poor miss finch-第85节

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〃Pack　up；　and　go！〃

Nugent　coolly　offered　him　a　chair；　and　asked　what　he　meant。

Grosse　refused　the　chairbut　consented　to　explain　himself　in　terms
variously　reported　by　the　two　parties。　Combining　the　statements；　and
translating　Grosse　（in　this　grave　matter）　into　plain　English；　I　find　that
the　German　must　have　expressed　himself　in　these；　or　nearly　in　these；
words：

〃As　a　professional　man；　Mr。　Nugent；　I　invariably　refuse　to　enter　into
domestic　considerations　connected　with　my　patients　with　which　I　have
nothing　to　do。　In　the　case　of　Miss　Finch；　my　business　is　not　with　your
family　complications。　My　business　is　to　secure　the　recovery　of　the　young
lady's　sight。　If　I　find　her　health　improving；　I　don't　inquire　how　or　why。
No　matter　what　private　and　personal　frauds　you　may　be　practicing　upon
her；　I　have　nothing　to　say　to　themmore；　I　am　ready　to　take　advantage　of
them　myselfso　long　as　their　influence　is　directly　beneficial　in　keeping
her　morally　and　physically　in　the　condition　in　which　I　wish　her　to　be。
But；　the　instant　I　discover　that　this　domestic　conspiracy　of　yoursthis
personation　of　your　brother　which　once　quieted　and　comforted　heris
unfavorably　affecting　her　health　of　body　and　her　peace　of　mind；　I
interfere　between　you　in　the　character　of　her　medical　attendant；　and　stop
it　on　medical　grounds。　You　are　producing　in　my　patient　a　conflict　of
feeling；　whichin　a　nervous　temperament　like　herscannot　go　on　without
serious　injury　to　her　health。　And　serious　injury　to　her　health　means
serious　injury　to　her　eyes。　I　won't　have　thatI　tell　you　plainly　to　pack
up　and　go。　I　meddle　with　nothing　else。　After　what　you　have　yourself　seen；
I　leave　you　to　decide　whether　you　will　restore　your　brother　to　Miss
Finch；　or　not。　All　I　say　is；　Go。　Make　any　excuse　you　like；　but　go　before
you　have　done　more　mischief。　You　shake　your　head！　Is　that　a　sign　that　you
refuse？　Take　a　day　to　think；　before　you　make　up　your　mind。　I　have
patients　in　London　to　whom　I　am　obliged　to　go　back。　But　the　day　after
to…morrow；　I　shall　return　to　Ramsgate。　If　I　find　you　still　here；　I　shall
tell　Miss　Finch　you　are　no　more　Oscar　Dubourg　than　I　am。　In　her　present
state；　I　see　less　danger　in　giving　her　even　that　serious　shock　than　in
leaving　her　to　the　slow　torment　of　mind　which　you　are　inflicting　by　your
continued　presence　in　this　place。　My　last　word　is　said。　I　go　back　by　the
next　train；　in　an　hour's　time。　Good　morning；　Mr。　Nugent。　If　you　are　a
wise　man；　you　will　meet　me　at　the　station。〃

After　this；　the　accounts　vary。　Nugent's　statement　asserts　that　he
accompanied　Grosse　on　his　way　back　to　Miss　Batchford's　lodging；　arguing
the　matter　with　him；　and　only　leaving　him　at　the　door　of　the　house。
Grosse's　statement；　on　the　other　hand；　makes　no　allusion　to　this。　The
disagreement　between　them　is；　however；　of　no　consequence　here。　It　is
admitted；　on　either　side；　that　the　result　of　the　interview　was　the　same。
When　Grosse　took　the　train　for　London；　Nugent　Dubourg　was　not　at　the
station。　The　next　entry　in　the　Journal　shows　that　he　remained　that　day
and　night；　at　least；　at　Ramsgate。

