the magic skin-第29节

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fancied　myself　beloved；　I　had　money；　a　wealth　of　love　in　my　heart；　and

my　troubles　were　over。　I　was　light…hearted；　blithe；　and　content。　I

found　my　friend's　lady…love　charming。　Earth　and　air　and　heavenall

natureseemed　to　reflect　Foedora's　smile　for　me。



〃As　we　returned　through　the　Champs…Elysees；　we　paid　a　visit　to

Rastignac's　hatter　and　tailor。　Thanks　to　the　'Necklace；'　my

insignificant　peace…footing　was　to　end；　and　I　made　formidable

preparations　for　a　campaign。　Henceforward　I　need　not　shrink　from　a

contest　with　the　spruce　and　fashionable　young　men　who　made　Foedora's

circle。　I　went　home；　locked　myself　in；　and　stood　by　my　dormer　window；

outwardly　calm　enough；　but　in　reality　I　bade　a　last　good…bye　to　the

roofs　without。　I　began　to　live　in　the　future；　rehearsed　my　life　drama；

and　discounted　love　and　its　happiness。　Ah；　how　stormy　life　can　grow　to

be　within　the　four　walls　of　a　garret！　The　soul　within　us　is　like　a

fairy；　she　turns　straw　into　diamonds　for　us；　and　for　us；　at　a　touch　of

her　wand；　enchanted　palaces　arise；　as　flowers　in　the　meadows　spring　up

towards　the　sun。



〃Towards　noon；　next　day；　Pauline　knocked　gently　at　my　door；　and

brought　mewho　could　guess　it？a　note　from　Foedora。　The　countess

asked　me　to　take　her　to　the　Luxembourg；　and　to　go　thence　to　see　with

her　the　Museum　and　Jardin　des　Plantes。



〃　'The　man　is　waiting　for　an　answer；'　said　Pauline；　after　quietly

waiting　for　a　moment。



〃I　hastily　scrawled　my　acknowledgements；　and　Pauline　took　the　note。　I

changed　my　dress。　When　my　toilette　was　ended；　and　I　looked　at　myself

with　some　complaisance；　an　icy　shiver　ran　through　me　as　I　thought：



〃　'Will　Foedora　walk　or　drive？　Will　it　rain　or　shine？No　matter；

though；'　I　said　to　myself；　'whichever　it　is；　can　one　ever　reckon　with

feminine　caprice？　She　will　have　no　money　about　her；　and　will　want　to

give　a　dozen　francs　to　some　little　Savoyard　because　his　rags　are

picturesque。'



