poor miss finch-第68节

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Browndown。　Stop！　One　question　before　I　put　the　lamp　out。〃

〃What　is　it？〃

〃Did　you　do　anything　towards　tracing　Oscar；　when　you　were　in　London
to…day？〃

〃I　went　to　a　lawyer；　and　made　what　arrangements　with　him　I　could。〃

〃Here　is　my　pocket…book。　Write　me　down　his　name　and　address。〃

I　wrote　them。　He　extinguished　the　lamp；　and　led　me　into　the　passage。　The
servant　was　standing　there　bewildered。　〃Good　night；　James。　I　am　going　to
bring　your　master　back　to　Browndown。〃　With　that　explanation；　he　took　up
his　hat　and　stick；　and　gave　me　his　arm。　The　moment　after；　we　were　out　in
the　dark　valley；　on　our　way　to　the　village。

On　the　walk　back　to　the　rectory；　he　talked　with　a　feverish　volubility　and
excitement。　Avoiding　the　slightest　reference　to　the　subject　discussed　at
our　strange　and　stormy　interview；　he　returned；　with　tenfold　confidence　in
himself；　to　his　old　boastful　assertion　of　the　great　things　he　was　going
to　do　as　a　painter。　The　mission　which　called　him　to　reconcile　Humanity
with　Nature；　the　superb　scale　on　which　he　proposed　to　interpret
sympathetic　scenery　for　the　benefit　of　suffering　mankind；　the　prime
necessity　of　understanding　him；　not　as　a　mere　painter；　but　as　Grand
Consoler　in　ArtI　had　it　all　over　again；　by　way　of　satisfying　my　mind　as
to　his　prospects　and　occupations　in　his　future　life。　It　was　only　when　we
stopped　at　the　rectory…gate　that　he　referred　to　what　had　passed　between
usand　even　then；　he　only　touched　on　the　subject　in　the　briefest
possible　way。

〃Well？〃　he　said。　〃Have　I　won　back　your　old　regard　for　me？　Do　you　believe
there　is　a　fine　side　to　be　found　in　the　nature　of　Nugent　Dubourg？　Man　is
a　compound　animal。　You　are　a　woman　in　ten　thousand。　Give　me　a　kiss。〃

He　kissed　me；　foreign　fashion；　on　both　cheeks。

〃Now　for　Oscar！〃　he　shouted　cheerfully。　He　waved　his　hat；　and　disappeared
in　the　darkness。　I　stood　at　the　gate　till　the　last　rapid　pit…pat　of　his
feet　died　away　in　the　silence　of　the　night。

An　indescribable　depression　seized　on　my　spirits。　I　began　to　doubt　him
again；　the　instant　I　was　alone。

〃Is　there　a　time　coming；〃　I　asked　myself；　〃when　all　that　I　have　done
to…night　must　be　done　over　again？〃

I　opened　the　rectory…gate。　Mr。　Finch　intercepted　me　before　I　could　get
round　to　our　side　of　the　house。　He　held　up　before　me；　in　solemn　triumph；
a　manuscript　of　many　pages。

〃My　Letter；〃　he　said。　〃A　Letter　of　Christian　remonstrance；　to　Nugent
Dubourg。〃

〃Nugent　Dubourg　has　left　Dimchurch。〃

With　that　reply；　I　told　the　rector　in　as　few　words　as　possible　how　my
visit　to　Browndown　had　ended。

Mr。　Finch　looked　at　his　letter。　All　those　pages　of　eloquence　written　for
nothing？　No！　In　the　nature　of　things；　_that_　could　not　possibly　be。　〃You
have　done　very　well；　Madame　Pratolungo；〃　he　remarked；　in　his　most
patronizing　manner。　〃Very　well　indeed；　all　things　considered。　_But；_　I
don't　think　I　shall　act　wisely　if　I　destroy　this。〃　He　carefully　locked　up
his　manuscript；　and　turned　to　me　again　with　a　mysterious　smile。　〃I
venture　to　think；〃　said　Mr。　Finch　with　mock　humility；　〃My　Letter　will　be
wanted。　Don't　let　me　discourage　you　about　Nugent　Dubourg。　Only　let　me
say：Is　he　to　be　trusted？〃

