poor miss finch-第83节

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which　is　not　to　be　out…argued；　and　not　to　be　contradicted；　tells　me　that
her　return　to　England　will　be　fatal　to　my　hopes；　if　that　return　finds　you
and　me　with　no　closer　tie　between　us　than　the　tie　that　binds　us　now。　Are
these　fanciful　apprehensions；　unworthy　of　a　man？　My　darling！　worthy　or
not　worthy；　you　ought　to　make　allowances　for　them。　They　are　apprehensions
inspired　by　my　love　for　You！〃

Under　those　circumstances；　I　could　make　every　allowance　for　himand　I
said　so。　He　moved　nearer　to　me；　and　put　his　arm　round　me。

〃Are　we　not　engaged　to　each　other　to　be　man　and　wife？〃　he　whispered。

〃Yes。〃

〃Are　we　not　both　of　age；　and　both　free　to　do　as　we　like？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Would　you　relieve　me　from　the　anxieties　under　which　I　am　suffering；　if
you　could？〃

〃You　know　I　would！〃

〃You　_can_　relieve　me。〃

〃How？〃

〃By　giving　me　a　husband's　claim　to　you；　Lucillaby　consenting　to　marry
me　in　London；　in　a　fortnight's　time。

I　started　back；　and　looked　at　him　in　amazement。　For　the　moment；　I　was
incapable　of　answering　in　any　other　way　than　that。

〃I　ask　you　to　do　nothing　unworthy　of　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　have　spoken　to　a
relative　of　mine　living　near　Londona　married　ladywhose　house　is　open
to　you　in　the　interval　before　our　wedding　day。　When　your　visit　has　been
prolonged　over　a　fortnight　only；　we　can　be　married。　Write　home　by　all
means　to　prevent　them　from　feeling　anxious　about　you。　Tell　them　that　you
are　safe　and　happy；　and　under　responsible　and　respectable　carebut　say
no　more。　As　long　as　it　is　possible　for　Madame　Pratolungo　to　make　mischief
between　us；　conceal　the　place　in　which　you　are　living。　The　instant　we　are
married　reveal　everything。　Let　all　your　friendslet　all　the　world　know
that　we　are　man　and　wife！〃

His　arm　trembled　round　me；　his　face　flushed　deep；　his　eyes　devoured　me。
Some　women；　in　my　place；　might　have　been　offended；　others　might　have　been
flattered。　As　for　meI　can　trust　the　secret　to　these　pagesI　was
frightened。

〃Is　it　an　elopement　that　you　are　proposing　to　me？〃　I　asked。

〃An　elopement！〃　he　repeated。　〃Between　two　engaged　people　who　have　only
themselves　to　think　of。〃

〃I　have　my　father　to　think　of；　and　my　aunt　to　think　of；〃　I　said。　〃You　are
proposing　to　me　to　run　away　from　them；　and　to　keep　in　hiding　from　them！〃

〃I　am　asking　you　to　pay　a　fortnight's　visit　at　the　house　of　a　married
ladyand　to　keep　the　knowledge　of　that　visit　from　the　ears　of　the　worst
enemy　you　have；　until　you　have　become　my　wife；〃　he　answered。　〃Is　there
anything　so　very　terrible　in　my　request　that　you　should　turn　pale　at　it；
and　look　at　me　in　that　frightened　way？　Have　I　not　courted　you　with　your
father's　consent？　Am　I　not　your　promised　husband？　Are　we　not　free　to
decide　for　ourselves？　There　is　literally　no　reasonif　it　could　be
donewhy　we　should　not　be　married　to…morrow。　And　you　still　hesitate？
Lucilla！　Lucilla！　you　force　me　to　own　the　doubt　that　has　made　me
miserable　ever　since　I　have　been　here。　Are　you　indeed　as　changed　towards
me　as　you　seem？　Do　you　really　no　longer　love　me　as　you　once　loved　me　in
the　days　that　are　gone？〃

He　rose；　and　walked　away　a　few　paces；　leaning　over　the　parapet　with　his
face　in　his　hands。

