poor miss finch-第50节

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Oscar　was　too　painfully　agitated　to　speak。　He　softly　crossed　to　my　chair；
and；　kneeling　by　me；　put　my　hand　entreatingly　to　his　lips。

You　may　consider　me　a　heartless　woman　if　you　will。　I　remained　entirely
unmoved　even　by　this。　Lucilla's　interests　and　my　interests；　you　will
observe；　were　now　one。　I　had　resolved；　from　the　first；　that　she　should
not　be　married　in　ignorance　of　which　was　the　man　who　was　disfigured　by
the　blue　face。　If　she　took　the　course　which　would　enable　her　to　make　that
discovery　for　herself；　at　the　right　time；　she　would　spare　me　the
performance　of　a　very　painful　and　ungracious　dutyand　she　would　marry；
as　I　was　determined　she　should　marry；　with　a　full　knowledge　of　the　truth。
In　this　position　of　affairs；　it　was　no　business　of　mine　to　join　the
twin…brothers　in　trying　to　make　her　alter　her　resolution。　On　the
contrary；　it　was　my　business　to　confirm　her　in　it。

〃I　can't　see　that　I　have　any　right　to　interfere；〃　I　said。　〃In　Lucilla's
placeafter　one　and　twenty　years　of　blindnessI　too　should　sacrifice
every　other　consideration　to　the　consideration　of　recovering　my　sight。〃

Oscar　instantly　rose；　offended　with　me；　and　walked　away　to　the　window。
Lucilla's　face　brightened　gratefully。　〃Ah！〃　she　said；　〃_you_　understand
me！〃　Nugent；　in　his　turn；　left　his　chair。　He　had　confidently　calculated；
in　his　brother's　interests；　on　Lucilla's　marriage　preceding　the　recovery
of　Lucilla's　sight。　That　calculation　was　completely　baffled。　The　marriage
would　now　depend　on　the　state　of　Lucilla's　feelings；　after　she　had
penetrated　the　truth　for　herself。　I　saw　Nugent's　face　darken；　as　he
walked　to　the　door。

〃Madame　Pratolungo；〃　he　said；　〃you　may；　one　day；　regret　the　course　that
you　have　just　taken。　Do　as　you　please；　LucillaI　have　no　more　to　say。〃

He　left　the　room；　with　a　quiet　submission　to　circumstances　which　became
him　admirably。　Now；　as　always；　it　was　impossible　not　to　compare　him
advantageously　with　his　vacillating　brother。　Oscar　turned　round　at　the
window；　apparently　with　the　idea　of　following　Nugent　out。　At　the　first
step　he　checked　himself。　There　was　a　last　effort　still　left　to　make。
Reverend　Finch's　〃moral　weight〃　had　not　been　thrown　into　the　scale　yet。

〃There　is　one　thing　more；　Lucilla；〃　he　said；　〃which　you　ought　to　know
before　you　decide。　I　have　seen　your　father。　He　desires　me　to　tell　you
that　he　is　strongly　opposed　to　the　experiment　which　you　are　determined　to
try。〃

Lucilla　sighed　wearily。　〃It　is　not　the　first　time　that　I　find　my　father
failing　to　sympathize　with　me；〃　she　said。　〃I　am　distressedbut　not
surprised。　It　is　_you_　who　surprise　me！〃　she　added；　suddenly　raising　her
voice。　〃You；　who　love　me；　are　not　one　with　me；　when　I　am　standing　on　the
brink　of　a　new　life。　Good　Heavens！　are　my　interests　not　your　interests　in
this？　Is　it　not　worth　your　while　to　wait　till　I　can　_look　at　you_　when　I
vow　before　God　to　love；　honor；　and　obey　you？　Do　you　understand　him？〃　she
asked；　appealing　abruptly　to　me。　〃Why　does　he　try　to　start　difficulties？
why　is　he　not　as　eager　about　it　as　I　am？〃