〃I　had　not　a　brass　farthing；　and　should　have　no　money　till　the　evening

came。　How　dearly　a　poet　pays　for　the　intellectual　prowess　that　method

and　toil　have　brought　him；　at　such　crises　of　our　youth！　Innumerable

painfully　vivid　thoughts　pierced　me　like　barbs。　I　looked　out　of　my

window；　the　weather　was　very　unsettled。　If　things　fell　out　badly；　I

might　easily　hire　a　cab　for　the　day；　but　would　not　the　fear　lie　on　me

every　moment　that　I　might　not　meet　Finot　in　the　evening？　I　felt　too

weak　to　endure　such　fears　in　the　midst　of　my　felicity。　Though　I　felt

sure　that　I　should　find　nothing；　I　began　a　grand　search　through　my

room；　I　looked　for　imaginary　coins　in　the　recesses　of　my　mattress；　I

hunted　about　everywhereI　even　shook　out　my　old　boots。　A　nervous

fever　seized　me；　I　looked　with　wild　eyes　at　the　furniture　when　I　had

ransacked　it　all。　Will　you　understand；　I　wonder；　the　excitement　that

possessed　me　when；　plunged　deep　in　the　listlessness　of　despair；　I

opened　my　writing…table　drawer；　and　found　a　fair　and　splendid　ten…

franc　piece　that　shone　like　a　rising　star；　new　and　sparkling；　and

slily　hiding　in　a　cranny　between　two　boards？　I　did　not　try　to　account

for　its　previous　reserve　and　the　cruelty　of　which　it　had　been　guilty

in　thus　lying　hidden；　I　kissed　it　for　a　friend　faithful　in　adversity；

and　hailed　it　with　a　cry　that　found　an　echo；　and　made　me　turn　sharply；

to　find　Pauline　with　a　face　grown　white。



〃　'I　thought；'　she　faltered；　'that　you　had　hurt　yourself！　The　man　who

brought　the　letter'　（she　broke　off　as　if　something　smothered　her

voice）。　'But　mother　has　paid　him；'　she　added；　and　flitted　away　like　a

wayward；　capricious　child。　Poor　little　one！　I　wanted　her　to　share　in

my　happiness。　I　seemed　to　have　all　the　happiness　in　the　world　within

me　just　then；　and　I　would　fain　have　returned　to　the　unhappy；　all　that

I　felt　as　if　I　had　stolen　from　them。



〃The　intuitive　perception　of　adversity　is　sound　for　the　most　part；　the

countess　had　sent　away　her　carriage。　One　of　those　freaks　that　pretty

women　can　scarcely　explain　to　themselves　had　determined　her　to　go　on

foot；　by　way　of　the　boulevards；　to　the　Jardin　des　Plantes。



〃　'It　will　rain；'　I　told　her；　and　it　pleased　her　to　contradict　me。



〃As　it　fell　out；　the　weather　was　fine　while　we　went　through　the

Luxembourg；　when　we　came　out；　some　drops　fell　from　a　great　cloud；

whose　progress　I　had　watched　uneasily；　and　we　took　a　cab。　At　the

Museum　I　was　about　to　dismiss　the　vehicle；　and　Foedora　（what　agonies！）

asked　me　not　to　do　so。　But　it　was　like　a　dream　in　broad　daylight　for

me；　to　chat　with　her；　to　wander　in　the　Jardin　des　Plantes；　to　stray

down　the　shady　alleys；　to　feel　her　hand　upon　my　arm；　the　secret

transports　repressed　in　me　were　reduced；　no　doubt；　to　a　fixed　and

foolish　smile　upon　my　lips；　there　was　something　unreal　about　it　all。

Yet　in　all　her　movements；　however　alluring；　whether　we　stood　or

whether　we　walked；　there　was　nothing　either　tender　or　lover…like。　When

I　tried　to　share　in　a　measure　the　action　of　movement　prompted　by　her

life；　I　became　aware　of　a　check；　or　of　something　strange　in　her　that　I

cannot　explain；　or　an　inner　activity　concealed　in　her　nature。　There　is

no　suavity　about　the　movements　of　women　who　have　no　soul　in　them。　Our

wills　were　opposed；　and　we　did　not　keep　step　together。　Words　are

wanting　to　describe　this　outward　dissonance　between　two　beings；　we　are

not　accustomed　to　read　a　thought　in　a　movement。　We　instinctively　feel

this　phenomenon　of　our　nature；　but　it　cannot　be　expressed。



〃I　did　not　dissect　my　sensations　during　those　violent　seizures　of

passion；〃　Raphael　went　on；　after　a　moment　of　silence；　as　if　he　were

replying　to　an　objection　raised　by　himself。　〃I　did　not　analyze　my

pleasures　nor　count　my　heartbeats　then；　as　a　miser　scrutinizes　and

weighs　his　gold　pieces。　No；　experience　sheds　its　melancholy　light　over

the　events　of　the　past　to…day；　and　memory　brings　these　pictures　back；

as　the　sea…waves　in　fair　weather　cast　up　fragment　after　fragment　of

the　debris　of　a　wrecked　vessel　upon　the　strand。



〃　'It　is　in　your　power　to　render　me　a　rather　important　service；'　said

the　countess；　looking　at　me　in　an　embarrassed　way。　'After　confiding　in

you　my　aversion　to　lovers；　I　feel　myself　more　at　liberty　to　entreat

your　good　offices　in　the　name　of　friendship。　Will　there　not　be　very

much　more　merit　in　obliging　me　to…day？'　she　asked；　laughing。



〃I　looked　at　her　in　anguish。　Her　manner　was　coaxing；　but　in　no　wise

affectionate；　she　felt　nothing　for　me；　she　seemed　to　be　playing　a

part；　and　I　thought　her　a　consummate　actress。　Then　all　at　once　my

hopes　awoke　once　more；　at　a　single　look　and　word。　Yet　if　reviving　love

expressed　itself　in　my　eyes；　she　bore　its　light　without　any　change　in

the　clearness　of　her　own；　they　seemed；　like　a　tiger's　eyes；　to　have　a

sheet　of　metal　behind　them。　I　used　to　hate　her　in　such　moments。



〃　'The　influence　of　the　Duc　de　Navarreins　would　be　very　useful　to　me；

with　an　all…powerful　person　in　Russia；'　she　went　on；　persuasion　in

every　modulation　of　her　voice；　'whose　intervention　I　need　in　order　to

have　justice　done　me　in　a　matter　that　concerns　both　my　fortune　and　my

position　in　the　world；　that　is　to　say；　the　recognition　of　my　marriage

by　the　Emperor。　Is　not　the　Duc　de　Navarreins　a　cousin　of　yours？　A

letter　from　him　would　settle　everything。'



〃　'I　am　yours；'　I　answered；　'command　me。'



〃　'You　are　very　nice；'　she　said；　pressing　my　hand。　'Come　and　have

dinner　with　me；　and　I　will　tell　you　everything；　as　if　you　were　my

confessor。'



〃So　this　discreet；　suspicious　woman；　who　had　never　been　heard　to　speak

a　word　about　her　affairs　to　any　one；　was　going　to　consult　me。



〃　'Oh；　how　dear　to　me　is　this　silence　that　you　have　imposed　on　me！'　I

cried；　'but　I　would　rather　have　had　some　sharper　ordeal　still。'　And

she　smiled　upon　the　intoxication　in　my　eyes；　she　did　not　reject　my

admiration　in　any　way；　surely　she　loved　me！



〃Fortunately；　my　purse　held　just　enough　to　satisfy　her　cab…man。　The

day　spent　in　her　house；　alone　with　her；　was　delicious；　it　was　the

first　time　that　I　had　seen　her　in　this　way。　Hitherto　we　had　always

been　kept　apart　by　the　presence　of　others；　and　by　her　formal

politeness　and　reserved　manners；　even　during　her　magnificent　dinners；

but　now　it　was　as　if　I　lived　beneath　her　own　roofI　had　her　all　to

myself；　so　to　speak。　My　wandering　fancy　broke　down　barriers；　arranged

the　events　of　life　to　my　liking；　and　steeped　me　in　happiness　and　love。

I　seemed　to　myself　her　husband；　I　liked　to　watch　her　busied　with

little　details；　it　was　a　pleasure　to　me　even　to　see　her　take　off　her

bonnet　and　shawl。　She　left　me　alone　for　a　little；　and　came　back；

charming；　with　her　hair　newly　arranged；　and　this　dainty　change　of

toilette　had　been　made　for　me！



〃During　the　dinner　she　lavished　attention　upon　me；　and　put　charm

without　end　into　those　numberless　trifles　to　all　seeming；　that　make　up

half　of　our　existence　nevertheless。　As　we　sat　together　before　a

crackling　fire；　on　silken　cushions　surrounded　by　the　most　desira