poor miss finch-第89节

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have　given　him　a　thousand　kisses。　Amazement　made　him　a　perfectly　passive
creature　in　my　hands。　He　only　repeated　faintly；　over　and　over　again；
〃What　does　it　mean？　what　does　it　mean？〃

〃It　means　that　you　have　friends；　you　wretch；　who　are　fools　enough　to　be
too　fond　of　you　to　give　you　up！〃　I　said。　〃I　am　one　of　the　fools。　You　will
come　to　England　with　me　to…morrowand　see　for　yourself　if　Lucilla　is　not
another。〃

That　reference　to　Lucilla　restored　him　to　the　possession　of　his　senses。
He　began　to　ask　the　questions　that　naturally　occurred　to　him　under　the
circumstances。　Having　plenty　of　questions　in　reserve；　on　my　side；　I　told
him　briefly　enough　what　had　brought　me　to　Marseilles；　and　what　I　had
done；　during　my　residence　in　that　city；　towards　discovering　the　place　of
his　retreat。

When　he　asked　me　nextafter　a　momentary　struggle　with　himselfwhat　I
could　tell　him　of　Nugent　and　Lucilla；　it　is　not　to　be　denied　that　I
hesitated　before　I　answered　him。　A　moment's　consideration；　however；　was
enough　to　decide　me　on　speaking　outfor　this　plain　reason；　that　a
moment's　consideration　reminded　me　of　the　troubles　and　annoyances　which
had　already　befallen　us　as　the　result　of　concealing　the　truth。　I　told
Oscar　honestly　all　that　I　have　related　herestarting　from　my　night
interview　with　Nugent　at　Browndown；　and　ending　with　my　precautionary
measures　for　the　protection　of　Lucilla　while　she　was　living　under　the
care　of　her　aunt。

I　was　greatly　interested　in　watching　the　effect　which　these　disclosures
produced　on　Oscar。

My　observation　led　me　to　form　two　conclusions。　First　conclusion；　that
time　and　absence　had　not　produced　the　slightest　change　in　the　love　which
the　poor　fellow　bore　to　Lucilla。　Second　conclusion；　that　nothing　but
absolute　proof　would　induce　him　to　agree　in　my　unfavorable　opinion　of　his
brother's　character。　It　was　in　vain　I　declared　that　Nugent　had　quitted
England　pledged　to　find　him；　and　had　left　it　to　me　（as　the　event　now
proved）　to　make　the　discovery。　He　owned　readily　that　he　had　seen　nothing；
and　heard　nothing；　of　Nugent。　Nevertheless　his　confidence　in　his　brother
remained　unshaken。　〃Nugent　is　the　soul　of　honor；〃　he　repeated　again　and
againwith　a　side…look　at　me　which　suggested　that　my　frankly…avowed
opinion　of　his　brother　had　hurt　and　offended　him。

I　had　barely　time　to　notice　this；　before　we　reached　my　lodgings。　He
appeared　to　be　unwilling　to　follow　me　into　the　house。

〃I　suppose　you　have　some　proof　to　support　what　you　have　said　of　Nugent；〃
he　resumed；　stopping　in　the　courtyard。　〃Have　you　written　to　England　since
you　have　been　here？　and　have　you　had　a　reply？〃

〃I　have　written　to　Mrs。　Finch；〃　I　answered；　〃and　I　have　not　had　a　word　in
reply。〃

〃Have　you　written　to　no　one　else？〃

I　explained　to　him　the　position　in　which　I　stood　towards　Miss　Batchford；
and　the　hesitation　which　I　had　felt　about　writing　to　Grosse。　The
smoldering　resentment　against　me　that　had　been　in　him　ever　since　I　had
spoken　of　his　brother　and　of　Lucilla；　flamed　up　at　last。

