poor miss finch-第36节

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dropped　Painting　on　the　spot；　asked　for　Music；　and　sat　down；　a　model　of
conventional　propriety；　in　a　corner　of　the　room。　I　inquired　afterwards；
why　he　had　checked　himself　when　she　came　in。　〃Did　I？〃　he　said。　〃I　don't
know　why。〃　The　thing　was　really　inexplicable。　He　honestly　admired
herone　had　only　to　notice　him　when　he　was　looking　at　her　to　see　it。　He
had　not　the　faintest　suspicion　of　her　dislike　for　himshe　carefully
concealed　it　for　Oscar's　sake。　He　felt　genuine　sympathy　for　her　in　her
afflictionhis　mad　idea　that　her　sight　might　yet　be　restored；　was　the
natural　offspring　of　a　true　feeling　for　her。　He　was　not　unfavorable　to
his　brother's　marriageon　the　contrary；　he　ruffled　the　rector's　dignity
（he　was　always　giving　offense　to　Mr。　Finch）　by　suggesting　that　the
marriage　might　be　hastened。　I　heard　him　say　the　words　myself：〃The
church　is　close　by。　Why　can't　you　put　on　your　surplice　and　make　Oscar
happy　to…morrow；　after　breakfast？〃　More　even　than　this；　he　showed　the
most　vivid　interestlike　a　woman's　interest　rather　than　a　man'sin
learning　how　the　love…affair　between　Oscar　and　Lucilla　had　begun。　I
referred　him；　so　far　as　Oscar　was　concerned；　to　his　brother　as　the
fountain…head　of　information。　He　did　not　decline　to　consult　his　brother。
He　did　not　own　to　me　that　he　felt　any　difficulty　in　doing　so。　He　simply
dropped　Oscar　in　silence；　and　asked　about　Lucilla。　How　had　it　begun　on
her　side？　I　reminded　him　of　his　brother's　romantic　position　at　Dimchurch
and　told　him　to　judge　for　himself　of　the　effect　it　would　produce　on　the
excitable　imagination　of　a　young　girl。　He　declined　to　judge　for　himself；
he　persisted　in　appealing　to　me。　When　I　told　the　little　love…story　of　the
two　young　people；　one　event　in　it　appeared　to　make　a　very　strong
impression　on　him。　The　effect　produced　on　Lucilla　（when　she　first　heard
it）　by　the　sound　of　his　brother's　voice；　dwelt　strangely　on　his　mind。　He
failed　to　understand　it；　he　ridiculed　it；　he　declined　to　believe　it。　I
was　obliged　to　remind　him　that　Lucilla　was　blind；　and　that　love　which；　in
other　cases；　first　finds　its　way　to　the　heart　through　the　eyes；　could
only；　in　her　case；　first　find　its　way　through　the　ears。　My　explanation；
thus　offered；　had　its　effect：　it　set　him　thinking。　〃The　sound　of　his
voice！〃　he　said　to　himself；　still　turning　the　problem　over　and　over　in
his　mind。　〃People　say　my　voice　is　exactly　like　Oscar's；〃　he　added；
suddenly　addressing　himself　to　me。　〃Do　you　think　so　too？〃　I　answered　that
there　could　be　no　doubt　of　it。　He　got　up　from　his　chair；　with　a　quick
little　shudder；　like　a　man　who　feels　a　chilland　changed　the　subject。　On
the　next　occasion　when　he　and　Lucilla　metso　far　from　being　more
familiar　with　her；　he　was　more　constrained　than　ever。　As　it　had　begun
between　these　two；　so　it　seemed　likely　to　continue　to　the　end。　In　my
society；　he　was　always　at　his　ease。　In　Lucilla's　society；　never！

What　was　the　obvious　conclusion　which　a　person　with　my　experience　ought
to　have　drawn　from　all　this？

