poor miss finch-第64节

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actions　which　determine　other　people's　opinions　of　us　（as　well　as　with
the　course　of　our　own　lives）　than　we　generally　suppose。　A　man　with
delicately…strung　nerves　says　and　does　things　which　often　lead　us　to
think　more　meanly　of　him　than　he　deserves。　It　is　his　great　misfortune
constantly　to　present　himself　at　his　worst。　On　the　other　hand；　a　man
provided　with　nerves　vigorously　constituted；　is　provided　also　with　a
constitutional　health　and　hardihood　which　express　themselves　brightly　in
his　manners；　and　which　lead　to　a　mistaken　impression　that　his　nature　is
what　it　appears　to　be　on　the　surface。　Having　good　health；　he　has　good
spirits。　Having　good　spirits；　he　wins　as　an　agreeable　companion　on　the
persons　with　whom　he　comes　in　contactalthough　he　may　be　hiding　all　the
while；　under　an　outer　covering　which　is　physically　wholesome；　an　inner
nature　which　is　morally　diseased。　In　the　last　of　these　typical　men；　I　saw
reflectedNugent。　In　the　firstOscar。　All　that　was　feeblest　and　poorest
in　Oscar's　nature　had　shown　itself　on　the　surface　in　past　times；　to　the
concealment　of　its　stronger　and　its　nobler　side。　There　had　been　something
hidden　in　this　supersensitive　man；　who　had　shrunk　under　all　the　small
trials　of　his　life　in　our　village；　which　had　proved　firm　enough；　when　the
greatness　of　the　need　called　on　it；　to　sustain　the　terrible　disaster　that
had　fallen　on　him。　The　nearer　I　got　to　the　end　of　my　journey；　the　more
certain　I　felt　that　I　was　only　now　learning　（bitterly　as　he　had
disappointed　me）　to　estimate　Oscar's　character　at　its　true　value。
Inspired　by　this　conviction；　I　began　already　to　face　our　hopeless
prospects　boldly。　As　long　as　I　had　life　and　strength　to　help　her；　I
determined　that　Lucilla　should　_not_　lose　the　man；　whose　best　qualities　I
had　failed　to　discover　until　he　had　made　up　his　mind　to　turn　his　back　on
her　for　ever。

When　I　reached　the　rectory；　I　was　informed　that　Mr。　Finch　wished　to　speak
to　me。　My　anxiety　about　Lucilla　made　me　unwilling　to　submit　to　any　delay
in　seeing　her。　I　sent　a　message；　informing　the　rector　that　I　would　be
with　him　in　a　few　minutesand　ran　up…stairs　into　Lucilla's　room。

〃Has　it　been　a　very　long　day；　my　dear？〃　I　asked；　when　our　first　greetings
were　over。

〃It　has　been　a　delightful　day；〃　she　answered　joyously。　〃Grosse　took　me
out　for　a　walk；　before　he　went　back　to　London。　Can　you　guess　where　our
walk　led　us？〃

A　chilly　sense　of　misgiving　seized　me。　I　drew　back　from　her。　I　looked　at
her　lovely　face　without　the　slightest　admiration　of　itworse　still；　with
downright　distrust　of　it。

〃Where　did　you　go？〃　I　asked。

〃To　Browndown；　of　course！〃

An　exclamation　escaped　me（〃Infamous　Grosse！〃　spit　out　between　my　teeth
in　my　own　language）。　I　could　_not_　help　it。　I　should　have　died　if　I　had
repressed　itI　was　in　such　a　rage。

Lucilla　laughed。　〃There！　there！　It　was　my　fault；　I　insisted　on　speaking
to　Oscar。　As　soon　as　I　had　my　own　way；　I　behaved　perfectly。　I　never　asked
to　have　the　bandage　taken　off；　I　was　satisfied　with　only　speaking　to　him。
Dear　old　Grossehe　isn't　half　as　hard　on　me　as　you　and　my　fatherwas
with　us；　all　the　time。　It　has　done　me　so　much　good。　Don't　be　sulky　about
it；　you　darling　Pratolungo！　My　'surgeon　optic'　sanctions　my　imprudence。　I
won't　ask　you　to　go　with　me　to　Browndown　to…morrow；　Oscar　is　coming　to
return　my　visit。〃

