poor miss finch-第81节

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now　see　youa　proud　delicacy　silenced　her；　she　looked　wounded　and　hurt。
I　have　been　thinking　of　that　look；　since　I　have　been　here。　I　have　asked
myself　（what　did　not　occur　to　me　at　the　time）　if　a　false　woman；　who　knew
herself　to　be　guilty；　would　have　behaved　in　that　way？　Surely　a　false
woman　would　have　set　her　wits　against　mine；　and　have　tried　to　lead　me
into　betraying　to　her　what　discoveries　I　had　really　made？　Oscar！　that
delicate　silence；　that　wounded　look；　_will_　plead　for　her　when　I　think　of
her　in　her　absence！　I　can　_not_　feel　as　satisfied　as　I　once　did；　that　she
is　the　abominable　creature　you　declare　her　to　be。　I　know　you　are
incapable　of　deceiving　meI　know　you　believe　what　you　say。　But　is　it　not
possible　that　appearances　have　misled　you？　Can　you　really　be　sure　that
you　have　not　made　some　dreadful　mistake？〃

Without　answering　me；　he　suddenly　stopped　at　a　seat　under　the　stone
parapet　of　the　pier；　and　signed　to　me　to　sit　down　by　him。　I　obeyed。
Instead　of　looking　at　me；　he　kept　his　head　turned　away；　looking　out　over
the　sea。　I　could　not　make　him　out。　He　perplexedhe　almost　alarmed　me。

〃Have　I　offended　you？〃　I　asked。

He　turned　towards　me　again；　as　abruptly　as　he　had　turned　away。　His　eyes
wandered；　his　face　was　pale。

〃You　are　a　good　generous　creature；〃　he　said；　in　a　confused　hasty　way。
〃Let　us　talk　of　something　else。〃

〃No！〃　I　answered。　〃I　am　too　deeply　interested　in　knowing　the　truth　to
talk　of　anything　else。〃

His　color　changed　again　at　that。　His　face　flushed；　he　gave　a　heavy　sigh
as　one　does　sometimes；　when　one　is　making　a　great　effort。

〃You　_will_　have　it？〃　he　said。

〃I　_will_　have　it？〃

He　rose　again。　The　nearer　he　was　to　telling　me　all　that　he　had　kept
concealed　from　me　thus　far；　the　harder　it　seemed　to　be　to　him　to　say　the
first　words。

〃Do　you　mind　walking　on　again？〃　he　asked。

I　silently　rose　on　my　side；　and　put　my　arm　in　his。　We　walked　on　slowly
towards　the　end　of　the　pier。　Arrived　there；　he　stood　still；　and　spoke
those　hard　first　wordslooking　out　over　the　broad　blue　waters：　not
looking　at　me。

〃I　won't　ask　you　to　take　anything　for　granted；　on　my　assertion　only；〃　he
began。　〃The　woman's　own　words；　the　woman's　own　actions；　shall　prove　her
guilty。〃

I　interrupted　him　by　a　question。

〃Tell　me　one　thing；〃　I　said。　〃What　first　made　you　suspect　her？〃

〃You　first　made　me　suspect　her；　by　what　you　said　of　her　at　Browndown；〃　he
answered。　〃Now　carry　your　memory　back　to　the　time　I　have　already
mentioned　in　my　letterwhen　she　betrayed　herself　to　you　in　the　rectory
garden。　Is　it　true　that　she　said　you　would　have　fallen　in　love　with
Nugent；　if　you　had　met　him　first　instead　of　me？〃

〃It　is　true　that　she　said　it；〃　I　answered。　〃At　a　moment；〃　I　added；　〃when
her　temper　had　got　the　better　of　herand　when　mine　had　got　the　better　of
me。〃

〃Advance　the　hour　a　little；〃　he　went　on；　〃to　the　time　when　she　followed
you　to　Browndown。　Was　she　still　out　of　temper；　when　she　made　her　excuses
to　you？〃