You　now　know；　from　the　narrative　of　the　surgeon's　own　proceedings；　how
seriously　he　thought　of　his　patient's　case；　and　how　firmly　he　did　his
duty　as　a　professional　man。　Having　given　you　this　necessary　information；
I　again　retire；　and　leave　Lucilla　to　take　up　the　next　link　in　the　chain
of　events。P。＇

_September_　5th。　_Six　o'clock　in　the　morning。_A　few　hours　of　restless；
broken　sleepdisturbed　by　horrid　dreams；　and　waking　over　and　over　again
with　startings　that　seemed　to　shake　me　from　head　to　foot。　I　can　bear　it
no　longer。　The　sun　is　rising。　I　have　got　upand　here　I　am　at　the
writing…table；　trying　to　finish　the　long　story　of　yesterday　still
uncompleted　in　my　Journal。

I　have　just　been　looking　at　the　view　from　my　windowand　I　notice　one
thing　which　has　struck　me。　The　mist　this　morning　is　the　thickest　mist　I
have　yet　seen　here。

The　sea…view　is　almost　invisible；　it　is　so　dim　and　dull。　Even　the　objects
about　me　in　my　room　are　nothing　like　so　plain　as　usual。　The　mist　is
stealing　in　no　doubt　through　my　open　window。　It　gets　between　me　and　my
paper；　and　obliges　me　to　bend　down　close　over　the　page　to　see　what　I　am
about。　When　the　sun　is　higher；　things　will　be　clear　again。　In　the
meantime；　I　must　do　as　well　as　I　can。

Grosse　came　back　after　his　walk　as　mysterious　as　ever。

He　was　quite　peremptory　in　ordering　me　not　to　overtask　my
eyesforbidding　reading　and　writing；　as　I　have　already　mentioned。　But；
when　I　asked　for　his　reasons；　he　had；　for　the　first　time　in　my　experience
of　him；　no　reasons　to　give。　I　have　the　less　scruple　about　disobeying　him；
on　that　account。　Still　I　am　a　little　uneasy；　I　confess；　when　I　think　of
his　strange　behavior　yesterday。　He　looked　at　me；　in　the　oddest　wayas　if
he　saw　something　in　my　face　which　he　had　never　seen　before。　Twice　he　took
his　leave；　and　twice　he　returned；　doubtful　whether　he　would　not　remain　at
Ramsgate；　and　let　his　patients　in　London　take　care　of　themselves。　His
extraordinary　indecision　was　put　an　end　to　at　last　by　the　arrival　of　a
telegram　which　had　followed　him　from　London。　An　urgent　message；　I
suppose；　from　one　of　the　patients。　He　went　away　in　a　bad　temper　and　a
violent　hurry；　and　told　me；　at　the　door；　to　expect　him　back　on　the　sixth。

When　Oscar　came　later；　there　was　another　surprise　for　me。

Like　Grosse；　he　was　not　himselfhe　too　behaved　strangely！　First；　he　was
so　cold　and　so　silent；　that　I　thought　he　was　offended。　Then　he　went
straight　to　the　other　extreme；　and　became　so　loudly　talkative；　so
obstreperously　cheerful；　that　my　aunt　asked　me　privately　whether　I　did
not　suspect　（as　she　did）　that　he　had　been　taking　too　much　wine。　It　ended
in　his　trying　to　sing　to　my　accompaniment　on　the　piano；　and　in　his
breaking　down。　He　walked　away　to　the　other　end　of　the　room　without
explanation　or　apology。　When　I　followed　him　there　a　little　while　after；
he　had　a　look　that　indescribably　distressed　mea　look　as　if　he　had　been
crying。　Towards　the　end　of　the　evening；　my　aunt　fell　asleep　over　her
book；　and　gave　us　a　chance　of　speaking　to　each　other　in　a　little　second
room　which　opens　out　of　the　drawing…room　in　this　house。　It　was　I　who　took
the　chancenot　he。　He　was　so　incomprehensibly　unwilling　to　go　into　the
room　and　speak　to　me；　that　I　had　to　do　a　very　unladylike　thing。　I　mean
that　I　had　to　take　his　arm；　and　lead　him　in　myself；　and　entreat　him　（in　a
whisper）　to　tell　me　what　was　the　matter　with　him。

