poor miss finch-第53节

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still　firmly　convinced　that　Nugent's　was　the　discolored　face；　instead　of
mine。　And　then　I　put　the　questionWhat　am　I　to　do？〃

〃And　how　did　he　reply？〃

〃In　these　words：'If　you　ask　me　what　you　are　to　do；　in　the　event　of　her
remaining　blind　（which　I　tell　you　again　will　be　the　event）；　I　decline　to
advise　you。　Your　own　conscience　and　your　own　sense　of　honor　must　decide
the　question。　On　the　other　hand；　if　you　ask　me　what　you　are　to　do；　in　the
event　of　her　recovering　her　sight；　I　can　answer　you　unreservedly　in　the
plainest　terms。　Leave　things　as　they　are；　and　wait　till　she　sees。'　Those
were　his　own　words。　Oh；　the　load　that　they　took　off　my　mind！　I　made　him
repeat　themI　declare　I　was　almost　afraid　to　trust　the　evidence　of　my
own　ears。〃

I　understood　the　motive　of　Oscar's　good　spirits；　better　than　I　understood
the　motive　of　Mr。　Sebright's　advice。　〃Did　he　give　his　reasons？〃　I　asked。

〃You　shall　hear　his　reasons　directly。　He　insisted　on　first　satisfying
himself　that　I　thoroughly　understood　my　position　at　that　moment。　'The
prime　condition　of　success；　as　Herr　Grosse　has　told　you；'　he　said；　'is
the　perfect　tranquillity　of　the　patient。　If　you　make　your　confession　to
the　young　lady　when　you　get　back　to…night　to　Dimchurch；　you　throw　her
into　a　state　of　excitement　which　will　render　it　impossible　for　my　German
colleague　to　operate　on　her　to…morrow。　If　you　defer　your　confession；　the
medical　necessities　of　the　case　force　you　to　be　silent；　until　the
professional　attendance　of　the　oculist　has　ceased。　There　is　your
position！　My　advice　to　you　is　to　adopt　the　last　alternative。　Wait　（and
make　the　other　persons　in　the　secret　wait）　until　the　result　of　the
operation　has　declared　itself。'　There　I　stopped　him。　'Do　you　mean　that　I
am　to　be　present；　on　the　first　occasion　when　she　is　able　to　use　her
eyes？'　I　asked。　'Am　I　to　let　her　see　me；　without　a　word　beforehand　to
prepare　her　for　the　color　of　my　face？'　〃

We　were　now　getting　to　the　interesting　part　of　it。　You　English　people；
when　you　are　out　walking　and　are　carrying　on　a　conversation　with　a
friend；　never　come　to　a　standstill　at　the　points　of　interest。　We
foreigners；　on　the　other　hand；　invariably　stop。　I　surprised　Oscar　by
suddenly　pulling　him　up　in　the　middle　of　the　road。

〃What　is　the　matter？〃　he　asked。

〃Go　on！〃　I　said　impatiently。

〃I　can't　go　on；〃　he　rejoined。　〃You're　holding　me。〃

I　held　him　tighter　than　ever；　and　ordered　him　more　resolutely　than　ever
to　go　on。　Oscar　resigned　himself　to　a　halt　（foreign　fashion）　on　the　high
road。

〃Mr。　Sebright　met　my　question　by　putting　a　question　on　his　side；〃　he
resumed。　〃He　asked　me　how　I　proposed　to　prepare　her　for　the　color　of　my
face。〃

〃And　what　did　you　tell　him？〃

〃I　said　I　had　planned　to　make　an　excuse　for　leaving　Dimchurchand；　once
away；　to　prepare　her；　by　writing；　for　what　she　might　expect　to　see　when　I
returned。〃