〃No。〃

〃Did　she　interfere；　when　Nugent　took　advantage　of　your　blindness　to　make
you　believe　you　were　talking　to　me？〃

〃No。〃

〃Was　she　out　of　temper　then？〃

I　still　defended　her。　〃She　might　well　have　been　angry；〃　I　said。　〃She　had
made　her　excuses　to　me　in　the　kindest　manner；　and　I　had　received　them
with　the　most　unpardonable　rudeness。〃

My　defence　produced　no　effect　on　him。　He　summed　it　up　coolly　so　far。　〃She
compared　me　disadvantageously　with　Nugent；　and　she　allowed　Nugent　to
personate　me　in　speaking　to　you；　without　interfering　to　stop　it。　In　both
these　cases；　her　temper　excuses　and　accounts　for　her　conduct。　Very　good。
We　may；　or　may　not；　differ　so　far。　Before　we　go　farther；　let　usif　we
canagree　on　one　unanswerable　fact。　Which　of　us　two　brothers　was　her
favorite；　from　the　first？〃

About　_that；_　there　could　be　no　doubt。　I　admitted　at　once　that　Nugent　was
her　favorite。　And　more　than　this；　I　remembered　accusing　her　myself　of
never　having　done　justice　to　Oscar　from　the　first。

＇Note。See　the　sixteenth　chapter；　and　Madame　Pratolungo's　remark；
warning　you　that　you　would　hear　of　this　circumstance　again。P。＇

Oscar　went　on。

〃Bear　that　in　mind；〃　he　said。　〃And　now　let　us　get　to　the　time　when　we
were　assembled　in　your　sitting…room；　to　discuss　the　subject　of　the
operation　on　your　eyes。　The　question　before　us；　as　I　remember　it；　was
this。　Were　you　to　marry　me；　before　the　operation？　Or　were　you　to　keep　me
waiting　until　the　operation　had　been　performed；　and　the　cure　was
complete？　How　did　Madame　Pratolungo　decide　on　that　occasion？　She　decided
against　my　interests；　she　encouraged　you　to　delay　our　marriage。〃

I　persisted　in　defending　her。　〃She　did　that　out　of　sympathy　with　me；〃　I
said。

He　surprised　me　by　again　accepting　my　view　of　the　matter；　without
attempting　to　dispute　it。

〃We　will　say　she　did　it　out　of　sympathy　with　you；〃　he　proceeded。
〃Whatever　her　motives　might　be；　the　result　was　the　same。　My　marriage　to
you　was　indefinitely　put　off；　and　Madame　Pratolungo　voted　for　that
delay。〃

〃And　your　brother；〃　I　added；　〃took　the　other　side；　and　tried　to　persuade
me　to　marry　you　first。　How　can　you　reconcile　that　with　what　you　have　told
me〃

He　interposed　before　I　could　say　more。　〃Don't　bring　my　brother　into　the
inquiry；〃　he　said。　〃My　brother；　at　that　time；　could　still　behave　like　an
honorable　man；　and　sacrifice　his　own　feelings　to　his　duty　to　me。　Let　us
strictly　confine　ourselves；　for　the　present；　to　what　Madame　Pratolungo
said　and　did。　And　let　us　advance　again　to　a　few　minutes　later　on　the　same
day；　when　our　little　domestic　debate　had　ended。　My　brother　was　the　first
to　go。　Then；　you　retired；　and　left　Madame　Pratolungo　and　me　alone　in　the
room。　Do　you　remember？〃

I　remembered　perfectly。

〃You　had　bitterly　disappointed　me；〃　I　said。　〃You　had　shown　no　sympathy
with　my　eagerness　to　be　restored　to　the　blessing　of　sight。　You　made
objections　and　started　difficulties。　I　recollect　speaking　to　you　with
some　of　the　bitterness　that　I　feltblaming　you　for　not　believing　in　my
future　as　I　believed　in　it；　and　hoping　as　I　hopedand　then　leaving　you；
and　locking　myself　up　in　my　own　room。〃