I　know　well　enough　what　it　was；　now。　On　my　oath　as　an　honest　woman；　I
failed　to　see　it　at　the　time。　We　are　not　always　（suffer　me　to　remind　you）
consistent　with　ourselves。　The　cleverest　people　commit　occasional　lapses
into　stupidityjust　as　the　stupid　people　light　up　with　gleams　of
intelligence　at　certain　times。　You　may　have　shown　your　usual　good　sense
in　conducting　your　affairs　on　Monday；　Tuesday；　and　Wednesday　in　the　week。
But　it　doesn't　at　all　follow　from　this；　that　you　may　not　make　a　fool　of
yourself　on　Thursday。　Account　for　it　as　you　mayfor　a　much　longer　time
than　it　suits　my　self…esteem　to　reckon　up；　I　suspected　nothing　and
discovered　nothing。　I　noted　his　behavior　in　Lucilla's　presence　as　odd
behavior　and　unaccountable　behaviorand　that　was　all。



During　the　first　fortnight　just　mentioned；　the　London　doctor　came　to　see
Oscar。

He　left　again；　perfectly　satisfied　with　the　results　of　his　treatment。　The
dreadful　epileptic　malady　would　torture　the　patient　and　shock　the　friends
about　him　no　more：　the　marriage　might　safely　be　celebrated　at　the　time
agreed　on。　Oscar　was　cured。

The　doctor's　visitreviving　our　interest　in　observing　the　effect　of　the
medicinealso　revived　the　subject　of　Oscar's　false　position　towards
Lucilla。　Nugent　and　I　held　a　debate　about　it　between　ourselves。　I　opened
the　interview　by　suggesting　that　we　should　unite　our　forces　to　persuade
his　brother　into　taking　the　frank　and　manly　course。　Nugent　neither　said
Yes　nor　No　to　that　proposal　at　the　outset。　He；　who　made　up　his　mind　at　a
moment's　notice　about　everything　else；　took　time　to　decide　on　this　one
occasion。

〃There　is　something　that　I　want　to　know　first；〃　he　said。　〃I　want　to
understand　this　curious　antipathy　of　Lucilla's　which　my　brother　regards
with　so　much　alarm。　Can　you　explain　it？〃

〃Has　Oscar　attempted　to　explain　it？〃　I　inquired　on　my　side。

〃He　mentioned　it　in　one　of　his　letters　to　me；　and　he　tried　to　explain　it；
when　I　asked　（on　my　arrival　at　Browndown）　if　Lucilla　had　discovered　the
change　in　his　complexion。　But　he　failed　entirely　to　meet　my　difficulty　in
understanding　the　case。〃

〃What　is　your　difficulty？〃

〃This。　So　far　as　I　can　see；　she　fails　to　discover　intuitively　the
presence　of　dark　people　in　a　room；　or　of　dark　colors　in　the　ornaments　of
a　room。　It　is　only　when　_she　is　told_　that　such　persons　or　such　things
are　present　that　her　prejudice　declares　itself。　In　what　state　of　mind
does　such　a　strange　feeling　as　this　take　its　rise？　It　seems　impossible
that　she　can　have　any　conscious　associations　with　colors；　pleasant　or
painfulif　it　is　true　that　she　was　blind　at　a　year　old。　How　do　you
account　for　it？　Can　there　be　such　a　thing　as　a　purely　instinctive
antipathy；　remaining　passive　until　external　influences　rouse　it；　and
resting　on　no　sort　of　practical　experience　whatever？〃

〃I　think　there　may　be；〃　I　replied。　〃Why；　when　I　was　a　child　just　able　to
walk；　did　I　shrink　away　from　the　first　dog　I　saw　who　barked　at　me？　I
could　not　have　known；　at　that　age；　either　by　experience　or　teaching；　that
a　dog's　bark　is　sometimes　the　prelude　to　a　dog's　bite。　My　terror；　on　that
occasion；　was　purely　instinctive　surely？〃