Those　last　words　decided　me。　I　had　had　a　weary　time　of　it　since　the
morning；　but　（for　me）　the　day　was　not　at　an　end　yet。　I　said　to　myself；　〃I
will　have　it　out　with　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg；　before　I　go　to　my　bed
to…night！〃

〃Can　you　spare　me　for　a　little　while？〃　I　asked。　〃I　must　go　to　the　other
side　of　the　house。　Your　father　wishes　to　speak　to　me。

Lucilla　started。　〃About　what？〃　she　inquired　eagerly。

〃About　business　in　London；〃　I　answeredand　left　her；　before　her
curiosity　could　madden　me　（in　the　state　I　was　in　at　that　moment）　with
more　questions。

I　found　the　rector　prepared　to　favor　me　with　his　usual　flow　of　language。
Fifty　Mr。　Finches　could　not　have　possessed　themselves　of　my　attention　in
the　humour　I　was　in　at　that　moment。　To　the　reverend　gentleman's
amazement；　it　was　I　who　beganand　not　he。

〃I　have　just　left　Lucilla；　Mr。　Finch。　I　know　what　has　happened。〃

〃Wait　a　minute；　Madame　Pratolungo！　One　thing　is　of　the　utmost　importance
to　begin　with。　Do　you　thoroughly　understand　that　I　am；　in　no　sense　of　the
word；　to　blame？〃

〃Thoroughly；〃　I　interposed。　〃Of　course；　they　would　not　have　gone　to
Browndown；　if　you　had　consented　to　let　Nugent　Dubourg　into　the　house。〃

〃Stop！〃　said　Mr。　Finch；　elevating　his　right　hand。　〃My　good　creature；　you
are　in　a　state　of　hysterical　precipitation。　I　will　be　heard！　I　did　more
than　refuse　my　consent。　When　the　man　GrosseI　insist　on　your　composing
yourselfwhen　the　man　Grosse　came　and　spoke　to　me　about　it；　I　did　more；
I　say；　infinitely　more；　than　refuse　my　consent。　You　know　my　force　of
languagedon't　be　alarmed！　I　said；　'Sir！　As　pastor　and　parent；　My　Foot
is　down'〃

〃I　understand；　Mr。　Finch。　Whatever　you　said　to　Herr　Grosse　was　quite
useless；　he　entirely　ignored　your　personal　point　of　view。〃

〃Madame　Pratolungo！〃

〃He　found　Lucilla　dangerously　agitated　by　her　separation　from　Oscar：　he
asserted；　what　he　calls；　his　professional　freedom　of　action。〃

〃Madame　Pratolungo！〃

〃You　persisted　in　closing　your　doors　to　Nugent　Dubourg。　_He_　persisted；
on　his　sideand　took　Lucilla　to　Browndown。〃

Mr。　Finch　got　on　his　feet；　and　asserted　himself　at　the　full　pitch　of　his
tremendous　voice。

〃Silence！〃　he　shouted；　with　a　smack　of　his　open　hand　on　the　table　at　his
side。

I　didn't　care。　_I_　shouted。　_I_　came　down；　with　a　smack　of　my　hand；　on
the　opposite　side　of　the　table。

〃One　question；　sir；　before　I　leave　you；〃　I　said。　〃Since　your　daughter
went　to　Browndown；　you　have　had　many　hours　at　your　disposal。　Have　you
seen　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg？〃

The　Pope　of　Dimchurch　suddenly　collapsed；　in　full　fulmination　of　his
domestic　Bulls。

〃Pardon　me；〃　he　replied；　adopting　his　most　elaborately　polite　manner。
〃This　requires　considerable　explanation。〃

I　declined　to　wait　for　considerable　explanation。　〃You　have　not　seen　him？〃
I　said。

