poor miss finch-第96节

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about　my　marriage。〃

Those　words　roused　me。　I　lifted　my　head；　and　kissed　her。　〃I　have　come
back　to　comfort　you；〃　I　said：　〃and　I　have　behaved　like　a　fool。〃

She　smiled　faintly。　〃How　like　you；〃　she　exclaimed；　〃to　say　that！〃　She
tapped　my　cheek　with　her　fingers　in　the　old　familiar　way。　The　repetition
of　that　little　trifling　action　almost　broke　my　heart。　I　nearly　choked
myself　in　forcing　back　the　stupid　cowardly　useless　tears　that　tried　to
burst　from　me　again。　〃Come！〃　she　said。　〃No　more　crying！　Let　us　sit　down
and　talk　as　if　we　were　at　Dimchurch。〃

I　took　her　to　the　sofa：　we　sat　side　by　side。　She　put　her　arm　round　my
waist；　and　laid　her　head　on　my　shoulder。　Again　the　faint　smile　flickered
like　a　dying　light　on　her　lovely　face；　wan　and　wasted；　yet　still
beautifulstill　the　Virgin's　face　in　Raphael's　picture。　〃We　are　a
strange　pair；〃　she　said；　with　a　momentary　flash　of　her　old　irresistible
humour。　〃You　are　my　bitterest　enemy；　and　you　burst　out　crying　over　me　the
moment　we　meet。　I　have　been　shockingly　treated　by　youand　I　have　got　my
arm　round　your　waist　and　my　head　on　your　shoulder；　and　I　wouldn't　let　go
of　you　for　the　world！〃　Her　face　saddened　again；　her　voice　suddenly
altered　its　tone。　〃Tell　me；〃　she　went　on；　〃how　is　it　that　appearances
were　so　terribly　against　you？　Oscar　satisfied　me；　at　Ramsgate；　that　I
ought　to　give　you　up；　that　I　ought　never　to　see　you　again。　I　took　his
viewthere　is　no　denying　it；　my　dearI　agreed　with　him　in　detesting
you；　for　a　little　while。　But；　when　the　blindness　came　back；　I　could　keep
it　up　no　longer。　Little　by　little；　as　the　light　died　out；　my　heart
_would_　turn　to　you　again。　When　I　heard　your　letter　read；　when　I　knew
that　you　were　near　meit　was　just　like　the　old　times；　I　was　mad　to　see
you。　And　here　I　amsatisfied；　before　you　explain　it　to　me；　that　you　have
been　the　victim　of　some　terrible　mistake。〃

I　tried；　in　grateful　acknowledgment　of　those　generous　words；　to　enter　on
my　justification　there　and　then。　It　was　impossible。　I　could　think　of
nothing；　I　could　speak　of　nothing；　but　the　dreadful　discovery　of　her
blindness。

〃Give　me　a　few　minutes；〃　I　said；　〃and　you　shall　hear　it　all。　I　can't　talk
of　myself；　yetI　can　only　talk　of　you。　Oh；　Lucilla；　why　did　you　keep
away　from　Grosse？　Come　with　me　to　him　to…day。　Let　him　try　what　he　can　do。
At　once；　my　lovebefore　it　is　too　late！〃

〃It　_is_　too　late；〃　she　said。　〃I　have　been　to　another　oculista
stranger。　He　said；　what　Mr。　Sebright　said：　he　doubted　if　there　was　ever
any　chance　for　me：　he　thought　the　operation　ought　never　to　have　been
performed。〃

〃Why　did　you　go　to　a　stranger？〃　I　asked。　〃Why　did　you　give　up　Grosse！〃

〃You　must　ask　Oscar；〃　she　answered。　〃It　was　at　his　desire　that　I　kept
away　from　Grosse。〃

Hearing　this；　I　penetrated　for　myself　the　motive　which　had　actuated
Nugentas　I　afterwards　found　it　indicated　in　the　Journal。　If　he　had　let
Lucilla　go　to　Grosse；　our　good　German　might　have　noticed　that　her
position　was　preying　on　her　mind；　and　might　have　seen　his　reasons　for
exposing　the　deception　that　Nugent　was　practicing　on　her。　For　the　rest；　I
still　persisted　in　entreating　Lucilla　to　go　back　with　me　to　our　old
friend。