〃Ingeniously　put；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　am　not　satisfied　yet。〃

〃You　must　also　remember；〃　I　continued；　〃that　she　has　a　positively　painful
association　with　dark　colors；　on　certain　occasions。　They　sometimes
produce　a　disagreeable　impression　on　her　nerves；　through　her　sense　of
touch。　She　discovered；　in　that　way；　that　I　had　a　dark　gown　on；　on　the　day
when　I　first　saw　her。〃

〃And　yet；　she　touches　my　brother's　face；　and　fails　to　discover　any
alteration　in　it。〃

I　met　that　objection　alsoto　my　own　satisfaction；　though　not　to　his。

〃I　am　far　from　sure　that　she　might　not　have　made　the　discovery；〃　I　said；
〃if　she　had　touched　him　for　the　first　time；　since　the　discoloration　of
his　face。　But　she　examines　him　now　with　a　settled　impression　in　her　mind；
derived　from　previous　experience　of　what　she　has　felt　in　touching　his
skin。　Allow　for　the　modifying　influence　of　that　impression　on　her　sense
of　touchand　remember　at　the　same　time；　that　it　is　the　color　and　not　the
texture　of　the　skin　that　is　changedand　his　escape　from　discovery
becomes；　to　my　mind；　intelligible。〃

He　shook　his　head；　he　owned　he　could　not　dispute　my　view。　But　he　was　not
content　for　all　that。

〃Have　you　made　any　inquiries；〃　he　asked；　〃about　the　period　of　her　infancy
before　she　was　blind？　She　may　be　still　feeling；　indirectly　and
unconsciously；　the　effect　of　some　shock　to　her　nervous　system　in　the　time
when　she　could　see。〃

〃I　have　never　thought　of　making　inquiries。〃

〃Is　there　anybody　within　our　reach；　who　was　familiarly　associated　with
her　in　the　first　year　of　her　life？　It　is　hardly　likely；　I　am　afraid；　at
this　distance　of　time？〃

〃There　is　a　person　now　in　the　house；〃　I　said。　〃Her　old　nurse　is　still
living。〃

〃Send　for　her　directly。〃

Zillah　appeared。　After　first　explaining　what　he　wanted　with　her；　Nugent
went　straight　to　the　inquiry　which　he　had　in　view。

〃Was　your　young　lady　ever　frightened　when　she　was　a　baby　by　any　dark
person；　or　any　dark　thing；　suddenly　appearing　before　her？〃

〃Never；　sir！　I　took　good　care　to　let　nothing　come　near　her　that　could
frighten　herso　long；　poor　little　thing；　as　she　could　see。〃

〃Are　you　quite　sure　you　can　depend　on　your　memory？〃

〃Quite　sure；　sirwhen　it's　a　long　time　ago。〃

Zillah　was　dismissed。　Nugentthus　far；　unusually　grave；　and　unusually
anxiousturned　to　me　with　an　air　of　relief。

〃When　you　proposed　to　me　to　join　you　in　forcing　Oscar　to　speak　out；〃　he
said；　〃I　was　not　quite　easy　in　my　mind　about　the　consequences。　After　what
I　have　just　heard；　my　fear　is　removed。〃

〃What　fear？〃　I　asked。

〃The　fear　of　Oscar's　confession　producing　an　estrangement　between　them
which　might　delay　the　marriage。　I　am　against　all　delays。　I　am　especially
anxious　that　Oscar's　marriage　should　not　be　put　off。　When　we　began　our
conversation；　I　own　to　you　I　was　of　Oscar's　opinion　that　he　would　do
wisely　to　let　marriage　make　him　sure　of　his　position　in　her　affections；
before　he　risked　the　disclosure。　Nowafter　what　the　nurse　has　told　usI
see　no　risk　worth　considering。〃

〃In　short；〃　I　said；　〃you　agree　with　me？〃

〃I　agree　with　youthough