〃What　did　he　say　to　that？〃

〃He　wouldn't　hear　of　it。　He　said；　'I　strongly　recommend　you　to　be　present
on　the　first　occasion　when　she　is　capable　（if　she　ever　is　capable）　of
using　her　sight。　I　attach　the　greatest　importance　to　her　being　able　to
correct　the　hideous　and　absurd　image　now　in　her　mind　of　a　face　like
yours；　by　seeing　you　as　you　really　are　at　the　earliest　available
opportunity。'　〃

We　were　just　walking　on　again；　when　certain　words　in　that　last　sentence
startled　me。　I　stopped　short　once　more。

〃Hideous　and　absurd　image？〃　I　repeated；　thinking　instantly　of　my
conversation　of　that　morning　with　Lucilla。　What　did　Mr。　Sebright　mean　by
using　such　language　as　that？〃

〃Just　what　I　asked　him。　His　reply　will　interest　you。　It　led　him　into　that
explanation　of　his　motives　which　you　inquired　for　just　now。　Shall　we　walk
on？〃

My　petrified　foreign　feet　recovered　their　activity。　We　went　on　again。

〃When　I　had　spoken　to　Mr。　Sebright　of　Lucilla's　inveterate　prejudice；〃
Oscar　continued；　〃he　had　surprised　me　by　saying　that　it　was　common　in　his
experience；　and　was　only　curable　by　her　restoration　to　sight。　In　support
of　those　assertions；　he　now　told　me　of　two　interesting　cases　which　had
occurred　in　his　professional　practice。　The　first　was　the　case　of　the
little　daughter　of　an　Indian　officerblind　from　infancy　like　Lucilla。
After　operating　successfully；　the　time　came　when　he　could　permit　his
patient　to　try　her　sightthat　is　to　say；　to　try　if　she　could　see
sufficiently　well　at　first；　to　distinguish　dark　objects　from　light。　Among
the　members　of　the　household　assembled　to　witness　the　removal　of　the
bandage；　was　an　Indian　nurse　who　had　accompanied　the　family　to　England。
The　first　person　the　child　saw　was　her　mothera　fair　woman。　She　clasped
her　little　hands　in　astonishment；　and　that　was　all。　At　the　next　turn　of
her　head；　she　saw　the　dark　Indian　nurse　and　instantly　screamed　with
terror。　Mr。　Sebright　owned　to　me　that　he　could　not　explain　it。　The　child
could　have　no　possible　association　with　colors。　Yet　there　nevertheless
was　the　most　violent　hatred　and　horror　of　a　dark　object　（the　hatred　and
horror　peculiar　to　the　blind）　expressing　itself　unmistakably　in　a　child
of　ten　years　old！　My　first　thought；　while　he　was　telling　me　this；　was　of
myself；　and　of　my　chance　with　Lucilla。　My　first　question　was；　'Did　the
child　get　used　to　the　nurse？'　I　can　give　you　his　answer　in　his　own　words。
'In　a　week's　time；　I　found　the　child　sitting　in　the　nurse's　lap　as
composedly　as　I　am　sitting　in　this　chair。'〃That　is　encouragingisn't
it？〃