〃I　entirely　disagree　with　you；〃　he　broke　out　angrily。　〃You　are　wronging
Lucilla　and　wronging　Nugent。　Lucilla　is　incapable　of　saying　anything
against　you　to　Grosse；　and　Nugent　is　equally　incapable　of　misleading　her
as　you　suppose。　What　horrible　ingratitude　you　attribute　to　one　of
themand　what　horrible　baseness　to　the　other！　I　have　listened　to　you　as
patiently　as　I　can；　and　I　feel　sincerely　obliged　by　the　interest　which
you　have　shown　in　mebut　I　cannot　remain　in　your　company　any　longer。
Madame　Pratolungo；　your　suspicions　are　inhuman！　You　have　not　brought
forward　a　shadow　of　proof　in　support　of　them。　I　will　send　here　for　my
luggage；　if　you　will　allow　meand　I　will　start　for　England　by　the　next
train。　After　what　you　have　said；　I　can't　rest　till　I　have　found　out　the
truth　for　myself。〃

This　was　my　reward　for　all　the　trouble　that　I　had　taken　to　discover　Oscar
Dubourg！　Never　mind　the　money　I　had　spentI　am　not　rich　enough　to　care
about　moneyonly　consider　the　trouble。　If　I　had　been　a　man；　I　do　really
think　I　should　have　knocked　him　down。　Being　only　a　woman；　I　dropped　him　a
low　curtsey；　and　stung　him　with　my　tongue。

〃As　you　please；　sir；〃　I　said。　〃I　have　done　my　best　to　serve　youand　you
quarrel　with　me　and　leave　me；　in　return。　Go！　You　are　not　the　first　fool
who　has　quarreled　with　his　best　friend。〃

Either　the　words　or　the　curtseyor　both　togetherbrought　him　to　his
senses。　He　made　me　an　apologywhich　I　received。　And　he　looked
excessively　foolishwhich　put　me　in　an　excellent　humour　again。　〃You
stupid　boy；〃　I　said；　taking　his　arm；　and　leading　him　to　the　stairs。　〃When
we　first　met　at　Dimchurch　did　you　find　me　a　suspicious　woman　or　an
inhuman　woman？　Answer　me　that！〃

He　answered　frankly　enough。

〃I　found　you　all　that　was　kind　and　good。　Still；　it　is　surely　only　natural
to　want　_some_　confirmation〃　He　checked　himself　there；　and　reverted
abruptly　to　my　letter　to　Mrs。　Finch。　The　silence　of　the　rector's　wife
evidently　alarmed　him。　〃How　long　is　it　since　you　wrote？〃　he　inquired。

〃As　long　ago　as　the　first　of　this　month；〃　I　replied。

He　fell　into　thought。　We　ascended　the　next　flight　of　stairs　in　silence。
At　the　landing；　he　stopped　me；　and　spoke　again。　My　unanswered　letter　was
still　uppermost　in　his　mind。

〃Mrs。　Finch　loses　everything　that　_can_　be　lost；〃　he　said。　〃Is　it　not
likelywith　her　habitsthat　when　she　had　written　her　answer；　and　wanted
your　letter　to　look　at　to　put　the　address　on　it；　your　letter　was　like　her
handkerchief　or　her　novel；　or　anything　elsenot　to　be　found？〃

So　far；　no　doubt；　this　was　quite　in　Mrs。　Finch's　character。　I　could　see
thatbut　my　mind　was　too　much　pre…occupied　to　draw　the　inference　that
followed。　Oscar's　next　words　enlightened　me。

〃Have　you　tried　the　Poste…Restante？〃　he　asked。

What　could　I　possibly　have　been　thinking　of！　Of　course；　she　had　lost　my
letter。　Of　course；　the　whole　house　would　be　upset　in　looking　for　it；　and
the　rector　would　silence　the　uproar　by　ordering　his　wife　to　try　the
Poste…Restante。　How　strangely　we　had　changed　places！　Instead　of　my　clear
head　thinking　for　Oscar；　here　was　Oscar's　clear　head　thinking　for　Me。　Is
my　stupidity　quite　incredible？　Remember；　if　you　please；　what　a　weight　of
trouble　and　anxiety　had　lain　on　my　mind　while　I　was　at　Marseilles。　Can
one　think　of　everything　while　one　is　afflicted；　as　I　was？　Not　even　such　a
clever　person　as　You　can　do　that。　If；　as　the　saying　is；　〃Homer　sometimes
nods〃why　not　Madame　Pratolungo？

