poor miss finch-第78节

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moping；　anxious；　miserable　man。

Or　is　it；　that　he　sees　and　feels　something　changed　in　Me？　I　could　scream
with　vexation　and　rage　against　myself。　Here　is　my　Oscarand　yet　he　is
not　the　Oscar　I　knew　when　I　was　blind。　Contradictory　as　it　seems；　I　used
to　understand　how　he　looked　at　me；　when　I　was　unable　to　see　it。　Now　that
I　can　see　it；　I　ask　myself；　Is　this　really　love　that　is　looking　at　me　in
his　eyes？　or　is　it　something　else？　How　should　I　know？　I　knew　when　I　had
only　my　own　fancy　to　tell　me。　But　now；　try　as　I　may；　I　cannot　make　the
old　fancy　and　the　new　sight　serve　me　in　harmony　both　together。　I　am
afraid　he　sees　that　I　don't　understand　him。　Oh；　dear！　dear！　why　did　I　not
meet　my　good　old　Grosse；　and　become　the　new　creature　that　he　has　made　me；
before　I　met　Oscar？　I　should　have　had　no　blind　memories　and
prepossessions　to　get　over　then。　I　shall　become　used　to　my　new　self；　I
hope　and　believe；　with　timeand　that　will　accustom　me　to　my　new
impressions　of　Oscarand　so　it　may　all　come　right　in　the　end。　It　is　all
wrong　enough　now。　He　put　his　arm　round　me；　and　gave　me　a　little　tender
squeeze；　while　we　were　following　Miss　Batchford　down　to　the　dining…room
this　afternoon。　Nothing　in　me　answered　to　it。　I　should　have　felt　it　all
over　me　a　few　months　since。

Here　is　a　tear　on　the　paper。　What　a　fool　I　am！　Why　can't　I　write　about
something　else？

I　sent　my　second　letter　to　my　father　to…day；　telling　him　of　Oscar's
return　from　abroad；　and　taking　no　notice　of　his　not　having　replied　to　my
first　letter。　The　only　way　to　manage　my　father　is　not　to　take　notice；　and
to　let　him　come　right　by　himself。　I　showed　Oscar　my　letterwith　a　space
left　at　the　end　for　his　postscript。　While　he　was　writing　it；　he　asked　me
to　get　something　which　happened　to　be　up…stairs　in　my　room。　When　I　came
back；　he　had　sealed　the　envelopeforgetting　to　show　me　his　postscript。
It　was　not　worth　while　to　open　the　letter　again；　he　told　me　what　he　had
written；　and　that　did　just　as　well。

＇Note。I　must　trouble　you　with　a　copy　of　what　Nugent　really　did　write。
It　shows　why　he　sent　her　out　of　the　room；　and　closed　the　envelope　before
she　could　come　back。　The　postscript　is　also　worthy　of　notice；　in　this
respectthat　it　plays　a　part　in　a　page　of　my　narrative　which　is　still　to
come。

Thus　Nugent　writes；　in　Oscar's　name　and　character；　to　the　rector　of
Dimchurch。　（I　have　already　mentioned；　as　you　will　see　in　the
twenty…second　chapter；　that　a　close　similarity　of　handwriting　was　one
among　the　other　striking　points　of　resemblance　between　the　twins。）

〃DEAR　MR。　FINCH；

〃Lucilla's　letter　will　have　told　you　that　I　have　come　to　my　senses；　and
that　I　am　again　paying　my　addresses　to　her　as　her　affianced　husband。　My
principal　object　in　adding　these　lines　is　to　propose　that　we　should
forget　the　past；　and　go　on　again　as　if　nothing　had　happened。

〃Nugent　has　behaved　nobly。　He　absolves　me　from　the　engagements　towards
him　into　which　I　so　rashly　entered；　at　our　last　interview　before　I　left
Browndown。　Most　generously　and　amply　he　has　redeemed　his　pledge　to　Madame
Pratolungo　to　discover　the　place　of　my　retreat　and　to　restore　me　to
Lucilla。　For　the　present　he　remains　abroad。