I　turned　to　Oscar。　Now　was　the　time　for　him　to　fall　at　her　feet　and　own
it！　Here　was　the　golden　opportunity　that　might　never　come　again。　I　signed
to　him　impatiently　to　take　it。　He　tried　to　take　itlet　me　do　him　the
justice　now；　which　I　failed　to　do　him　at　the　timehe　tried　to　take　it。
He　advanced　towards　her；　he　struggled　with　himself；　he　said；　〃There　is　a
motive　for　my　conduct；　Lucilla〃　and　stopped。　His　breath　failed　him；
he　struggled　again；　he　forced　out　a　word　or　two　more：　〃A　motive；〃　he　went
on；　〃which　I　have　been　afraid　to　confess〃　he　paused　again；　with　the
perspiration　pouring　over　his　livid　face。

Lucilla's　patience　failed　her。　〃What　is　your　motive？〃　she　asked　sharply。

The　tone　in　which　she　spoke　broke　down　his　last　reserves　of　resolution。
He　turned　his　head　suddenly　so　as　not　to　see　her。　At　the　final
momentmiserable；　miserable　man！at　the　final　moment；　he　took　refuge　in
an　excuse。

〃I　don't　believe　in　Herr　Grosse；〃　he　said　faintly；　〃as　you　believe　in
him。〃

Lucilla　rose；　bitterly　disappointed；　and　opened　the　door　that　led　into
her　own　room。

〃If　it　had　been　you　who　were　blind；〃　she　answered；　〃_your_　belief　would
have　been　_my_　belief；　and　_your_　hope　_my_　hope。　It　seems　I　have
expected　too　much　from　you。　Live　and　learn！　live　and　learn！〃

She　went　into　her　room；　and　closed　the　door　on　us。　I　could　bear　it　no
longer。　I　got　up；　with　the　firm　resolution　in　me　to　follow　her；　and　say
the　words　which　he　had　failed　to　say　for　himself。　My　hand　was　on　the
door；　when　I　was　suddenly　pulled　back　from　it　by　Oscar。　I　turned；　and
faced　him　in　silence。

〃No！〃　he　said；　with　his　eyes　fixed　on　mine；　and　his　hand　still　on　my　arm。
〃If　I　don't　tell　her；　nobody　shall　tell　her　for　me。〃

〃She　shall　be　deceived　no　longershe　must；　and　shall；　hear　it；〃　I
answered。　〃Let　me　go！〃

〃You　have　given　me　your　promise　to　wait　for　my　leave　before　you　open　your
lips。　I　forbid　you　to　open　your　lips。〃

I　snapped　the　fingers　of　my　hand　that　was　free；　in　his　face。　〃_That_　for
my　promise！〃　I　said。　〃Your　contemptible　weakness　is　putting　her　happiness
in　peril　as　well　as　yours。〃　I　turned　my　head　towards　the　door；　and　called
to　her。　〃Lucilla！〃

His　hand　closed　fast　on　my　arm。　Some　lurking　devil　in　him　that　I　had
never　seen　yet；　leapt　up　and　looked　at　me　out　of　his　eyes。

〃Tell　her；〃　he　whispered　savagely　between　his　teeth；　〃and　I　will
contradict　you　to　your　face！　If　you　are　desperate；　I　am　desperate　too。　I
don't　care　what　meanness　I　am　guilty　of！　I　will　deny　it　on　my　honor；　I
will　deny　it　on　my　oath。　You　heard　what　she　said　about　you　at　Browndown。
She　will　believe　_me_　before　_you。_〃

Lucilla　opened　her　door；　and　stood　waiting　on　the　threshold。

〃What　is　it？〃　she　asked　quietly。

A　moment's　glance　at　Oscar　warned　me　that　he　would　do　what　he　had
threatened；　if　I　persisted　in　my　resolution。　The　desperation　of　a　weak
man　is；　of　all　desperations；　the　most　unscrupulous　and　the　most
unmanageablewhen　it　is　once　roused。　Angry　as　I　was；　I　shrank　from
degrading　him；　as　I　must　now　have　degraded　him；　if　I　matched　my　obstinacy
against　his。　In　mercy　to　both　of　them；　I　gave　way。