〃I　have　_not_　seen　him；〃　echoed　Mr。　Finch。　〃My　position　towards　Nugent
Dubourg　is　very　remarkable；　Madame　Pratolungo。　In　my　parental　character；
I　should　like　to　wring　his　neck。　In　my　clerical　character；　I　feel　it
incumbent　on　me　to　pauseand　write　to　him。　You　feel　the　responsibility？
You　understand　the　distinction？〃

I　understood　that　he　was　afraid。　Answering　him　by　an　inclination　of　the
head　（I　hate　a　coward！）　I　walked　silently　to　the　door。

Mr。　Finch　returned　my　bow　with　a　look　of　helpless　perplexity。　〃Are　you
going　to　leave　me？〃　he　inquired　blandly。

〃I　am　going　to　Browndown。〃

If　I　had　said　that　I　was　going　to　a　place　which　the　rector　had　frequent
occasion　to　mention　in　the　stronger　passages　of　his　sermons；　Mr。　Finch's
face　could　hardly　have　shown　more　astonishment　and　alarm　than　it
exhibited　when　I　replied　to　him　in　those　terms。　He　lifted　his　persuasive
right　hand；　he　opened　his　eloquent　lips。　Before　the　coming　overflow　of
language　could　reach　me；　I　was　out　of　the　room；　on　my　way　to　Browndown。



CHAPTER　THE　THIRTY…EIGHTH

Is　there　no　Excuse　for　Him？

OSCAR'S　dismissed　servant　（left；　during　the　usual　month　of　warning；　to
take　care　of　the　house）　opened　the　door　to　me　when　I　knocked。　Although
the　hour　was　already　a　late　one　in　primitive　Dimchurch；　the　man　showed　no
signs　of　surprise　at　seeing　me。

〃Is　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg　at　home？〃

〃Yes；　ma'am。〃　He　lowered　his　voice；　and　added；　〃I　think　Mr。　Nugent
expected　to　see　you　to…night。〃

Whether　he　intended　it；　or　not；　the　servant　had　done　me　a　good　turnhe
had　put　me　on　my　guard。　Nugent　Dubourg　understood　my　character　better
than　I　had　understood　his。　He　had　foreseen　what　would　happen；　when　I
heard　of　Lucilla's　visit　on　my　return　to　the　rectoryand　he　had；　no
doubt；　prepared　himself　accordingly。　I　was　conscious　of　a　certain　nervous
trembling　（I　own）　as　I　followed　the　servant　to　the　sitting…room。　At　the
moment；　however；　when　he　opened　the　door；　this　ignoble　sensation　left　me
as　suddenly　as　it　had　come。　I　felt　myself　Pratolungo's　widow　again；　when
I　entered　the　room。

A　reading…lamp；　with　its　shade　down；　was　the　only　light　on　the　table。
Nugent　Dubourg；　comfortably　reposing　in　an　easychair；　sat　by　the　lamp；
with　a　cigar　in　his　mouth；　and　a　book　in　his　hand。　He　put　down　the　book
on　the　table　as　he　rose　to　receive　me。　Knowing；　by　this　time；　what　sort
of　man　I　had　to　deal　with；　I　was　determined　not　to　let　even　the　merest
trifles　escape　me。　It　might　have　its　use　in　helping　me　to　understand　him；
if　I　knew　how　he　had　been　occupying　his　mind　while　he　was　expecting　me　to
arrive。　I　looked　at　the　book。　It　was　_Rousseau's　Confessions。_

He　advanced　with　his　pleasant　smile；　and　offered　his　hand　as　if　nothing
had　happened　to　disturb　our　ordinary　relations　towards　each　other。　I　drew
back　a　step；　and　looked　at　him。

〃Won't　you　shake　hands　with　me？〃　he　asked。

〃I　will　answer　that　directly；〃　I　said。　〃Where　is　your　brother？〃

〃I　don't　know。〃

〃When　you　_do_　know；　Mr。　Nugent　Dubourg；　and　when　you　have　brought　your
brother　back　to　this　house；　I　will　take　your　handnot　before。〃

He