〃If　you　favor　me　with　a　reply　to　this；　I　must　warn　you　to　be　careful　how
you　write；　for　Lucilla　is　sure　to　ask　to　see　your　letter。　Remember　that
she　only　supposes　me　to　have　returned　to　her　after　a　brief　absence　from
England；　caused　by　a　necessity　for　joining　my　brother　on　the　Continent。
It　will　be　also　desirable　to　say　nothing　on　the　subject　of　my　unfortunate
peculiarity　of　complexion。　I　have　made　it　all　right　with　Lucilla；　and　she
is　getting　accustomed　to　me。　Still；　the　subject　is　a　sore　one；　and　the
less　it　is　referred　to　the　better。

Truly　yours；

〃OSCAR。〃


Unless　I　add　a　word　of　explanation　here；　you　will　hardly　appreciate　the
extraordinary　skillfulness　with　which　the　deception　is　continued　by　means
of　this　postscript。

Written　in　Oscar's　character　（and　representing　Nugent　as　having　done　all
that　he　had　promised　me　to　do）　it　designedly　omits　the　customary　courtesy
of　Oscar's　style。　The　object　of　this　is　to　offend　Mr。　Finchwith　what
end　in　view　you　will　presently　see。　The　rector　was　the　last　man　in
existence　to　dispense　with　the　necessary　apologies　and　expressions　of
regret　from　a　man　engaged　to　his　daughter；　who　had　left　her　as　Oscar　had
left　herno　matter　how　the　circumstances　might　appear　to　excuse　him。　The
curt；　off…hand　postscript　signed　〃Oscar〃　was　the　very　thing　to　exasperate
the　wound　already　inflicted　on　Mr。　Finch's　self…esteem；　and　to　render　it
at　least　probable　that　he　would　reconsider　his　intention　of　himself
performing　the　marriage　ceremony。　In　the　event　of　his　refusal；　what　would
happen？　A　stranger；　entirely　ignorant　of　which　was　Nugent　and　which　was
Oscar；　would　officiate　in　his　place。　Do　you　see　it　now？

But　even　the　cleverest　people　are　not　always　capable　of　providing　for
every　emergency。　The　completest　plot　generally　has　its　weak　place。

The　postscript；　as　you　have　seen；　was　a　little　masterpiece。　But　it
nevertheless　exposed　the　writer　to　a　danger　which　（as　the　Journal　will
tell　you）　he　only　appreciated　at　its　true　value　when　it　was　too　late　to
alter　his　mind。　Finding　himself　forced；　for　the　sake　of　appearances；　to
permit　Lucilla　to　inform　her　father　of　his　arrival　at　Ramsgate；　he　was
now　obliged　to　run　the　risk　of　having　that　important　piece　of　domestic
news　communicatedeither　by　Mr。　Finch　or　by　his　wifeto　no　less　a
person　than　myself。　You　will　remember　that　worthy　Mrs。　Finch；　when　we
parted　at　the　rectory；　had　asked　me　to　write　to　her　while　I　was
abroadand　you　will　see；　after　the　hint　I　have　given　you；　that　clever
Mr。　Nugent　is　beginning　already　to　walk　upon　delicate　ground。　I　say　no
more：　Lucilla's　turn　now。P。＇

_September_　3rd。Oscar　has　（I　suppose）　forgotten　something　which　he
ought　to　have　included　in　his　postscript　to　my　letter。

