part 6-第19节
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you've sometime or other faced things that make you
different。〃
Thea turned her back to the wind； wiping away the snow
that clung to her brows and lashes。 〃Ugh！〃 she exclaimed；
〃no matter how long a breath you have； the storm has
a longer。 I haven't signed for next season； yet； Fred。 I'm
holding out for a big contract： forty performances。 Necker
won't be able to do much next winter。 It's going to be one
of those between seasons； the old singers are too old； and
the new ones are too new。 They might as well risk me as
anybody。 So I want good terms。 The next five or six
years are going to be my best。〃
〃You'll get what you demand； if you are uncompro…
mising。 I'm safe in congratulating you now。〃
Thea laughed。 〃It's a little early。 I may not get it at
all。 They don't seem to be breaking their necks to meet
me。 I can go back to Dresden。〃
As they turned the curve and walked westward they
got the wind from the side； and talking was easier。
Fred lowered his collar and shook the snow from his
shoulders。 〃Oh； I don't mean on the contract particularly。
I congratulate you on what you can do； Thea； and on all
that lies behind what you do。 On the life that's led up to
it； and on being able to care so much。 That； after all； is
the unusual thing。〃
She looked at him sharply； with a certain apprehension。
〃Care？ Why shouldn't I care？ If I didn't； I'd be in a
bad way。 What else have I got？〃 She stopped with a
challenging interrogation； but Ottenburg did not reply。
〃You mean；〃 she persisted； 〃that you don't care as much
as you used to？〃
〃I care about your success； of course。〃 Fred fell into a
slower pace。 Thea felt at once that he was talking seri…
ously and had dropped the tone of half…ironical exaggera…
tion he had used with her of late years。 〃And I'm
grateful to you for what you demand from yourself； when
you might get off so easily。 You demand more and more
all the time； and you'll do more and more。 One is grateful
to anybody for that； it makes life in general a little less
sordid。 But as a matter of fact； I'm not much interested
in how anybody sings anything。〃
〃That's too bad of you； when I'm just beginning to
see what is worth doing； and how I want to do it！〃 Thea
spoke in an injured tone。
〃That's what I congratulate you on。 That's the great
difference between your kind and the rest of us。 It's how
long you're able to keep it up that tells the story。 When
you needed enthusiasm from the outside； I was able to
give it to you。 Now you must let me withdraw。〃
〃I'm not tying you； am I？〃 she flashed out。 〃But with…
draw to what？ What do you want？〃
Fred shrugged。 〃I might ask you； What have I got？
I want things that wouldn't interest you； that you prob…
ably wouldn't understand。 For one thing； I want a son
to bring up。〃
〃I can understand that。 It seems to me reasonable。
Have you also found somebody you want to marry？〃
〃Not particularly。〃 They turned another curve； which
brought the wind to their backs； and they walked on in
comparative calm； with the snow blowing past them。 〃It's
not your fault； Thea； but I've had you too much in my
mind。 I've not given myself a fair chance in other direc…
tions。 I was in Rome when you and Nordquist were there。
If that had kept up； it might have cured me。〃
〃It might have cured a good many things；〃 remarked
Thea grimly。
Fred nodded sympathetically and went on。 〃In my
library in St。 Louis； over the fireplace； I have a property
spear I had copied from one in Venice；oh； years ago；
after you first went abroad； while you were studying。
You'll probably be singing BRUNNHILDE pretty soon now；
and I'll send it on to you； if I may。 You can take it and
its history for what they're worth。 But I'm nearly forty
years old； and I've served my turn。 You've done what
I hoped for you； what I was honestly willing to lose you
forthen。 I'm older now； and I think I was an ass。 I
wouldn't do it again if I had the chance； not much！ But
I'm not sorry。 It takes a great many people to make
oneBRUNNHILDE。〃
Thea stopped by the fence and looked over into the
black choppiness on which the snowflakes fell and dis…
appeared with magical rapidity。 Her face was both angry
and troubled。 〃So you really feel I've been ungrateful。
I thought you sent me out to get something。 I didn't
know you wanted me to bring in something easy。 I
thought you wanted something〃 She took a deep
breath and shrugged her shoulders。 〃But there！ nobody
on God's earth wants it； REALLY！ If one other person wanted
it；〃she thrust her hand out before him and clenched
it；〃my God； what I could do！〃
Fred laughed dismally。 〃Even in my ashes I feel my…
self pushing you！ How can anybody help it？ My dear
girl； can't you see that anybody else who wanted it as you
do would be your rival； your deadliest danger？ Can't you
see that it's your great good fortune that other people
can't care about it so much？〃
But Thea seemed not to take in his protest at all。 She
went on vindicating herself。 〃It's taken me a long while
to do anything； of course； and I've only begun to see day…
light。 But anything good isexpensive。 It hasn't
seemed long。 I've always felt responsible to you。〃
Fred looked at her face intently； through the veil of
snowflakes； and shook his head。 〃To me？ You are a truth…
ful woman； and you don't mean to lie to me。 But after the
one responsibility you do feel； I doubt if you've enough
left to feel responsible to God！ Still； if you've ever in an
idle hour fooled yourself with thinking I had anything to
do with it； Heaven knows I'm grateful。〃
〃Even if I'd married Nordquist；〃 Thea went on； turn…
ing down the path again； 〃there would have been some…
thing left out。 There always is。 In a way； I've always been
married to you。 I'm not very flexible； never was and never
shall be。 You caught me young。 I could never have that
over again。 One can't； after one begins to know anything。
But I look back on it。 My life hasn't been a gay one； any
more than yours。 If I shut things out from you； you shut
them out from me。 We've been a help and a hindrance to
each other。 I guess it's always that way； the good and the
bad all mixed up。 There's only one thing that's all beau…
tifuland always beautiful！ That's why my interest keeps
up。〃
〃Yes； I know。〃 Fred looked sidewise at the outline of
her head against the thickening atmosphere。 〃And you
give one the impression that that is enough。 I've gradu…
ally； gradually given you up。〃
〃See； the lights are coming out。〃 Thea pointed to where
they flickered； flashes of violet through the gray tree…tops。
Lower down the globes along the drives were becoming a
pale lemon color。 〃Yes； I don't see why anybody wants
to marry an artist； anyhow。 I remember Ray Kennedy
used to say he didn't see how any woman could marry a
gambler； for she would only be marrying what the game
left。〃 She shook her shoulders impatiently。 〃Who marries
who is a small matter； after all。 But I hope I can bring
back your interest in my work。 You've cared longer and
more than anybody else； and I'd like to have somebody
human to make a report to once in a while。 You can send
me your spear。 I'll do my best。 If you're not interested；
I'll do my best anyhow。 I've only a few friends； but I
can lose every one of them； if it has to be。 I learned how
to lose when my mother died。 We must hurry now。 My
taxi must be waiting。〃
The blue light about them was growing deeper and
darker； and the falling snow and the faint trees had be…
come violet。 To the south； over Broadway； there was an
orange reflection in the clouds。 Motors and carriage lights
flashed by on the drive below the reservoir path； and the
air was strident with horns and shrieks from the whistles
of the mounted policemen。
Fred gave Thea his arm as they descended from the
embankment。 〃I guess you'll never m