I　sat　alone；　not　knowing　what　to　say　or　do。　The　uneasy　sense　in　me　that
he　had　reason　to　complain　of　my　treating　him　coldly；　was　not　to　be
dismissed　from　my　mind　by　any　effort　that　I　could　make。　He　had　no　right
to　expect　me　to　take　the　step　which　he　had　proposedthere　were
objections　to　it　which　any　woman　would　have　felt　in　my　place。　Still；
though　I　was　satisfied　of　this；　there　was　an　obstinate　something　in　me
which　would　take　his　part。　It　could　not　have　been　my　conscience　surely
which　said　to　me'There　was　a　time　when　his　entreaties　would　have
prevailed　on　you；　there　was　a　time　when　you　would　not　have　hesitated　as
you　are　hesitating　now？'

Whatever　the　influence　was；　it　moved　me　to　rise　from　my　seat；　and　to　join
him　at　the　parapet。

〃You　cannot　expect　me　to　decide　on　such　a　serious　matter　as　this　at
once；〃　I　said。　〃Will　you　give　me　a　little　time　to　think？〃

〃You　are　your　own　mistress；〃　he　rejoined　bitterly。　Why　ask　me　to　give　you
time？　You　can　take　any　time　you　pleaseyou　can　do　as　you　like。〃

〃Give　me　till　the　end　of　the　week；〃　I　went　on。　〃Let　me　be　sure　that　my
father　persists　in　not　answering　either　your　letter　or　mine。　Though　I
_am_　my　own　mistress；　nothing　but　his　silence　can　justify　me　in　going
away　secretly；　and　being　married　to　you　by　a　stranger。　Don't　press　me；
Oscar！　It　isn't　very　long　to　the　end　of　the　week。〃

Something　seemed　to　startle　himsomething　in　my　voice　perhaps　which　told
him　that　I　was　really　distressed。　He　looked　round　at　me　quickly；　and
caught　me　with　the　tears　in　my　eyes。

〃Don't　cry；　for　God's　sake！〃　he　said。　〃It　shall　be　as　you　wish。　Take　your
time。　We　will　say　no　more　about　it　till　the　end　of　the　week。〃

He　kissed　me　in　a　hurried　startled　way；　and　gave　me　his　arm　to　walk　back。

〃Grosse　is　coming　to…day；〃　he　continued。　〃He　mustn't　see　you　looking　as
you　are　looking　now。　You　must　rest　and　compose　yourself。　Come　home。〃

I　went　back　with　him；　feelingoh；　so　sad　and　sore　at　heart！　My　last
faint　hope　of　a　renewal　of　my　once…pleasant　intimacy　with　Madame
Pratolungo　was　at　an　end。　She　stood　revealed　to　me　now　as　a　woman　whom　I
ought　never　to　have　knowna　woman　with　whom　I　could　never　again　exchange
a　friendly　word。　I　had　lost　the　companion　with　whom　I　had　once　been　so
happy；　and　I　had　pained　and　disappointed　Oscar。　My　life　has　never　looked
so　wretched　and　so　worthless　to　me　as　it　looked　to…day　on　the　pier　at
Ramsgate。

He　left　me　at　the　door；　with　a　gentle　encouraging　pressure　of　my　hand。

〃I　will　call　again　later；〃　he　said；　〃and　hear　what　Grosse's　report　of　you
is；　before　he　goes　back　to　London。　Rest；　Lucillarest　and　compose
yourself。〃

A　heavy　footstep　sounded　suddenly　behind　us　as　he　spoke。　We　both　turned
round。　Time　had　slipped　by　more　rapidly　than　we　had　thought。　There　stood
Herr　Grosse；　just　arrived　on　foot　from　the　railway　station。

His　first　look　at　me　seemed　to　startle　and　disappoint　him。　His　eyes
stared　into　mine　through　his　spectacles　with　an　expression　of　surprise
and　anxiety　which　I　had　never　seen　in　them　before。　Then　he　turned　his
head　and　looked　at　Oscar　with　a　sudden　changea　change；　unpleasantly
suggestive　（to　my　fancy）　of　anger　or　distrust。　Not　a　word　fell　from　his
lips。　Oscar　was　left　to　break　the　awkward　silence。　He　spoke　to　Grosse。

