the titan-第30节

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The　office　was　clean；　hard；　bright；　like　Cowperwood　himself。　　The　morning　sun；　streaming　in　through　an　almost　solid　glass　east　front　shaded　by　pale…green　roller　curtains；　came　to　have　an　almost　romantic　atmosphere　for　her。　　Cowperwood's　private　office；　as　in　Philadelphia；　was　a　solid　cherry…wood　box　in　which　he　could　shut　himself　completelysight…proof；　sound…proof。　　When　the　door　was　closed　it　was　sacrosanct。　　He　made　it　a　rule；　sensibly；　to　keep　his　door　open　as　much　as　possible；　even　when　he　was　dictating；　sometimes　not。　　It　was　in　these　half…hours　of　dictationthe　door　open；　as　a　rule；　for　he　did　not　care　for　too　much　privacythat　he　and　Miss　Nowak　came　closest。　　After　months　and　months；　and　because　he　had　been　busy　with　the　other　woman　mentioned；　of　whom　she　knew　nothing；　she　came　to　enter　sometimes　with　a　sense　of　suffocation；　sometimes　of　maidenly　shame。　　It　would　never　have　occurred　to　her　to　admit　frankly　that　she　wanted　Cowperwood　to　make　love　to　her。　　　It　would　have　frightened　her　to　have　thought　of　herself　as　yielding　easily；　and　yet　there　was　not　a　detail　of　his　personality　that　was　not　now　burned　in　her　brain。　　His　light；　thick；　always　smoothly　parted　hair；　his　wide；　clear；　inscrutable　eyes；　his　carefully　manicured　hands；　so　full　and　firm；　his　fresh　clothing　of　delicate；　intricate　patternshow　these　fascinated　her！　He　seemed　always　remote　except　just　at　the　moment　of　doing　something；　when；　curiously　enough；　he　seemed　intensely　intimate　and　near。

One　day；　after　many　exchanges　of　glances　in　which　her　own　always　fell　sharplyin　the　midst　of　a　letterhe　arose　and　closed　the　half…open　door。　　She　did　not　think　so　much　of　that；　as　a　ruleit　had　happened　beforebut　now；　to…day；　because　of　a　studied　glance　he　had　given　her；　neither　tender　nor　smiling；　she　felt　as　though　something　unusual　were　about　to　happen。　　Her　own　body　was　going　hot　and　cold　by　turnsher　neck　and　hands。　　She　had　a　fine　figure；　finer　than　she　realized；　with　shapely　limbs　and　torso。　　Her　head　had　some　of　the　sharpness　of　the　old　Greek　coinage；　and　her　hair　was　plaited　as　in　ancient　cut　stone。　　Cowperwood　noted　it。　　He　came　back　and；　without　taking　his　seat；　bent　over　her　and　intimately　took　her　hand。

〃Antoinette；〃　he　said；　lifting　her　gently。

She　looked　up；　then　arosefor　he　slowly　drew　herbreathless；　the　color　gone；　much　of　the　capable　practicality　that　was　hers　completely　eliminated。　　She　felt　limp；　inert。　　She　pulled　at　her　hand　faintly；　and　then；　lifting　her　eyes；　was　fixed　by　that　hard；　insatiable　gaze　of　his。　　Her　head　swamher　eyes　were　filled　with　a　telltale　confusion。

〃Antoinette！〃

〃Yes；〃　she　murmured。

〃You　love　me；　don't　you？〃

She　tried　to　pull　herself　together；　to　inject　some　of　her　native　rigidity　of　soul　into　her　airthat　rigidity　which　she　always　imagined　would　never　desert　herbut　it　was　gone。　　There　came　instead　to　her　a　picture　of　the　far　Blue　Island　Avenue　neighborhood　from　which　she　emanatedits　low　brown　cottages；　and　then　this　smart；　hard　office　and　this　strong　man。　　He　came　out　of　such　a　marvelous　world；　apparently。　　A　strange　foaming　seemed　to　be　in　her　blood。　　　She　was　deliriously；　deliciously　numb　and　happy。

