty
waters　of　love　she　would　confide　her　all！

〃The　man　I　picture　must　belong；　in　expression；　in　attitude；　in　gait；
in　his　way　of　performing　alike　the　smallest　and　the　greatest　actions；
to　that　race　of　the　truly　great　who　are　always　simple　and　natural。　He
need　not　be　good…looking；　but　his　hands　must　be　beautiful。　His　upper
lip　will　curl　with　a　careless；　ironic　smile　for　the　general　public；
whilst　he　reserves　for　those　he　loves　the　heavenly；　radiant　glance　in
which　he　puts　his　soul。〃

〃Will　mademoiselle　allow　me；〃　he　said　in　Spanish；　in　a　voice　full　of
agitation；　〃to　keep　this　writing　in　memory　of　her？　This　is　the　last
lesson　I　shall　have　the　honor　of　giving　her；　and　that　which　I　have
just　received　in　these　words　may　serve　me　for　an　abiding　rule　of　life。
I　left　Spain；　a　fugitive　and　penniless；　but　I　have　to…day　received
from　my　family　a　sum　sufficient　for　my　needs。　You　will　allow　me　to
send　some　poor　Spaniard　in　my　place。〃

In　other　words；　he　seemed　to　me　to　say；　〃This　little　game　must　stop。〃
He　rose　with　an　air　of　marvelous　dignity；　and　left　me　quite　upset　by
such　unheard…of　delicacy　in　a　man　of　his　class。　He　went　downstairs　and
asked　to　speak　with　my　father。

At　dinner　my　father　said　to　me　with　a　smile：

〃Louise；　you　have　been　learning　Spanish　from　an　ex…minister　and　a　man
condemned　to　death。〃

〃The　Duc　de　Soria；〃　I　said。

〃Duke！〃　replied　my　father。　〃No；　he　is　not　that　any　longer；　he　takes
the　title　now　of　Baron　de　Macumer　from　a　property　which　still　remains
to　him　in　Sardinia。　He　is　something　of　an　original；　I　think。〃

〃Don't　brand　with　that　word；　which　with　you　always　implies　some
mockery　and　scorn；　a　man　who　is　your　equal；　and　who；　I　believe；　has　a
noble　nature。〃

〃Baronne　de　Macumer？〃　exclaimed　my　father；　with　a　laughing　glance　at
me。

Pride　kept　my　eyes　fixed　on　the　table。

〃But；〃　said　my　mother；　〃Henarez　must　have　met　the　Spanish　ambassador
on　the　steps？〃

〃Yes；〃　replied　my　father；　〃the　ambassador　asked　me　if　I　was　conspiring
against　the　King；　his　master；　but　he　greeted　the　ex…grandee　of　Spain
with　much　deference；　and　placed　his　services　at　his　disposal。〃

All　this；　dear；　Mme。　de　l'Estorade；　happened　a　fortnight　ago；　and　it
is　a　fortnight　now　since　I　have　seen　the　man　who　loves　me；　for　that　he
loves　me　there　is　not　a　doubt。　What　is　he　about？　If　only　I　were　a　fly；
or　a　mouse；　or　a　sparrow！　I　want　to　see　him　alone；　myself　unseen；　at
his　house。　Only　think；　a　man　exists；　to　whom　I　can　say；　〃Go　and　die
for　me！〃　And　he　is　so　made　that　he　would　go；　at　least　I　think　so。
Anyhow；　there　is　in　Paris　a　man　who　occupies　my　thoughts；　and　whose
glance　pours　sunshine　into　my　soul。　Is　not　such　a　man　an　enemy；　whom　I
ought　to　trample　under　foot？　What？　There　is　a　man　who　has　become
necessary　to　mea　man　without　whom　I　don't　know　how　to　live！　You
married；　and　Iin　love！　Four　little　months；　and　those　two　doves；
whose　wings　erst　bore　them　so　high；　have　fluttered　down　upon　the　flat
stretches　of　real　life！

Sunday。

Yesterday；　at　the　Italian　Opera；　I　could　feel　some　one　was　looking　at
me；　my　eyes　were　drawn；　as　by　a　magnet；　to　two　wells　of　fire；　gleaming
like　carbuncles　in　a　dim　corner　of　the　orchestra。　Henarez　never　moved
his　eyes　from　me。　The　wretch　had　discovered　the　one　spot　from　which　he
could　see　meand　there　he　was。　I　don't　know　what　he　may　be　as　a
politician；　but　for　love　he　has　a　genius。

　　Behold；　my　fair　Renee；　where　our　business　now　stands；

as　the　great　Corneille　has　said。



XIII

MME。　DE　L'ESTORADE　TO　MLLE。　DE　CHAULIEU
LA　CRAMPADE；　February。

My　dear　Louise；I　was　bound　to　wait　some　time　before　writing　to　you；
but　now　I　know；　or　rather　I　have　learned；　many　things　which；　for　the
sake　of　your　future　happiness；　I　must　tell　you。　The　difference　between
a　girl　and　a　married　woman　is　so　vast；　that　the　girl　can　no　more
comprehend　it　than　the　married　woman　can　go　back　to　girlhood　again。