It　was　said　by　a　fool：　it　would　never　have　been　said　at　all；　if　he　had
not　written　his　wonderful　letter。　Still；　it　echoed；　with　a　painful
fidelity；　the　misgiving　secretly　present　at　that　moment　in　my　own
mindand；　more　yet；　it　echoed　the　misgiving　in　Nugent's　mind；　the　doubt
of　himself　which　his　own　lips　had　confessed　to　me　in　so　many　words。　I
wished　the　rector　good　night；　and　went　upstairs。

Lucilla　was　in　bed　and　asleep；　when　I　softly　opened　her　door。

After　looking　for　awhile　at　her　lovely　peaceful　face；　I　was　obliged　to
turn　away。　It　was　time　I　left　the　bedside；　when　the　sight　of　her　only
made　my　spirits　sink　lower　and　lower。　As　I　cast　my　last　look　at　her
before　I　closed　the　door；　Mr。　Finch's　ominous　question　forced　itself　on
me　again。　In　spite　of　myself；　I　said　to　myself

〃Is　he　to　be　trusted？〃



CHAPTER　THE　THIRTY…NINTH

She　Learns　to　See

WITH　the　new　morning；　certain　reflections　found　their　way　into　my　mind
which　were　not　of　the　most　welcome　sort。　There　was　one　serious　element　of
embarrassment　in　my　position　towards　Lucilla；　which　had　not　discovered
itself　to　me　when　Nugent　and　I　parted　at　the　rectory　gate。

Browndown　was　now　empty。　In　the　absence　of　both　the　brothers；　what　was　I
to　say　to　Lucilla　when　the　false　Oscar　failed　to　pay　her　his　promised
visit　that　day？

In　what　a　labyrinth　of　lies　had　the　first　fatal　suppression　of　the　truth
involved　us　all！　One　deception　after　another　had　been　forced　on　us；　one
disaster　after　another　had　followed　retributively　as　the　resultand；　now
that　I　was　left　to　deal　single…handed　with　the　hard　necessities　of　our
position；　no　choice　seemed　left　to　me　but　to　go　on　deceiving　Lucilla
still！　I　was　weary　of　it　and　ashamed　of　it。　At　breakfast…time；　I　evaded
all　further　discussion　of　the　subject；　after　I　had　first　ascertained　that
Lucilla　did　not　expect　her　visitor　before　the　afternoon。　For　some　time
after　breakfast；　I　kept　her　at　the　piano。　When　she　wearied　of　music；　and
began　to　talk　of　Oscar　once　more；　I　put　on　my　hat；　and　set　forth　on　a
domestic　errand　（of　the　kind　usually　entrusted　to　Zillah）；　solely　for　the
purpose　of　keeping　out　of　the　way；　and　putting　off　to　the　last　moment　the
hateful　necessity　of　telling　more　lies。　The　weather　stood　my　friend。　It
threatened　to　rain；　and　Lucilla；　on　that　account；　refrained　from
proposing　to　accompany　me。

My　errand　took　me　to　a　farm…house　on　the　road　which　led　to　Brighton。
After　settling　my　business；　I　prolonged　my　walk；　though　the　rain　was
already　beginning　to　fall。　I　had　nothing　on　me　that　would　spoil；　and；　in
my　present　frame　of　mind；　a　wet　gown　was　a　preferable　alternative　to
returning　to　the　rectory。

After　I　had　walked　about　a　mile　further　on；　the　solitude　of　the　road　was
enlivened　by　the　appearance　of　an　open　carriage　approaching　me　from　the
direction　of　Brighton。　The　hood　was　up　to　protect　the　person　inside　from
the　rain。　The　person　looked　out　as　I　passed；　and　stopped　the　carriage　in
a　voice　which　I　instantly　recognized　as　the　voice　of　Grosse。　Our　gallant
oculist　insisted　（in　the　state　of　the　weather）　on　my　instantly　taking
shelter　by　his　side　and　returning　with　him　to　the　house。