〃I　never　thought　of　the　Poste…Restante；〃　I　said　to　Oscar。　〃If　you　don't
mind　going　back　a　little　way；　shall　we　inquire　at　once？〃

He　was　perfectly　willing。　We　went　downstairs　again；　and　out　into　the
street。　On　our　way　to　the　post…office；　I　seized　my　first　opportunity　of
making　Oscar　give　me　some　account　of　himself。

〃I　have　satisfied　your　curiosity；　to　the　best　of　my　ability；〃　I　said；　as
we　walked　arm…in…arm　through　the　streets。　〃Now　suppose　you　satisfy　mine。
A　report　of　your　having　been　seen　in　a　military　hospital　in　Italy；　is　the
only　report　of　you　which　has　reached　me　here。　Of　course；　it　is　not　true？〃

〃It　is　perfectly　true。〃

〃You；　in　a　hospital；　nursing　wounded　soldiers？〃

〃That　is　exactly　what　I　have　been　doing。〃

No　words　could　express　my　astonishment。　I　could　only　stop；　and　look　at
him。

〃Was　that　the　occupation　which　you　had　in　view　when　you　left　England？〃　I
asked。

〃I　had　no　object　in　leaving　England；〃　he　answered；　〃but　the　object　which
I　avowed　to　you。　After　what　had　happened；　I　owed　it　to　Lucilla　and　I　owed
it　to　Nugent　to　go。　I　left　England　without　caring　where　I　went。　The　train
to　Lyons　happened　to　be　the　first　train　that　started　on　my　arrival　at
Paris。　I　took　the　first　train。　At　Lyons；　I　saw　by　chance　an　account　in　a
French　newspaper　of　the　sufferings　of　some　of　the　badly…wounded　men；　left
still　uncured　after　the　battle　of　Solferino。　I　felt　an　impulse；　in　my　own
wretchedness；　to　help　these　other　sufferers　in　_their_　misery。　On　every
other　side　of　it；　my　life　was　wasted。　The　one　worthy　use　to　which　I　could
put　it　was　to　employ　myself　in　doing　good；　and　here　was　good　to　be　done；
I　managed　to　get　the　necessary　letters　of　introduction　at　Turin。　With　the
help　of　these；　I　made　myself　of　some　use　（under　the　regular　surgeons　and
dressers）　in　nursing　the　poor　mutilated；　crippled　men；　and　I　have　helped
a　little　afterwards；　from　my　own　resources；　in　starting　them　comfortably
in　new　ways　of　life。〃

In　those　manly　and　simple　words；　he　told　me　his　story。

Once　more　I　felt；　what　I　had　felt　already；　that　there　were　hidden
reserves　of　strength　in　the　character　of　this　innocent　young　fellow；
which　had　utterly　escaped　my　superficial　observation　of　him。　In　choosing
his　vocation；　he　was；　no　doubt；　only　following　the　conventional　modern
course　in　such　cases。　Despair　has　its　fashions；　as　well　as　dress。　Ancient
despair　（especially　of　Oscar's　sort）　used　to　turn　soldier；　or　go　into　a
monastery。　Modern　despair　turns　nurse；　binds　up　wounds；　gives　physic；　and
gets　cured　or　not　in　that　useful　but　nasty　way。　Oscar　had　certainly
struck　out　nothing　new　for　himself：　he　had　only　followed　the　fashion。
Still；　it　implied；　as　I　thought；　both　courage　and　resolution　to　have
conquered　the　obstacles　which　he　must　have　overcom