〃Remember　our　conversation　on　this　very　subject；〃　she　rejoined；　shaking
her　head　decisively。　〃I　mean　at　the　time　when　the　operation　was　going　to
be　performed。　I　told　you　I　was　used　to　being　blind。　I　said　I　only　wanted
to　recover　my　sight；　to　see　Oscar。　And　when　I　did　see　himwhat　happened？
The　disappointment　was　so　dreadful；　I　wished　myself　blind　again。　Don't
start！　don't　cry　out　as　if　you　were　shocked！　I　mean　what　I　say。　You
people　who　can　see；　attach　such　an　absurd　importance　to　your　eyes！　Don't
you　recollect　my　saying　that；　when　we　last　talked　about　it？〃

I　recollected　perfectly。　She　had　said　those　words。　She　had　declared　that
she　had　never　honestly　envied　any　of　us　the　use　of　our　eyes。　She　had　even
reviled　our　eyes；　comparing　them　contemptuously　with　_her_　touch；
deriding　them　as　deceivers　who　were　constantly　leading　us　wrong。　I
acknowledged　all　thiswithout　being　in　the　least　reconciled　to　the
catastrophe　that　had　happened。　If　she　would　only　have　listened　to　me；　I
should　still　have　gone　on　obstinately　pleading　with　her。　But　she　flatly
refused　to　listen。　〃We　have　very　little　time　to　spare；〃　she　said。　〃Let　us
talk　of　something　more　interesting　before　I　am　obliged　to　leave　you。〃

〃Obliged　to　leave　me？〃　I　repeated。　〃Are　you　not　your　own　mistress？〃

Her　face　clouded　over；　her　manner　became　embarrassed。

〃I　cannot　honestly　tell　you　that　I　am　a　prisoner；〃　she　answered。　〃I　can
only　say　I　am　watched。　When　Oscar　is　away　from　me；　Oscar's　cousina　sly；
suspicious；　false　womanalways　contrives　to　put　herself　in　his　place。　I
heard　her　say　to　her　husband　that　she　believed　I　should　break　my　marriage
engagement　unless　I　was　closely　looked　after。　I　don't　know　what　I　should
do；　but　for　one　of　the　servants　in　the　house；　who　is　an　excellent
creaturewho　sympathizes　with　me；　and　helps　me。〃　She　stopped；　and　lifted
her　head　inquiringly。　〃Where　_is_　the　servant？〃　she　asked。

I　had　forgotten　the　woman　who　had　brought　her　into　the　room。　She　must
have　delicately　left　us　together　after　leading　Lucilla　in。　When　I　looked
up；　she　was　not　to　be　seen。

〃The　servant　is　no　doubt　waiting　down…stairs；〃　I　said。　〃Go　on。〃

〃But　for　that　good　creature；〃　Lucilla　resumed；　〃I　should　never　have　got
here。　She　brought　me　your　letter；　and　read　it　to　me；　and　wrote　my　reply。
I　arranged　with　her　to　slip　out　at　the　first　opportunity。　One　chance　was
in　our　favorwe　had　only　the　cousin　to　keep　an　eye　on　us。　Oscar　was　not
in　the　house。〃

She　suddenly　checked　herself　at　the　last　word。　A　slight　sound　at　the
lower　end　of　the　room；　which　had　passed　unnoticed　by　me；　had　caught　her
delicate　ear；　〃What　is　that　noise？〃　she　asked。　〃Anybody　in　the　room　with
us？〃

I　looked　up　once　more。　While　she　was　talking　of　the　false　Oscar；　the　true
Oscar　was　standing　listening　to　her；　at　the　other　end　of　the　room。