〃I　won't　disturb　you　and　your　patient　now；〃　he　said。　〃I　will　come　back　in
an　hour's　time。〃

〃No！　you　will　come　in　along　with　me；　if　you　please。　I　have　something；　my
young　gentlemans；　that　I　may　want　to　say　to　you。〃　He　spoke　with　a　frown
on　his　bushy　eyebrows；　and　pointed　in　a　very　peremptory　manner　to　the
house…door。

Oscar　rang　the　bell。　At　the　same　moment　my　aunt；　hearing　us　outside；
appeared　on　the　balcony　above　the　door。

〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Grosse；〃　she　said。　〃I　hope　you　find　Lucilla　looking
her　best。　Only　yesterday；　I　expressed　my　opinion　that　she　was　quite　well
again。〃

Grosse　took　off　his　hat　sulkily　to　my　aunt；　and　looked　back　again　at
melooked　so　hard　and　so　long；　that　he　began　to　confuse　me。

〃Your　aunt's　opinions　is　not　my　opinions；〃　he　growled；　close　at　my　ear。
〃I　don't　like　the　looks　of　you；　Miss。　Go　in！〃

The　servant　was　waiting　for　us　at　the　open　door。　I　went　an　without　making
any　answer。　Grosse　waited　to　see　Oscar　enter　the　house　before　him。
Oscar's　face　darkened　as　he　joined　me　in　the　hall。　He　looked　half　angry；
half　confused。　Grosse　pushed　himself　roughly　between　us；　and　gave　me　his
arm。　I　went　up…stairs　with　him；　wondering　what　it　all　meant。


CHAPTER　THE　FORTY…FIFTH

Lucilla's　Journal；　concluded

_September_　4th　_（continued）。_

ARRIVED　in　the　drawing…room；　Grosse　placed　me　in　a　chair　near　the　window。
He　leaned　forward；　and　looked　at　me　close；　he　drew　back；　and　looked　at　me
from　a　distance；　he　took　out　his　magnifying　glass；　and　had　a　long　stare
through　it　at　my　eyes；　he　felt　my　pulse；　dropped　my　wrist　as　if　it
disgusted　him；　and；　turning　to　the　window；　looked　out　in　grim　silence；
without　taking　the　slightest　notice　of　any　one　in　the　room。

My　aunt　was　the　first　person　who　spoke；　under　these　discouraging
circumstances。

〃Mr。　Grosse！〃　she　said　sharply。　〃Have　you　nothing　to　tell　me　about　your
patient　to…day？　Do　you　find　Lucilla〃

He　turned　suddenly　round　from　the　window；　and　interrupted　Miss　Batchford
without　the　slightest　ceremony。

〃I　find　her　gone　back；　back；　back！〃　he　growled；　getting　louder　and　louder
at　each　repetition　of　the　word。　〃When　I　sent　her　here；　I　said'Keep　her
comfortable…easy。'　You　have　not　kept　her　comfortable…easy。　Something　has
turned　her　poor　little　mind　topsy…turvies。　What　is　it？　Who　is　it？〃　He
looked　fiercely　backwards　and　forwards　between　Oscar　and　my　auntthen
turned　my　way；　and　putting　his　heavy　hands　on　my　shoulders；　looked　down
at　me　with　an　odd　angry　kind　of　pity　in　his　face。　〃My　childs　is
melancholick；　my　childs　is　ill；〃　he　went　on。　〃Where　is　our　goot…dear
Pratolungo？　What　did　you　tell　me　about　her；　my　little…lofe；　when　I　last
saw　you？　You　said　she　had　gone　aways　to　see　her　Papa。　Send　a
telegramsand　say　I　want　Pratolungo　here。〃

At　the　repetition　of　Madame　Pratolungo's　nam