the magic skin-第34节

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shown　me　kindness　and　great　indulgence；　know；　therefore；　that

to…morrow　I　must　bid　you　farewell。Do　not　take　back　your　word；'　I

exclaimed；　seeing　her　about　to　speak；　and　I　went　away。



〃At　eight　o'clock　one　evening　towards　the　end　of　May；　Foedora　and　I

were　alone　together　in　her　gothic　boudoir。　I　feared　no　longer；　I　was

secure　of　happiness。　My　mistress　should　be　mine；　or　I　would　seek　a

refuge　in　death。　I　had　condemned　my　faint…hearted　love；　and　a　man　who

acknowledges　his　weakness　is　strong　indeed。



〃The　countess；　in　her　blue　cashmere　gown；　was　reclining　on　a　sofa；

with　her　feet　on　a　cushion。　She　wore　an　Oriental　turban　such　as

painters　assign　to　early　Hebrews；　its　strangeness　added　an

indescribable　coquettish　grace　to　her　attractions。　A　transitory　charm

seemed　to　have　laid　its　spell　on　her　face；　it　might　have　furnished　the

argument　that　at　every　instant　we　become　new　and　unparalleled　beings；

without　any　resemblance　to　the　US　of　the　future　or　of　the　past。　I　had

never　yet　seen　her　so　radiant。



〃　'Do　you　know　that　you　have　piqued　my　curiosity？'　she　said；　laughing。



〃　'I　will　not　disappoint　it；'　I　said　quietly；　as　I　seated　myself　near

to　her　and　took　the　hand　that　she　surrendered　to　me。　'You　have　a　very

beautiful　voice！'



〃　'You　have　never　heard　me　sing！'　she　exclaimed；　starting

involuntarily　with　surprise。



〃　'I　will　prove　that　it　is　quite　otherwise；　whenever　it　is　necessary。

Is　your　delightful　singing　still　to　remain　a　mystery？　Have　no　fear；　I

do　not　wish　to　penetrate　it。'