When　he　discovered　that　I　was　looking　at　him；　he　entreated　me　by　a
gesture　not　to　betray　his　presence。　He　had　evidently　heard　what　we　had
been　saying　to　each　other；　before　I　detected　himfor　he　touched　his
eyes；　and　lifted　his　hands　pityingly　in　allusion　to　Lucilla's　blindness。
Whatever　his　mood　might　be；　that　melancholy　discovery　must　surely　have
affected　himLucilla's　influence　over　him　now；　_could_　only　be　an
influence　for　good。　I　signed　to　him　to　remainand　told　Lucilla　that
there　was　nothing　to　be　alarmed　about。　She　went　on。

〃Oscar　left　us　for　London　early　this　morning；〃　she　said。　〃Can　you　guess
what　he　has　gone　for？　He　has　gone　to　get　the　Marriage　Licensehe　has
given　notice　of　the　marriage　at　the　church。　My　last　hope　is　in　you。　In
spite　of　everything　that　I　can　say　to　him；　he　has　fixed　the　day　for　the
twenty…firstin　two　days　more！　I　have　done　all　I　could　to　put　it　off；　I
have　insisted　on　every　possible　delay。　Oh；　if　you　knew！〃　Her　rising
agitation　stifled　her　utterance　at　the　moment。　〃I　mustn't　waste　the
precious　minutes；　I　must　get　back　before　Oscar　returns；〃　she　went　on；
rallying　again。　〃Oh；　my　old　friend；　you　are　never　at　a　loss；　you　always
know　what　to　do！　Find　me　some　way　of　putting　off　my　marriage。　Suggest
something　which　will　take　them　by　surprise；　and　force　them　to　give　me
time！〃

I　looked　towards　the　lower　end　of　the　room。　Listening　in　breathless
interest；　Oscar　had　noiselessly　advanced　half…way　towards　us。　At　a　sign
from　me；　he　checked　himself　and　came　no　farther。

〃Do　you　really　mean；　Lucilla；　that　you　no　longer　love　him？〃　I　said。

〃I　can　tell　you　nothing　about　it；〃　she　answered〃except　that　some
dreadful　change　has　come　over　me。　While　I　had　my　sight；　I　could　partly
account　for　itI　believed　that　the　new　sense　had　made　a　new　being　of　me。
But　now　I　have　lost　my　sight　againnow　I　am　once　more　what　I　have　been
all　my　lifestill　the　same　horrible　insensibility　possesses　me。　I　have
so　little　feeling　for　him；　that　I　sometimes　find　it　hard　to　persuade
myself　that　he　really　_is_　Oscar。　You　know　how　I　used　to　adore　him。　You
know　how　enchanted　I　should　once　have　been　to　marry　him。　Think　of　what　I
must　suffer；　feeling　towards　him　as　I　feel　now！〃

I　looked　up　again。　Oscar　had　stolen　nearer；　I　could　see　his　face　plainly。
The　good　influence　of　Lucilla　was　beginning　to　do　its　good　work！　I　saw
the　tears　rising　in　his　eyes；　I　saw　love　and　pity　taking　the　place　of
hatred　and　revenge。　The　Oscar　of　my　old　recollections　was　standing　before
me　once　more！

〃I　don't　want　to　go　away；〃　Lucilla　went　on；　〃I　don't　want　to　leave　him。
All　I　ask　for；　is　a　little　more　time。　Time　_must_　help　me　to　get　back
again　to　my　old　self。　My　blind　days　have　been　the　days　of　my　whole　life。
Can　a　few　weeks　of　sight　have　deprived　me　of　the　feelings　which　have　been
growing　in　me　for　years？　I　won't　believe　it！　I　can　find　my　way　about　the
house；　I　can　tell　things　by　my　touch；　I　can　do　all　that　I　did　in　my
blindness；　just　as　well　as　ever；　now　I　am　blind　again。　The　feeling　for
_him_　will　come　back　to　me　like　the　rest。　Only　give　me　time！　only　give　me
time！〃

At　the　last　word；　she　started　to　her　feet　in　sudden　alarm。　〃There　is　some
one　in　the　room；〃　she　said。　〃Some　one　who　is　crying！　Who　is　it？〃

Oscar　was