More　than　two　hours　after　I　had　sent　it　to　the　post；　he　asked　if　the
letter　had　gone。　For　the　moment；　he　looked　annoyed　when　I　said；　Yes。　But
he　soon　recovered　himself。　It　mattered　nothing　（he　said）；　he　could　easily
write　again。　〃Talking　of　letters；〃　he　added；　〃do　you　expect　Madame
Pratolungo　to　write　to　you？〃　（This　time　it　was　he　who　referred　to　her！）　I
told　him　that　there　was　not　much　chance；　after　what　had　passed　on　her
side　and　on　mine；　of　her　writing　to　meand　then　tried　to　put　some　of
those　questions　about　her　which　he　had　once　already　requested　me　not　to
press　yet。　For　the　second　time；　he　entreated　me　to　defer　the　discussion
of　that　unpleasant　subject　for　the　presentand　yet；　with　a　curious
inconsistency；　he　made　another　inquiry　relating　to　the　subject　in　the
same　breath。

〃Do　you　think　she　is　likely　to　be　in　correspondence　with　your　father；　or
your　stepmother；　while　she　is　out　of　England？〃　he　asked。

〃I　should　doubt　her　writing　to　my　father；〃　I　said。　〃But　she　might
correspond　with　Mrs。　Finch。〃

He　considered　a　littleand　then　turned　the　talk　to　the　topic　of　our
residence　at　Ramsgate　next。

〃How　long　do　you　stay　here？〃　he　inquired。

〃It　depends　on　Herr　Grosse；〃　I　answered。　〃I　will　ask　him　when　he　comes
next。〃

He　turned　away　to　the　windowsuddenly；　as　if　he　was　a　little　put　out。

〃Are　you　tired　of　Ramsgate　already？〃　I　asked。

He　came　back　to　me；　and　took　my　handmy　cold　insensible　hand　that　won't
feel　his　touch　as　it　ought！

〃Let　me　be　your　husband；　Lucilla；〃　he　whispered；　〃and　I　will　live　at
Ramsgate　if　you　likefor　your　sake。〃

Although　there　was　everything　to　please　me　in　those　words；　there　was
something　that　startled　meI　cannot　describe　itin　his　look　and　manner
when　he　said　them。　I　made　no　answer　at　the　moment。　He　went　on。

〃Why　should　we　not　be　married　at　once？〃　he　asked。　We　are　both　of　age。　We
have　only　ourselves　to　think　of。〃

＇Note。Alter　his　words　as　follows：　〃Why　should　we　not　be　married　before
Madame　Pratolungo　can　hear　of　my　arrival　at　Ramsgate？〃and　you　will
rightly　interpret　his　motives。　The　situation　is　now　fast　reaching　its
climax　of　peril。　Nugent's　one　chance　is　to　persuade　Lucilla　to　marry　him
before　any　discoveries　can　reach　my　ears；　and　before　Grosse　considers　her
sufficiently　recovered　to　leave　Ramsgate。P。＇

〃You　forget；〃　I　answered；　more　surprised　than　ever；　〃we　have　my　father　to
think　of。　It　was　always　arranged　that　he　was　to　marry　us　at　Dimchurch。〃

Oscar　smilednot　at　all　the　charming　smile　I　used　to　imagine；　when　I　was
blind！

〃We　shall　wait　a　long　time；　I　am　afraid；〃　he　said；　〃if　we　wait　until　your
father　marries　us。〃

〃What　do　you　mean？〃　I　asked。

〃When　we　enter　on　the　painful　subject　of　Madame　Pratolungo；〃　he　replied；
〃I　will　tell　you。　In　the　meantime；　do　you　think　Mr。　Finch　will　answer
your　letter？〃

〃I　hope　so。〃

〃Do　you　think　he　will　answer　my　postscript？〃

〃I　am　sure　he　will！〃

The　same　unpleasant　smile　showed　itself　again　in　his　face。　He　abruptly
dropped　the　conversation；　and　went　to　play　_piquet_　with　my　aunt。

All　this　happened　yesterday　evening。　I　went　to　bed；　sadly　dissatisfied
with　somebody。　Was　it　with　Oscar？　or　with　myself？　or　with　both？　I　fancy
with　both。

To…day；　we　went　out　together　for　a　walk　on　the　cliffs。　What　a　delight　it
was　to　move　through　the　fresh　briny　air；　and　see　the　lo