〃We　spent　about　an　hour　in　familiar　talk。　While　I　adopted　the　attitude

and　manner　of　a　man　to　whom　Foedora　must　refuse　nothing；　I　showed　her

all　a　lover's　deference。　Acting　in　this　way；　I　received　a　favorI　was

allowed　to　kiss　her　hand。　She　daintily　drew　off　the　glove；　and　my

whole　soul　was　dissolved　and　poured　forth　in　that　kiss。　I　was　steeped

in　the　bliss　of　an　illusion　in　which　I　tried　to　believe。



〃Foedora　lent　herself　most　unexpectedly　to　my　caress　and　my

flatteries。　Do　not　accuse　me　of　faint…heartedness；　if　I　had　gone　a

step　beyond　these　fraternal　compliments；　the　claws　would　have　been　out

of　the　sheath　and　into　me。　We　remained　perfectly　silent　for　nearly　ten

minutes。　I　was　admiring　her；　investing　her　with　the　charms　she　had

not。　She　was　mine　just　then；　and　mine　only；this　enchanting　being　was

mine；　as　was　permissible；　in　my　imagination；　my　longing　wrapped　her

round　and　held　her　close；　in　my　soul　I　wedded　her。　The　countess　was

subdued　and　fascinated　by　my　magnetic　influence。　Ever　since　I　have

regretted　that　this　subjugation　was　not　absolute；　but　just　then　I

yearned　for　her　soul；　her　heart　alone；　and　for　nothing　else。　I　longed

for　an　ideal　and　perfect　happiness；　a　fair　illusion　that　cannot　last

for　very　long。　At　last　I　spoke；　feeling　that　the　last　hours　of　my

frenzy　were　at　hand。



〃　'Hear　me；　madame。　I　love　you；　and　you　know　it；　I　have　said　so　a

hundred　times；　you　must　have　understood　me。　I　would　not　take　upon　me

the　airs　of　a　coxcomb；　nor　would　I　flatter　you；　nor　urge　myself　upon

you　like　a　fool；　I　would　not　owe　your　love　to　such　arts　as　these！　so　I

have　been　misunderstood。　What　sufferings　have　I　not　endured　for　your

sake！　For　these；　however；　you　were　not　to　blame；　but　in　a　few　minutes

you　shall　decide　for　yourself。　There　are　two　kinds　of　poverty；　madame。

One　kind　openly　walks　the　street　in　rags；　an　unconscious　imitator　of

Diogenes；　on　a　scanty　diet；　reducing　life　to　its　simplest　terms；　he　is

happier；　maybe；　than　the　rich；　he　has　fewer　cares　at　any　rate；　and

accepts　such　portions　of　the　world　as　stronger　spirits　refuse。　Then

there　is　poverty　in　splendor；　a　Spanish　pauper；　concealing　the　life　of

a　beggar　by　his　title；　his　bravery；　and　his　pride；　poverty　that　wears

a　white　waistcoat　and　yellow　kid　gloves；　a　beggar　with　a　carriage；

whose　whole　career　will　be　wrecked　for　lack　of　a　halfpenny。　Poverty　of

the　first　kind　belongs　to　the　populace；　the　second　kind　is　that　of

blacklegs；　of　kings；　and　of　men　of　talent。　I　am　neither　a　man　of　the

people；　nor　a　king；　nor　a　swindler；　possibly　I　have　no　talent　either；

I　am　an　exception。　With　the　name　I　bear　I　must　die　sooner　than　beg。

Set　your　mind　at　rest；　madame；'　I　said；　'to…day　I　have　abundance；　I

possess　sufficient　of　the　clay　for　my　needs'；　for　the　hard　look　passed

over　her　face　which　we　wear　whenever　a　well…dressed　beggar　takes　us　by

surprise。　'Do　you　remember　the　day　when　you　wished　to　go　to　the

Gymnase　without　me；　never　believing　that　I　should　be　there？'　I　went

on。



〃She　nodded。



〃　'I　had　laid　out　my　last　five…franc　piece　that　I　might　see　you　there。

Do　you　recollect　our　walk　in　the　Jardin　des　Plantes？　The　hire　of

your　cab　took　everything　I　had。'



〃I　told　her　about　my　sacrifices；　and　described　the　life　I　led；　heated

not　with　wine；　as　I　am　to…day；　but　by　the　generous　enthusiasm　of　my

heart；　my　passion　overflowed　in　burning　words；　I　have　forgotten　how

the　feelings　within　me　blazed　forth；　neither　memory　nor　skill　of　mine

could　possibly　reproduce　it。　It　was　no　colorless　chronicle　of　blighted

affections；　my　love　was　strengthened　by　fair　hopes；　and　such　words

came　to　me；　by　love's　inspiration；　that　each　had　power　to　set　forth　a

whole　lifelike　echoes　of　the　cries　of　a　soul　in　torment。　In　such

tones　the　last　prayers　ascend　from　dying　men　on　the　battlefield。　I

stopped；　for　she　was　weeping。　GRAND　DIEU！　I　had　reaped　an　actor's

reward；　the　success　of　a　counterfeit　passion　displayed　at　the　cost　of

five　francs　paid　at　the　theatre　door。　I　had　drawn　tears　from　her。



〃　'If　I　had　known'　she　said。



〃　'Do　not　finish　the　sentence；'　I　broke　in。　'Even　now　I　love　you　well

enough　to　murder　you'



〃She　reached　for　the　bell…pull。　I　burst　into　a　roar　of　laughter。



〃　'Do　not　call　any　one；'　I　said。　'I　shall　leave　you　to　finish　your

life　in　peace。　It　would　be　a　blundering　kind　of　hatred　that　would

murder　you！　You　need　not　fear　violence　of　any　kind；　I　have　spent　a

whole　night　at　the　foot　of　your　bed　without'