〃This　is　an　unexpected　pleasure；〃　I　said。　〃I　thought　you　had　arranged　not
to　see　Lucilla　again　till　the　end　of　the　week。〃

Grosse's　eyes　glared　at　me　through　his　spectacles　with　a　dignity　and
gravity　worthy　of　Mr。　Finch　himself。

〃Shall　I　tell　you　something？〃　he　said。　〃You　see　sitting　at　your　side　a
lost　surgeon…optic。　I　shall　die　soon。　Put　on　my　tombs；　if　you　please；　The
malady　which　killed　this　German　mans　wasLofely　Feench。　When　I　am　away
from　hergif　me　your　sympathies：　I　so　much　want　itI　sweat　with
anxiousness　for　young　Miss。　Your　damn…mess…fix　about　those　two　brodders
is　a　sort　of　perpetual　blisters　on　my　mind。　Instead　of　snoring　peaceably
all　night　in　my　nice　big　English　beds；　I　roll　wide　awake　on　my　pillows；
fidgeting　for　Feench。　I　am　here　to…day　before　my　time。　For　what？　For　to
try　her　eyesyou　think？　Goot　Madam；　you　think　wrong！　It　is　not　her　eyes
which　troubles　me。　Her　eyes　will　do。　It　is　Youand　the　odders　at　your
rectory…place。　You　make　me　nervous…anxious　about　my　patients。　I　am　afraid
some　of　you　will　let　the　mess…fix　of　those　brodder…twins　find　its　way　to
her　pretty　ears；　and　turn　her　poor　little　mind　topsy…turvies　when　I　am
not　near　to　see　to　it　in　time。　Will　you　let　her　be　comfortable…easy　for
two　months　more？　Ach　Gott！　if　I　could　only　be　certain…sure　of　_that；_　I
might　leave　those　weak　new　eyes　of　hers　to　cure　themselves；　and　go　my
ways　back　to　London　again。〃

I　had　intended　to　remonstrate　with　him　pretty　sharply　for　taking　Lucilla
to　Browndown。　After　what　he　had　now　said；　it　was　useless　to　attempt
anything　of　that　sortand　doubly　useless　to　hope　that　he　would　let　me
extricate　myself　from　my　difficulties　by　letting　me　tell　her　the　truth。

〃Of　course　you　are　the　best　judge；〃　I　said。　〃But　you　little　know　what
these　precautions　of　yours　cost　the　unfortunate　people　who　are　left　to
carry　them　out。〃

He　took　me　up　sharply　at　those　words。

〃You　shall　judge　for　yourself；〃　he　said；　〃if　it　is　not　worth　the　cost。　If
her　eyes　satisfy　meFeench　shall　learn　to　see　to…day。　You　shall　stand
by；　you　obstinate　womans；　and　judge　if　it　is　goot　to　add　shock　and
agitation　to　the　exhaustions　and　irritabilities　and　bedevilments　of　all
sorts　which　our　poor　Miss　must　suffer　in　learning　to　see；　after　being
blind　for　all　her　life。　No　more　of　it　now；　till　we　get　to　the
rectory…place。〃　By　way　of　changing　the　subject　for　the　present；　he　put　a
question　to　me　which　I　felt　it　necessary　to　answer　with　some　caution。
〃How　is　my　nice　boys？my　bright…clever　Nugent？〃　he　asked。

〃Very　well。〃

There　I　stopped；　not　feeling　at　all　sure　of　the　ground　I　was　treading　on。

〃Mind　this！〃　Grosse　went　on。　〃My　bright…boy…Nugent　keeps　her
comfortable…easy。　My　bright…boy…Nugent　is　worth　all　the　rest　of　you
togedder。　I　insist　on　his　making　his　visits　to　young　Miss　at　the
rectory…place；　in　spite　of　that　windy…talky…puff…bag…Feench…father　of
hers。　I　say　positivelyNugent　shall