〃I　may　be　going　out；　my　dear；　before　it　gets　dark；〃　I　said　to　Lucilla。
〃Can　I　do　anything　for　you　in　the　village？〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃if　you　will　wait　a　little；　you　can　take　a　letter　for　me
to　the　post。〃

She　went　back　into　her　room；　and　closed　the　door。

I　neither　looked　at　Oscar；　nor　spoke　to　him；　when　we　were　alone　again。　He
was　the　first　who　broke　the　silence。

〃You　have　remembered　your　promise　to　me；〃　he　said。　〃You　have　done　well。〃

〃I　have　nothing　more　to　say　to　you；〃　I　answered。　〃I　shall　go　to　my　own
room。〃

His　eyes　followed　me　uneasily　as　I　walked　to　the　door。

〃I　shall　speak　to　her；〃　he　muttered　doggedly；　〃at　my　own　time。〃

A　wise　woman　would　not　have　allowed　him　to　irritate　her　into　saying
another　word。　Alas！　I　am　not　a　wise　womanthat　is　to　say；　not　always。

〃Your　own　time？〃　I　repeated　with　the　whole　force　of　my　contempt。　〃If　you
don't　own　the　truth　to　her　before　the　German　surgeon　comes　back；　your
time　will　have　gone　by　for　ever。　He　has　told　us　in　the　plainest
termswhen　once　the　operation　is　performed；　nothing　must　be　said　to
agitate　or　distress　her；　for　months　afterwards。　The　preservation　of　her
tranquillity　is　the　condition　of　the　recovery　of　her　sight。　You　will　soon
have　an　excuse　for　your　silence；　Mr。　Oscar　Dubourg！〃

The　tone　in　which　I　said　those　last　words　stung　him　to　some　purpose。

〃Spare　your　sneers；　you　heartless　Frenchwoman！〃　he　broke　out　angrily。　〃I
don't　care　how　I　stand　in　_your_　estimation。　Lucilla　loves　me。　Nugent
feels　for　me。〃

My　vile　temper　instantly　hit　on　the　most　merciless　answer　that　I　could
make　to　him　in　return。

〃Ah；　poor　Lucilla！〃　I　said。　〃What　a　much　happier　prospect　hers　might　have
been！　What　a　thousand　pities　it　is　that　she　is　not　going　to　marry　your
brother；　instead　of　marrying　_you！_〃

He　winced　under　that　reply；　as　if　I　had　cut　him　with　a　knife。　His　head
dropped　on　his　breast。　He　started　back　from　me　like　a　beaten　dogand
suddenly　and　silently　left　the　room。

I　had　not　been　a　minute　by　myself；　before　my　anger　cooled。　I　tried　to
keep　it　hot；　I　tried　to　remember　that　he　had　aspersed　my　nation　in
calling　me　a　〃heartless　Frenchwoman。〃　No！　it　was　not　to　be　done。　In　spite
of　myself；　I　repented　what　I　had　said　to　him。

In　a　moment　more；　I　was　out　on　the　stairs　to　try　if　I　could　overtake　him。

I　was　too　late。　I　heard　the　garden…gate　bang；　before　I　was　out　of　the
house。　Twice　I　approached　the　gate　to　follow　him。　And　twice　I　drew　back；
in　the　fear　of　making　bad　worse。　It　ended　in　my　returning　to　the
sitting…room；　very　seriously　dissatisfied　with　myself。

The　first　welcome　interruption　to　my　solitude　camenot　from　Lucillabut
from　the　old　nurse。　Zillah　appeared　with　a　letter　for　me：　left　that
moment　at　the　rectory　by　the　servant　from　Browndown。　The　direction　was　in
Oscar's　handwriting。　I　opened　the　envelope；　and　read　these　words：

〃MADAME　PRATOLUNGO；YOU　have　distressed　and　pained　me　more　than　I　can
say。　There　are　faults；　and　serious　ones；　on　my　side；　I　know。　I　heartily
beg　your　pardon　for　anything　that　I　may　have　said　or　done　to　offend　you