〃Antoinette！〃

〃Oh；　I　don't　know　what　I　think；〃　she　gasped。　　〃I　Oh　yes；　I　do；　I　do。〃

〃I　like　your　name；〃　he　said；　simply。　　〃Antoinette。〃　And　then；　pulling　her　to　him；　he　slipped　his　arm　about　her　waist。

She　was　frightened；　numb；　and　then　suddenly；　not　so　much　from　shame　as　shock；　tears　rushed　to　her　eyes。　　She　turned　and　put　her　hand　on　the　desk　and　hung　her　head　and　sobbed。

〃Why；　Antoinette；〃　he　asked；　gently；　bending　over　her；　are　you　so　much　unused　to　the　world？　I　thought　you　said　you　loved　me。　　Do　you　want　me　to　forget　all　this　and　go　on　as　before？　I　can；　of　course；　if　you　can；　you　know。〃

He　knew　that　she　loved　him；　wanted　him。

She　heard　him　plainly　enough；　shaking。

〃Do　you？〃　he　said；　after　a　time；　giving　her　moments　in　which　to　recover。

〃Oh；　let　me　cry！〃　she　recovered　herself　sufficiently　to　say；　quite　wildly。　　〃I　don't　know　why　I'm　crying。　　It's　just　because　I'm　nervous；　I　suppose。　　Please　don't　mind　me　now。〃

〃Antoinette；〃　he　repeated；　〃look　at　me！　Will　you　stop？〃

〃Oh　no；　not　now。　　My　eyes　are　so　bad。〃

〃Antoinette！　Come；　look！〃　He　put　his　hand　under　her　chin。　　〃See；　I'm　not　so　terrible。〃

〃Oh；〃　she　said；　when　her　eyes　met　his　again；　〃I〃　And　then　she　folded　her　arms　against　his　breast　while　he　petted　her　hand　and　held　her　close。

〃I'm　not　so　bad；　Antoinette。　　It's　you　as　much　as　it　is　me。　　You　do　love　me；　then？〃

〃Yes；　yesoh　yes！〃

〃And　you　don't　mind？〃

〃No。　　It's　all　so　strange。〃　Her　face　was　hidden。

〃Kiss　me；　then。〃

She　put　up　her　lips　and　slipped　her　arms　about　him。　　He　held　her　close。

He　tried　teasingly　to　make　her　say　why　she　cried；　thinking　the　while　of　what　Aileen　or　Rita　would　think　if　they　knew；　but　she　would　not　at　firstadmitting　later　that　it　was　a　sense　of　evil。　　Curiously　she　also　thought　of　Aileen；　and　how；　on　occasion；　she　had　seen　her　sweep　in　and　out。　　Now　she　was　sharing　with　her　（the　dashing　Mrs。　Cowperwood；　so　vain　and　superior）　the　wonder　of　his　affection。　　Strange　as　it　may　seem；　she　looked　on　it　now　as　rather　an　honor。　　She　had　risen　in　her　own　estimationher　sense　of　life　and　power。　　Now；　more　than　ever　before；　she　knew　something　of　life　because　she　knew　something　of　love　and　passion。　　The　future　seemed　tremulous　with　promise。　　She　went　back　to　her　machine　after　a　while；　thinking　of　this。　　What　would　it　all　come　to？　she　wondered；　wildly。　　You　could　not　have　told　by　her　eyes　that　she　had　been　crying。　　Instead；　a　rich　glow　in　her　brown　cheeks　heightened　her　beauty。　　No　disturbing　sense　of　Aileen　was　involved　with　all　this。　Antoinette　was　of　the　newer　order　that　was　beginning　to　privately　question　ethics　and　morals。　　She　had　a　right　to　her　life；　lead　where　it　would。　　And　to　what　it　would　bring　her。　　The　feel　of　Cowperwood's　lips　was　still　fresh　on　hers。　　What　would　the　future　reveal　to　her　now？　What？