〃　'Monsieur'　she　said；　blushing；　but　after　that　first　impulse　of

modesty　that　even　the　most　hardened　women　must　surely　own；　she　flung　a

scornful　glance　at　me；　and　said：



〃　'You　must　have　been　very　cold。'



〃　'Do　you　think　that　I　set　such　value　on　your　beauty；　madame；'　I

answered；　guessing　the　thoughts　that　moved　her。　'Your　beautiful　face

is　for　me　a　promise　of　a　soul　yet　more　beautiful。　Madame；　those　to

whom　a　woman　is　merely　a　woman　can　always　purchase　odalisques　fit　for

the　seraglio；　and　achieve　their　happiness　at　a　small　cost。　But　I

aspired　to　something　higher；　I　wanted　the　life　of　close　communion　of

heart　and　heart　with　you　that　have　no　heart。　I　know　that　now。　If　you

were　to　belong　to　another；　I　could　kill　him。　And　yet；　no；　for　you

would　love　him；　and　his　death　might　hurt　you　perhaps。　What　agony　this

is！'　I　cried。



〃　'If　it　is　any　comfort　to　you；'　she　retorted　cheerfully；　'I　can

assure　you　that　I　shall　never　belong　to　any　one'



〃　'So　you　offer　an　affront　to　God　Himself；'　I　interrupted；　'and　you

will　be　punished　for　it。　Some　day　you　will　lie　upon　your　sofa

suffering　unheard…of　ills；　unable　to　endure　the　light　or　the　slightest

sound；　condemned　to　live　as　it　were　in　the　tomb。　Then；　when　you　seek

the　causes　of　those　lingering　and　avenging　torments；　you　will　remember

the　woes　that　you　distributed　so　lavishly　upon　your　way。　You　have　sown

curses；　and　hatred　will　be　your　reward。　We　are　the　real　judges；　the

executioners　of　a　justice　that　reigns　here　below；　which　overrules　the

justice　of　man　and　the　laws　of　God。'



〃　'No　doubt　it　is　very　culpable　in　me　not　to　love　you；'　she　said；

laughing。　'Am　I　to　blame？　No。　I　do　not　love　you；　you　are　a　man；　that

is　sufficient。　I　am　happy　by　myself；　why　should　I　give　up　my　way　of

living；　a　selfish　way；　if　you　will；　for　the　caprices　of　a　master？

Marriage　is　a　sacrament　by　virtue　of　which　each　imparts　nothing　but

vexations　to　the　other。　Children；　moreover；　worry　me。　Did　I　not

faithfully　warn　you　about　my　nature？　Why　are　you　not　satisfied　to　have

my　friendship？　I　wish　I　could　make　you　amends　for　all　the　troubles　I

have　caused　you；　through　not　guessing　the　value　of　your　poor　five…

franc　pieces。　I　appreciate　the　extent　of　your　sacrifices；　but　your

devotion　and　delicate　tact　can　be　repaid　by　love　alone；　and　I　care　so

little　for　you；　that　this　scene　has　a　disagreeable　effect　upon　me。'



〃　'I　am　fully　aware　of　my　absurdity；'　I　said；　unable　to　restrain　my

tears。　'Pardon　me；'　I　went　on；　'it　was　a　delight　to　hear　those　cruel

words　you　have　just　uttered；　so　well　I　love　you。　O；　if　I　could　testify

my　love　with　every　drop　of　blood　in　me！'



〃　'Men　always　repeat　these　classic　formulas　to　us；　more　or　less

effectively；'　she　answered；　still　smiling。　'But　it　appears　very

difficult　to　die　at　our　feet；　for　I　see　corpses　of　that　kind　about

everywhere。　It　is　twelve　o'clock。　Allow　me　to　go　to　bed。'



〃　'And　in　two　hours'　time　you　will　cry　to　yourself；　AH；　MON　DIEU！'