I　chose　to　marry　Louis　de　l'Estorade　rather　than　return　to　the
convent；　that　at　least　is　plain。　So　soon　as　I　realized　that　the
convent　was　the　only　alternative　to　marrying　Louis；　I　had；　as　girls
say；　to　〃submit；〃　and　my　submission　once　made；　the　next　thing　was　to
examine　the　situation　and　try　to　make　the　best　of　it。

The　serious　nature　of　what　I　was　undertaking　filled　me　at　first　with
terror。　Marriage　is　a　matter　concerning　the　whole　of　life；　whilst　love
aims　only　at　pleasure。　On　the　other　hand；　marriage　will　remain　when
pleasures　have　vanished；　and　it　is　the　source　of　interests　far　more
precious　than　those　of　the　man　and　woman　entering　on　the　alliance。
Might　it　not　therefore　be　that　the　only　requisite　for　a　happy　marriage
was　friendshipa　friendship　which；　for　the　sake　of　these　advantages；
would　shut　its　eyes　to　many　of　the　imperfections　of　humanity？　Now
there　was　no　obstacle　to　the　existence　of　friendship　between　myself
and　Louis　de　l'Estorade。　Having　renounced　all　idea　of　finding　in
marriage　those　transports　of　love　on　which　our　minds　used　so　often；
and　with　such　perilous　rapture；　to　dwell；　I　found　a　gentle　calm
settling　over　me。　〃If　debarred　from　love；　why　not　seek　for　happiness？〃
I　said　to　myself。　〃Moreover；　I　am　loved；　and　the　love　offered　me　I
shall　accept。　My　married　life　will　be　no　slavery；　but　rather　a
perpetual　reign。　What　is　there　to　say　against　such　a　situation　for　a
woman　who　wishes　to　remain　absolute　mistress　of　herself？〃

The　important　point　of　separating　marriage　from　marital　rights　was
settled　in　a　conversation　between　Louis　and　me；　in　the　course　of　which
he　gave　proof　of　an　excellent　temper　and　a　tender　heart。　Darling；　my
desire　was　to　prolong　that　fair　season　of　hope　which；　never
culminating　in　satisfaction；　leaves　to　the　soul　its　virginity。　To
grant　nothing　to　duty　or　the　law；　to　be　guided　entirely　by　one's　own
will；　retaining　perfect　independencewhat　could　be　more　attractive；
more　honorable？

A　contract　of　this　kind；　directly　opposed　to　the　legal　contract；　and
even　to　the　sacrament　itself；　could　be　concluded　only　between　Louis
and　me。　This　difficulty；　the　first　which　has　arisen；　is　the　only　one
which　has　delayed　the　completion　of　our　marriage。　Although；　at　first；
I　may　have　made　up　my　mind　to　accept　anything　rather　than　return　to
the　convent；　it　is　only　in　human　nature；　having　got　an　inch；　to　ask
for　an　ell；　and　you　and　I；　sweet　love；　are　of　those　who　would　have　it
all。

I　watched　Louis　out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye；　and　put　it　to　myself；
〃Has　suffering　had　a　softening　or　a　hardening　effect　on　him？〃　By　dint
of　close　study；　I　arrived　at　the　conclusion　that　his　love　amounted　to
a　passion。　Once　transformed　into　an　idol；　whose　slightest　frown　would
turn　him　white　and　trembling；　I　realized　that　I　might　venture
anything。　I　drew　him　aside　in　the　most　natural　manner　on　solitary
walks；　during　which　I　discreetly　sounded　his　feelings。　I　made　him
talk；　and　got　him　to　expound　to　me　his　ideas　and　plans　for　our　future。
My　questions　betrayed　so　many　preconceived　notions；　and　went　so
straight　for　the　weak　points　in　this　terrible　dual　existence；　that
Louis　has　since　confessed　to　me　the　alarm　it　caused　him　to　find　in　me
so　little　of　the　ignorant　maiden。

Then　I　listened　to　what　he　had　to　say　in　reply。　He　got　mixed　up　in　his
arguments；　as　people　do　when　handicapped　by　fear；　and　before　long　it
became　clear　that　chance　had　given　me　for　adversary　one　who　was　the
less　fitted　for　the　contest　because　he　was　conscious　of　what　you
magniloquently　call　my　〃greatness　of　soul。〃　Broken　by　sufferings　and
misfortune；　he　looked　on　himself　as　a　sort　of　wreck；　and　three　fears
in　especial　haunted　him。

First；　we　are　aged　respectively　thirty…seven　and　seventeen；　and　he
could　not　contemplate　without　quaking　the　twenty　years　that　divide　us。
In　the　next　place；　he　shares　our　views　on　the　subject　of　my　beauty；
and　it　is　cruel　for　him　to　see　how　the　hardships　of　his　life　have
robbed　him　of　youth。　Finally；　he　felt　the　superiority　of　my　womanhood
over　his　manhood。　The　consciousness　of　these　three　obvious　draw