〃Only　the　old　complaint；〃　he　answered。

I　made　him　sit　down　by　me　on　a　little　couch　that　just　held　two。

〃What　do　you　mean　by　the　old　complaint？〃　I　asked。

〃Oh！　you　know！〃

〃I　_don't_　know。〃

〃You　would　know　if　you　really　loved　me。〃

〃Oscar！　it　is　a　shame　to　say　that。　It　is　a　shame　to　doubt　that　I　love
you！〃

〃Is　it？　Ever　since　I　have　been　here；　I　have　doubted　that　you　love　me。　It
is　getting　to　be　an　old　complaint　of　mine　now。　I　still　suffer　a　little
sometimes。　Don't　notice　it！〃

He　was　so　cruel　and　so　unjust；　that　I　got　up　to　leave　him；　without　saying
a　word　more。　But；　oh！　he　looked　so　forlorn　and　so　submissivesitting
with　his　head　down；　and　his　hands　crossed　listlessly　over　his　kneesthat
I　could　not　find　it　in　my　heart　to　treat　him　harshly。　Was　I　wrong？　I
don't　know！　I　have　no　idea　how　to　manage　menand　no　Madame　Pratolungo
now　to　teach　me。　Right　or　wrong；　it　ended　in　my　sitting　down　by　him　again
in　the　place　which　I　had　just　left。

〃You　ought　to　beg　my　pardon；〃　I　said；　〃for　thinking　of　me　as　you　think；
and　talking　to　me　as　you　talk。〃

〃I　do　beg　your　pardon；〃　he　answered　humbly。　〃I　am　sorry　if　I　have
offended　you。〃

How　could　I　resist　that？　I　put　my　hand　on　his　shoulder；　and　tried　to　make
him　lift　up　his　head　and　look　at　me。

〃You　will　always　believe　in　me　in　the　future？〃　I　went　on。　〃Promise　me
that。〃

〃I　can　promise　to　try；　Lucilla。　As　things　are　now　I　can　promise　no　more。〃

〃As　things　are　now？　You　are　speaking　in　riddles　to…night。　Explain
yourself。〃

〃I　explained　myself　this　morning　on　the　pier。〃

Surely；　this　was　hard　on　meafter　he　had　promised　to　give　me　till　the
end　of　the　week　to　consider　his　proposal？　I　took　my　hand　off　his
shoulder。　Hewho　never　used　to　displease　or　disappoint　me　when　I　was
blindhad　displeased　and　disappointed　me　for　the　second　time　in　a　few
minutes！

〃Do　you　wish　to　force　me？〃　I　asked；　〃after　telling　me　this　morning　that
you　would　give　me　time　to　reflect？〃

He　rose；　on　his　sidelanguidly　and　mechanically；　like　a　man　who　neither
knew　nor　cared　what　he　was　doing。

〃Force　you？〃　he　repeated。　〃Did　I　say　that？　I　don't　know　what　I　am　talking
about；　I　don't　know　what　I　am　doing。　You　are　right　and　I　am　wrong。　I　am　a
miserable　wretch；　LucillaI　am　utterly　unworthy　of　you。　It　would　be
better　for　you　if　you　never　saw　me　again！〃　He　paused；　and　taking　me　by
both　hands；　looked　earnestly　and　sadly　into　my　face。　〃Good　night；　my
dear！〃　he　saidand　suddenly　dropped　my　hands；　and　turned　away　to　go　out。

I　stopped　him。　〃Going　already？〃　I　said。　〃It　is　not　late　yet。

〃It　is　best　for　me　to　go。〃

〃Why？〃

〃I　am　in　wretched　spirits。　It　is　better　for　me　to　be　by　myself。〃

〃Don't　say　that！　It　sounds　like　a　reproach　to　me。〃

〃On　the　contrary；　it　is　all　my　fault