In　those　terms；　I　satisfied　him　that　my　memory　of　the　events　of　that　day
was　as　clear　as　his　own。　He　listened　without　making　any　remark；　and　went
on　when　I　had　done。

〃Madame　Pratolungo　shared　your　hard　opinion　of　me；　on　that　occasion；〃　he
proceeded；　〃and　expressed　it　in　infinitely　stronger　terms。　She　betrayed
herself　to　_you_　in　the　rectory　garden。　She　betrayed　herself　to　_me；_
after　you　had　left　us　together　in　the　sitting…room。　Her　hasty　temper
again；　beyond　all　doubt！　I　quite　agree　with　you。　What　she　said　to　me　in
your　absence；　she　would　never　have　said　if　she　had　been　mistress　of
herself。〃

I　began　to　feel　a　little　startled。　〃How　is　it　that　you　now　tell　me　of
this　for　the　first　time？〃　I　said。　〃Were　you　afraid　of　distressing　me？〃

〃I　was　afraid　of　losing　you；〃　he　answered。

Hitherto；　I　had　kept　my　arm　in　his。　I　drew　it　out　now。　If　his　reply　meant
anything；　it　meant　that　he　had　once　thought　me　capable　of　breaking　faith
with　him。　He　saw　that　I　was　hurt。

〃Remember；〃　he　said；　〃that　I　had　unhappily　offended　you　that　day；　and
that　you　have　not　heard　yet　what　Madame　Pratolungo　had　the　audacity　to
say　to　me　under　those　circumstances。〃

〃What　did　she　say　to　you？〃

〃This：'It　would　have　been　a　happier　prospect　for　Lucilla；　if　she　had
been　going　to　marry　your　brother；　instead　of　marrying　you。'　I　repeat
literally：　those　were　the　words。〃

I　could　no　more　believe　it　of　her　than　I　could　have　believed　it　of
myself。

〃Are　you　really　sure？〃　I　asked　him。　〃_Can_　she　have　said　anything　so
cruel　to　you　as　that？〃

Instead　of　answering　me；　he　took　his　pocket…book　from　the　breast…pocket
of　his　coatsearched　in　itand　produced　a　morsel　of　folded　and　crumpled
paper。　He　opened　the　paper；　and　showed　me　some　writing　inside。

〃Is　that　my　writing？〃　he　asked。

It　was　his　writing。　I　had　seen　enough　of　his　letters；　since　the　recovery
of　my　sight；　to　feel　sure　of　that。

〃Read　it！〃　he　said；　〃and　judge　for　yourself。〃

＇Note。You　have　made　your　acquaintance　with　this　letter　already；　in　my
thirty…second　chapter。　I　had　said　those　foolish　words　to　Oscar　（as　you
will　find　in　my　record　of　the　time）；　under　the　influence　of　a　natural
indignation；　which　any　other　woman　with　a　spark　of　spirit　in　her　would
have　felt　in　my　place。　Instead　of　personally　remonstrating　with　me；　Oscar
had　（as　usual）　gone　home；　and　written　me　a　letter　of　expostulation。
Having；　on　my　side；　had　time　to　cooland　feeling　the　absurdity　of　our
exchanging　letters　when　we　were　within　a　few　minutes'　walk　of　each
otherI　had　gone　straight　to　Browndown；　on　receiving　the　letter：　first
crumpling　it　up；　and　（as　I　supposed）　throwing　it　into　the　fire。　After
personally　setting　myself　right　with　Oscar；　I　had　returned　to　the
rectory；　and　had　there　heard　that　Nugent　had　been　to　see　me　in　my
absence；　had　waited　a　little　while　alone　in　the　sitting…room；　and　had
gone　away　again。　When　I　tell　you　that　the　letter　which　he　was　now　showing
to　Lucilla；　was　that　same　letter　of　Oscar's；　which　I　had　（as　I　believed）
destroyed；　you　will　understand　that　I　had　thrown　it　into　the　fender
instead　of　into　the　fire；　and　that　I　failed　to　se