〃Most　encouragingnobody　can　deny　it。〃

〃The　second　instance　was　more　curious　still。　This　time　the　case　was　the
case　of　a　grown　manand　the　object　was　to　show　me　what　strange　fantastic
images　（utterly　unlike　the　reality）　the　blind　form　of　the　people　about
them。　The　patient　was　married；　and　was　to　see　his　wife　（as　Lucilla　is　one
day　to　see　me）　for　the　first　time。　He　had　been　told；　before　he　married
her；　that　she　was　personally　disfigured　by　the　scar　of　a　wound　on　one　of
her　cheeks。　The　poor　womanah；　how　well　I　can　understand　her！trembled
for　the　consequences。　The　man　who　had　loved　her　dearly　while　he　was
blind；　might　hate　her　when　he　saw　her　scarred　face。　Her　husband　had　been
the　first　to　console　her　when　the　operation　was　determined　on。　He
declared　that　his　sense　of　touch；　and　the　descriptions　given　to　him　by
others；　had　enabled　him　to　form；　in　his　own　mind；　the　most　complete　and
faithful　image　of　his　wife's　face。　Nothing　that　Mr。　Sebright　could　say
would　induce　him　to　believe　that　it　was　physically　impossible　for　him　to
form　a　really　correct　idea　of　any　object；　animate　or　inanimate；　which　he
had　never　seen。　He　wouldn't　hear　of　it。　He　was　so　certain　of　the　result；
that　he　held　his　wife's　hand　in　his；　to　encourage　her；　when　the　bandage
was　removed　from　him。　At　his　first　look　at　her；　he　uttered　a　cry　of
horror；　and　fell　back　in　his　chair　in　a　swoon。　His　wife；　poor　thing；　was
distracted。　Mr。　Sebright　did　his　best　to　compose　her；　and　waited　till　her
husband　was　able　to　answer　the　questions　put　to　him。　It　then　appeared
that　his　blind　idea　of　his　wife；　and　of　her　disfigurement　had　been
something　so　grotesquely　and　horribly　unlike　the　reality；　that　it　was
hard　to　know　whether　to　laugh　or　to　tremble　at　it。　She　was　as　beautiful
as　an　angel；　by　comparison　with　her　husband's　favorite　idea　of　herand
yet；　because　it　was　his　idea；　he　was　absolutely　disgusted　and　terrified
at　the　first　sight　of　her！　In　a　few　weeks　he　was　able　to　compare　his　wife
with　other　women；　to　look　at　pictures；　to　understand　what　beauty　was　and
what　ugliness　wasand　from　that　time　they　have　lived　together　as　happy　a
married　couple　as　any　in　the　kingdom。〃

I　was　not　quite　sure　which　way　this　last　example　pointed。　It　alarmed　me
when　I　thought　of　Lucilla。　I　came　to　a　standstill　again。

〃How　did　Mr。　Sebright　apply　this　second　case　to　Lucilla　and　to　you？〃　I
asked。

〃You　shall　hear；〃　said　Oscar。　〃He　first　appealed　to　the　case　as
supporting　his　assertion　that　Lucilla's　idea　of　me　must　be　utterly　unlike
what　I　am　myself。　He　asked　if　I　was　now　satisfied　that　she　could　have　no
correct　conception　of　what　faces　and　colors　were　really　like？　and　if　I
agreed　with　him　in　believing　that　the　image　in　her　mind　of　the　man　with
the　blue　face；　was　in　all　probability　something　fantastically　and
hideously　unlike　the　reality？　After　what　I　had　heard；　I　agreed　with　him
as　a　matter　of　course。　'Very　well；'　says　Mr。　Sebright。　'Now　let　its
remember　that　there　is　one　important　difference　between　the　case　of　Miss
Finch；　and　the　case　that　I　have　just　mentioned。　The　husband's　blind　idea
of　his　wife　was　the　husband's　favorite　idea。　The　shock　of　the　first　sight
of　her；　was　plainly　a　shock　to　him　on　that　account。　Now　Miss　Finch's
blind　idea　of　the　blue　face　is；　on　the　contrary；　a　hateful　idea　to
herthe　image　is　an　image　that　she　loathes。　Is　it　not　fair　to　conclude
from　this；　that　the　first　sight　of　you　as　you　really　are；　is　likely　to
be；　in　her　case；　a　relief　to　her　instead　of　a　shock？　Reasoning　from　my
experience；　I　reach　that　conclusion；　and　I　advise　you；　in　your　own
interests；　to　be　present　when　the　bandage　is　taken　off。　Even　if　I　prove
to　be　mistakeneven　if　she　is　not　immediately　reconciled　to　the　sight　of
youthere　is　the　other　example　of　the　child　and　the　Indian　nurse　to
satisfy　you　that　it