Chapter　XVII



An　Overture　to　Conflict

The　result　of　this　understanding　was　not　so　important　to　Cowperwood　as　it　was　to　Antoinette。　　In　a　vagrant　mood　he　had　unlocked　a　spirit　here　which　was　fiery；　passionate；　but　in　his　case　hopelessly　worshipful。　　However　much　she　might　be　grieved　by　him；　Antoinette；　as　he　subsequently　learned；　would　never　sin　against　his　personal　welfare。　　Yet　she　was　unwittingly　the　means　of　first　opening　the　flood…gates　of　suspicion　on　Aileen；　thereby　establishing　in　the　latter's　mind　the　fact　of　Cowperwood's　persistent　unfaithfulness。

The　incidents　which　led　up　to　this　were　comparatively　trivial　nothing　more；　indeed；　at　first　than　the　sight　of　Miss　Nowak　and　Cowperwood　talking　intimately　in　his　office　one　afternoon　when　the　others　had　gone　and　the　fact　that　she　appeared　to　be　a　little　bit　disturbed　by　Aileen's　arrival。　　Later　came　the　discoverythough　of　this　Aileen　could　not　be　absolutely　sureof　Cowperwood　and　Antoinette　in　a　closed　carriage　one　stormy　November　afternoon　in　State　Street　when　he　was　supposed　to　be　out　of　the　city。　　She　was　coming　out　of　Merrill's　store　at　the　time；　and　just　happened　to　glance　at　the　passing　vehicle；　which　was　running　near　the　curb。　Aileen；　although　uncertain；　was　greatly　shocked。　　Could　it　be　possible　that　he　had　not　left　town？　She　journeyed　to　his　office　on　the　pretext　of　taking　old　Laughlin's　dog；　Jennie；　a　pretty　collar　she　had　found；　actually　to　find　if　Antoinette　were　away　at　the　same　time。　　Could　it　be　possible；　she　kept　asking　herself；　that　Cowperwood　had　become　interested　in　his　own　stenographer？　The　fact　that　the　office　assumed　that　he　was　out　of　town　and　that　Antoinette　was　not　there　gave　her　pause。　　Laughlin　quite　innocently　informed　her　that　he　thought　Miss　Nowak　had　gone　to　one　of　the　libraries　to　make　up　certain　reports。　　It　left　her　in　doubt。

What　was　Aileen　to　think？　Her　moods　and　aspirations　were　linked　so　closely　with　the　love　and　success　of　Cowperwood　that　she　could　not；　in　spite　of　herself；　but　take　fire　at　the　least　thought　of　losing　him。　　He　himself　wondered　sometimes；　as　he　threaded　the　mesh…like　paths　of　sex；　what　she　would　do　once　she　discovered　his　variant　conduct。　　Indeed；　there　had　been　little　occasional　squabbles；　not　sharp；　but　suggestive；　when　he　was　trifling　about　with　Mrs。　Kittridge；　Mrs。　Ledwell；　and　others。　　There　were；　as　may　be　imagined；　from　time　to　time　absences；　brief　and　unimportant；　which　he　explained　easily；　passional　indifferences　which　were　not　explained　so　easily；　and　the　like；　but　since　his　affections　were　not　really　involved　in　any　of　those　instances；　he　had　managed　to　smooth　the　matter　over　quite　nicely。

〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　he　would　demand；　when　she　suggested；　apropos　of　a　trip　or　a　day　when　she　had　not　been　with　him；　that　there　might　have　been　another。　　〃You　know　there　hasn't。　　If　I　am　going　in　for　that　sort　of　thing　you'll　learn　it　fast　enough。　　Even　if　I　did；　it　wouldn't　mean　that　I　was　unfaithful　to　you　spiritually。〃

〃Oh；　wouldn't　it？〃　exclaimed　Aileen；　resentfully；　and　with　some　disturbance　of　spirit。　　〃Well；　you　can　keep　your　spiritual　faithfulness。　　I'm　not　going　to　be　content　with　any　sweet　thoughts。〃

Cowperwood　laughed　even　as　she　laughed；　for　he　knew　she　was　right　and　he　felt　sorry　for　her。　　At　the　same　ti